How to Lose Weight and Save Money… Sort of

Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year are over kids.  The bills are waiting to be paid, and those pesky holiday pounds are sitting on our butts waiting to be dealt with.    But wait — there is help available.  In fact, my daily newspaper  recently published an article on how to lose weight without losing a lot of money.  Yay. 

Reading the article, I am heartened to find that eating at home will help me peel off these pounds.  Hmmm, seems to me I ate those Christmas cookies at home.  Perhaps the idea here is not to buy that 4 pound container of cookie dough at the grocery store.  I’ll be sure and shop the perimeter of the store, too, since that’s where the fresher groceries reside   But wait…I need teabags.  Let me  just tip-toe into one of the inner aisles, grab a box of teabags, and flee before the boxed puddings attack me.

According to the article  to lose weight one should “sip savvy”.  Well, if I knew what savvy was, I’d sip the dickens out of it to lose these 4 pounds.  After looking all through the beverage section, I found no refreshing beverage called “savvy.”  I did locate the red wine. 

The paper’s helpful hint here  is to drink seltzer.  Have any of you actually tasted “seltzer”?  The only description coming to mind is…blechh.   This article claims seltzer is refreshing  and I can decorate it just like a mixed drink or even dye it (dye it???).  I think not.  I believe I’ll just keep sipping my glass of red wine.  The seltzer will come in handy when EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer, whacks her tail into the wine glass and hurtles it across the floor. 

To further save money, the writer has this neat idea that we all cut out cable and instead spend our TV time outdoors.   Ah yes…the great outdoors beckons.  I’ll just peek into my neighbor’s window and see what’s on their cable.  Hey!  What’s that revolving blue light in the driveway?

While I found the  article mildly amusing, I about fell out of my comfy chair when I turned the page.   There in bold type with a stunning picture was the following headline:  “For a splurge, try bacon-cheddar quiche.”  The recipe called for flour, real butter, eggs, full-fat cheddar cheese, bacon, heavy cream and – are you ready?  LARD.  Conveniently left out was any nutritional information such as the caloric content.  I’m guessing a healthy slice  probably exceeds the daily calorie requirements for two or three Sumo wrestlers at the very least.

One page all about getting rid of holiday pounds cheaply and easily; the next how to pack them back on.  I love my local newspaper…sigh…


8 thoughts on “How to Lose Weight and Save Money… Sort of

  1. Hey Linda;

    Stop the food madness please! No more food articles for January please as I always fast during the month of January. This year, no bread with yeast and NO ICE CREAM! Oh no!

    Another fun post!

    Dr. Rus
    Great ideas – I’m sure I can come up with something funny about ice cream while “leaven” out the yeast stuff. ROFL and falling out of comfy chair…. Hey – I got 4 pounds to lose from my holiday madness so there will be no further food blogging here believe me. 😉

  2. I’m still working on losing the weight from about 20 years ago. Maybe I should buy a Richard Simmons DVD and then put myself on a RFH Diet. Every time I put the tape in, I have to run from him.

    God bless.
    I agree – he scares the crap outta me, way too much energy. yawn…. lol

  3. Ah Lard! I married a British ex-pat a few years ago and discovered a closet “fat lady”. Do any of you remember “The Two Fat Ladies”? That bacon quiche probably came from the “low cal” section of one of their cookbooks.

    Annoyingly, DH who LOVES to bake things with fat and who still can’t fathom that a “chip butty” (french fry sandwich with the fries held in with mayo) isn’t part of a heart-smart meal. I have at least converted him to use brown bread. And because of his serious rheumatoid arthritis or some as-yet-undiagnosed metabolic annoyance, he’s actually underweight. We have the same goal weight – but need to move in different directions.

    Thanks for this post – I hope I laughed off a pound or two. Like Dr. Rus I’m giving the “no refined carbs” thing a whirl for at least January. Sadly I’m starting to feel better already – and actually went for a brisk walk without having to be shoved out the front door.
    I can’t imagine cooking with Lard – I actually found a tub of it at the grocery store and it reminded me somewhat of Crisco. I think what with losing so much weight by eating healthier this past year, the thought of adding that stuff to my food just sickens me. I do recall growing up with an aluminum can on the back of the stove where all the bacon fat was stored to be used again. Ack. Today I eat turkey bacon. How times have changed. I shall not eat unleavened bread by choice for a month, though, so you and Dr Rus enjoy — I’ll eat a low carb version but it has to be actual “yeast” bread for me! LOL Thanks for visiting! 😉

  4. Have you actually seen the stuff Sumos eat? Yuch!

    Now on the other hand “lard” is just about everything the Brits love except their beer and wine. How about a Devon Cream Tea ladies. That will really bulk you up where you really want it, and I’m not talkin’ below the chest.
    Oh Steve…Devon Cream Tea is making me hungry – I loved having tea while we visited the U.K. but man did we devour the calories and fat. Although everyone was walking it off whereas here in the U.S. we eat the fat and then go lie down on the couch and watch tv. ROFL No wonder the earth is moving off its axis – it’s all the Americans! And, yes, I have seen what Sumos consume – a tremendous amount of food a day – lots of fish and vegetables and noodles and rice — at least that’s what they showed on the tv documentary I watched. I couldn’t believe they got that big but then again the portions of food consumed were enormous. 😉

  5. I remember back in the day when refried beans were made with lard and they tasted SO GOOD instead of like drywall compound the way they taste now.

    Lard. It’s what’s for dinner.

    Oh, and drinking seltzer water by choice? Is just Un-American is what it is. Obviously, the person who wrote that article is a commie.
    I do remember tons of re-fried bacon fat, but I don’t remember Lard. I’m told my great aunt used it in her green bean recipe…no wait, that was something equally disgusting called FatBack. Ugh. Dahlink just wait — Mrs. O will have us sipping seltzer as part of the new health regime….. snort LOL Nevah! blechhh

  6. 1. seltzer – no thanks, plain water will taste better than that crap
    2. Richard Simmons – maybe willing to try it with you, the laughing itself would help us out
    3. tea – I’ll send you some so you can stay out of the middle aisles
    4. quiche with butter – ohhhhh, sounds so good
    5. chip butty sandwich also sounds good right now!

    GREAT POST….maybe if you keep blogging, there’s less time to eat. The 4 pounds will be gone before you know it.
    WOW what a great idea for a Self-Help book – Blog Off the Pounds!! I’ll be a gazillionaire. hmmm…. 😉

  7. All I could think of when you mentioned seltzer water is a big, ugly clown spraying people in the face! Course, if you could arrange that for people, they’d run after the clown for some vengeange and they’ll lose pounds AND work out some stress!

    I take everything I read or hear about nutrition with a ‘grain of salt’ and try different things and keep what works for me. I’ve been around at least long enough to realize the only constant is contradiction!!!
    Okay -Rule Number One – never discuss Clowns with me. And if you take everything you read or hear with a grain of salt you’re already consuming too much sodium. ROFL! Just kidding!! I hadn’t even heard the term “seltzer water” in probably 20 years — how bizarre. I just think of it as carbonated water. Whatever. I do love to read and hear all the latest coz 98% of it involves some new fad and it makes me laugh to think people will actually go for three or four days on nothing but vegetable soup or bananas or some such nonsense like the Acai Berry stuff. Sheesh.

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