If I Only Had a Brain…or Drugs, Drugs, Who’s Got the Drugs?

What you see above in the jar is a chimpanzee brain — I would have used a human brain, but I’m not sure mine is human and I like to be as accurate as possible here.  I’m thinking somebody along the way (during those “missing years in the late 60s-early 70s) transplanted a chimp brain into my head.  Otherwise, the ridiculous things that have been continuously happening to me cannot be explained.

I’ll only bore you with the latest.  Wed afternoon I made a trip to Le Tarzhay to pick up some medicines, face spackle; the usual stuff.  At the check-out, I loaded my two bags and my little white bag of drugs into my cart and off I went to my car.  I unloaded my cart and (unlike many) I walked it to its little “cart corral” and put it with its friends.

Move ahead several hours.  I’m at home…I’ve had my daily “check-in” call from BFF Deb (who worries over me like a mother hen if I don’t show up for the morning Twitter session).  I’ve done all my prep work for my evening church small group session — prayed for my group, read the unit we’re studying, and even printed out some info for them using Devoted Spouse’s laptop (yes, mine is still in the Geek Squad Emergency Room Intensive Care Unit).

The phone rings.  I’m one of those in the minority who still have a landline.  Why?  Because I have repeated technological issues with cell phones (we don’t have time for that story update right now) and I like to have a backup phone available.  I pick up the phone and hear the lovely voice of Kaylee, the pharmacy tech at Le Tarzhay.

“Hi Linda!  Someone found your medicines in the cart and returned them — I have them here waiting for you!”  Oh for the love of Pete…when I unloaded my plastic bags from the cart, the little paper bag with the serious drugs in it must have fallen to the bottom of the cart where I overlooked it and walked away.  It never dawned on me when I got home and unloaded my treasures that the ONE thing I went to Le Tarzhay for — drugs — never made the trip home.  Thankfully, there is an honest person out there who actually thought to turn in my medicines, not sell them on the black market where they have a nifty street value these days.  Then again this person also knows my name and address and well, let’s not imagine bad things yet…

Hence the chimp brain.  I cannot possibly own a human brain because a human brain would function better.  The other day I caught myself in the back yard using a long stick to poke at some insects (aha she has the capacity to use tools!).  Now if I start grooming Devoted Spouse, I’m shutting down this blog and running away…after I figure out how to get out of this cage…sigh…


10 thoughts on “If I Only Had a Brain…or Drugs, Drugs, Who’s Got the Drugs?

  1. Hey Linda;

    Another great blog post! First, for the record, we too still have a land-line in our house too! Wow! We are a dying breed I believe.

    As for your brain, “How old did you say you are?” 😉

    Dr. Rus
    I’m sorry, what was the question again? lol snort

  2. I’m glad you didn’t take your brain out to photograph it – that would be a whole ‘nother post, now, wouldn’t it? I call moments like you describe my “brunette” moments. 🙂
    Sunshine xx
    rofl I need to stop telling my 16 faithful readers this stuff – ya’ll are gonna have me sent away for good! now where’d I put my keys….

  3. If I recall correctly, the first words out of your mouth when you answered the phone: “I just got back from Target…had to get my meds.” Hmmm, it’s amazing how much misfiring neurons can screw things up.
    If I had a dollar for every brain you didn’t have, I’d have a dollar! xoxox
    Love ya honey!
    I KNOW – How could I forget the ONE thing I went there to get???!!! I’m on the waiting list for the first brain transplant #frankenstein snort I truly need to slow down and stop all this multitasking nonsense!! 😉

  4. I love your writing my Queen!

    As long as you can remember how to shout, “Off with their heads!” I think you can keep us peasants in line!

    Thank you for the laugh
    did I mention I love it when you grovel?

  5. That, Linda, is what my friend calls a CRAFT moment (Can’t Remember a Friggin’ Thing)…I think it’s an over-40 thing!

    lovely guess I need to change title of my other blog to Oh CRAFT on a Crutch! rofl I love the over-40 club…. ack

  6. Want a banana? Who cracks herself up?

    There’s been a few times I’ve gone to the store for a specific object and when I got home, discovered that either I had completely forgotten to purchase said object or I left the bag with said object at the checkstand and only realized it when I couldn’t find said object when I got home. A mind is a terrible thing to lose.

    I am still stubbornly holding on to my land line as well. I actually prefer to use my cell phone for everything except talking and besides, my phone number is the original to the house (I inherited my grandparents house) and my family would clobber me if I ever disconnected it.
    I know you’re lying through your teeth when you say you’ve gone to the store and forgotten to purchase the object or left it at the checkstand so that I don’t feel as ridiculously stupid as I truly feel. So thank you for pretending to be brain addled like me. No one leaves their prescriptions in the big orange cart in a parking lot – NO ONE – only I would stare right AT THEM and walk away like the ADHD dork I have become — ohh look what’s that over there?……

  7. Those of us in the CRS group tend to waste things like energy and gas because we have to make those extra trips. I still have a landline because it is more dependable than sensitive new technologies. Of course you remember how much I hate having a cell phone–I am one of those ‘why should I be easy to locate connected 24/7 people?’ Only two people have my cell phone number but even then they’d be hard pressed to get me on it since I rarely turn it on…
    Once again I was talked into (no pun intended) getting this particular phone — caught me on a day when I was so susceptible I would have bought anything and so now I’m stuck with this phone that supposedly does everything but in reality has had to have two factory refreshes done to it and it’s not even paid for yet. I told the T-Mobile ‘Droid rep on Wed that if I had to go through this particular dance with them one more time the phone and I were marching to T-Mobile and I wasn’t leaving the store until I had a rebate and a different phone in my hand or I was going to scream bloody murder across the land. I’m getting tired of these companies not delivering — just like Best Buy and this stoopid laptop – I have it home now and it seems to be fine – but for the life of me I have no clue why it went south – nor do I understand why Best Buy couldn’t duplicate what it was doing. It just baffles me. I hate technology. I HATE TECHNOLOGY. I want my old Selectric back. And my yellow princess phone with the extra long curly cord. sigh…I belong in another century…

  8. Here’s the true horror. Every time I go to my mom’s I lose my keys in her apartment. She, 92, has to sit there laughing and taunt me because she knows where they are and I don’t. Sigh.

    But that landline? Two words. “Hurricane” and “pacemaker”. When the latest and greatest storm rolls through and topples the cell towers, those lovely, underground phone cables just keep on trucking. Not only that, with a landline, you can sit two states north and keep calling your house. When the answering machine actually answers, you know the electricity’s back on and you can go home.

    And they still use landlines for pacemaker monitoring. Once a month, we get a call from the nice people. We use our fancy machine (“Please put the phone in the cradle… etc…) and don’t have to make a trip to the doctor’s office. No way to do it with a cell phone 😉

    I’m sorry but that’s funny about your keys – and there’s no way I’m giving up my landline – I don’t care how many people taunt me. not gonna do it.

  9. Love the way you look at situations and make them a comic for us to read.But guess what ? it is people with chimpy brains who make this world a lot interesting too………wouldn’t it be boring with Einsteins all bout us?i got a chimpy brain too……shud be selling at premium man!!
    I agree with you – chimpy brains make for more fun and keep me in blog material!! lol thanks for stoppin by!

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