Yesterday I regaled you with my travelog on the way to South Carolina and my nifty stay at the Holiday Inn Express (well, it was cheap and clean). Did I mention what a wonderful time I had with my friend Linda from Fat Cat Crochet? I think I might have. It was a fabulous trip – I would give their lil lakeside resort a 10 but for one teensy weensy issue I had….as I got ready to hop into bed I noticed there were no sheets nor pillowcases. Hmmm, folks in South Carolina don’t use linens apparently. How quaint. Not wanting to bother my host/hostess, I went in search of a linen closet which turned out to be right next door to my bedroom, grabbed some sheets and pillowcases, made up my own bed and happily went off to dreamland.
The next morning I did casually mention that I was writing a review of their establishment & I had decided to give them a “2” given the fact there were no sheets on the bed. My hostess was suitably mortified and we both giggled, coz, really who cares? It was just one of those funny moments we all have sometimes. Except in my house where I always have the guest room suitably made up. Snort.
The rest of my stay there was absolutely fabulous – lovely folks, lotsa good talks, good food, boat rides and relaxing, relaxing, relaxing. I didn’t want to go home. But I got the distinct impression she was ready for me to leave coz my fully packed luggage got into the trunk of my car lickety split. Actually, I’m pretty sure she hoisted those cases and took them to my car to save my poor old back the effort and for that I send her mucho hugs and MUAH! I recall before I departed we all had a slightly silly discussion about stealing souvenirs (like taking ashtrays or hotel towels) – more on that later.
Prior to my departure, I had requested Linda print out a Google map for me from her house back up to Knoxville. See…I’m directionally challenged – I can get turned around in my own yard. Really. So my friend’s very patient husband took my beginning directions and wrote out for me my return route – then, bless his heart, he printed out Google maps showing that route. Eazy peazy, right? Sure.
I decided to use my GPS and input the address of my hotel then pushed the button for “fastest route” thinking it would probably be the same as the one my friend’s husband drew out for me. I made it out of their driveway….I made it out of their subdivision….I headed down the road and before too long I found myself going South on 11 — now I was supposed to be going North on 11 I thought. So I did a u-turn and all the while I’m getting nasty “re-calculating route” comments from the GPS b*tch. She told me to take the first legal u-turn. No. I didn’t want to. I found another road and turned down that one. Why? Who the heck knows?
I found myself in Walhalla SC and I’m not even sure where that is. Next thing I know I’m on some country road and there’s Sumter national forest park or some such thing. About 40 minutes into my drive I suddently find myself in Georgia. Why the heck am I in Georgia? I didn’t come through Georgia getting to South Carolina, what is going on here? Dunno. Just following the stoopid GPS broad. I pulled off the road and consulted the map. After laughing uproariously for about twenty minutes coz we all know I can’t read a map….I realized I was nowhere close to where I was supposed to be — I was in fact on a quaint little road called route 23 and it took me through the mountains. All of them. Forever. It took me almost 3 hours to find route 40W and I jumped on that puppy coz I knew it would lead me to I-75 which was all I really wanted to begin with.
Along the way I saw some lovely little country towns. I pulled into one that had this little southern version of a 7-11. I had on my new yellow South Carolina tee-shirt – the one with the South Carolina state symbol on the back (go here for pic from prior post) and it has a tree and a crescent moon on it. Well crap on a crutch if there weren’t some good ole boys in the corner lookin funny at me and my yellow shirt and I heard some stuff I didn’t like, so I snatched up my moonpie (don’t tell my Weight Watcher counselor) and skedaddled outtta there back to the safety of my foreign-made car humming the theme song to Deliverance. Yikes – get me outta Georgia please (no offense Virgil – but this was NO Savannah baby!). LOL
The trip back to Knoxville should have taken about 3 hours – I made it in a gut-busting 4 plus change. Again, I was whipped and so ticked off at the fact I had listened to a whining GPS instead of following a perfectly written out map. I never learn. But I made it back to the Holiday Inn. And as I unpacked my jammies, what do I find in my bag but one of the guest towels from my friend’s house. Now it was MY turn to be mortified. I had apparently accidentally picked it up as I was grabbing stuff from the bathroom. Honest – I really didn’t steal her towel. Really. No, I’m not kidding. It was just a silly mistake. Gah…watta dork squared. I admit I laughed my a$$ off when I saw the towel and knew she would never believe me….
Tues morn I crept downstairs to scarf up a banana and some yogurt for the road – hmmm, no bananas today. Today they’re serving biscuits and what looks like a folded omelet. So I shoved one of the folded omelets between a biscuit and tried in vain to put it into a plastic baggie without the “help” seeing me. The problem was what I didn’t see in the omelet was warmed Cheez Whiz oozing out. Must be another southern delicacy. Yikes. I got a plastic knife and tried to scrape the offending pseudo-cheese product off my probably fake eggs and just made a horrendous mess of everything. I slinked away towards the elevator dragging my baggie with me.
I left Knoxville behind in a cloud of dust. After five and a half hours of agonizing I-75 traffic and a little “over-the-speed-limit” foot to the floor on my part driving, I pulled into my very own driveway, with a sigh of relief and a prayer of thanks. I made it to South Carolina and back again and I didn’t run over any varmints, get accosted by any Bubbas, no flat tires, and I never ran out of diet Mt. Dew on the road once. Plus I got to meet the coolest bloggy buddy & her hubby. What a great time!
That’s my summer vacation story and I’m sticking to it. I’m also staying put the rest of the summer – at least no more by myself on the road adventures for awhile anyway. Although I have another bloggy buddy in TX who wants me to visit…sigh…