Just Pee in the Cup Already!

Sweet EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer has had some health issues of late.  The most annoying one (for all of us) is a stomach problem — she has issues with digesting her food and she burps louder and longer than a longshoreman.  Poor Em!

She willingly went to the vet’s because she likes it there.  I don’t like it at my doctor’s office, but I’m not a dog.  Anyway, the vet is aware of the issue; Em’s been on meds prior to this visit.  But, the problem returns.  He suggests obtaining a blood sample, giving her her annual shots (which were due), refilling her heartworm and flea prevention meds, and oh, here’s a plastic tray…please get a sample of her urine.

Excuse me?

This morning bright (well, actually it was dark) and early, the whole family goes out to the backyard to obtain a pee sample from EmmaLou.  I was on leash and flashlight duty; Devoted Spouse had the little (and I do mean little) plastic tray at the ready.  Em sniffs around, squats down, I yell at Devoted Spouse, “NOW!”, he slides the tray under her and EmmaLou jumps straight up in the air taking her precious pee with her.

Take Two:  “C’mon sweetie puppy girl…pee in the cup.”  Yes, dogs can get a hateful look on their faces.  Finally she squatted again and we repeated the above exercise.  It didn’t work the second time, either.

Devoted Spouse took EmmaLou out on her morning walk, where she peed like someone who’s had their bladder stopped up for a month.  Peed all up and down the street.  Did we get a sample?  No…forgot the tray.

While running errands, I stopped in the vet’s office.  They laughed and laughed but finally agreed I could bring her up late in the day and THEY would try the little plastic tray trick.

EmmaLou and I, meanwhile, have decided we should never speak of this barbaric intrusion into her personal life again.  Sigh…


Just Rip My Lips Off Now & Get It Over With


I have 3 blogs as most of my 11 faithful readers are aware.  One of them deals with Crap.  I had it on a domain site because my IT guru talked me into it.  It cost me money and then I had a TERRIBLE time with the particular domain which I won’t name (GoBattyDotCom)  coz I don’t want to get sued for slander or libel or whatever it is these days.

Anyway…I decided to close down the Crap domain because it was so hard to update postings plus I was getting some horrible porn spam and frankly I just got tired of dealing with it all.  I decided to re-start my Crap on a new blog.  For some reason I chose Blogger as my platform, even though I have 2 blogs with WordPress.  Don’t ask me why; you won’t get an intelligent answer, trust me. 

So I set up Oh Crap on a Crutch and it wasn’t nearly as difficult as trying to use GoBattyDotCom.  Plus it’s free.  Plus it has all kinds of neat little gadgets I can use.  I have two posts up so far.  Bear with me as I learn how this platform works.  I couldn’t believe…I had just put up my first posting and realized I had forgotten to include the “crutch” in all the pictures I used.  There ya go – I am the most dysfunctional person on my block today without a doubt.  I will try and remember to include the props in the photos from now on.

After all this blathering…the focus of this posting was supposed to be about how difficult it is to deal with these domain hosting people on the phone.  I spent over 20 minutes TWICE talking to them just trying to get my domain closed.  One person I spoke with I could hardly understand and he kept directing me to the wrong places on the website – gah…

It got to the point I wanted to rip my lips off so I wouldn’t start swearing like a sailor because I was only moments away from saying horrible nasty words….when I took a deep breath….said a little prayer and calmed down.  I managed to close the account at that domain and convince them they owed me a $50 rebate (yay me).

And now…all of you who ever visited my Crap on a Crutch – as I mentioned in my last post, please change your links.  To see the crap in my world please go to:  http://ohcraponacrutch.blogspot.com  or just click on the link I provided up a few paragraphs.

I managed to get a pic of EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer on the site – yay me.  And I got a good portion of my blogroll transferred over – if you are not there and wish to be listed, please leave me a comment there and I will add you. 

I’m tired — this domain wheeling and dealing is a pain in my a$$ and I need a vacation.   sigh…

It’s Time to Return to the Mundane

I’m all for Christmas, but I’m ready to let it go and get back to a quieter routine.  Of course it would help if I got off top dead center, took down the tree and put the decorations away.  Maybe tomorrow.   For now, I’m done with college football, lists of celebrities who died in 2008, and other peoples’ resolutions.

To celebrate the end of the holidays, Devoted Spouse and I plan to go to the movies.  The kids are back in school and the afternoon showing of Twilight should be fairly empty.  Yes, I said Twilight and yes, Devoted Spouse is also going.  He knows it’s a chick flick aimed at the younger female set.  I enjoyed the book series and really want to see the movie.  Truth be told I think Devoted Spouse is going for the popcorn and the special effects.

To backtrack to the holidays for a moment, one of the little gifts I gave to myself was a set of 5 reusable grocery bags.  I’ve wanted to do this for some time now and these were so pretty I couldn’t pass them up, plus they were on sale at the time.  The only downside here is I keep forgetting to take these bags with me when I run to the grocery or even to Target.  Devoted Spouse finally took the bags and put them in my car yesterday so now I always have them available.

To show how tired I am from all the holiday hoopla, I decided Sunday evening to make some soup.  I have a new cookbook from Williams-Sonoma that has a lovely Tuscan soup recipe in it.  I gathered all the ingredients and started furiously chopping onions, carrots, shredding cabbage and opening up cans of chicken stock, tomato paste, rinsing and draining cannellini beans.  My mouth was watering as I sauteed onions and garlic.  Then I got to the part of the recipe that stated”  “Place ingredients in crockpot and cook on low for 8 hours.”  Crap on a crutch.

Guess what’s for dinner Monday night?

Tallying Up the Loot

I enjoy getting ready for Christmas. I also enjoy when it’s all over and the loot can be stored in its appropriate cubby (doggie toy box), put on (woo-hoo new hoodies), added to other stacks of loot (books), hidden in the closet (new slippers to replace the ones EmmaLou chewed to smithereens), or re-gifted (shhhhh don’t tell).

This year Devoted Spouse and I had lots of fun opening up our gifts and helping the resident Golden Destroyer open hers. What did we get…I know you’re anxious to find out!

I made a killing in the goodies department. My number one best gift was my new Walther P22 pistol and a box of ammo — can’t wait to get out on the shooting range!


I also got boxes of ammo for the 38 I like to shoot. I was very proud of Devoted Spouse for not giving in to the temptation to buy the pink pistol — that’s right, weapons now come in patronizing pink just for the ladies. Gah. It’s bad enough the guy at the phone store talked me into the pink phone (hate it); I’ll be danged if I’m going to the shooting range packin’ a pink pistol. They’d laugh me right off the property!  Yes, that little note attached to the gun is a reminder to first read all the safety instructions before shooting gun.  Duh.

One of our funnier Christmas morning moments came when Devoted Spouse opened one of his presents. I’ve spoken before of Devoted Spouse in his recliner in the family room. He’s comfy there but the family room tends to be chilly and he’s always looking for a blanket or lap quilt to help him keep warm. I happened to spy an electric lap blanket one day while cruzin’ my local Target and snapped it up for him. As he opened up the gift Christmas morn and realized what it was, he had a big grin on his face. He took it out of its plastic case and I helped him to unwrap the blanket and get the cord and controls all straightened out. Imagine the hilarity which ensued as I read aloud the tag attached to the blanket: “Do not give to a helpless person.” We both stopped dead in our tracks for a moment then burst into hilarious laughter. I handed over the blanket to Devoted Spouse but warned him I was watching for signs of helplessness. I would love to be on the committee that writes those instructions for various household items.

EmmaLou’s favorite present was a new plush duck toy to replace the one she ate recently.  As you can see by the picture below this duck was such a big hit with her that within the first 5 minutes she had chewed off part of its tail — Poor Donald is now in the toy hospital in triage awaiting a duck surgeon.

001-10Monday will find us out spending some of our gift cards; Devoted Spouse at Sears; me at Barnes and Noble.   Just think…only 361 more days to Christmas…