Hey kids – look who’s checking up on you. Made it through the dreaded back surgery. Finished the grueling school studying session to get ahead and got that homework submitted – shoot I’ve already finished reading my texts for the next week.
I have had three days now of recovery from this surgery – the doc said 48 hours…close enough. I didn’t exactly follow all her instructions…I got bored and moved around a bit, but she had told me that the surgery was so successful she felt it was alright for me to do whatever felt comfortable (with the exception of planting the garden) — so hanging out in the comfy chair reading a book, lying on the new couch watching very bad tv, or just taking naps qualified as recuperation in her estimation. Of course going to a function at our church Friday night was probably overdoing it a bit – but I really wanted to be there because it was a special occasion. That sort of hurt the back a tad – and I’ve been a real slug today. I will probably be a real slug Sunday. Now for the fun stuff…
So 8:00 in the morning, Wednesday, and me with no coffee, I walk into the office and the nurse says, “We are going to have to reschedule because your insurance still hasn’t approved the procedure.” Devoted Spouse was having none of that – I was going to have that surgery come heck or high water and he would find a way to pay for it (this stuff costs roughly $6,000). Bless his heart. So in I go to get ready. As I’m getting undressed the doc comes in, takes my hand and says if my insurance gives her any crap, she will severely discount my bill and not to worry. That helped considerably. (I know they do this all the time, but it made me feel better that I wasn’t going to be presented with a huge bill). I need a new oven, not a $6,000 doctor bill.
The nurse comes in with a shot of antibiotics (sort of like surgery condoms these days; it’s best to be prepared). She asked me if I was nervous. I responded by starting to cry. She said, “I’ll go get the shots of Valium and be right back.” She brought in two more needles and I knew life was about to get much calmer. Yay.
We go in to “the room”…I stretch out on my tummy and get as comfortable as possible. The x-ray technician and I become best buds – she spent an inordinate amount of time holding my hand, comforting me, and re-propping up my shoulder which was really killing me that morning. Bless her heart.
And then it happened – my worst nightmare came to life. I developed a case of gas. This could only happen to me. The night prior to the surgery I ate a Fiber One Bar – what a stupid thing to do — note to anyone having surgery – do not eat a Fiber One Bar within 24 hours of your procedure. Have you ever been in a situation where you have to (sorry) get rid of that gas and ya just want to hold it in forever but can’t? I was so embarrassed but I told the x-ray lady – Hmmm, I’m so sorry but I seem to have a touch of gas.
I prayed for it to just be a teensy weensy episode and not anything like the killer poots from EmmaLou which can clear a room instantly. She laughed like a hyena. “Honey, you think no one has ever come in here and had the same thing happen?” You don’t worry about a thing – you just fart to your little heart’s content – we can handle it. I know God will richly bless that woman for that remark because I was mortified. So the minor (thankfully) gas attack came and went fortunately prior to the actual surgery.
The doctor comes in, rubs my shoulders, tells me it’s going to be a great procedure and I’m going to be just fine, not to worry and she’s going to talk me through the entire procedure. If I wanted to, I could turn my head and watch the x-rays too. Creepy but it’s like being at the movies — you don’t want to look but you open your eyes and peek out behind your splayed fingers anyway. It was the coolest technology I’ve ever seen. All these x-ray pictures, and there were sonogram pics just flying out of another machine. So cool. As for pain, the last time I went to the Dentist and had a crown put in I had more pain and I wanted to take out a contract on him and have What’s-Her-Face from the ice skating world come break his kneecaps. This back procedure was nothing by comparison. I only felt like someone had pushed me hard on my back – that was it.
I laid on a gurney for an hour while the cement dried and hardened. Bored to tears (although Devoted Spouse was doing his best to amuse me by having wheelchair races behind the curtain), all I could think of was what if what they shot into me isn’t really bone cement but it’s some concoction of ground up dead people’s bones and Elmer’s Glue? It was not a pretty thought. About that time, they allowed me to leave. I walked out of the facility standing straighter than I had in four months (hallelujah!) and knowing that life was going to get better.
That’s my story. Sorry it’s so long. I’m doing really well but I’m still going to take a little longer break before I come back to blogging on a daily basis. I promise to keep checking in. I’ll try to find something funny to tell you. Ok – here’s another chuckle for you. Last night while standing in line at church to sign in, one of my friends came up behind me and slapped me on the back in greeting – she didn’t hurt me at all – but I freaked her out when I said – I just had back surgery and slapping me on the back is not a good idea. I had a little too much fun at her expense. It was worth it.