The Perils of Linda Part II – or Could the Lady on the GPS BE Any More Annoying?


Yesterday I regaled you with my travelog on the way to South Carolina and my nifty stay at the Holiday Inn Express (well, it was cheap and clean).  Did I mention what a wonderful time I had with my friend Linda from Fat Cat Crochet?  I think I might have.  It was a fabulous trip – I would give their lil lakeside resort a 10 but for one teensy weensy issue I had….as I got ready to hop into bed I noticed there were no sheets nor pillowcases.  Hmmm, folks in South Carolina don’t use linens apparently.  How quaint.  Not wanting to bother my host/hostess, I went in search of a linen closet which turned out to be right next door to my bedroom, grabbed some sheets and pillowcases, made up my own bed and happily went off to dreamland.

The next morning I did casually mention that I was writing a review of their establishment  & I had decided to give them a “2” given the fact there were no sheets on the bed.  My hostess was suitably mortified and we both giggled, coz, really who cares?  It was just one of those funny moments we all have sometimes.  Except in my house where I always have the guest room suitably made up.  Snort.

The rest of my stay there was absolutely fabulous – lovely folks, lotsa good talks, good food, boat rides and relaxing, relaxing, relaxing.  I didn’t want to go home.  But I got the distinct impression she was ready for me to leave coz my fully packed luggage got into the trunk of my car lickety split.  Actually, I’m pretty sure she hoisted those cases and took them to my car to save my poor old back the effort and for that I send her mucho hugs and MUAH!  I recall before I departed we all had a slightly silly discussion about stealing souvenirs (like taking ashtrays or hotel towels) – more on that later.

Prior to my departure, I had requested Linda print out a Google map for me from her house back up to Knoxville.  See…I’m directionally challenged – I can get turned around in my own yard. Really.  So my friend’s very patient husband took my beginning directions and wrote out for me my return route – then, bless his heart, he printed out Google maps showing that route.  Eazy peazy, right?  Sure.

I decided to use my GPS and input the address of my hotel then pushed the button for “fastest route” thinking it would probably be the same as the one my friend’s husband drew out for me.  I made it out of their driveway….I made it out of their subdivision….I headed down the road and before too long I found myself going South on 11 — now I was supposed to be going North on 11 I thought.  So I did a u-turn and all the while I’m getting nasty “re-calculating route” comments from the GPS b*tch.  She told me to take the first legal u-turn.  No.  I didn’t want to.  I found another road and turned down that one.  Why?  Who the heck knows? 

I found myself in Walhalla SC and I’m not even sure where that is.  Next thing I know I’m on some country road and there’s Sumter national forest park or some such thing.  About 40 minutes into my drive I suddently find myself in Georgia.  Why the heck am I in Georgia?  I didn’t come through Georgia getting to South Carolina, what is going on here?  Dunno.  Just following the stoopid GPS broad.  I pulled off the road and consulted the map.  After laughing uproariously for about twenty minutes coz we all know I can’t read a map….I realized I was nowhere close to where I was supposed to be — I was in fact on a quaint little road called route 23 and it took me through the mountains.  All of them.  Forever.  It took me almost 3 hours to find route 40W and I jumped on that puppy coz I knew it would lead me to I-75 which was all I really wanted to begin with.

Along the way I saw some lovely little country towns.  I pulled into one that had this little southern version of a 7-11.  I had on my new yellow South Carolina tee-shirt – the one with the South Carolina state symbol on the back (go here for pic from prior post) and it has a tree and a crescent moon on it.  Well crap on a crutch if there weren’t some good ole boys in the corner lookin funny at me and my yellow shirt and I heard some stuff I didn’t like, so I snatched up my moonpie (don’t tell my Weight Watcher counselor) and skedaddled outtta there back to the safety of my foreign-made car humming the theme song to Deliverance.  Yikes – get me outta Georgia please (no offense Virgil – but this was NO Savannah baby!). LOL

The trip back to Knoxville should have taken about 3 hours – I made it in a gut-busting 4 plus change.  Again, I was whipped and so ticked off at the fact I had listened to a whining GPS instead of following a perfectly written out map.  I never learn.  But I made it back to the Holiday Inn.  And as I unpacked my jammies, what do I find in my bag but one of the guest towels from my friend’s house.  Now it was MY turn to be mortified.  I had apparently accidentally picked it up as I was grabbing stuff from the bathroom.  Honest – I really didn’t steal her towel.  Really.  No, I’m not kidding.  It was just a silly mistake.  Gah…watta dork squared.  I admit I laughed my a$$ off when I saw the towel and knew she would never believe me….

Tues morn I crept downstairs to scarf up a banana and some yogurt for the road – hmmm, no bananas today.  Today they’re serving biscuits and what looks like a folded omelet.  So I shoved one of the folded omelets between a biscuit and tried in vain to put it into a plastic baggie without the “help” seeing me.  The problem was what I didn’t see in the omelet was warmed Cheez Whiz oozing out. Must be another southern delicacy.  Yikes. I got a plastic knife and tried to scrape the offending pseudo-cheese product off my probably fake eggs and just made a horrendous mess of everything.  I slinked away towards the elevator dragging my baggie with me. 

I left Knoxville behind in a cloud of dust.  After five and a half hours of agonizing I-75 traffic and a little “over-the-speed-limit” foot to the floor on my part driving, I pulled into my very own driveway, with a sigh of relief and a prayer of thanks.  I made it to South Carolina and back again and I didn’t run over any varmints, get accosted by any Bubbas, no flat tires, and I never ran out of diet Mt. Dew on the road once.  Plus I got to meet the coolest bloggy buddy & her hubby.  What a great time!

That’s my summer vacation story and I’m sticking to it.  I’m also staying put the rest of the summer – at least no more by myself on the road adventures for awhile anyway.   Although I have another bloggy buddy in TX who wants me to visit…sigh…


6 thoughts on “The Perils of Linda Part II – or Could the Lady on the GPS BE Any More Annoying?

  1. *hangs head in shame* Yes, I forgot to make up your bed. BUT at least you knew the sheets where clean! LOL! And you did not tell me you got turned around & ended up in Georgia!! LMAO! Too funny! You should have called!! Glad you got on the right track and made it home withou further detours
    Don’t hang your head in shame sistah! It made me just love u all the more – and as for calling – I was too mortified that I hadn’t followed your hubby’s directions and he would fuss at me – or at the very least make fun of me (as well I deserve it!!) It was hysterical trying to figure out where the hell I was and why I was in Georgia in this hick town with these weird men who all looked alike. ROFL. It was a wonderful vacation thanks to you & ELPH! MUAH!

  2. You are so brave driving all that way by yourself, the furthest I have ever been from home by myself is about fifty miles.

    I can’t get on with those sat-navs either I simply cannot visualise where I am on the road in relation to the map so usually follow the little voice blindly.

    It sounds so exciting to live in a country where it takes you two days to drive somewhere, what a wonderful adventure. Here in England if you set out first thing in the morning you get get anywhere by the evening.

    I am glad you had a good time.

    Much love
    It was exciting – I love road trips – I just wish my back had been in better shape – I felt bad for my host and hostess as I limped around with an icepack constantly on my back. How boring a guest I must have been! My GPS was just an unholy mess – why she took me the route she did is beyond my understanding – I went through a state I didn’t even have to go through for crying out loud! But it was an adventure. Think I’ll stay home for awhile now and just go fishing w/Devoted Spouse and play with EmmaLou and enjoy the rest of my summer relaxing and resting my back. Hugs!

  3. After taking trips to my cousins’ and aunties up by Niagara Falls for three weddings in the last two years, I’m ready to stay put and not do any traveling alone for a bit. DH stayed home with the dogs. Next time I have to take that trip, I’m taking someone with me who can drive the last leg home. I get too tired to feel I’m driving safely for the last 50 miles.

    Glad you made it home without too much difficulty. I’d fire that GPS lady.
    If I were closer, I’d drive it with you…yeah the GPS lady – I’d like to just SLAP her silly. Then I’d recalculate her route…

  4. I for one do not like to take road trips by myself, I freak out being on roads or places I have never been, It was a complete nightmare for me when Master Electrician and I and the kidlets moved from FL to MO , We had no gps and only a google map that was printed out for us. Going thru GA I think was the worst of all a lot of traffic and people driving like idiots freaked me out so bad I called hubby on the cell phone to stop at the next rest area or place to eat. Never want to do that again if I can help it. Loved your adventure thank you for sharing 🙂
    I love road trips – I like to wander and get lost – I often grab my Nikon D3000 in the morning and just take off for parts unknown in search of some neat architectural shots. I’m an adventurer at heart – it’s just the back doesn’t enjoy the ride much anymore dangitall. 😉

  5. It is so funny how everyone depends upon those GPS thingys so much nowadays.

    By the time I was 8 years old I could find my way from California to Chicago without a map. We never used a map back in those days and there were no super interstate highways to take either. We would take the old Route 66 until we had to go north to Chicago. It was more or less a necessity for us to know how to get there because when my stepdad was asleep and my mom was driving, she had no idea where she was going, and so we learned very quickly that we had better know our way or we ended up in the boondocks somewhere. Actually I think it kinda freaked us all out when she was going the wrong way on a one way street, and we felt so blessed that we did not get killed, that we made it our mission from that point on to know which way was the right way to go.

    She still cannot find her way around and she has been going to some of these places for over 30 years since moving to the area she now lives in. I have a few sisters who are the same as my mom and then the rest of us seem to never get lost.

    I tell people there is a difference in being lost and not being able to find the place you are looking for. We always know where we are, we just sometimes cannot find the exact place we want to go. I do know some people who have not got a clue as to where they are. In Southern California you can drive for hours and hours and go through different cities. Unless you have been here then you almost have no idea what it is like. They say there is no place on the planet like it. I think they say it is the only place where you can start out at the northwest part of LA County and drive to the southwest part of Riverside or San Bernardino County and it will seem like you have continously driven through the same city. I know it is over 100 miles at least because I am over 60 miles west of Los Angeles and you will not leave a city to get to where I live.

    Anyway what I was trying to say is that one can get so lost out here, and if you think those guys in Georgia were bad, you would be wishing you were with them if you had to go through any of the gang areas out here. Those Georgia boys would be like being in a police station compared to some areas out here.

    I remember when the girls were teenagers and we went through this one town and I had the girls and some of the football team in the car with me, the boys kept telling me to lock the car doors because we were not in a safe area. I felt kinda bad for them because I had been through that area many times and I knew it was a little bit bad but not as bad as they made out. Okay, yes, it was bad, when we had the Rodney King riots in ’92 some people did get the crap beat out of them because they were in that area, but I usually felt fairly safe there. I still go through that area but since ’92, I have locked my car doors. But there are other areas that I will not go through, unless I have to or it is daylight.

    Anyway I hope if you make it to Georgia again that you feel safe. You must know you are safer there then if you got lost out here, and went to a 7-11 in certain parts of Los Angeles County, San Bernardino, Orange, or Riverside County.

    And don’t get me started on the illegals, because in certain areas you won’t even find anyone who speaks english and that sucks because as I have said before, when I go down to TJ everyone there speaks english to me. Seriously I live in a different country than you do.

    There is no border down here or we live south of the border. Being of Mexican descent does not mean that I want to live in Mexico. It just means that some of my ancestors came from there and lived on this side of the border when the Mexican-American war was fought. And thank goodness they had the smarts to stay on this side of the border after the war.

    Oh okay, I better stop because nothing gets me more riled up then taxes and illegals.

    Taking a deep breath now, and another, and another.

    God bless.

    PS…sorry if this rambles on and on, oh heck maybe I get lost in my writing.
    Hi bb – I was doing fine with yur comment and then suddenly my GPS lady interrupted with “recalculating route”. LOL I can drive from OH to DC with my eyes closed – but getting to SC & home again was a challenge. I’m NEVER driving to the LA area – not after this comment. Then again, I don’t think there are any safe areas in this country anymore – gangs, ugly people riled up about one thing or another. Maybe I should start carrying Mace…nah, I’d just spray myself.

  6. Looks like you get a bit spastic when traveling solo…I do the exact same thing. It’s not like we’re dumb or anything, but it’s a lot easier to travel with another person because you know he/she is watching your back.

    And the GPS Bitch is something else. I can’t stand her. I can’t focus on my driving with her barking orders at me with her faint British accent.

    Give me a paper map any old day…
    Okay kiddo – I truly like to travel using landmarks – go 10 miles and look for the McDonald’s – turn right – go 5.8 miles and on the right you’ll see this big old tree that’s split in half, make a left…go 27 miles down that country road till you see the sign that says Fruit Market on your left and take the next sharp left turn onto County Road 2080…..etc. THAT’s how I like to travel. I have a hard time with maps unless they’re big so I can see what city or town is coming up. I like Google Maps so far — except for that return trip where they took me waaaay west but even so, had I followed those directions I wouldn’t have ended up in Deliverance, GA havin’ a bunch of Bubbas starin at me in the local 7-11 which is what happened when I listened to the infernal GPS bitch. Ack.

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