If I’m Cranky, Just Blame the Local News Station

pic courtesy of activerain.com

Another dreary gloomy rainy cold day.  Blechhhh.  I whip up a pot of not-so-homemade (translate: out of a box) potato soup for dinner.  As I’m ladling out the bowls and finding some bread, Devoted Spouse heads to the kitchen table with the tv remote in hand.  Oh joy…our dinner entertainment once again is the local news.

Now, I’m not putting down local news.  These folks do a great job of telling me what is happening in my neighborhood or surrounding areas.  They alert me to traffic tie-ups, abandoned house fires, and police raids at downtown bars complete with the picture of Bubba with the coat over his head.  Then there is the weather.  Watching the weather report while I eat usually gives me heartburn, and not always due to the weather (pretentious weatherman slap slap).

Hence, we’re eating our soup and watching a different channel’s local newscast so I don’t have to tolerate ‘pretentious weatherman’. This poor channel is at the bottom of the barrel ratings-wise.  They don’t have the most up-to-date Doppler radar. I think they have a guy in the back who looks out the window to check the weather then alerts the weatherperson via walkie talkie.  Nor do they have a fancy set with cute backdrops or nifty monitors.  But they do feature something unique. 

About midway through the broadcast is a segment where a young man ever-so-patiently explains in excruciating mind-numbing detail not only what is on their website but how to navigate said website and what stories to click on when you get there.  I used to be extremely annoyed when a news anchor would scream at me, “You heard it here first!”  That was nothing compared to being walked through the website.  It reminded me of the Friends episode where Joey actually climbs into his pop-up map of London — it’s that pitiful.  Adding insult to injury, one topic is chosen for which the station has requested viewers’ comments and the detailed explanation of how to find that question is topped only by the agonizing  (oh yes he does) READING of the answers outloud as the “mouse” clicks over them.  Contrary to popular belief, most of us who watch the news can read by ourselves.  By that point in the broadcast, I was seriously considering jabbing my dinner knife deep into my ear canal just to make him stop. The mute button still didn’t mute him enough.  I would have driven my foot through the television but the kitchen table was too far away. I began foaming at the mouth and told Devoted Spouse it was just a little soup I had dribbled.

The ‘pretentious weatherman’ on the other channel is looking better…sigh…


10 thoughts on “If I’m Cranky, Just Blame the Local News Station

  1. LOL, Linda!

    Good evening and welcome to Channel 8 News! I’m Phil Phonics with today’s breaking story: “Diphthongs are a terrible thing to waste!” Full details with long vowel sounds to air after this short commercial break!
    STOP THE INSANITY lol snort

  2. LOL! I love it when the weatherman proceeds to tell us poor stupid listeners what to wear. “It’s going to be chilly outside. You might need a sweater today.” “Better take your umbrella, it might rain.” “Remember! Don’t dress too warm if you’re going to be shoveling snow.” It’s infuriating!
    Sometimes I imagine they also get tired of the script they’re supposed to follow. I’m just tired of how EXCITED they get if it’s going to snow – you’d think the world was coming to an end for 3 lousy inches of snow – they get everyone all in a tizzy and a panic and the entire city goes to the store and wipes out the shelves. Makes me insane. Calm down – but I guess that’s how they get their ratings. Infuriating nonetheless. ack

  3. We no longer watch the news, local or national. I don’t think that what is coming out of news agencies is actually news any longer. Mostly, it is editorializing. I hate being lectured to or shouted at.
    I’m trying to break my husband of the habit – he’s such a news junkie online too. I keep telling him there is nothing in the local newspaper he doesn’t already know and the local news people just tick me off with their EXCLUSIVE!! And they repeat stories on a slow day….ack…I don’t like being shouted at either and I truly do not appreciate being talked down to – that happens frequently. I just want to slap them and their big fat paychecks. The national network news agencies are nothing but political machines. grrr

  4. If there’s anything worse than what you describe, it’s the RADIO news folks going through the hot videos and websites of the day. Listening to a little fluffball describing the latest Justin Bieber whatever is… uh….

    I’ve come to prefer the ol’ reliable Magic 8 Ball. “Is it going to rain?” Yes. “Is another Eastern Country going to blow up today?” I cannot say. And so on…..
    I rarely listen to regular radio anymore – satellite yes, but not AM/FM stations – they also drive me nutz! It’s the “weather and traffic update every 10 minutes” that makes me want to rip the radio right out of my car so I no longer go there. lol

  5. This reminds me of a temp job I had where the person instructing me on how to do a particular task, which was checking invoices for freight charges, gave the following instructions: First, you remove the paperclip. Next, pick up a highlighter and remove the cap so you can highlight the freight charges, which are indicated by the words “Freight Charge.”

    Sadly, this was not exaggerated or embellished for storytelling purposes.
    You’re preachin’ to the choir sistah! In one of my very early jobs, (one with a real Selectric typewriter!) I had to type up reports, letters, various pieces of administrative fluffery. The project manager would bring a piece of paper to me to be typed, then proceed to READ to me everything on the paper. I finally got to the point where I refused to go over anything unless I couldn’t understand the writing – otherwise drop it in my in-box and leave me the heck alone. I CAN READ! hated that job so much. I still hate being read to unless it’s from a story my hubs has found – then it’s okay. My last job drove me insane when we were in briefings and the presenter would READ OUTLOUD each and every word on the slides on the screen – Like we were too stupid to read the danged slides. Ack…picks up pistol…. Bang!

  6. What a hoot! And so true, I cannot even watch the local news otherwise I would need to be sedated.
    I’m going to stage a “kitchen table protest” soon and simply hide the remotes! lol xo

  7. Oh how funny! I can relate to wondering which channel I would rather hear … but you take the cake with this one! Wonderful post.

    I love reading your post when they come via my e-mail…. sorry I’ve not replied to them all.

    But I’ve enjoyed every one of them.
    It’s okay sweetie – I get yours thru email too and I’ve done a horrible job lately of replying to blogs – the entire blogging world is mad at me LOL oh well… I mean well xo

  8. Are you CERTAIN that most of the people watching the news can read? I live in Rhode Island and I’m not.
    I was truly trying to be overly considerate….but no, truthfully I guess I’m not certain. Hence all the pictures… gah

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