No Top Chef Here

Saw a headline proclaiming Gwyneth Paltrow’s Most Disastrous Dinner!  I’m addicted to various food shows and I collect cookbooks, but I don’t cook the way I once did when Devoted Spouse was active duty Air Force and we had to entertain foreign dignitaries.  Turns out poor Gwyneth (who is also quite the foody) once fixed Eggplant Parmesan and forgot to drain the eggplant, thus resulting in a somewhat soggy mess.  Broke my heart.  (yes, that would be sarcasm)

Ya wanna know disastrous dinners?  Disastrous dinners are when you cut your finger to the bone during prep, don’t have time to go to the hospital because representatives of most of the NATO nations and their wives are on their way over to your home with high expectations of enjoying something known as American home-cooking and you’re valiantly trying to wrap something tightly around your finger to quell the arterial blood spurting all over your galley kitchen.  Now we’re talking disastrous dinner my friends.

I won’t bore you with the middle of the story.  It involved classic American dishes such as spoonbread and fried chicken and wine….lots of wine.

The end goes something like this….somewhere between the appetizers and the dessert I noticed the bandage on my finger had disappeared.  I was thankful for the copious amounts of alcohol that had accompanied the dinner.

Ahhhhh such sweet Military Memories….sigh…


8 thoughts on “No Top Chef Here

  1. Hey Linda!

    Wow! Now that sounds like quite the adventure! I wonder who found that bandage.

    Never found out – it’s a true story. We had some very interesting adventures lol!

  2. LOL! Butcher Block or Butcher Blockhead? 😛 Welcome back, Crone and Bear It! I missed YOU!!!
    Life with me is always blockhead…. that’s why I’m so endearing……..snort!

  3. Went from feeling pain to could not stop laughing, then back to pain and laughing again. I get GP’s weekly blog sent to me. She actually seems fairly normal in most of it, well other then her celebrity friends, but then we have to remember she grew up with celebrity parents and so to her that is probably normal. But other than that she seems nice.

    But I have started watching Master Chef and The Next Food Network Star, other than that I have been staying away from cooking shows because then I realized I was spending too much time thinking about “food”, “food and politics” are my two favorite subjects. Food makes me want to eat and our current politicians make me want to puke. See how well they go together, kinda like a horse and carriage, dogs and cats, well you know.

    As to politics, I asked oldest granddaughter if she knew who our first President was, she said she did not know and did not care. I freaked. Then I asked my youngest daughter if she knew and she actually said George Washington, I beamed, then I asked her who the second President was and she said Lincoln, I freaked again. What the hell is wrong with the kids of today, bleeping idiots? But they all know who the freaking idiot Wiener is. Must have something to do with his knowing how to Twitter his dog crap around the country. I am so ashamed of my descendents who I now consider to be brainless obots. Lenin would be so proud of them. They think the name of our country is the USASR. It is like the globe is beginning to flip flop, I should have home schooled them instead of worked. I’ve heard that home schooled kids are now being courted by most Universities and Colleges because they tend to be better educated. I think this is a case about how over crowded classes are affecting the children of today. Class limits should be no greater then 20 and the basics need to be taught before they move on to anything else. Some kids seem to barely speak English, well okay those kids may be here illegally but even they should be taught the basics.

    Remember………..See Dick. See Jane. See Spot. See Dick run. See Jane run. See Spot run. Here comes Dick. Here comes Jane. Here comes Spot.

    Geez, those basics sure were drilled into us.

    Hola Isabel, como esta?
    Muy bien, gracias. Y tu?

    I think I will be on my deathbed and will still remember the basics.

    Still trying to quit laughing. The basics are not making me stop.

    God bless.

    PS….And one can never have too many cookbooks.
    I remember the basics too – that Spanish dialog will haunt me to my grave – and yes, I grew up on Dick and Jane and Spot, too. I also remember Grandma saying to always wear clean underwear coz you never knew when you might be in an accident and the ever-present golden-oldie “Your face is gonna freeze like that!” ROFL! xo

  4. Now, that was a disaster, and funny! Not the slashing to the bone part (ouch), or the blood squirting everywhere, but losing the bandage! Would love to know what became of the bandage. Reminded me of an old Dick van Dyke show when Laura baked her wedding ring in a muffin (or cake). I would much rather find a ring than a bandage!
    no one ever came forward and I always hoped as I looked at my nasty finger that it had dropped in something I was throwing out and not in someone’s food. It was a weird moment though. lol

  5. That sounds like a classic Crone moment!
    yep pretty standard stuff for me – shame I didn’t have a crutch at the time – would have been a fabulous pic! lol

  6. Great story – not sure if I liked the GP sarcasm more or the visual of your band-aid in the food. With enough wine though, nobody cares!

    Welcome back girl.
    thanks sweetie – I’ve missed commenting on life – after Wiener broke (snort) I knew I had to return to discussing what’s going on in the world again.

  7. Then there was the time I used the biggest, baddest knife in my knife block (dull thankfully) to separate two frozen hamburgers. The knife slipped, caught my little finger. Cut it nearly all the way around. It’s funny how fast you get through the line at the emergency walk-in when you’re dripping blood. Ten stitches. All better (but still a little numb) Dumbell that I am, I still reach for that foolish knife.
    My engineer-type husband always reminds me that it’s the dull knives which do the most damage – I figure a dull knife can slice through my finger just as well as a sharp one; it just may take a little longer. Usually it’s not the knife at fault, it’s the preparer of the meal. I try to remember to match the knife with the task – but, like you, I sometimes just reach for the biggest and baddest and I’ve also had stitches to remind me. Maybe we should stay out of the kitchen LOL

  8. P.S. I missed you.
    thanks sweetie…it’s nice to be missed…let’s see if all my 10 or so faithful readers return. After this much time probably a third of them have passed on. just kidding. 😉

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