I have uncovered a new medical condition. I discovered it; I have it. The FDA has no approved medicine for this. Fortunately, it isn’t terminal, but it appears to be terminally annoying. Since I found it, I get to name it. I’m calling it Linda’s Conversational ADD Run On At The Mouth Syndrome..here’s how it works.
Sitting in my comfy chair Friday, I was perusing my Kindle and sipping a nice hot cup of coffee. It was rainy and nasty out and I wasn’t in the mood to leave the house. I asked Devoted Spouse if he would kindly go to the grocery store as we were running low on the important things…like chocolate. He gets the grocery list from the kitchen, walks into the living room, and plops down in a chair awaiting further instructions.
He has pen poised and is ready to write. I gaze down at my shoes and remark, “Dang, these jeans shrunk in the wash again. Look at how short they are, you can see my socks.”
Devoted Spouse interrupts that important announcement with, “Grocery list?”
With coffee cup in hand, I say, “You might want to check the milk. Oh man, I need gas in my car. Will you take my car and get gas in it?” I asked. Before he could reply, I continued with, “No never mind, it’s raining outside and you probably don’t want to stand in the rain to get gas. I can get it later when I go to have my nails done.” Devoted Spouse nods his head, opens his mouth and I start up again with, “Crap on a crutch I’ll never make it to the nail place, I’m really low on gas, maybe you could take my car since you’re getting groceries anyway you can stop right there at the gas station and get gas for me. Or I could do it. Nah, never mind, I’ll just get dressed and get gas.”
As he took a breath, I plowed on with “I need to wash my hair; we have that church supper tonight. Wow, when I’m gonna have time to get that done…before my nail appointment or after. I probably won’t get a chance to wash my hair if I get my nails done coz then I have to go to the gas station and my nails won’t be set. We need to take dessert to the supper. I should go pick something out at the store, or you could pick up a fruit platter.”
By now Devoted Spouse is starting to froth at the mouth because he doesn’t know which way is up. Is he going to the store or am I going to the store and who cares if I wash my hair?
I took a temporary break from my outloud thinking session to remind him we needed something else from the store whereupon he said, “So I’m going to the store now?”
“Well, yeah, wasn’t that always the plan? I replied.
“My coffee is cold,” I muttered. “Can’t imagine why,” he replied as he got up with the list and left the room.
Funny thing is, he left but I kept up the conversation – had a great chat and reminded myself about that place I thought we should visit on summer vacation, but maybe he didn’t want to drive that far, and it’s probably booked up by now anyway. “Hey, I should look it up online.” “Where was I on my Kindle?” “Dang, this coffee is really cold.” “Did anyone feed EmmaLou this morning?”
About that time I heard the garage door open and I commented to the dog, “You think he’s off to the store? I could use some gas in my car. I’ll just get it later on my way to the nail shop. Would you look at these stupid jeans?”
EmmaLou got up, shook her doggie head at me… and left the room…sigh…