All I wanted to do was take down the Christmas tree and put everything away. It’s a two-day job. Day One entails taking off the doo-dads from the tree, gathering miscellaneous Christmas things from other rooms, and putting all that away. Day Two entails the tree itself.
I was fine at Day One. Day Two my inner dork arrived.
The Christmas tree is artificial; an old model, as last year’s new fancy-schmancy pre-lighted tree was chewed by EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer, and had to be thrown out. This tree required about 6 strings of lights wrapped around it. That’s the job of Devoted Spouse because…well, I’m a dork and would never get the lights to come out correctly.
On Day Two, Devoted Spouse was out doing the grocery shopping. I, in turn, decided to take down the lights and take apart the tree so he could pack it away.
I started at the top of the tree and slowly unwound the light strands. (Translation: I started at one end and heaved them to the back of the tree, walked around to that side of the tree, unwound more, and heaved them to the other side of the tree ad nauseum.) This system was working so well I decided there was no need to unplug the separate sections of lights. When I was done, Devoted Spouse would have one long set of lights all ready for next year.
I was okay to about halfway down the tree. Then it became more difficult to heave them around to the other side of the tree. Did I unplug the sections at this point? Of course not. I kept heaving and tossing lights. Then I had a bright idea.
You know how easy it is to take off sweat pants? You basically slide them down off your body — oh you might need to tuck in your legs to get this done, but it’s a simple process. Using that same logic, I started sliding the rest of the lights over the remaining tree limbs and working them downward toward the bottom of the tree. I even took off the lower row of tree limbs to make it easy. Not a smart move.
I got toward the bottom and was on my knees reaching up into the tree when it happened. The tree fell over. On me…and the dining room table which held some remaining Christmas decorations. I was pressed between the tree and the dining room chair thinking…dang this tree is heavy. I pushed the tree back into an upright position on its little 3 metal legs and lost my balance. The tree fell in the other direction toward the corner of the dining room wall, taking me with it.
I got back up, righted the tree and realized the lights were now all on the floor around the tree, but I would have to lift the tree and its little 3-legged stand in order to get the lights out from under the tree. I lifted one of the 3 legs and guess what? The tree and I both fell once more into the dining room chair. This was getting old. And painful. I pushed the tree over far enough that I could pull the remaining lights from under the other 2 legs and free them from the tree. The tree fell again. This time I ducked and it landed in the living room. I had freed the lights. I righted the tree once more and gave up.
From behind me I heard a soft snickering sound; a cross between a sniffle and a snort. I turned around and noticed EmmaLou seated behind the baby gate across from me. That sound had come from her; she was laughing. She had been there the entire time watching me.
I went into the living room, collapsed into my comfy chair, picked up a book and left the rest of the tree for Devoted Spouse…sigh…