I’m Good With the First Part…But After That I Dunno

I hear this phrase frequently:  “God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life.”  It seems to be the ‘feel-good’ phrase of this century, and that’s okay.  I’m a Christian woman and I happen to believe that God loves me; the second part of the sentence is what often troubles me.

The past few weeks have been chocked full of minor calamities and ridiculous situations and, of course, I am in the midst of each and every one.  I’ve walked into walls (seriously), dropped things everywhere, tried my best to do a good deed for someone and drove in the completely opposite direction of my destination.  I start one project, rapidly move on to something else, and 3 hours later I have a house full of half-done chores.  I go to the grocery where they know me by name and I’m greeted with…”Hi Linda, back again today…forget something?”  Do you see the trend here?

Yes, God loves me.  But I have a sneaking suspicion I am one of his main sources of entertainment.  Perhaps it is a test.  Will Linda lose her mind today?  Will the package of strawberries with mold on the bottom that she doesn’t notice until she gets home send her over the edge? Is today the day Linda wears her shirt inside out again in public?

Okay – God loves me. I’m good with that. But, ya know…there’s a hitch.  Ya see, He sent me EmmaLou.  Now I don’t mean to be sacrilegeous here – really.  But I’m beginning to think that EmmaLou is my cross to bear.  Ya’ll know she can be angelic and then….

So I’m sitting in my craft   crap   hoarder haven   home office  frittering away on Twitter the other morning when I see through my amazingly accurate depth perception EmmaLou….slinking out of the room and on her way down the stairs.  Suddenly life went in slow motion.  She turned her head toward me, her long golden fur whipping around her, and there for me to notice clutched in her slobbering mouth was my Smart Phone.

What did I do?  Did I jump up yelling and screaming at my fur-child and race like a mad woman down the stairs after her?  No.  I sat here and Twittered:  o.my.gawd. EmmaLou just left with my smart phone in her mouth.  She is in possession of a piece of technology that is so expensive I have 20 more payments on it, and I SIT HERE ON TWITTER.  Gah…. “God’s in his heaven and all’s right with the world.”  No – he’s in his recliner laughing like crazy.

God loves me and has a wonderful plan for my life.  God loves me and has a wonderful plan for my life.  I keep chanting that in my head.  I put down my laptop finally as I realize that EmmaLou loves to not just eat things but take them apart first.  THEN I ran down the stairs (missing the last step and almost killing myself) and went after her. 

Thankfully, God does, in fact, love me.  EmmaLou was reclined on the family room floor looking terribly bored.  My slightly soggy Smart Phone was by her head and it was virtually untouched…nothing but some gooey doggy slobber…no teeth marks….no missing pieces.

I’m sure ya’ll are wondering now what I did next…did I smack the crap outta EmmaLou for snagging my Smart Phone right out from under my eyes?  Did I yell at her and tell her what a bad dog she was?

No.  I just said….”Thanks God I really appreciate this one.  But could ya stop guffawing and work on that wonderful plan part please?”…. sigh…