Both Devoted Spouse and I are waging war on the battle of the bulge. Unfortunately we’re not winning – not even a little skirmish victory. The pounds won’t budge.
What’s the problem? Temptation for one. Stress for another. Stupid human behavior – okay I’ll go along with that one, too.
I’ve tried every diet – the best that works for me is to simply eat less and expend more calories. It’s rather hard though when you’re injured and aren’t up for a Pilates session. And if one lowers their caloric intake too much the body goes into “save yourself ” mode and actually slows down your metabolism. Well crap on a crutch just what I need; a slower metabolism. I have the metabolism of a turtle now thanks to thyroid disease and there’s that old witch menopause thrown in for good measure.
Devoted Spouse patted his little tummy this morning and made some passing remark about how he needed to lose that tummy – to which I responded “stop eating chips and snacks and cookies and ice cream” or something like that. But I have alot of nerve telling him to do that when I often find myself walking into the local ice cream joint and picking up a small ice cream cone I truly don’t need.
I seem to be playing around with the same 3 illusive pounds – they go up; they come back down; they go up, repeat cycle. Exasperating.
Now I have lost a considerable amount of weight over the past few years – but I truly would like to knock off another 20 pounds and I’m just having a terrible time.
The other day when I met up with my IT guru out at the base to hand off my laptop craptop, he gave me a big hug and remarked “You’ve lost more weight, you look great!” Wow, what an ego boost that was — I had shown up in a ratty tee shirt and a pair of shorts and I certainly didn’t think I looked great. But I realized for the first time I wasn’t embarrassed about going out in shorts – I now know I may not be skinny, but I don’t think people stare at me and point out of shock and awe that I’m wearing shorts in public.
I’m now using a new product on the market (yeah, I know, “sucker”) called Sensa. The idea behind this stuff is it is a chemical composition which you sprinkle over your food (much like salt or sugar) but it affects your brain by sending some type of signal through the olfactory system that you are full. Hence, if you feel full, you will eat less, and you will lose weight. It was developed by a doctor – but crap you can find any doctor now on tv shilling their particular weight loss products. Unfortunately, I had to try it. So far, I am eating less portion-wise, but I’m still grabbing the wrong types of food and that’s not the way to lose weight. So is it working? I don’t know. I need to make more of an effort to grab the correct type of food and then we’ll see.
I’m going to give it another one to two months – and I’m Sensa-ing I may have to cancel this order, too. Short of taking an electric knife to my sides and throwing the excess fat to the birds, I’m at my wits end on getting this next 20 pounds off.
Perhaps as I continue to heal I’ll be able to increase my exercise – right now walking is still painful and I can only go so far. The walking can’t be on an incline either (that lets out strolls around the neighborhood) so I “do” the mall and I’m hitting the treadmill keeping my walking nice and level. But it doesn’t burn up that many calories. I was so hoping “hot flashes” would burn up calories coz they sure make you sweat – but to no avail. What does come off goes right back on with that first glass of water.
It could certainly be worse – I could look like this poor woman – and why she agreed to have this picture made and distributed is beyond me – they must have paid her alot of money. I have nothing against being fat – I’ve been fat – I did not wish to remain that way, but if anyone wishes to “be fat and proud of it”, I’ll defend their right to their own choices in life, regardless of how healthy or wise those choices are.
I actually think the above is a rather cruel picture so I made it smaller. But I think there’s a point there to be made. It has a caption that says, “If you stare at them, you feel better about yourself.” I think that’s cruel, too, but probably all too true. I can’t tell you how many times Devoted Spouse and I have been out somewhere and we’ll pass some lady in tight sweatpants that look from the back like two cats in a sack fighting to get out and I’ll say to him, “Sweetie, if I ever look like that, please shoot me.” So we all do stare at people different from us and I will admit it. I will also confess to once upon a time walking into a room and wondering if I was the heaviest woman there — fortunately, I no longer feel the need to do that. But perhaps this young woman likes herself just the way she is, or she could have a glandular condition. It is all too true that fat people are discriminated against.
I think we all spend too much attention on how thin we should be. I like to think that it’s not so much the numbers – how much you weigh – as whether or not you’re healthy and feel comfortable. I’d feel more comfortable with another 20 pounds off. Interestingly enough I told my doctor I wanted to lose another 40 pounds and he said that was too much – that I should shoot for 20 and leave it at that. I wanted to kiss him – he didn’t need me to be skinny either, just healthy.
Sigh… I’ve asked God that if perhaps (who knows) he sends me back to earth to re-do this life, that he make me thin when I get here. I’m afraid that prayer may cause me to become a giraffe or a telephone pole someday. I also once prayed for just a touch of anorexia – just for a month or so. Stupid woman. Of course I’m just joking since I don’t believe in reincarnation and we know that anorexia is nothing to laugh at. In an earlier blog posting on weight I mentioned tapeworms – I still think that’s not a bad idea if only you could control the little buggers. Kidding….I’m kidding, no hate mail please on this or the pic of the heavy lady.
For now I’ll just concentrate on one day at a time; one meal at a time, sprinkling my Sensa on everything and trying hard to stay out of the cookies and ice cream. *sigh* Man, a margarita sounds good right about now…