You’ve Got Mail!

pic courtesy of youvegotmail.warnerbros.com

 

It’s time.  I have put it off too long.  This is something that has to be faced squarely and dealt with in the most severe manner.  It simply can no longer be delayed.  I have to do this.

Out of 225 emails in my main email account, 157 of them have not been read.  I don’t feel like cleaning out my email but it is filling rapidly with truly important pieces of mail from such prestigious places as Pier 1 Imports, Target, Barnes & Noble, and my financial guy keeps sending me updates I no longer read (the economical outlook and my financial portfolio are simply too depressing).  I have various notices from Twitter of people (read: people who Tweet on behalf of their animals) who are now following EmmaLou on her Twitter Account ( which is, in itself, sad).   NPR wants me to read their latest list of books — the last time I did that I spent 45 minutes with my Kindle in the Kindle Store downloading reading material.  I don’t want to read that email.

The folks who just sold us our new porch glider want me to take a survey.  I’m not good at surveys – they inevitably lead to more offers and I end up buying something else I really didn’t need.

I spent several hours Thurs on the phone arguing with a Medical Collection Agency, my military insurance agency, and my supplemental health agency trying to sort out why there are still outstanding bills from my January 2009 Ice Accident that haven’t been paid and for which I’m been hounded.  Now there is an email from Tricare in my list asking me to survey how they did on resolving the problem.  Well, I can’t tell them until the Collection Agency decides to leave me alone, can I?  (Mark that one as read and ignored.)

I have several wonderful offers from retail establishments I do business with – lots of sales going on – those emails will be trashed…that is if I get around to tackling this email clutter issue. Oh yeah and I keep seeing alot of emails from some guy in Nigeria but I can’t pronounce his name…wonder what he could possibly want from lil ole me?

I think I’d rather open my Kindle and start a new book and I’ll get to the email later….sigh….

Tags: humor, I only read the good emails, no time for email clutter, too tired to hit the delete key

Food Fight 101

pic courtesy of southernsavers.com

Me:  What is that bag of cheese doing on table?

Devoted Spouse:  That’s for my chili.

Me:  That’s MY Weight Watcher’s cheese!!!!!

Devoted Spouse:  It’s the only cheese there is.

Me:  NO NO – I bought sliced cheese just for you.

Devoted Spouse:  You can’t put sliced cheese on chili.

Me:  You can if you put it in microwave.  STEP AWAY from my Weight Watcher’s cheese.

Devoted Spouse:  I always leave you some….

Me:  I need EXACTLY 23 grams which equals one serving which is two points for my sandwich tomorrow! sheesh

Devoted Spouse:  Closes cheese bag and sighs.

Me:  And while we’re at it…get out of my sugar free low-fat cookie bites.

Devoted Spouse:  But I like them.

Me:  You have YOUR OWN cookies – STAY AWAY from mine.

Devoted Spouse:  sighs heavily and realizes he is not going to win this one

Moral of Story:  I’m the one dieting – Devoted Spouse is losing weight even though he’s eating MY FOOD – plus his own food.  And that’s just not right….sigh…

Tags: dieting sucks, humor, I want Oreos

But It’s Only Julyyyyyyyy

I sneaked back into Target with nobody following me this time demanding their cart back.  There was no picture of me posted at the entrance and I breathed a sigh of relief.  Once again I had gotten away with my pea-brained antics.  Whew.

Down the aisles I went to get the items that I had forgotten previously due to the underwear incident wiping from my mind every other item I had originally arrived at the store to buy.

I needed a minor piece of patio furniture.  What better time to find this stuff on sale?  I’m such a smart shopper.  I go to the outdoor furniture section…………and what do I find?  SCHOOL SUPPLIES  Are you kidding me?  It’s July – too early to buy pencils and pens – I need a chair, dangit.  I need a chair NOW.  Where’s the garden stuff?  Where’s that cool patio set you had last week?  What the heck is Elmer’s Glue doing in its place?  Ack Ack  Major irritation attack.

I left Target in a huff (I used to leave in a Kia Sportage…).

Realizing what I truly needed to make me happy was a trip to visit all the Lucky Brand clothing over at Von Maur (one of our dept. stores) (yes Sueanne I am now a Lucky Brand girl for life – I bow to the master – you were right).  I found several wonderful Lucky Brand shirts on sale and one that wasn’t (ouch $$$$) and made my way to the service counter.  The very nice (all the sales people at Von Maur are fabulous – but then again it’s about 3,000 notches above Target) was standing next to the counter arranging some new items on a rack.  THEY WERE TURTLENECKS – OH FOR THE LOVE OF PETE…..TURTLENECKS.  It’s Julyyyyyyyy, not October.  I need new Tee-Shirts – it’s hotter than the 7th ring in Dante’s Inferno out there.  I made my purchase and left the store in shock (again, I usually take my Kia, blah blah blah).

Look, I understand that winter (ugh I even hate to use that word) merchandise is ordered way ahead of actual winter – but one would think the stores could at least wait until maybe late August to put it out.  I was so annoyed.  Turtlenecks.  I had a hot flash just thinking of it.

I feel bad for the kids – it’s like they just got OUT of school only to be bombarded by school supplies and the realization that they have to go back in another month or so.  Stupid Target could have waited a couple of  weeks.  So cruel.

And the kicker here?  I found Halloween candy displayed, too.  I’m just sure it’s from last year….sigh…

Tags: humor, I need more tee shirts, it's still summer dangit, The horror of it all Sueanne!

Did You Lose Something?

It’s becoming too frequent an occurrence in my life.  Strange, little, quirky things are happening to me.  That which surprises, amazes, and oh, okay I’ll admit it, frequently embarrasses me to the nth degree.  But then again, we’re talking about me, aren’t we?  Hmmm.

Guess where I was the other day?  Yup – Target.  Cruisin’ the summer sales, etc.  Had one of the big carts this time just in case I should find…ya know…”stuff”.  I’m in the lawnzheray (read: undies) aisle and I see a great sale on some bras and undies.  Woo-hoo just what I need.  So I pick up a couple of items and toss them in my cart and off I go to another department.

I’m walking….I’m walking…I’m walking…I’m in the tee-shirt and shorts for sale section when I hear this voice behind me.  I turn around and what do I see but a Target employee (ya know they can be identified by those spiffy red/khaki outfits they wear).  I looked at her, assumed she was talking in her headset and promptly went about my business.

Now I’m to the shoe aisle and this girl is still following me and she’s saying something and it’s louder.  I turn around again and give her “the stare” – ya know…the one that says, “get the heck away from me and go talk in your earpiece somewhere else.”

She kept following me.

Finally I stopped and she came up to me.  Uh-oh – this does not bode well.

Target Girl:  “Ma’am?  May I have my cart back please?”

Me:  “Excuse me – YOUR cart?”

Target Girl:  points to MY cart and says, “Yes, ma’am the one with all the underwear in it.”

I looked at my cart and it suddenly dawned on me — there were several boxes worth of underwear in the other section of the cart.  There was NO underwear up in the front where I thought I had tossed the several items I found.  Seems I had turned around and casually thrown my items in the cart Target Girl was using to stock shelves and then absconded with it while she chased me around the store.

I was appropriately mortified.  She had my “otherwise empty” cart with her and we just laughed it off as we exchanged carts and I went on shopping.  (Read: couldn’t get out of that store fast enough and may never show my face there again.)

I am well aware that I was probably mentioned in the Target Employee Meeting and may very well have made the handbook in the Section:  Crazy Shoppers and How to Handle When They Take Off With Your Cart and Emphatically Claim It’s Actually Theirs…sigh…

Tags: humor, life, shopping, Sueanne do something about those tacky uniforms, the lady with the stolen cart

C’mon Get Healthy!

I understand grilling vegetables and fruits is in fashion these days.

So I grilled my eggplant…I grilled my ‘taters…I grilled onions, peppers, all the veggies left over in the ‘fridge.  I even grilled some apricots and bananas.

I grilled them and grilled them….

They never confessed to a single thing.   sigh…

Tags: grill your fruits and veggies, healthy but not well, humor