A few days back we had a killer storm come through. Extremely high straight line winds scared the crap outta me and EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer. This house has a lot of windows in it…as in every room. Thankfully, I live with Devoted Spouse aka Survival Man (He needs a cape!)
Survival Man is known for spending hours and hours on his laptop watching Survivalist videos and going to all the Survivalist websites. He owns Survival books from the best. He has every Survival piece of crapola ever made. He watches Dual Survival and has met one of those guys. He goes to all the gun shows and buys all the fancy and wicked looking gadgets. (see pic above… oh yeah he has most of that)
I have always felt safe and secure knowing Survival Man is nearby.
Unfortunately, Survival Man talks a good talk, but hasn’t gotten all the emergency plans into place yet.
So when the storm hit….I took the 3 of us to our Master Bedroom closet which is the only room in this house with NO windows. Yes, even the basement has windows. Ya see the original plan is to have a “place” in the basement where we can be safe from storms. But the only place down there that would work happens to be stuffed with Christmas crapola.
Survival in my house currently means: 1) Panic because you can’t find flashlights 2) Locate every Yankee Candle possible & then look for matches 3) Light every Yankee Candle possible and stink up house 4) wonder where you put those emergency candles you were so proud you bought 5) moan and groan because the cell phone battery is dying 6) return to 1). Some plan, huh?
So to the closet we went. Survival Man promptly curled up on top of his stinky shoes and fell asleep – and snored (the horror of it all). EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer took her totally freaked out 80 lbs of hot fur and plopped on top of me while licking all my pieces parts clean (she cleans whatever she can find available when she gets nervous). Me? Me you wonder? I was laying (lying? whatever) with my face at the crack under the door trying desperately to simply get some air. ACK.
I woke up Survival Man coz it wasn’t fair he was asleep. I mentioned to him…”Aren’t we supposed to have a plan”? “Shouldn’t we be in the basement where you have a “special safe place carved out”? He replies… “it’s not ready yet, but I have MRE’s and you can go to the bathroom.” Oh yeah, I should probably throw in here….he must have 200 plastic jugs of water stored in the garage in case of emergency. Yeah…that makes me feel much more secure.
So I have tons of old water…some MRE’s and I can go to the bathroom???? What he is telling me is there are plastic buckets and trash bags in the basement. And the MRE’s came from some gun show – I’d sooner hold a dead possum in my mouth than eat those things. Survival Man has some work to do methinks.
So we spent an hour or so in the closet. Great plan…when it’s time to Survive, just do what Survival Man does…curl up on your shoes and take a nap…sigh…