I read an article recently which stated that Michael Vick (the Philadelphia Eagles quarterback for those of you who don’t follow sports or news of any type) wants to get a dog. The man who spent 18 months in prison for running a dog-fighting ring wants a pet of his very own now. He claims it would help him in his rehabilitation process. That’s like giving an alcoholic a big bottle of Bailey’s Irish Cream to keep him centered on his sobriety.
Michael Vick is a convicted animal abuser. Even the courts have ruled he is not allowed to own a dog for a set amount of time. So, being the creative thinker I am, I have a way we can settle this and keep everyone happy this Christmas.
Michael: Get your butt to Walgreens. On Aisle 3 you’ll see the following:
Buy ONE. Take it home. Open the Box. Read the Instructions. Take out the Chia Pet. Soak your new puppy in water. Spread the Chia seeds on him gently. Follow ALL the instructions. I’ll come check on you in about 2 months — if that Chia Pet is bald or has a busted leg, the answer is Definitely NO you cannot have a dog. And for goodness sake, don’t go buying TWO Chia Pets with the idea of pitting them one against the other. One final suggestion: please don’t put your Chia Pet in a cage. Santa’s watching you.
Take care of your Chia Pet Michael and then we’ll talk fur-ther…. Merry Christmas…sigh…