So…Here’s the Deal

Jesus with Pilate

Jesus with Pilate

Twice now I’ve found a glaring error in the Instructor Notes provided for my class – TWICE.  Each time I’ve emailed my Professor.  The first time his response was, “Very perceptive on your part.  Of course I don’t write the Instructor Notes…”  He hasn’t responded to my second email.

Not only that, but I’ve found errors in both textbooks.  That surprises me at a graduate level – I used to find errors all the time in textbooks during my undergrad work.  But this is Seminary – one should be more careful where God is concerned, shouldn’t one?  A statement in one textbook cancels out a statement in another textbook – both for this same class.  So which one am I supposed to believe?

I have a Quiz to take on Friday –  and I’m not very comfortable that I have mastered every piece of minutia possible to cover this Quiz – they’re notoriously filled with arcane references to teeny little sentences one never reads.  I think tests in general should be covering the major important stuff, but that’s apparently just my opinion.  I already learned that lesson from another Professor.

At least this Professor has been very kind and very helpful and he prays alot for me.  I obviously concern him in some way.  He sends me very nice emails telling me my Discussion Question responses are exceptionally well done, concise and thorough, and that my writing has a very nice flow.

I feel like I’m in a Stephen King novel.  Nice job on this project but BAM ya only get a C on that test – muahahahaha… oh by the way I’m praying for you on your paper.  Does he know something  I don’t know about my paper?  Like I’ve bitten off more than I can possibly chew perhaps?  Nah – he couldn’t know that for sure – only I hold that information and now all of you, too.

So, here’s the deal — I won’t tell the Seminary honchos that you guys keep messing up on the Instructor Notes.  And I won’t inform anyone that their choice of textbooks should be complementary and not oppose each other.  And in return I get an A on the remaining two Quizzes.

I think that’s fair.  After all I am paying for this you know.


This Too Shall Pass

EmmaLou trying to figure out how to put on my Liberty Univ cap

EmmaLou wondering if my Liberty Univ cap is edible

Do you miss me?

I said I’d be gone for the remainder of the week.  I lied.  Oh, not intentionally; I would never do that (dripping sarcasm).  In this case, though I merely underestimated what was going on at school and the amount of time I would going to need to devote to my studies until the end of this class.  I waaaaaaaaay underestimated the amount of time.

So, there’s good new and bad.  The good news is one of these days I’ll actually have a real blog posting on this site.  The bad news is don’t get your hopes up for the next couple of weeks.  What??  How can I do this to you,  you say.  Well kids it seems I have alot more reading to do than I imagined.  Not only is there textual reading but there is biblical reading.  Now I’ve read the bible; but I need to go back and re-read closely and ponder on all four Gospels, Hebrews, James, 1 & 2 Peter, 1, 2, & 3 John, Jude & Revelation and that’s alot of bible studying — add to this I still have about 400-500 more pages of textbook reading PLUS my research paper to finish, 2 more quizzes to prepare for, and 2 more Discussion Questions (of about 400 words each) to write and 2 more responses (of about 200 words each) to other students to complete.  All of this by 9 October!  Kids – I’m swamped and have no time to myself to ponder daily life so I can turn those little mind wanderings into humorous vignettes for your amusement.

While I slam on school for the next few weeks, please visit every once in awhile because you just never know when I might have a moment where I simply MUST post something silly just to keep myself from taking life too seriously.  It may only be a joke or a pic of Emma – but don’t give up on me totally just yet.

I plan on taking an extended rest during the Fall and that will give me time I need to post this blog on a regular basis once more – so be patient – I will be back, I promise.

Mama Taught Me to be Nice Even if I Want to Smack Someone


from LOLcats

I spent a good part of my Labor Day laboring away at my schoolwork.  I couldn’t have chosen an easy Masters Program like a Master of Arts in Needle Threading or a Master of Science in Dog Behavior; no, I had to go the Theological route and this program contains a very complicated number of courses that one simply cannot breeze through.  It takes research, and with my tendency toward ADD, I will read something in a text which references a passage in Scripture and then I’m off to my bible to look that up and then I don’t understand it and I’m online looking up something else and that reference sends me to another resource book I may have on my shelf and this routine can go on and on and on and I end up only reading one or two pages of a text in the course of a hour.  Whew – it’s exhausting following all the branches on this tree of knowledge upon which I’m perched. (Ooooh I liked that sentence.)   Now, part of this education involves my having to find resource material in the form of tons of reference material and other books — books that cost alot of money — money that I don’t have because I quit my job 2 years ago when I was making mega-bucks as an overpaid defense contractor and am now anxiously awaiting returning to some type of work as my retirement fund is beginning to resemble the polar bear population (as in rapidly dwindling). Again, here goes my ADD acting up and I’m starting to get off subject.

Which (though that was a rather wordy intro), leads me to today’s subject:  bookstores.  My 6 faithful readers know I am an aficionado of – in fact I had a little tiff with them recently over a returned book and the fact they took a hefty deduction out of my refund for only-they-knew-what reasons – as I explained just how much money I give them on a regular basis and the access to Twitter I had where I would quickly tell the world how they were treating me unfairly and that it might possibly show up in my blog, lo and behold, I got not only the refunded deduction, I got the entire book refunded (and it was admittedly my fault for ordering 2 instead of 1 which I explained to them).  That put back on my good list of bookstores.  I like them because I can order source and reference material for school (which, being of a religious nature is sometimes difficult to find).  I also like Barnes & Noble (or Barnes & Nibble as Devoted Spouse calls them because we frequently stop for a coffee and a little scone after browsing) and Borders – but both of them are expensive even with frequent buyer discounts.  Anyway…

We have always had a Half-Price Bookstore in the Dayton area.  But recently the store moved a little closer to me in my very own suburb of Beavercreek.  This location is much larger, hence more books to peruse and yes they are half price.  The only problem is you take your chances on finding the book you want — they may have it; they may not.  I used to go to the old location and it was never overly crowded so I could take my time perusing the Religion section for texts and references and, of course, the mystery section for all my favorite mystery writers.

I went to the new location twice over this holiday weekend and twice I thought I might lose a limb.  There were so many people that they actually shoved one another to get to books.  What is this?  I know the economy is bad, but c’mon it’s just a book!  Today I loaded up some of my own books and sold them there and got enough money back to buy 3 new religious source books for my upcoming research paper.  Yay me.  The problem was I had to ask 3 gentlemen to move out of the aisle of books I was searching through — they weren’t looking at books; they were just hanging out in one of the Religion alcoves jabbering on about one author versus another, but not actually looking at the books and I was on a mission.  You would have thought I asked them to move a tractor trailer with their bare hands – it was that big a deal.  I politely asked that if they weren’t actively searching for books, to please take their conversation to another part of the store because it was entirely too crowded and I really was looking for a specific book.  Was I wrong?  I don’t think so.  One guy shot me such a look – had I not been in the Religion section I would have gone up one side of him and down the other but I simply smiled and said “Please”?  They started to leave, but I heard one of them call me a name on his way out the alcove and I found that upsetting.  No, what I found upsetting was my instant reaction to go after him and smack the crap out of him, but I remembered I was looking for Christian material and I was going to be Christian about it and turn the other cheek.  And I did.  As he was leaving that particular book area, I moved a little and showed him my cheek(s). I saw him on the sidewalk on my way out of the store – in fact, he tripped over the curb and as I walked past him I might have casually remarked quietly,  “God doesn’t like ugly.”

Don’t Try This at Home…


I’ve had a few strange days lately; days when I’m not running all all cylinders and I’m certainly not making much sense.  This morning was one of those days.

All I wanted to do was make a pot of coffee – seems pretty simple.  I got the French Press out; I got the super airtight plastic bag filled with coffee beans out, and took the coffee grinder out of the cabinet and put it on the counter.  All ready to make the coffee.  I noticed that there were only a few beans in the bag – but I knew I had just opened a new shipment of my favorite Peet’s coffee and put the contents in an airtight  plastic bag stored in a basket on the counter.  So I emptied what remained of the first bag into the coffee grinder and went after the second bag of beans up in the basket.  As I opened the basket and turned it upside down to dump in the beans it suddenly hit me with a blinding flash.

Those weren’t coffee beans in that bag, they were chocolate covered graham crackers – specifically the diet kind.  And they were making their way in slow motion down the plastic toward my brand new Krups coffee grinder.  Ack.  What was going on in my brain and could I stop it in time before I ground up chocolate graham crackers instead of coffee beans?  The answer is yes, in the nick of time I snapped out of it and realized I had grabbed the wrong plastic bag – but in my defense it was a plastic bag and there were small items brown in nature inside and my brain equated that with coffee beans.

beans or cookies, what to do, what to do?

beans or cookies, what to do, what to do?

How does one retire one’s brain because I honestly think that’s what I need to do now; retire my brain.  Or at least send it on a little vacation of its very own.  Because somewhere along the way in this story I looked down and realized I had my flip flops on the wrong feet — oh those were my feet alright, but the left shoe was on the right foot. Now you might think with flip flops that’s not a big deal, but it was uncomfortable and it simply didn’t register why in my brain my feet hurt.  Gah…

I’m thinking this can be residue stress as a result of the massive refrigerator mess of 2009 – coupled with the fact I have studied my heart out and been doing very well, only to receive an 84 on a quiz Friday (which in the Seminary’s strange grading mind equals a “C” and in my mind should equal a “B”)  – yes, that has to contribute to my fuzzy headedness this morning.  Otherwise, I’m just going batty in my old age, and I’d rather not accept that just yet.

As for battiness, it isn’t just me – my laptop seems to have developed dementia all on its own – this morning as I opened my laptop the key which is used for double and single quotations (“,’) popped off and will not go back on — so as I use these grammatical marks I’m forced to hit this strange little button where the key once was – now I’ve been down this road before with this laptop – the “e” button popped off but I snapped it right back on.  Unfortunately, my quotation mark key isn’t in the mood to snap and if I glue it, well then it won’t work at all – I may be slightly challenged this morning but I’m not totally whacked out.  This is definitely going to slow down my typing – or I shall be forced to write without the use of quotations or contractions.

Dell makes crap keyboards, yes that's key that fell off

Dell makes crap keyboards; yes there is the key that fell off

At least if I get my homework reading done this morning, I can reward myself with watching Ohio State beat the pants off the Navy today.  Or I can sit here and figure out how to toss this laptop and its quotation key out my front door without further damaging my back or the door – should probably open it first, eh?

For the safety of all of you I’m staying inside today.  Carry on.


Friday Free For All


This is my Friday free for all posting  or what I like to call my posting mish mash – I’m going to ramble for awhile and make no real sense at all.  So just enjoy the fact that you can read this and feel superior to me in your capacity to think and act as a rational normal functioning adult human being (probably).

For those of you who are employed, Yippee Skippee it’s Friday and it’s a holiday weekend.  For my friend, Chris, Yippee Skippee, he’s on leave Friday and then goes on vacation for 2 weeks.  For the rest of us slobs – retired, unemployed, or whatever the alternate choice may be, it’s just another day in Paradise.

For me, it’s going to be a day of mostly studying with the exception of a quick run to Omaha Steaks because they had a special one-day-only 50% off sale on Wed and the nice manager told me since my refrigerator died, he would honor my coupon on Fri.  Note to world:  Omaha Steaks rocks – I will NEVER buy a steak from a grocery store again.  Truly.   Back to school — while I received an A my first week of class, and in the middle of my second week, I received an email from my Professor telling me he was impressed with my homework submission and that I was doing excellent work, I’m falling behind in my reading and I haven’t even started working on my source material for my research paper (which is due in Week 7 and that’s just right around the corner).

I’m behind because of the nightmare of the broken refrigerator.  Now, I’ve twittered about it, I’ve written about it on my other Blog (shameless plug) and of course, I posted a note on this blog.  But, it’s amazing to me how totally upside down your world can become when a major appliance decides to commit hari-kari in the middle of the night, especially when this appliance is hooked up to a water line and decides to “pee” everywhere.  Thank goodness I already take blood pressure medicine, or I probably would have reached stroke level by now.  The new refrigerator is in; it’s very nice and I’m happy with it, even if it is taking some getting used to since it’s so different from the type of refrigerator I had before.

Speaking of things breaking…well more like breaking down, as in holey moley Batman, when did I get so flippin’ old?  Devoted Spouse and I were watching Discovery Science the other night and they were talking about gravity.  Plus they were discussing colonizing Mars.  I said, “If we lived on Mars at least my tits would point up.”  Devoted Spouse thought that was really funny but I was serious.  Somewhere between just the other day and today gravity has just wreaked havoc on my body. Each picture of me lately shows either this tremendous turkey neck or 37 chins.  I toyed with the idea of duct taping my neck so it would tighten the skin, but then I’d have to do an amazing job of getting my hair to cover it and there’s that pesky problem of getting the duct tape back off my skin (ouch), so I put that idea in the “don’t try” category.  That’s why I pose with something in front of my neck usually — like a book, a flower, or the dog even.    Almost overnight I have become a perfect candidate for that commercial on tv for the Lifestyle Lift – the one where women my age who look like they’re 127 have some type of procedure done on their jowls (I hate that word; it sounds like the pieces parts you cut off chickens before you cook them) and neck and suddenly look twenty years younger.  As much as I hate the thought of any type of plastic surgery, I want that procedure.  I want it now.  With my luck, the doctor will sneeze, and I’ll end up looking like the Joker.  You know my life – one Murphy’s Law day after another.

My best girlfriend is twenty years older than me (and I thought I was old – LOL).  I used to look at the skin on her arms and think, “Am I ever glad MY arms don’t look like that!”  Well, guess what?  Crapola, now they do – it’s as if suddenly God reached down and pushed my arms together to make the skin wrinkly and it’s really starting to get on my last nerve.  And then there’s the issue with my back  and leg not healing like I thought they would and being in pain and limping and running out of physical therapy appointments next week!  It just sucks.  I broke down the other day and used a cane because it just hurt too much to walk without its support.  That was the day I realized I was my grandmother and I was five minutes away from living in one of those weirdly-flowered house dresses.  Gah…

But it beats the alternative and I’m truly grateful every day I wake up on the right side of the grass.  So what if my boobies are sort of falling down – they’re just in a race to match my butt which is also lowering for some reason.  Life means looking like you are in your mid-50’s on the outside while feeling like you’re in your mid-twenties on the inside.  (Yes I know celebrities like Susan Lucci are in their 60’s and look like 20, but they’ve been carved more times than a  Thanksgiving Turkey.)   Cruel, but true.   Basically, I just need to grow about 3 inches in length and everything would even out again.  I’ll keep blowing out birthday candles (and yes, we always keep the fire extinguisher handy) and wishing for my youth to return, but it will never happen.  I’m told, wisdom takes its place.  I haven’t found that either – – maybe I’ll find it when I get to Mars and get my tits pointing in the right direction.  You’ll be the first to know, trust me.

Danger Will Robinson, Danger!


We all have to follow directions and we are often warned of consequences should we not follow those instructions. For example my new stove/oven came with some good warnings that I plan to heed:

  • In case of fire, turn off appliance
  • Never open the oven door and use as a step to reach something
  • Never heat an unopened can of food as the pressure build-up could result in serious personal injury
  • Keep pet birds out of kitchen when engaging self-cleaning option as a small amount of carbon monoxide might be released during the cleaning cycle and birds have sensitive respiratory systems. (I’m not making this up.)

On a bottle of shampoo for my dog it warns:  The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.  Huh?

My new remote control for the cable upgrade states it’s not dishwasher safe.  Well, so much for that idea.

The instructions for Devoted Spouse’s lawnmower state:  Do not attempt to change blade while lawnmower is running.

My Rowenta iron instruction booklet actually says:  Never iron clothes on the body.

My blow dryer instructions warn not to use this appliance while sleeping.

A bottle of Windex in my kitchen honestly warns you not to spray in eyes.

I was fixing a microwave meal not long ago and the instructions on how to heat it are on the bottom of the package.  So I turned the package over and there alongside the instructions was the following warning:  Do not turn box upside down.  So next time I’ll just hold it up in the air above my head to read the instructions.  Gah…

I could go on and on about things like medicine – sleeping meds that tell you they might make you drowsy – well I sure hope so!!

The point I’m trying to get to is we should all follow instructions – I think the vast majority of us have enough common sense not to do the above-listed things.  But many times we don’t read instructions or directions — we simply dive in.

That’s what I did tonight as I turned in my first homework assignment – I just dove in and did it the way I’ve done it for the past 3 classes.  Then later as I was perusing my folder I found an email from the Professor stating how HE wanted these questions to be posted and guess what?  It’s an entirely different process – yes, I had made my first major screw-up on my first assignment.  Holey crapoli Batman, now what do I do?

I wrote a kind email to the Professor (okay I fell on my sword) explained to him it’s been a rough few weeks between not feeling good from my injury and losing my mom and I simply wasn’t paying correct attention.  Would he please allow me to re-post my assignment and I promised I would not make that mistake again.  I figured he’d blow me off (it’s happened before believe me) and much to my surprise I got the nicest email – in fact it brought tears to my eyes.  Turns out he recently lost his 48-year old brother and he totally understands that the combination of stress and not feeling well can easily get in the way of instructions.  He gave me permission to re-post, said he was praying for me, and that if there was ever anything he could do to help me, all I had to do was email him.   Wow – what a total God-moment  that email was.

So, the moral of this long story is always follow directions unless they are so stupid as to possibly cause harm – like blowdrying your hair while sleeping.

One last note and I’ll leave you alone — you will find fewer blog postings in the next 7 to 8 weeks as I work very hard on this class.  I’m also trying to break my addiction to Twitter – today was my first Twitter-free day and I almost made it.  I hit the Twitter around supper time I think. But I made a new Twitter avatar!  Woot!  So go look and you’ll actually see me instead of EmmaLou – Devoted Spouse was taking the picture and EmmaLou was in it and she took off right when he got ready to snap – and then my camera battery died – so it’s just plain old me.   I put a couple of the pics on my Meet the Crone page for you, too.

Anyway, I’ll post as often as I can; it just may not be daily – so don’t stop visiting!!!

Oh – did I mention I need Repair Service on my brand new $2,000 Jenn Air stove/oven???  Unbelievable.  But that’s another story for another post.  Cya l8r gang.  Love ya, mean it!

The Ongoing Saga of the Slug Flu


For those of you who read my prior post on my case of slug flu brought on by my hateful reaction to a quiz at school – well, I deleted the entire posting and all your comments along with it.  Please don’t take it personally – I enjoyed your comments and tried to answer as best as I could.  However, I’m a little angry right now with my school and especially with my professor who had the audacity to delete a posting of mine which was on a general forum where students are encouraged to express their concerns – and even though you all know my big mouth, my posting was nice and respectful but asked the question did other students feel the same way I did that the questions on the quiz didn’t really apply to what we were learning but gave the impression of being tricky and were composed of minutia.  He deleted my posting and sent me an email demanding that in future if I have a concern I address it to him and not discuss it with the class.  That’s narrow-minded as far as I’m concerned.  But there I go shooting off my big mouth again.  So I will finish this class and re-evaluate my Seminary journey at that time.  I’m not sure I agree with the teaching methods or some of the attitudes I have come across.

I’m studying – but posting wise I have slug flu and am not going to be online for a little while as I give some deep thought to what I’m doing, why I am doing it, and where I want to go from here.