Brand New Year…Same Old Me

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All I wanted to do was take down the Christmas tree and put everything away.  It’s a two-day job.  Day One entails taking off the doo-dads from the tree, gathering miscellaneous Christmas things from other rooms, and putting all that away.  Day Two entails the tree itself.

I was fine at Day One.  Day Two my inner dork arrived. 

The Christmas tree is artificial; an old model, as last year’s new fancy-schmancy pre-lighted tree was chewed by EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer, and had to be thrown out.  This tree required about 6 strings of lights wrapped around it.  That’s the job of Devoted Spouse because…well, I’m a dork and would never get the lights to come out correctly. 

On Day Two, Devoted Spouse was out doing the grocery shopping.  I, in turn, decided to take down the lights and take apart the tree so he could pack it away. 

I started at the top of the tree and slowly unwound the light strands.  (Translation:  I started at one end and heaved them to the back of the tree, walked around to that side of the tree, unwound more, and heaved them to the other side of the tree ad nauseum.)  This system was working so well I decided there was no need to unplug the separate sections of lights.  When I was done, Devoted Spouse would have one long set of lights all ready for next year.

I was okay to about halfway down the tree.  Then it  became more difficult to heave them around to the other side of the tree.  Did I unplug the sections at this point?  Of course not.  I kept heaving and tossing lights.  Then I had a bright idea.

You know how easy it is to take off sweat pants?  You basically slide them down off your body — oh you might need to tuck in your legs to get this done, but it’s a simple process.  Using that same logic, I started sliding the rest of the lights over the remaining tree limbs and working them downward toward the bottom of the tree.  I even took off the lower row of tree limbs to make it easy.  Not a smart move.

I got toward the bottom and was on my knees reaching up into the tree when it happened.  The tree fell over.  On me…and the dining room table which held some remaining Christmas decorations.   I was pressed between the tree and the dining room chair thinking…dang this tree is heavy.  I pushed the tree back into an upright position on its little 3 metal legs and lost my balance.  The tree fell in the other direction toward the corner of the dining room wall, taking me with it. 

I got back up, righted the tree and realized the lights were now all on the floor around the tree, but I would have to lift the tree and its little 3-legged stand in order to get the lights out from under the tree.  I lifted one of the 3 legs and guess what?  The tree and I both fell once more into the dining room chair.  This was getting old.  And painful.  I pushed the tree over far enough that I could pull the remaining lights from under the other 2 legs and free them from the tree.  The tree fell again.  This time I ducked and it landed in the living room. I had freed the lights.  I righted the tree once more and gave up.

From behind me I heard a soft snickering sound; a cross between a sniffle and a snort.  I turned around and noticed EmmaLou seated behind the baby gate across from me.  That sound had come from her; she was laughing.  She had been there the entire time watching me. 

I went into the living room, collapsed into my comfy chair, picked up a book and left the rest of the tree for Devoted Spouse…sigh…


15 thoughts on “Brand New Year…Same Old Me

  1. LOL! Stay away from the light!
    Maybe I shoulda been the one in bubble wrap, not the ornaments…..

  2. Hey Linda!

    I love your posts as they always make me smile and laugh. As for Emma Lou. You REALLY need to train her how to use a video camera. I want to see video of the tree fiasco! LOL!

    Dr. Rus
    I’m just glad DS wasn’t home coz he WOULD have video’d it. What a fiasco. I’m lucky I didn’t break anything…like my neck! ack

  3. bahahaha I can see the look on DH face when he came home!

    Be sure to not touch it next time. I let my hubby do it all!
    me and my bright ideas – last time I do that!! really….I’m sure next year I’ll be able to find something else to wreak havoc upon.

  4. He he he.. this plays like a wrestling match. Will you do me a favor and next year set up a video cam for the event?

    Had something similar happen… the door knob to my front door is a lever type and as i was coming in one day.. some how the waist band of my skirt got caught in the lever… no idea how! Only problem was i had my arms filled with groceries! I couldnt bend to put the groceries down on the floor and i couldnt use my arms. Eventually i tossed the bags in the lazy boy a few feet away.

    But you know… the very best is when you are taking off your shirt and you get your head caught in it with your arms stuck over your head and you have to ask you husband to help you.

    Now that’s the best!
    I think we must be related! I once got trapped inside an Ohio State Buckeyes Hoodie coz my glasses were stuck and hubs had to extract me. It was not pretty.

  5. Bwahahahahahaaa! OMG! I’m crying here!! It’s like something out of Laurel & Hardy!! LOL! Oh, oh, ahem. Ok now that I can breath, I hope you didn’t hurt yourself.
    Oh so NOW you wonder if I’m hurt? snort yeah I wrenched my back but not bad thankfully – couple days on ibuprofren and heat pad and I’m fine just in time for Devoted Spouse to come down with the Ohio Crud – gr8 where did I put the Clorox wipes. And I was JUST starting to feel better. grrrr lol


    Seriously if it had been video taped it could have been put on YouTube and by tthis time next year you would be able to afford to pay someone to take it down. I bet EmmaLou is still laughing, and is that DS I see sitting there with her LOL. Sometimes you are just too funny. I am still ROFLMAO

    God bless.
    I am so thankful he was not home even though I could have used a little help getting out from under the mess. But a YouTube going viral of me akilter in the tree is not what I want!!!! Nevah! I don’t mind telling ya’ll coz you expect this kind of crap from my silly ole life – but to video it for all time? oh no…

  7. Somehow KLUTZ seems somewhat of an understatement. I expect the video to go viral or at least win 1st place on America’s Funniest Home Videos.

    Ya know, we could have won on AFHV – but I’d rather be poor than moritified forever by a video of these shenanigans of mine. oy

  8. LOL! I’m sure you didn’t find it funny at the time, but I can just picture it 🙂 Now I have to wonder if you suffered the dorkiness in silence?
    hmmm…I do believe I came up with some pretty spicy language at the time. I. Was. Not. Laughing. 😉

  9. Oh my! That was funny! If that had been a real tree, just think how many millions of pine needles there would be on the floor!
    Yikes I coulda put an eye out! lol Even fake, it left pieces behind and I noticed it scratched my hutch on one of its trips across the floor, dangitall. Stupid tree. Stupid human tricks. 😉

  10. I would have paid to see that! Please tell EmmaLou recorded it and is going to post the video.
    Bruce – it would have been a real hit on YouTube – I’m so thankful Devoted Spouse was out coz he WOULD have captured the moment before he came to my rescue! Whew – dodged another magic moment… lol

  11. I can picture the video dubbed with “This Magic Moment.” However, the news reports the next day, ‘Woman kills spouse for video taping her inner klutz.’ would not be pretty.

    Glad you are in one piece and thanks for the giggles.
    I do believe in Ohio YouTubeing without permission of klutzy spouse is grounds for divorce. lol Oh yeah…and I’m armed, too. heh heh

  12. I loved it, I laughed, and then I felt bad for you. At least I got to the sympathy part finally!

    I did question you logic on the ‘sweat pants’ thinking…don’t you realize your legs get smaller as the pants go down, but the tree gets bigger at the bottom? Oh, I would have come to help you if you’d called. 🙂
    Yeah on the sweatpants thing…but too late. See…can’t think when I have a head cold – never should have tackled that tree when I was sick. I shouldn’t do it well. LOL

  13. You stopped at the best part – I want to know Devoted Spouse’s reaction at walking in with a handful of groceries, staring at the war-torn tree, then you calmly reading, and finally settling on EmmaLou for answers!!!!

    (You should have asked him if he had a survival kit ready for THIS eventuality!!)
    He took my story in stride because he’s used to me getting in the most ridiculous situations possible. I was wearing my survival bracelet at the time — the one that is woven out of paracord – and the idea is if you need the paracord you simply unravel it from the bracelet – my problem is I’m so klutzy and unhandy I can’t even open the plastic clip to unclasp the bracelet let alone be able to unravel the paracord. Honestly, I give up….I need constant adult supervision.

  14. I’m not laughing. Really. I’m not

    BTW, you take the lights off the same way I do, minus the tree falling and pinning you to the floor part.
    I hafta include drama otherwise I’m just so boring….and heaven forbid I become normal and mundane. ack

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