Words That Make Your Resume Suck

I remember some time ago reading an article intended to help those seeking jobs by alerting them to certain words or phrases they should not use on their resumes.  The concern was applicants may be using generic language; language that doesn’t specifically demonstrate capabilities.   Over-used, trite, unsupportable phrases make Human Resource Managers cringe.  Six examples were provided:

1.  “Responsible for” — So what?  We’re all responsible for something.  Simply state what you did and how the way you accomplished it brought value to your company.

2.  “Experienced” — One would hope there was a smattering of experience being exhibited for the job listing. 

3.  “Excellent written communication skills” — This one grates on my nerves, too.   A smarter approach is to ‘write’ a nifty resume.

4.  “Team player” – what were your team colors?  (snort)

5.  “Detail oriented” – Glad to know you don’t simply skim over instructions from the boss.  Stupid phrase; I agree.  I’m actually Southern oriented.  Go figure.

6.  “Successful” —  Yippee Skippy for you; be detail oriented and show your successes.  (snort again)

Those were the top 6 sucky words or phrases but as I sat here pretending to be a Human Resource Manager on a cold, snowy, sucky day with nothing better to do… I came up with a few more that could conceivably sneak into a resume.  So, here are a few words and phrases I’m going to caution you not to use in your resume.

1.  “Colostomy Bag” — While you may need extra personal breaks during your work day,  please don’t put that in print.  Instead, bring it up during the interview while discussing benefits, assuming you get that far since you’ll be dashing in and out.

2.  “Likes Small Animals” – Unless you are applying for a position with the Humane Society, what you do on your off time is your business.   Especially if it involves guinea pigs.

3.  “Objective: Interested in a  Job With Dental Benefits So I Can Get My Teeth Fixed” — This could go several ways depending on whether or not the job actually requires teeth.

4.  “I No Longer Do What the Little Voices Tell Me” –   Human Resources little voice says, run Forrest, run.

5.  “My Politics Lean Toward Either Spock or Kirk in 2012” –  Human Resources leans toward transporting your resume to the Klingon home world.

6.  “I Am Willing to Eat Lunch at My Desk With My Little Soldiers” – Human Resources is willing to use your resume as an origami project.

And remember always to add three character references (aside from your Parole Officer)…sigh…

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134 thoughts on “Words That Make Your Resume Suck

  1. These are helpful tips, but you forgot to put if you are “detail oriented”, and looking for Admin work, be sure to spell correctly, especially your own name 😉 Seen it done, it wasn’t pretty.
    I have seen some truly incredible resumes in my time – nothing surprises me any more. 😉

  2. Hey Linda!

    Okay, I’ve taken extensive notes on your post today. I shall see if I can work in some of your “new” phrases later today. LOL! I really like the “No Longer Do What Little Voices Tell Me To Do”. LOL!

    Dr. Rus
    yeah it’s always those little voices…. lol

  3. I always lean towards Scotty and have been waiting for years to have him beam me up, but then again the little voices keep telling me that they are in front of me in the line and they are supposed to get beamed up first. I tell them that I will just step on them if they try to get beamed up first. Dang little voices just never listen, always talking night and day and they never shut up. I have taken pills, tried drugs, cut off my ears and still the little ones do not shut up, talk, talk, talk, that is all they do.

    I told the last HR guy that I interviewed with, that the little guys were looking forward to working with him, they promised to work really hard for him, and if he was good that they might start talking to him too. He just gave me this “look” and then told me that they were only hiring “one” person and that me and the little guys had to go look for a place that was hiring more then one person.

    So far I have not found anyone that will hire all of us. What is wrong with these companies, do they not know that we are very hard workers. But the good news is that they are thinking of extending our unemployment benefits for another 13 months. Wow, 13 months that we can just sit around on our butts and not worry about working or even bothering to look for a job. The little voices keep telling me that they are liking these extensions. They say, “Damn the Taxpayers, and we will eat the cake.”

    Also they want to know what is wrong with small animals, they have lots of small animals, I hear them making all kinds of weird noises. Plus they want to know what is wrong with “Small Soldiers”, some of them used to be soldiers before they became “my little people” and they told me that they really want a job with dental benefits so their teeth can get sharpened just a little bit more, all this unemployment has been making them dull.

    Well the little voices tell me that I need to finish shopping and who needs a job anyway, I secretly heard some of them talking and saying that I am their job. They need to keep me on the straight and narrow. Geez, you would think I couldn’t do anything without them.

    God bless.
    my little voices are telling me I wish I had a job and I wish I had unemployment benefits….but it can always be worse you know… we both know, don’t we? coz the little voices told us… I wanna go shopping with you…stop by and pick me up please. lol or just give me your credit card; that works, too. snort

  4. Very recently, a couple weeks ago, I was in the position where I had to go through resumes and decide on suitable candidates

    I thought I found a great catch, reading to the end of the resume, this caught my attention.

    “I LOVE CROSSWORD PUZZLES!!!”

    Yikes, just yikes!

    I don’t know what sort of job that would be a necessary skill, or why it was in all caps.

    I interviewed her, but she didn’t get the job. More time for crosswords I guess.
    Perhaps that was her roundabout way of saying “I’m good at problem-solving” (another resume killer) LOL – I have seen some very odd things listed on a resume believe me. I often believe 3/4 of the corporate world is bipolar… I, myself, hail from the north pole…. nevermind

  5. Ahem. Good of you to bring up resumes and HR departments. It’s a nice reminder of why I was right to choose relative poverty, no benefits and no HR departments all those years ago when I started my own business.

    I mean, you want benefits? If I want to extend my lunch break ten minutes to read the red-headed stepchild’s latest, I don’t even have to call the boss and tell her I’ll be late back to work. She already knows 😉
    I am so glad you are able to take the time you need to read the red-headed stepchild’s latest without fear of reprisals!!! ROFL {{hugs}}

  6. I was the managing editor for a magazine a few years ago, and I received a resume from a prospective writer who told me he was a “freelance waiter and editor.”

    Those words made HIS resume suck. But they also made me laugh! (and I was tempted to call him in for an interview just so that I could inquire whether he routinely asked if his editors wanted a side of fries with that comma splice…)

    😉
    So…did he serve typos? LOL – That’s what I love about resumes – I’m always surprised by what people fail to see on their own – and some of them are simply hysterical!! Thanks for visiting!

    Great post!

  7. I disagree, many of the words you suggest “not to use” since these are often the things employers look for specifically, sorry like it or not.

    The opposite can be said for not including words like “experience” and topics like “education”. Many employers look for proper format in a formal resume, sorry if you don’t like it, but it’s true. People judge you (again, like it or not) on the first thing they see. Creative and one of a kind resumes often find their way to the water cooler rather than to the interview pile.

    I had a friend who thought much like you; he decided to swim against the traditional resume tide and submitted a 10 page resume in detail of his work history; it was the laughing topic of conversation in the law office he applied to and clearly was not called back.

    If your entry was a goof, then kudos to you for making me laugh, have a nice holiday.
    Thanks for stopping by – and yes, this was all done tongue-in-cheek – so try not to take me too seriously! LOL I hope you have a lovely holiday as well and stop by any time! 😉

  8. I hate trying to figure out what makes a good resume and what doesn’t. Now I know to keep the comment about my colostomy bag OFF of the resume. That is attention to detail.
    It’s the little things that trip one up dahlink – I’m glad I was the one to enlighten you. ROFL Thanks for stopping by my humble blog! 😉

  9. i always have an issue when i get resumes that list “microsoft word, excel” in skills. or “people person” . far too annoying. I also like when cover letters are more informal so some personality shows through. now that im looking for a job I’m careful what I write…any employers….hit me up!
    I agree – the generic stuff applies to so many people and to state in your resume that you are a “people person” really does no good. Today companies want to know what you have done to increase the bottom line – so don’t tell them you’re “responsible for” something — tell them what you did and how it increased revenues! Good luck in your job search! Thanks for stopping in. 😉

  10. I’m going to add one (or a combination) of the last 3 points because it’s just too good to leave out! 😀 I don’t want to work for someone who can’t appreciate humour.
    Yippee – I so agree because if you can’t laugh during your day, you will be miserable and so will everyone around you. At my former job one of my duties was to let other staff members know that certain assignments were coming due and in what format they were required — I always tried to preface the boring stuff with something like a fairy tale or a quick story that had a pun at the end of it because I knew it would bring a smile. I’m all about bringing smiles!! Thanks for visiting me. 😉

  11. Brilliant! What about those dubious job descriptions too, you know the ones I’m talking about, right?

    “Are you a self-starting, target-driven, goal-orientated achiever; if so then we have a vacancy in our XXXX division.”

    HR professionals, you’ve got to love them!

    Great post – loved it!

    http://www.contactless.wordpress.com
    Yes, indeed, there are some very poorly written job announcements out there and that could be a blog post in itself! Thanks for visiting! 😉

  12. Seriously? “Colostomy bag” is not allowed? Now I have to re-edit the damn thing.
    I know I sent that memo out…drat, where’d I put your copy? Sorry to cause you extra work, but yes…you will have to re-edit sweetie. ROFL Thanks for stopping in. 😉

  13. I knew a guy who called himself an “Event Coordinator.” He was referring to the keggers he hosted in college. I couldn’t believe he thought interviewers were that stupid!

    Thanks for the tips!

    http://www.cassiecares.com
    I actually like the Event Coordinator — that’s original…a little far-reaching perhaps. LOL I’m always amazed at what people think they can put on a resume and be taken seriously. Thanks for stopping by! 😉

  14. Brilliant 🙂 I work in a position where I get to coach people on how to write resumes, or if that fails, write them FOR them… and the stuff I see is just beyond description. A personal favourite is when they write “RESUME” at the top of the page. Next to your 2012 point, of course 🙂 =/\=
    I imagine in your job you have seen some amazing resumes. I was so happy when finally people stopped listing their hobbies and outside interests. I fully appreciate your listing a professional organization to which you belong but when you tell me you make anatomically correct sock puppets in your free time….I’m probably not going to hire you. 😉 Thanks for stopping in!

  15. I hardly update resume because i dont switch jobs often.
    🙂

    There is no interviews for buidling a career as blogger 🙂

    Cheers,
    GaneshMuthiah
    Thank goodness I never had to provide a resume nor interview to be a blogger or I wouldn’t be here!! LOL Thanks for dropping by. 😉

  16. I’ll be sure to keep all this in mind.

    So do I just not tell them about the voices *at all*, or not make note that I don’t listen anymore? Things could get weird if I tell them about the voices and don’t let them know they’ve stopped.
    I’m afraid to counsel you on this one because it gets a bit sticky and then your voices will be upset with my voices and so on…. so I’ll suggest you go up a few comments and talk w/my friend Mrsupole — she’ll give you all the advice you need on the little voices!!!! Thanks for your visit and comment! 😉

  17. I used to be a service director for a luxury car dealership so part of my job was to hire and fire automotive technicians and other personnel to work in parts or service. Technician resumes are the absolute worst. Techies generally write with extremely poor grammar and even worse spelling. Their resumes may as well be written with crayon on a page out of their daughter’s Hello Kitty coloring book. It would have been more entertaining for me to read them that way. I always tried to hire techs based more on the face-to-face interview and whatever scuttlebutt I could glean on them (automotive is one big happy inbred family and your reputation follows you) than on anything scribbled on their resumes
    That’s a very good point — for a job such as technician I would be willing to overlook some of the little issues on a resume and concentrate on the experience, education, and references. Thanks for bringing that up. And thanks for stopping in to chat! 😉

  18. Uh oh. I just noticed one of the comments is making fun of “problem solving” as a skill. Hmm. I think that may actually be on my last resume. But I really am a very creative problem solver, ask anyone…
    🙂
    Hey I’m a creative problem solver myself — I write this blog. LOL snort Thanks for visiting and commenting! 😉

  19. you’re basically saying not to be trite. i don’t review resumes as a job, but maybe that makes you all that much more grossed out by them?

    i’ve been yelled at for not getting my point across. i’ve resorted to choosing among 3 tactics: (1) repeat yourself, (2) emphasize your points, or (3) explain it in different ways.

    what’s wrong with emphasizing certain “core” traits that you think you have a relative advantage on? granted, don’t list 5 generic things.
    I’m simply taking a humorous look at the subject of resumes. Although I do believe that being trite will not get your resume put at the top of the list — managers see hundreds and hundreds of resumes daily and you want yours to stand out so try to make it a bit special and be specific. There’s nothing wrong with emphasizing core traits – I’m just being silly here – so don’t take me too seriously. Thanks for dropping by! 😉

  20. I dunno, maybe having had great jobs with some duration, a stellar education, and clear, crisp resume is asking too much. I have seen a number of poorly written resumes for excellent hires though. So doing that first phone screen can be helpful if there is an inkling of promise in that resume.

    My biggest gripe is finding out that the candidate can’t do what they say they can. What happened to under promise and over deliver? Did they think I would check. I ask for more than can possibly be delivered and then can be happy with half that. Now that scares a lot of people away; not enough, but a lot. :O)

    Okay you wish to leave a serious comment – I can deal with this. Let me get out of “stupid humor mode”…. It simply amazes me that people do not take resume writing seriously. They make ridiculous mistakes — bad grammar, typos, etc. But what gripes me the most are those who “pad” their resumes assuming no one will do a check of their education or contact any references. And, yes, I agree with you it is annoying to discover someone has misrepresented their skills and wasted your time. I would rather they be a little underskilled and open to training than to “fake” what they have done in the past. Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment and thanks for dropping in to see me! 😉

  21. a few more that might be suspect:

    the sexual harassment suit was thrown out of court – yeah…might want to not bring that up, skippy.
    bernie madoff was treated unfairly great.
    fired because my boss was an a**hole. wouldn’t let me stream netflix movies – did you at least bring popcorn for everyone?
    want to be all I can be that’s fine, slim. the recruiting office is down the block

    Oh you are sooo nominated to be my new Best Bloggy Friend…. rofl thanks for the extra help!! 😉

  22. Pingback: Words That Make Your Resume Suck (via Crone and Bear It) | Write a blog on a log, Sam I am

  23. So funny. And so sad. I guess a lot of people are clueless about how to present themselves. Aren’t there clases people can take that help them with resumes? Hey, I saw what you wrote to Gandalfe, about getting out of “stupid humor mode.” Humor can have every bit the same degree of truth and insight as a serious piece, and often, uncomfortable subjects are more easily presented with humor. Your piece was humorous, but you certainly got your point across. Don’t sell yourself short.
    Hi thank you so much for your very kind and astute comments and you are right. I tend to be self-deprecating most of the time – that’s just in my character and nature – I like to make fun of life. But you are correct when you say that uncomfortable subjects can often be presented more easily with humor. Humor has helped me in many situations. So, thanks for stopping by and taking the time to chat with me!! Appreciate it – 😉

  24. The first set of words are some I’ve heard recommended from “resume experts” for years and have always detested. Good to see someone else does.

    The second set of words broke me up. But I wouldn’t be too quick to discount off-the-wall responses.

    When I applied at JWT many years ago I was asked in the interview why I wanted to work at an ad agency. Several answers popped to mind, all suitably “proper,” but what actually came out of my mouth was, “Because I want to tap dance on a desk.”

    The interviewer started to write it down, then stopped and said, “What?”

    “Well,” I explained, “when I was a kid I saw a movie where Donald O’Conner worked in an ad agency and when they landed a big account he tap danced on the desk. I’ve always wanted to do that.”

    Not only did I get the job, but when my probation period was over and I was officially a permanent member of the team, the guy who interviewed me came to my office with a pair of clickers that strapped onto your shoes and made me tap dance on the desk.

    Turns out I’m not a very good tap dancer. But I was with that agency for years
    I love your tap dancing story – and you’re right not to discount those off the wall answers that often come out. While I was interviewing for a job, it was fairly obvious I had the job and we were onto discussing more important things like salary and benefits. The manager wanted to get a name plate for my office door and he asked me what name I liked. I replied off the top of my head, “I’ve always liked the name Valerie.” He looked at me, blinked, and wrote down my actual name, Linda, and we pressed on. Sometimes one simply has no control. Things just pop out of your mouth! 😉 Thanks for your comment!!

  25. I don’t know….I might hire someone if they said they “like small animals” or any animals even though it has nothing to do with the job. haha. It actually says a lot about them. It’s kind of funny.

    But really…..that “team player” thing is so overused at my job and I cringe just seeing it in front of me. You know everyone is out for themselves anyway so….”what are your team colors” comeback….haha. Love your sarcasm…..I thought I was “queen of sarcasm”.

    http://lifebehindthemakeupcounter.wordpress.com/
    Obviously it depends on the circumstances – I might hire someone who likes the color yellow thinking that might indicate a bright sunny disposition – who knows what motivates us at any certain time? Me sarcastic? snort 😉 Thanks for dropping by and chatting with me!

  26. Dear Blogger and/or Writing Department of Internet Factory,

    I very much whole heartedly believe in everything that you said but I would add that those who wear colostomy bags should make it a habit to disclose such information as early on into a first date as possible. Not that I would discriminate against them and not finish the date, but it is good to find out while still at the Denny’s and not when my black lab Carob is excitedly rolling around in their lap.

    I have been semi-consistently working part time for much of my adult life. I owe this business success to my dad knowing a lot of people who need their lawns mowed, and my superior resume writing skills.

    I have found that there is a difference between ‘their’ and ‘they’re’. And maybe even ‘there’. English is a horrible language and that is why I often act out my resume in charades style arm waving. It also pays off to ‘fudge’ a little bit on your work experience. For example: “Petting Zoo Yokel” can quickly become “Human/Fauna Relations, programmed primarily for etiquette and protocol”.

    Bosses appreciate a worker that will give them years of lovable antagonism. If your boss ever says to you “You know what?….You’ve got spunk…I hate spunk.” you can bet that you’ll be guaranteed a long run with a gruff task master with a heart of gold.

    My best job came to me when I’d just completed high school at the tender age of 28. I worked for an eccentric scientist in an isolated castle, doing odds and ends around the place. Really I was just a ‘Gopher’, getting his coffee and exhuming corpses and picking up Chinese take out when work kept him late after-hours. Just as one should keep their colostomy bag off their resume, take it from me–keep your humpback and goiters to yourself too.

    Thank you for your resume advice! Though in this economy, anyone looking for a job might just as well take up cooking meth over applying for a job.

    Applicants interested in a fast-paced and heart-racing career in meth production can send their resumes to:
    “Half Burnt Shed On The Edge Of Town
    c/o Jessup”
    Wow that’s what I call a chatty comment – I like chatty comments – shoot, you should be writing this blog, not me — I so agree with the goiter suggestion – not a good attribute for a job! It is interesting the ways people find to describe a hum-drum job they’ve had in the past and turn it into something that sounds right up there with being a CEO – I like creativity up to a point. Some (translation: many many) years ago I was an admin in a large office and the boss came up to me one day and “confessed” that I had been hired because he liked my legs. I found another job soon. It’s so rewarding to be hired based on your body parts. Sigh. Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment – drop in any time Spunky 😉

  27. I’m actually in the midst of writing my resume. This was hilarious and now I know which words will not get me hired hehe. 🙂
    I’m glad you got a giggle from it — and remember some of the folks who have commented already have some excellent suggestions to add – especially the “goiter” – don’t use that word sweetie. Good luck on the resume! Come back and see me any time 😉

  28. Haha. Loved this post. Will keep in mind while job hunting once I finish my studies.
    By the way, my mum used to work in HR, she used to complain to me about people sending in resumes for executives positions and listing their job experience as answering phone calls and photocopying documents for boss.
    Might as well list down plunging the toilet and making coffee. :-p
    Placing the “duties” of plunging the toilet and making coffee together makes me a little nervous – what if one became confused on which they were doing when? Ugh. Good luck with your studies and thanks for stopping by my humble blog! 😉

  29. Great post….and don’t forget the person who tells you all the reasons they need time off! I interviewed an Admin Assistant who told me she needed time off on Mondays to get kids to school, Wed. for dental appointments, and oh yeah – work from home on Fridays, etc.

    I asked her – tongue in cheek – if she found work gets in the way of her getting things done in her life. And of course, she answered ‘yes’.

    Congrats on being freshly pressed!

    http://workingtechmom.wordpress.com
    Oh my – I get the impression that Admin Asst is not working for you. LOL There are so many services available where help can be obtained when writing a resume. Since your resume is the first impression of you….wouldn’t you WANT it to be absolutely perfect and stand out from the crowd (in a good way)? Some of the things I’ve seen are so funny I just want to fall on the floor. Thanks for the congrats – it is nice to be on the freshly pressed page again – I love getting to meet so many new bloggy friends this way – stop in any time 😉

  30. What if I have a small animal that wears a colostomy bag? I jest.

    I would simply add that there is no reason to put an exclamation point on a resume, ever.
    Eww on the small animal w/the colostomy bag. I do, however, like the way you think. Wait!!!!! I love exclamation points!!!!!!!! I use them all the time in my blog!!! They help me get my sarcastic, er I mean snarky, no I mean witty – yeah that’s the word, witty, point across!!!!!!! Seriously, you’re right – exclamation points do not belong on a resume. Thanks so much for stopping by and leaving a comment. 😉

  31. THAT explains why I’m unemployed. It’s a little awkward to start a conversation with, “You smelled me coming because my colostomy bag has just a little bit of a leak, and no… there’s no reason to be scared. This is just the way I smile. At least until the dental benefits kick in. OH, by the way, I’m a furry.” I always figured the advance warnings were nice gestures. But… I suppose there is something to the element of surprise.

    (And no, I’m not really unemployed)
    Well, if your boss reads this comment, you may be. LOL Just kidding. Advance warnings may be good but I prefer to see the look on the interviewer’s face as I drag myself in while wiping the drool from my face Thanks for dropping in to see me; stop by any time! 😉

  32. Great blog!!! Well done on becoming Freshly Pressed!!

    When i read a resume, the one thing that i always think about- right at the point of working experience, specifically- “why i left????” I doubt any person would actually state that they were fired!!!! So essentially they would be lying. Could you imagine “i was fired for being a useless schmuck that just wasted bandwidth, and drank coffee all day!! BUT i have learnt from that mistake?!?!”

    How does a person deal with that honestly? I think that is something to tackle. I would like to know that teh resume that i am reading is at least honest, even though i may not like what i read.
    (Probably wont get the job then- right?)

    xx

    http://husbands4hire.wordpress.com
    Thanks for the kudos – and I appreciate your stopping in to visit my humble blog. I’m gonna answer this one seriously because many people do get fired these days (or “let go”) and it does need to be addressed when searching for a new job. My best advice to anyone is to acknowledge the fact they were ‘let go’ but not go into details. I’d come up with something on the order of the company wished to go in a different direction and my specialized skills were no longer needed — versus the boss got tired of me downloading porn all day. You can “dance” around something if it isn’t too bad. If you were escorted off the property because you really were gazing at porn…well you may find yourself practicing the phrase, “Ya want some fries with that?” Managers have heard it all before. I always go with honesty first — because a manager values an employee who is honest and up front about past issues. However, don’t go into agonizing detail, get past it quickly and then focus on what you can bring to the company. Okay – end of serious advice. Never use the word “goiter” — see above comment. I have to keep saying that word today…goiter, goiter. Just the sound makes me giggle. Again, thanks for coming by – drop in any time 😉

  33. A waitress turned in one a few months ago that claimed she had “witnessed” for a neighboring restaurant. That was pretty amusing.
    Well now if the job was at a church-sponsored soup kitchen then ‘witnessing’ would be a valid skill to discuss, wouldn’t it? I have a sneaking suspicion witnessing was not on the list of requirements in this case, though. LOL Thanks for stopping by 😉

  34. Two that annoy me are “works well independently and in a team” and “results oriented”.
    http://www.moneyprovidesfreedom.wordpress.com
    Thank you so much for bringing up that “results oriented” one. Results oriented makes my teeth hurt. I would much prefer someone show me their results. Simple. Works well independently and in a team…how about works well while wearing a colostomy bag and dealing with a goiter? LOL People don’t pay attention nor do they realize that this resume is a first impression; a snapshot of them. I’m always amazed…and often amused. Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment – stop in any time 😉

  35. so hilarious and true. wish i were in human resources just so i could laugh and collect the best of them. I would publish them into a book. Human Resources departments should have an organization where they collect the best of the best and publish annual hilarious resumes under false names.
    Funny resumes and interview answers routinely show up online and there are some doozies! I imagine quite a few are made up for their laugh-value, but some are true and will make you fall down in hysterics. I’m glad I’m not actually a Human Resources person — I don’t think I could keep a straight face long enough. Thanks for visiting me 😉

  36. There was a whole lot of snort and snorting going on.

    Congrats on being Freshly Presessed. I wouldn’t know what that felt like. (snort)

    Blessings,

    Ava
    xox
    Hi Ava – thanks for the congrats. I tend to snort a lot in real life when I laugh hard — it’s annoying at best, although my husband thinks it one of my more endearing traits. Glad you stopped by! Blessings back atcha! xo

  37. Oh dear, guess it’s time for a rewrite… :< )
    Yikes!! I looked at one of my old resumes and I’m just as guilty as the next person – so were I to apply for a job today, I’d have to do a total re-write of my own. I’d put in the word “goiter” though just to see if anyone was paying attention. Thanks for visiting me! 😉

  38. I enjoyed that. I’m not specifically an HR manager, but I do have to recruit and select from CVs occasionally, and the things which personally get me down are when people write in their hobbies things that they do actively with things they do passively, for example “tennis, running, literature, music, film, taekwando”. I usually allow myself a bit of fun at their expense in the interview pretending to have difficulty working out whether they are people who write symphonies and novels and make blockbuster movies who watch taekwando and football on TV, or people who play a lot of sports and spend the rest of their time reading, watching TV and listening to music.

    Also, as I live in East Europe, often several languages are needed for the roles I need to recruit for. This is were subjectivity gets stretched to the point of deceit, when people call their knowledge of a certain language “fluent”, “advanced”, “good”, etc, not expecting that the interview will partly take place in any language they have dared to place on their CV!

    I’ve had people leave the interview in tears over that one, but I don’t go a bundle on people lying to me who are expecting to be coming to work for me.
    Hi Viktor – Thanks for bringing up the language issue. It is more important where you live to be fluent in various languages than it is here in the U.S. However, we are slowly coming around to the realization that English is not the only language in the world (I know – sometimes Americans think the world revolves around us – sorry for that). Having a working knowledge of Spanish has become important. If someone puts on their CV that they are fluent in Spanish, and that was one of the requirements for the job, you can be sure I would speak to that applicant in Spanish. I am amazed at how many people claim something they cannot back up with proof. I’m especially saddened to hear of someone who has faked an educational background. Recently, there was a story on the news here about a man who had been teaching for many years in the field of heart surgery. He was a well-known lecturer and very well respected. Someone looked into his background and discovered he had actually dropped out of medical school! And he was teaching heart surgery! So sad. Thanks for dropping in and chatting with me. 😉

  39. lol @ ‘little voices’. I enjoyed your post and I must say that I’m guilty of ‘excellent written communication skills’ and being ‘successful’ at everything. Of course nobody in their right mind would say I failed at meeting my end of year target but after some coaching and counselling I was the second best salesman in my region!

    But if you knew me then you’d know that I’m crazy enough to put that in my resume

    Congrats on getting freshly squeezed…squashed…er you know what I mean 😀
    I liked the little voices too – I often giggle at my own blog post – I make myself laugh on a regular basis. Annoys my dog to no end when she’s trying to nap and I’m sitting in my comfy chair giggling like a fool. Nothing wrong with being successful at something provided you show at what you succeeded. Exceeding an end of year target would, of course, be stronger than “met” end of year target, but I’m a stickler for details and like people to show their strengths. Thanks for the kudos on my getting freshy squashed – that made me smile! ow they can stop squeezing now. I’m smooshed enough! Happy you stopped by for a bit – visit any time. 😉

  40. Love the tap dancing story!!

    I once received a resume (for a magazine editing job) whose final line — which I read 15 years ago so it was pretty memorable — “I fainted in an Istanbul rug shop.” I loved the wit and weirdness of it as she knew most people would not read until the end. I can’t remember if we interviewed her but I really wanted to meet someone so fun.
    I got a kick out of the tap dancing story, too! You never know what will work and it can be tricky trying something flippant like that. Sometimes it works and sometimes they escort you out with “We’ll call you.” LOL I love people who can show a sense of humor. In one interview when it was all over I was asked if I had any questions. I replied, “Yes, just one…do you ever smile?” The interviewer laughed out loud and confided in me that this was the first time he had ever interviewed someone and he was a bit nervous. And, yes, I was offered the job. So, you never know — just go with your best instincts I believe. Thanks so much for stopping in to see me – come back & chat any time. 😉

  41. Hey! You used MY resume as a template. NO WONDER I have not gotten an interview in years. Better late than never! Thanks for the tips.

    Have a blessed day,

    David
    Ratz!! I was so hoping you wouldn’t notice it was yours. LOL Thanks for stopping by and I hope your day is blessed as well. 😉

  42. Thanks for this post – it made me laugh. 😀
    You are entirely welcomed – it is my sworn duty to make people smile so I did my duty (my dog taught me how to do my duty) (just kidding) Happy you enjoyed and thanks for stopping by to tell me! 😉

  43. Excellent tips- I worked in recruitment for years and the amount of CVs we received with spelling errors, dates wrong, and CVs telling you everything but what you need to know… was astounding. These go a long way constructing that perfect CV.
    In a previous job, I was helping someone go through the mounds of resumes received, sorting the “good” from the “not-so-good” and when I found a resume with typos that one had one strike against it athough I continued to read it. I think typos are inexcusable in a resume. Then again, we’re all only human. Thanks for stopping in to see me 😉

  44. Really cool stuff! The little voices informed you too huh?? 😉
    Love your dog.. ❤
    Little voices regularly discuss interesting tidbits with me. LOL EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer thanks you — she’s so vain. 😉

  45. Resumes aside, I think the best part about your blog is that you reply to each and every comment.
    Thank you!! It seems to me if people take the time to leave a comment then I want to acknowledge them and reply back – I have always thought of this blog as interactive – and replying to comments helps me forge new friendships. I wonder how many people come back to see if there is a reply to their comment? I always go back when I leave comments to see if the blogger replied to me. Okay, well most of the time I do. LOL Thanks for leaving a comment – it’s nice to meet ya! 😉

  46. I always go back to see what the blogger has said to my comments to! The interaction is what changes it from a diary/journal to a blog. Have a great week-end. 🙂
    Then I’m not the only one! 😉 Although when you have over 50 comments suddenly come in, it takes some time to get to everyone…so while I’m having a ball getting this much attention, I admit my fingers are getting a little sore LOL and I have to be away from social networking for awhile or I won’t finish my Christmas shopping. So any more comments and I may be a little later in replying! You enjoy your weekend too! 😉

  47. Pingback: Words That Make Your Resume Suck « Crone and Bear It | Robert Spiller Marketing Consultants @Detroit, Mi

  48. Good advice. Resumes are so generic these days but this is how we’ve all been taught to present ourselves. Unless we are applying for a creative position, creativity in resumes is frowned upon. Look at those form field applications that so many large companies use. You can choose from 6 or 7 ‘responsibilities’ on a scroll down menu. If you didn’t attend a University that’s one of the options on a menu, it’s considered a negative. I really don’t think there is a right way to present yourself in a resume – it’s all about the recipient’s judgment and nothing more. My general rule of thumb is to flatter the company as much as possible or state how grateful you would be to have said position without coming off as a suck in the cover letter. Appeal to the ego!
    I think writing a resume is one of the hardest tasks around – you have to cater your resume to the particular job – so for example I have 6 or 7 different resumes filed away because I wanted to highlight something different in each one depending on which job I was applying for — hard stuff. I like your comment about appealing to the ego — good advice!! Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment – drop in any time. 😉

  49. While reviewing a pile of administrative assistant resumes I encountered one which was lavendar scented, printed on lavendar paper in a nice scripty font, and started with a goal statement: I am looking to work in a holistic environment. Then why are you applying to work as an assistant in a law library? Toss!
    Sounds like this applicant was writing a love letter, not a resume! Yikes! Glad you tossed it. Thanks for visiting my humble blog 😉

  50. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed, crone – great work! Your post made me laugh. My post of yesterday is entitled, “How to win friends and interview people” about interviews from the interviewee’s point of view (having been one plentsch times). See what you think!
    Sunshine xx
    Hi cupcake – good to see ya! Thanks for the kudos – we’ve done this before where we both are writing closely on a related subject – how cool is that! I’ll come visit soon I promise – I’ve been busy trying to reply to all these lovely comments plus I had a Christmas party at church today and gosh it’s just been crazy lately and I haven’t visited my bloggy friends like I should – so forgive me and I’ll drop by soon! Thanks swee’pea! xoxo

  51. I got here from Freshly Pressed, and your post is simply WOW! Responsible For is most common used word here in Pakistan too. I’m sharing this on Facebook too.

    Hope to keep visiting you. Ciao
    Hi and thanks for the WOW! I’m liking’ that alot LOL So, you get “Responsible For” too? Doesn’t that just drive you crazy? I think managers today are much more interested in results vs. responsibilites — everyone has responsibilities. Thanks so much for sharing it on FB – that was quite kind – I’m a little overwhelmed at all this attention my humble blog is receiving but I’m very grateful for such kind comments. Thanks for visiting me and I hope to see you again soon! 😉

  52. I could not stop laughing reading your post. I’m sitting at work right now, ironically, and found an old file of resumes my boss kept from years ago. Between this file and your older posts, I’ll be set until 5pm! Hope your Holiday’s are fantastic, keep writing for us!
    Hi sweetie thank you so much for a lovely comment – you make me feel so good!! I’m so happy I could make you laugh — I try very hard to keep smiles on the faces around me; it’s my job in life to make people happy. So thanks for stopping by and come back any time!! Happy Holidays to you too and I’ll do my best to continue to entertain you! 😉

  53. This is a great post, with great comments. I will be coming back.

    I think CV/Resume writing is hard because there are the obvious mistakes and the not so obvious ones.

    Thanks for the tips and Merry Christmas!

    Flav
    Thank you so much for the compliment and I’m tickled you want to return to my pitiful little blog. You’re always welcomed here! I hope you have a fabulous Christmas!! xo

  54. Oh my god that is funny. I am working on my resume right now. I’ll try to leave out as many of those words and phrases as possible!!
    (Giggling) I’m glad you got a laugh out of it – thanks for dropping by 😉

  55. I love this post: finally someone putting’ idiots in their place. For Xmas recruitment, I get over 500 resumes and they are all as dull and stupid sounding as the next.
    I got so fed up, I wrote a guide ( some might call it that, not everyone) on my blog, based on the type of idiocy I get to read everyday:
    http://unknowntheartist.wordpress.com/2009/04/12/bein-serious-when-you-apply-for-a-position-in-a-company/

    I definitely think schools are out of touch with job searching skills and should have mandatory classes for this kind of thing. The transition from being babied at school to being ordered around in a job can be quite overwhelming for the young uns and something like job search training could help some of them not be so shellshocked into just going onto welfare after they leave school…

    Hi! I really wasn’t aiming to put anybody in their place (I’m no better than anyone else and have written my own share of shabby resumes LOL ). This was just my feeble attempt at showing the humorous side of resume writing – it truly is a skill and I agree it should be featured more prominently in our school system. We need to prepare these kids for what they are going to face out there in the real world. I’m glad you visited my blog and I thank you for your kind comment – I’ll come see what you wrote soon 😉

  56. Im not sure if proper grammar was mentioned. I recently sent a resume and coverletter to a company. I didn’t notice it until later on but.. I sent the coverletter that says “From my experience in IT is has become clear…”.
    I fix it and resent the coverletter a few days later.
    I apologized for the misktake, but I feel like I already have 10 points docked. I was so pissed days after i sent it. ahh well.
    Hi Ryan I think proper grammar was definitely mentioned in the comments – crap on a crutch, I can’t remember what my own blog post said at the moment…LOL Don’t beat yourself up over it – we all make mistakes and at least you fixed it and re-sent. Good luck to you! Thanks for stopping by my humble blog 😉

  57. Hi! Absolutely hilarious, you had me in stitches. I just got moved a role where I got to look at one or two resumes a month to fill upcoming roles. I thought it would be fun…now, I’m really terrified. I can’t keep a straight face- lol! K
    Don’t be terrified – now you can think of it as the part of the day that will probably make you smile the most! Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment – glad you enjoyed my silliness 😉

  58. Pingback: I Have a Bridge in Brooklyn… « The Writer Nubbin

  59. As a hiring manager for many years, the “responsible for” was what always made me cringe. I agree with your others, too.

    Just tell me what you DID and how it impacted the company/department/clients served in a positive way. THAT will tell me what you were responsible for and how “detail oriented” you were. 🙂
    I couldn’t have said it better… since I think that’s pretty much what I said. LOL You get an A+ for keeping your comments brief and concise, just like a well-written resume – (giggling) 😉

  60. Hey Linda, Most over used phrase in blog responses, LOL! If I see that (phrase) again… it’s the same as OMG. I can’t believe people actually use these phrases when they talk in person with each other. So I just have a good BL over it. That’s (belly laugh) in case you didn’t know.
    “Hey” Kirk, “OMG”, I’m having a good BL over the number of people who actually read my blog. LOL! I love the fact you looked through the comments or you wouldn’t have that wonderful statistic to tell me. I’m sitting here getting a good laugh from that. I’m so glad you stopped by to see me and left a comment – come by any time 😉

  61. Dear sir,
    I would like to apply for the post advertised.
    CV
    I am clean and often punctual.
    Yours sincerely,
    Rowland Jones
    Dear Mr. Jones,
    You had me at clean.
    Since you are often punctual, kindly report when you get around to it.
    Very truly yours,
    Sir Linda

  62. PS I realised at a certain age that I had NEVER actually got a job that I had applied for in a formal sense.

    ….not sure what that says . . .

    Anyway. Good blog
    I believe it tells me you never had to go through the hell the rest of us did! LOL Thanks for visiting me and leaving two comments thus making me smile twice! 😉

  63. Thanks for your amazing words of wisdom! Pure genius…and to thing i almost fell into the trap of writing “Colostomy Bag” in my resume
    I’m so thankful I caught you in time and saved another messy resume LOL – thanks for your visit and for taking the time to comment 😉

  64. Ha – in one previous job I had to read CVs and do a little light recruitment. As the company employed archaeologists we got a lot of recent graduates with little or no experience who had, however, done a lot of bar work and waiting tables… and who never, ever (no exceptions) explained how that might be relevant to archaeology. Seriously – half a page with lots of big spaces, telling me where they waitressed, but not telling me that it taught them how to focus on details, function as part of a team under pressure, think on their feet, or anything else that might conceivably transfer to the job they were actually applying for.
    Ha indeed! I see you’ve never had to dig out your tip from a half-drunk glass of beer my friend. 😉 Thanks for visiting and leaving me such an astute comment. I appreciate your focus to details! How DOES one think on their feet? I normally only stand on mine. (just kidding you!) Have a lovely day and come back and visit again some time!

  65. You had me at “colostomy bag.” 🙂 I’m putting this post in my curriculm for my students at GWU.
    Oh crap on a crutch…I get to set an example. LOL Thanks for your comment! 😉

  66. Sir
    It is anothother way of seeing one’s resume.Good work.
    Jayaraman
    I’ve never been mistaken for a Sir before…but thanks for stopping by anyway. 😉

  67. It took all sorts to make the mess Earth is in. I was SO lucky to quit school the year full-employment hit UK, 1957. Bosses needed me as much as I needed them. Balance is beautiful! I never worried about pleasing the boss. I knew I was perfect. I flitted about the work world in an interesting voyage of exploration.

    By 1982, it was all over, and Welfare kept me until 2005. Now state pension keeps me. Words? Resumes? Bosses? Such vulgarities do not concern me. Good luck from this war-baby Cy Quick at sumpnado.wordpress.com
    Obviously kind sir you have “done your time” in the working world and are now enjoying a life of leisure. I took an early retirement (translation: I got fed up and quit my toxic job) and then the bottom fell out of the economy. I’d love to be working now but I’m too busy having fun writing blogs and just traveling around doing silly things. I’m afraid I’d have a terrible time writing a resume these days – such high expectations I can’t possibly compete as an old broad! LOL Thanks for visiting my humble blog 😉

  68. Since you seem ta know about resume writing I’ll be sure to use “sucky” as often as possible on mine! I always copy you smart folks.
    I’m glad you paid close attention because “sucky” is a very descriptive word and managers love descriptive words. Kind of like action toys ya know? LOL Thanks for visiting and commenting. 😉

  69. Pingback: Amusez-vous !! | Pbambilover's Blog

  70. Hahaha, I love it! I really hate when people talk about their attention to detail and their written communication skills but then spell everything completely wrong. Great post, congrats on Freshly Pressed!
    Yes I agree spelling mistakes do not show great attention to detail LOL – thanks for congrats and thanks also for visiting me and leaving a comment! 😉

  71. Cholostomy not allowed?? That is too funny. I guess i should take the word Cholostomy as one of my hobbies on LinkedIn??? If I do, do you garauntee that I will be called for my dream job within a few weeks or days?
    Well first darlin’ you need to learn how to spell “colostomy” – then I’d advise you to delete it as one of your hobbies quickly LOL. I guarantee nothing except if you come visit me, you’ll usually have a good time here. I will do my best to always make you smile. Thanks for stopping by and commenting! 😉

  72. Thanks for the amusing post! One thing more important than a well written resume is a well placed contact within the company.
    You are so right about that — it never hurts to have someone on the inside! Thanks for visiting and commenting. 😉

  73. So let me get this straight –

    “I was responsible for the experienced, excellently written communication skills with a team player who was detail oriented and very successful” – –

    is a NO GO?!?!

    Brilliant post, loved it. 🙂
    You got it, swee’pea! Now for yours we’re going to add: Quick Learner! LOL Thanks so much for stopping by and making me laugh! 😉

  74. Pingback: Words That Make Your Resume Suck (via Crone and Bear It) « Looking Forward

  75. I don’t think hygiene was mentioned. Has anyone seen that in a resume? ” I take responsibility for cleaning myself so i don’t stink around my fellow coworkers”
    Actually it was – see Rowland’s comment above – he claims to be clean AND fairly punctual – I know I’m impressed. LOL Thanks for stopping by 😉

  76. In my line of work, all they want to see is what tech skills you possess for the job. Managers of fast paced cut to the chase workplaces IMHO could care less about how you won a tri-state spelling bee in 6th grade.
    I know — why do people include such trivial nonsense in a resume? I agree..cut to the chase. Thanks for commenting 😉

  77. Sir Linda/Valerie,

    Thanks for this blog post – clearly a timely topic. When I was in high school and had very little to list on a resume, I left “Turkey Plucker” under “Work Experience” well into my University days – just to see if people were reading. (A family friend actually raised turkeys – and participating in the slaughter at Thanksgiving and Christmas brought in “easy” pocket money.)

    Only one potential employer found it humorous, exclaiming “Oh… turkey PLUCKER!” as he re-read it. I got that job – so sometimes a little individualism and humor pays off.

    Congrats on being Pressed!
    Thanks for the congrats and I absolutely love Turkey Plucker!! What a hoot! 😉

  78. I don’t know, the people I interviewed with never seemed to look through my resumes. And, when I first started interviewing I told them that I didn’t like working with people. I actually got my first job when I told them that, but I think I’m better now with learning to BS through everything written and in person too.
    Not everyone works well with others…and I see nothing wrong with BS-ing your way through if it works for you! 😉

  79. i actually had a nice young boy come in with his resume which was written, like an essay.
    My favourite sentence in the young man’s transport section was “while I am only fifteen, I am sure my parents wouldn’t mind giving me a lift to work when needed.”
    It was a riotous resume to read but he was a great kid and I am sure he’ll get the hang of it soon 🙂

    Iin the hobbies section of a resume, a young man wrote “I like clothes”. Couldn’t help but giggle at home about that one but he was well dressed for a 16year old ;P
    I probably would have been more concerned had the applicants been older – LOL – nice comment; thanks for stopping by and sharing with me. 😉

  80. Straight up and to the point is best! I also don’t really understand what is meant by excellent communication skills. Anyone can throw that in there, it is meaningless!
    Wouldn’t it be funny if someone put on their resume, “I can’t communicate worth crap?” LOL Thanks for stopping by 😉

  81. Thank-you for your tolerant and kind Reply to my Comment! Could maybe replace my typo “I about the work world” by “I flitted around the work world” and then delete this? Sorry…
    Yes m’dear I’ll go back and fix it for you but give me awhile — I still have a few comments I must reply to first. 😉

  82. RE: your reply that said “Well first darlin’ you need to learn how to spell “colostomy” – then I’d advise you to delete it as one of your hobbies quickly LOL”

    I guess I had better take “Attention to Detail” off of my resume as well!!! If I keep reading the list, I will be lucky to have a name on mine!
    You do realize I was just teasing when I made that reply — it’s what I do! It’s a good thing you haven’t read my resume! LOL 😉

  83. Wow-this must be a first for me. The readers comments and your replies are better than the original blog. Cheers Steve
    Ow…that one hurt. But I left your comment in anyway to show I also include the comments that aren’t so kind. I would thank you for your comment, but, I’ll just say…. Have a nice day Steve and I’m thrilled my commenters are entertaining you. 😉

  84. When searching for a new sous chef in a hotel restaurant I got a Polish applicant who confused the word “Cook” with “Cock”

    His cover letter stated “I am looking for cock job.” and through out the resume he stated that he has worked as a cock in many places. Poor guy; I regret not contacting him as a courtesy to stop him from sending that resume to others. We got a good laugh though.

    He wasn’t considered.
    Oh my…so you’re telling me he umm, err, oh yeah – a rooster? (not) ROFL This was one of the funnier ones I’ve heard – thanks for sharing – 😉

  85. Great post Linda! Lots of great comments!
    Hi Scott – I’m a bit overwhelmed at the response to this one – but that’s what happens when you get on the Freshly Pressed page – what an honor and a great opportunity to meet other bloggers – thanks for leaving me a comment – cya soon! xo

  86. a good start would be an accent on the word resume, which I can’t do on this computer!
    Ooh I can’t do that either. lol Thanks for your comment. 😉

  87. Oh, wonderful …
    After reading through your post and all the comments I find that nobody has mentioned depression, sleep disorders, depersonalisation, lack of ambition, online farming or erectile dysfunction.
    What a relief !
    I now know I can send my resume off in the full knowledge that an interview will follow.
    Yippee !
    Yup! Sounds like you’re okay! Thanks for dropping by and commenting. 😉

  88. “Capable of tolerating stupid decisions from the highest levels of management.”
    In or out?
    Oh most definitely in…shows a keen awareness of the obtuse 😉

  89. Got a resume once from a gentleman explaining how he was in the process for a gender change and would need to be able to wear woman’s clothing. TMI. (If you look presentable and show up on time, I don’t care what gender you are.)

    If someone is really looking for advice, my biggest reason for tossing a resume is not applying for the specific job.

    I’ve numerous times gotten resumes “looking for a retail position” when I’m hiring for an accounting clerk.
    Yep – going into unnecessary details will kill you every time. It must be frustrating to receive resumes and the applicants aren’t remotely qualified for that specific job – my thought is in this difficult time people are just sending out thousands of resumes praying someone will at least give them an interview and an opportunity. That may be feeble on my part – I would never apply for a job for which I wasn’t qualified, but then again, I’m not desperate for a job. Thanks for visiting and commenting. 😉

  90. I’ve never been a fan of people who put their hobbies. I’ll take resumes for IT positions that say their hobbies include “setting up home networks and programming”… so, you aren’t interested in anything else? I don’t want some ill-adjusted nerd working for me. Same goes with things like “skiing, snowboarding, baseball, tennis, gardening”, etc… Oh, great, you enjoy having fun! Can you provide technical support over the phone to customers, inbound and outbound, or not?
    Hobbies have no place on a resume in my opinion. What you do on your own time is your business. A smart manager can easily steer an interview into areas where hobbies may be discussed, but for goodness sake don’t put on your resume that you enjoy doing Sudoku (unless perhaps you’re applying for an analytical puzzle-solving math-type position?!) Thanks for commenting. 😉

  91. This is so hysterical. Thanks for writing this and congrats on being Freshly Pressed
    I’m glad you enjoyed it – thanks! 😉

  92. I agreed with most of your points – resumes should be focused on your accomplishments and NOT your job duties. If you are applying for a HR Generalist position the employer will know what a HR Generalist is supposed to do; however, they do not know “what your successes and accomplishments were within your previous jobs?”

    I look at resumes all the time and having a “accomplishment resume” instead of what I called a “duties and responsibilities resume” stands out all the time.

    Thanks for the post!

    LJ

    I agree with the accomplishments aspect – good point – thanks for stopping by and commenting. 😉

  93. “Team player” – what were your team colors?”

    Hahahaha. Hahahha. Okay this was too good. All the points in fact – absolute hilarious stuff.
    ‘Detail oriented’ is very irritating indeed and it’s still so very common. I am sure we have quite a few notepads being furiously scribbled upon now.

    Congrats on being Freshly Pressed. 🙂
    Thank you for the congrats and I’m glad you enjoyed my silliness. I appreciate your visit! 😉

  94. hahaha # 6 almost killed me.))))))))So funny!!!
    I used use those phrases myself when I was starting my job search but only because I was told that it should be that way. With time, I’d realized that it does not really matter. What matters is the interview and for most of my jobs, which I proudly can admit I got ALWAYS thanks to myself and not thx to “friend’s friend”, I didnt even need my resume..I always walked to a manager and ended up with the interview. Maybe it’s my good looks.)) But some managers would look at me like I am nuts,and be mean to me with snobbish “go online and apply for a job” attitude but those mostly were “I worked here for 10 yrs to be where I am ” types. So find the “big dog” and dont affraid to introduce yourself.

    http://majolie.wordpress.com/
    Hi! I’m glad I made you smile w/ #6! LOL I think we ALL did resumes the old way for years – but now it has become so important to be specific b/c the bosses are looking for people who show they DID something, not that they had job duties. I agree the interview is where you nail it – but ya gotta get in the door first and a spiffy resume will help – I also encourage finding “the big dog” and introducing yourself. Never hurts and could land a job. Thanks for your kind and thoughtful comment and for stopping by. 😉

  95. I used to work at a staffing firm and I just want to add that job hunters should also take care with their email addresses. Make sure it’s professional, perhaps simply your name?, and not, say, hotsugar@… Same goes for voicemail.

    And if you’re job hunting and you see a number on your cell phone that you don’t recognize, wait a couple minutes to see if you get a message. Don’t dial the number back and say, Yeah, you called me? (or) This is __ ___. Somebody there just called me from there? Who is this? What do you do? If you get the receptions h/she may not tell but if you dial the hiring manager, recruiter, etc. directly, you are really going to annoy them.
    I LOVE the point about the email address — the last thing someone should put on their resume is “OneHotBabe@blahblahdotcom” — Yikes! Talk about tossing that resume in the trash quickly! LOL Thanks for stopping by 😉

  96. My son graduated in May and is living at home trying to get work in his field… I passed on your sage advice. It better work.

    How about cover letter notes next?
    Aw c’mon…if I do the cover letter notes I need to be paid. ROFL Thanks for stopping in to see me! 😉

  97. It made me laugh.. thanks for this post for telling which words must not be use in resume…:)
    Hi – my mission in life is to make people smile and laugh and so I’m glad this worked – thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment for me! 😉

  98. Thanks alot for such great insight. I am going now to remove the words that make my resume suck 🙂
    I don’t know about the insight…but I do wish you luck on your resume! Thanks for your visit 😉

  99. I still chuckly when you get a 30 year-olds CV and they list high school achievements on it! 🙂
    Yeah…I’m with ya on that chuckly bit — by 30, it’s time to ditch the high school marching band reference! lol Thanks for visiting me 😉

  100. Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!

    Hilarious! I was taking you seriously until I read one of the comments.
    Thanks for the congrats – Oh honey – one should rarely and I do mean rarely take me seriously! LOL Thank you so much for visiting and leaving a nice comment. 😉

  101. That’s really hilarious! I had to take a month long workshop at university called career shaping or something. It was all about how to write a resume, most of it was common sense and i felt that it was a complete waste of time. Reading this post has now given me a new outlook on resume writing! thanks for that!
    cheers!
    A month-long workshop? Ack I’m glad you enjoyed my take on it. Truth be told, many people simply do not understand how important a well-crafted resume is in their job search efforts. I was a little silly in my advice – but it is a serious topic to be sure. Thanks for stopping by! 😉

  102. Very good tips !

    I’m occasionally human resources manager, and it’s true, there are a lot of words that we disagree.

    Regards from Spain
    I can only imagine what you must see in some of the resumes! Hmmm I don’t think I’ve ever had a visitor from Spain – thanks so much for stopping in and leaving a comment. 😉

  103. Ha ha ha! I found this on the front page of WordPress this am…and being a recent college grad…and spending the last three hours endlessly searching for jobs I had to read it!

    Brought a smile to my face as I am all to familar, and sometimes even guilty (YIKES!), of using such phrases 🙂
    I’m so glad you smiled!! Thanks for visiting me – you didn’t by chance go to Wright State did you? 😉

  104. This gave me a good laugh, I’m pretty sure I’ll find this very helpful when I try to get a real job during or after college.

    Thanks for the laugh mate!
    I’m glad I made you laugh, Aaron – thanks for stopping by. Cheers!

  105. LOL. This is great and has prompted me to really look into my CV.

    One other thing, Hobbies and interests. Is there any way that you can make this bit interesting? 🙂
    The only way to make it interesting is to skip it entirely in my opinion — save the personal stuff for the interview! Thanks for your visit and kind comment 😉

  106. I think people just think some words evoke a sense of professionalism, while in reality, they just show a lack of creativity.
    I couldn’t have said it better! 😉

  107. Colostomy bags, unite!

    Thanks again for a great post. Amazing how many funny comments your post generated. The sign of something great.

    Love from a bag lady on the move…
    I think it’s somewhat frightening how many people out there think like me. Ack. xoxo

  108. similar to “excellent written communication skills” is “excellent oral and written communication skills”. I guess that means, not only can they write they can actually speak without sounding like a complete hillbilly (my apologies in advance to any actual hillbillies that may be reading this post!) Probably ties in somewhere with the “getting my teeth fixed” statement!

    Good work!
    Steve
    http://www.brownroadchronicles.wordpress.com
    Hi Steve – Hillbilly comments are fine here – Devoted Spouse hails from West Virginia and I call him a hillbilly all the time LOL. I agree with ya on the oral communication skills – it just doesn’t sound nice and it is an assumption that anyone applying for a job these days has excellent writing skills and can speak in front of people and make a presentation. Those are pretty-much givens. But they still show up on the old resume. Boring… Thanks for visiting me! I hope you have a Happy New Year! 😉

  109. Now why didn’t I read this blog before I sent out the hundreds of resumes this past week!!? Haha…great post. No but really, I need to re-do it 🙂 Congrats on Freshly Pressed and Happy Holidays! LB
    And to think I could have saved you so much grief! LOL Thanks for stopping by and have a lovely New Year!! 😉

  110. i’ve referenced this post a few times! thanks!! great advice!
    the basic list is a good one – I certainly wouldn’t reference mine though!! LOL 😉

  111. LOL! that was good. Those things are always seen on resume. 🙂 it’s funny because they always use it. 🙂
    Thanks! You’re right – they’re always on the resume over and over and over. How boring it must be for the boss to have to wade through a hundred resumes all saying the same thing…. yawn… LOL Thanks for visiting! 😉

  112. Great post. I often advise people to include things from the future on their resumes, to help them REALLY stand out.

    This sounds like spam but it’s not – You may enjoy my resumes:
    http://jgnomeresumes.wordpress.com/
    I went to your blog – you are absolutely hysterical and I love your resumes. That’s the kind of resume I need to get that writing gig I want. Thanks for stopping by and making me smile!!! 😉

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