Another dreary gloomy rainy cold day. Blechhhh. I whip up a pot of not-so-homemade (translate: out of a box) potato soup for dinner. As I’m ladling out the bowls and finding some bread, Devoted Spouse heads to the kitchen table with the tv remote in hand. Oh joy…our dinner entertainment once again is the local news.
Now, I’m not putting down local news. These folks do a great job of telling me what is happening in my neighborhood or surrounding areas. They alert me to traffic tie-ups, abandoned house fires, and police raids at downtown bars complete with the picture of Bubba with the coat over his head. Then there is the weather. Watching the weather report while I eat usually gives me heartburn, and not always due to the weather (pretentious weatherman slap slap).
Hence, we’re eating our soup and watching a different channel’s local newscast so I don’t have to tolerate ‘pretentious weatherman’. This poor channel is at the bottom of the barrel ratings-wise. They don’t have the most up-to-date Doppler radar. I think they have a guy in the back who looks out the window to check the weather then alerts the weatherperson via walkie talkie. Nor do they have a fancy set with cute backdrops or nifty monitors. But they do feature something unique.
About midway through the broadcast is a segment where a young man ever-so-patiently explains in excruciating mind-numbing detail not only what is on their website but how to navigate said website and what stories to click on when you get there. I used to be extremely annoyed when a news anchor would scream at me, “You heard it here first!” That was nothing compared to being walked through the website. It reminded me of the Friends episode where Joey actually climbs into his pop-up map of London — it’s that pitiful. Adding insult to injury, one topic is chosen for which the station has requested viewers’ comments and the detailed explanation of how to find that question is topped only by the agonizing (oh yes he does) READING of the answers outloud as the “mouse” clicks over them. Contrary to popular belief, most of us who watch the news can read by ourselves. By that point in the broadcast, I was seriously considering jabbing my dinner knife deep into my ear canal just to make him stop. The mute button still didn’t mute him enough. I would have driven my foot through the television but the kitchen table was too far away. I began foaming at the mouth and told Devoted Spouse it was just a little soup I had dribbled.
The ‘pretentious weatherman’ on the other channel is looking better…sigh…