Updates and Whatevers

I try to take Sundays off from the blogging world and pretty much the world itself.  But since I’m sitting here in front of this silly laptop I might as well take a few moments to chat.

Grades are in (in case you didn’t check the Seminary Buzz page) and I got an A in my Old Testament course.  That’s 3 courses done, and 9 more left.  My, my what was I thinking?

My friend solved the cat dilemma.  He is now the proud papa to not one but two 6-month old Snowshoe Siamese kittens – yes, I will be taking care of 2 cats whenever he is traveling.   Big responsibility.  The hardest part for me will be resisting the urge to simply bring them over to my house and keep them!  They are gorgeous little guys, cream colored coats, dark mittens and ears, and big beautiful blue eyes.  Love ’em.  Want ’em.  Oops, oh yeah, EmmaLou.  Cancel that cat order… I’m proud of him for not buying from a breeder but adopting these two guys instead.

Did you ever find yourself in the midst of a conversation that wasn’t actually directed to you but because you were in such close proximity you became a part of the conversation?   And, was that conversation about a body part that was a bit oddly shaped?   And was that conversation taking place in the vestibule of your church?   And was the person discussing, no, make that exhibiting (somewhat), the body part in question one of your pastors?  Well, that was my morning Sunday.  I was greeting and handing out church bulletins whilst being pulled into a discussion of big toes that are, well, big.  My goofball pastor, Scott, slipped off one of his big boy size humongous slip-ons to show a sock-clad long, skinny foot with a big, big toe.  I couldn’t make this up if I tried.  What’s truly disturbing about all of this is that for the life of me I can’t forget this.  I have so many other things on my mind and then out of nowhere  Scott and his toe intrude on my brain.   Now I don’t mean to make disparaging remarks about my clergy — and as clergy go, Scott is not quite Rick Warren superstar status, but he’s certainly popular around our neck of the woods, he’s no slouch in the theology department and he can give a good sermon/lesson when he’s not in rock-star mode.   He also has a very engaging smile.  But, after today’s toe discussion, I’m thinking I’m going to have a hard time giving him the attention he deserves when he gets up on that stage to talk to me about God things.  The big toe is going to get in the way.  I guess I should be thankful we were only discussing toes.

It’s about 8 degrees here so I’m going to go add another layer of clothing and see if EmmaLou and Devoted Spouse want to get cozy on the couch with me in a big old puppy pile.   Cheers.

No More Room for Nom de Plume…or…Out of the Church Closet

One of my pastors (who’s also my Masters Program mentor although we haven’t had much mentoring going on lately) told me he enjoyed my blog.  (Yikes.  He knows the secret identity of C&BI.)   I wasn’t sure how to respond so I did my usual stumble-bunny routine and came across as a complete and total dork.  I was actually a bit uncomfortable about Mentor Hal reading my blog.  I found myself muttering something about how I try not to get too nasty or hateful and don’t swear (much).  I actually told him I hadn’t divulged my blog to anyone at school as I wasn’t sure the seminary folk would appreciate it (hey, those are some serious Baptist people). 

I was starting to feel a big squeamish as I mentally sifted through what I had written lately (especially the one on how I used to nick food at the grocery) and found myself getting a sweat mustache.  Then Mentor Hal laughed about my Golden Destroyer, and told me what he enjoyed was my writing on how difficult it is for me to get my homework done in the face of every other little distraction (see Well, Crap on a Crutch).

So I snapped out of it — Mentor Hal understands those issues with homework better than most as he’s embarking on his own journey towards finishing his theological doctorate.  Besides, when he successfully defends his dissertation I understand an angel will get its wings.  No, wait, wrong story.   

I’m sure Mentor Hal realizes it’s just a goofy blog.  He knows God has a sense of humor… C’mon…God gave us Benny Hinn.  Duh.

The Ick Factor

Just when I think I’ve seen it all, along comes someone who messes with my particular life paradigm.  Yesterday evening my model of friendship was sorely tested and at a bible study, no less.

Let me back up.  A few weeks ago a friend from church, a good friend, joined Devoted Spouse, trusty canine companion, and me for a bit of birdwatching and a bite of breakfast on the deck.  I had made a delightful albeit fattening breakfast casserole (courtesy of my bff Paula Deen).  The recipe made much more than any of us could possibly consume; even EmmaLou the Golden Destroyer had her fill with one tiny doggie serving.  I divvied up the remaining casserole into two Tupperware-like containers (okay they’re Rubbermaid); one for my friend and one to remain here. 

Last night my friend joined me at the bible class we’ve both been attending for the past 3 weeks.  In her hand was my pseudo-Tupperware container.  Now, I don’t usually expect folks to return containers to me; that’s why I use el cheapo Rubbermaid.  I thought it was a nice gesture of our friendship that she brought this container back.  There was only one slight problem.

I looked down at the container she had placed in my hand and while it was indeed my container, there was something horribly wrong.  Attached to the side of this container —   I’m not making this up — was a previously-chewed piece of gum.  In abject horror, I looked up at my friend and said something extremely witty and obviously Bible-driven like “What the hell is this?”  I think I punctuated my question with an appropriate sound such as “Ewwww.”  My friend replied, “It’s okay, that’s just my gum.”  Whereupon I countered with, “Just your gum?? Just your gum??”  So I scraped off the gum with my perfectly-manicured and paid-for nail and handed the gum to my friend in case she wished to keep it for future reference. 

Now, I love this lady dearly.  We’ve been friends for some time and we’ve just recently started doing things together.  But, I have questions.  And, I’m afraid of the answers.  Questions such as:  If you store your used gum on Tupperware containers, where do you keep other important items when you finish with them like your dental floss, or perhaps a Q-tip or two?  I’m just a tad concerned here.

I can tell you with certainty; I’ll be sending food home with her in aluminum foil from now on.

Here Comes the Bride

I am approaching the 25th anniversary of the day I said “I Do” to Devoted Spouse. Weddings and brides have been on my mind lately.

We didn’t make a big production of our wedding. We were married in my home; a townhouse I was renting in northern Virginia. Neither one of us were affiliated with any church at the time. Quite by accident I located a preacher to marry us. I was working with a nice young woman who told me her husband was an ordained minister. The wheels in my little mind started squeaking and before I knew it, I had invited she and her pastor husband out to the house to talk with us about our upcoming nuptials. What a nice couple; what a nice man. I can’t imagine the look on my face when he told me this would be the first wedding he performed; he was a prison chaplain! Oh my. I was about to have a jail minister perform my wedding; how was I going to explain to my family this pastor’s background? I hoped they wouldn’t ask.

The day of our wedding was sunny and hot. We only had about 20 or so folks invited so the house wasn’t too crowded and fortunately the air conditioning was working. I came down the stairs and was escorted into the living room area by my father. The preacher was standing up a step in our dining room and it made a nice front-of-the-church-type arrangement for a wedding. The pastor was so young and he looked even more nervous than I. He had his bible opened in one hand and his other hand was shoved deep in his trouser pocket. I kept standing there thinking to myself, “Would you please get your hand out of your pocket?” He was reading the Love passage from 1 Corinthians and he finally had to turn the page of his bible. Out came the hand from the pocket, and bless his heart, his hand was shaking so badly he had difficulty turning the page of his bible. I understood then why that hand had been hidden in the pocket.

Speaking of brides, Fitness magazine recently did a survey and found that 80% of the brides wanted a gown that would hide their belly (hmmm, wonder why?). Many brides wanted a bridal gown that flaunted their cleavage. Wow, when I got married that suggestion would have been met with many frowns at the bridal store. We were supposed to be showing our chaste, virtuous side, not our C-cups. Back to the survey…83% of the brides polled wanted to lose weight before their wedding; some as much as 30 pounds! And, 20% of the brides said they would postpone their wedding if they didn’t reach their goal weight. What a sad commentary on today that a bride would put off her wedding so she can starve off those last few pounds.

I’m glad I got married. It was the right decision and it’s been a wonderful 25 years. We thought about renewing our vows in church. We also considered hitting the wedding chapel at Las Vegas to renew our vows. But what I really want to do is simply stay home and enjoy the hope of our next 25 years together.

In Over My Head But in a Good Way

These days I seem to be suffering from a disease I call, “Hey, I Can Do That.” This condition can strike at a moment’s notice and applies to many aspects of my daily life. Someone asks a favor and I reply with something like, “Sure, I’ll do that.” I hear about a social function and quickly note outloud to anyone listening, “Sure I can be there.” Or, I see a new design on HGTV and I get this idea in my head, “Hey, I could do that.” Whatever it is, whoever wants it…90% of the time I’m onboard. It’s exhausting.

My latest affliction took several years to manifest itself. It sneaked up on me and got ahold of me like velcro. I tried to unstick it, but someone greater than I has other ideas. I am about to embark on a new academic journey. I am to be a student once again. Apparently, the heart-rending, hair-pulling-out, stress-filled 6 years it took me to obtain my Bachelor’s Degree wasn’t enough; I feel the calling to add to my educational resume with a Master’s degree. Oh boy. I didn’t see this one coming.

When I graduated in 2006, at the ripe age of 50-something; I swore I was done with school. I had proven that I could get a degree on my own – I did it – it’s over – press on. But in my life I have found that when I am definitely done with something, well, I’m not done at all. The past few years I have spent becoming more active in my church, more active in my spiritual life, and this journey apparently is just beginning. You know the old saying, Be Careful What You Wish For? In my case, it’s Be Careful What You Pray For. I have prayed very innocently and somewhat naively to “know more” and I certainly received an answer. If you want to know more, you must learn more. Silly me.

So, not to belabor this posting…I have enrolled at a Seminary and will be working on a graduate program in Theological Studies. Fortunately, most of this program can be done online with a few courses I will have to go to the University to take. I can do this. However, if anyone reading is of the praying persuasion, prayers for me will be appreciated. No, I’m not giving up this silly blog – I can’t function without laughing on a daily basis and will strive to keep sharing silly stuff with you.

That’s it – just felt like sharing this. Tomorrow I’ll try and give ya’ll something a little more humorous.