I’m Good With the First Part…But After That I Dunno

I hear this phrase frequently:  “God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life.”  It seems to be the ‘feel-good’ phrase of this century, and that’s okay.  I’m a Christian woman and I happen to believe that God loves me; the second part of the sentence is what often troubles me.

The past few weeks have been chocked full of minor calamities and ridiculous situations and, of course, I am in the midst of each and every one.  I’ve walked into walls (seriously), dropped things everywhere, tried my best to do a good deed for someone and drove in the completely opposite direction of my destination.  I start one project, rapidly move on to something else, and 3 hours later I have a house full of half-done chores.  I go to the grocery where they know me by name and I’m greeted with…”Hi Linda, back again today…forget something?”  Do you see the trend here?

Yes, God loves me.  But I have a sneaking suspicion I am one of his main sources of entertainment.  Perhaps it is a test.  Will Linda lose her mind today?  Will the package of strawberries with mold on the bottom that she doesn’t notice until she gets home send her over the edge? Is today the day Linda wears her shirt inside out again in public?

Okay – God loves me. I’m good with that. But, ya know…there’s a hitch.  Ya see, He sent me EmmaLou.  Now I don’t mean to be sacrilegeous here – really.  But I’m beginning to think that EmmaLou is my cross to bear.  Ya’ll know she can be angelic and then….

So I’m sitting in my craft   crap   hoarder haven   home office  frittering away on Twitter the other morning when I see through my amazingly accurate depth perception EmmaLou….slinking out of the room and on her way down the stairs.  Suddenly life went in slow motion.  She turned her head toward me, her long golden fur whipping around her, and there for me to notice clutched in her slobbering mouth was my Smart Phone.

What did I do?  Did I jump up yelling and screaming at my fur-child and race like a mad woman down the stairs after her?  No.  I sat here and Twittered:  o.my.gawd. EmmaLou just left with my smart phone in her mouth.  She is in possession of a piece of technology that is so expensive I have 20 more payments on it, and I SIT HERE ON TWITTER.  Gah…. “God’s in his heaven and all’s right with the world.”  No – he’s in his recliner laughing like crazy.

God loves me and has a wonderful plan for my life.  God loves me and has a wonderful plan for my life.  I keep chanting that in my head.  I put down my laptop finally as I realize that EmmaLou loves to not just eat things but take them apart first.  THEN I ran down the stairs (missing the last step and almost killing myself) and went after her. 

Thankfully, God does, in fact, love me.  EmmaLou was reclined on the family room floor looking terribly bored.  My slightly soggy Smart Phone was by her head and it was virtually untouched…nothing but some gooey doggy slobber…no teeth marks….no missing pieces.

I’m sure ya’ll are wondering now what I did next…did I smack the crap outta EmmaLou for snagging my Smart Phone right out from under my eyes?  Did I yell at her and tell her what a bad dog she was?

No.  I just said….”Thanks God I really appreciate this one.  But could ya stop guffawing and work on that wonderful plan part please?”…. sigh…


8 thoughts on “I’m Good With the First Part…But After That I Dunno

  1. As the song says, “I don’t want to start any blasphemous rumors but I think that God has a sick sense of humor and when I die I expect to find him laughing.”

    I get a kick out dogs when they’ve snatched something they’re not supposed to and they are totally obvious in the way they slink past you all stealthy-like and think you won’t notice.
    EmmaLou is just evil at times and she thinks I’m not watching. HAH! But…if I give chase the game is on and she WILL destroy whatever she has stolen before you can get it from her. The trick is to be nonchalant and she will realize you aren’t going to play games and she’ll drop the item and be bored. Thankfully that’s what happened with my phone. I really dodged a bullet on that one, sneaky lil girl. lol

  2. He does have a good plan for your Luce and He has given you a future and a hope!! Jer 29:11. I do love reading you little Linda calamities. In my life, I refer to those as “I love Lucy” moments. :).
    Aw shucks I know that – but sometimes I think he’s got some ” ‘splainin’ ” to do. ROFL Hey – He gave me this twisted sense of humor so all bets are off. C’ya Ethel! 😉

  3. ha! good post, Linda! MY plan is to have more me time; figuring out the God part. Jesus, yes; God, I’m not so sure.
    Well now THAT’s an interesting comment…and one I could really elaborate on…but not here. hugs to ya tut-tut!! cya u-know-where…. heh heh

  4. Now that gave me tears in my eyes. LOL!
    yay made ya laugh till ya cried – goodie I did my job!! 😉

  5. Entertaining bit on Emma Lou……..trust me thats Gods way of telling us,”guys never forget me—-see i saved ur phn this time !!
    Yes indeed, God often has a humorous way of getting my attention! 😉

  6. Hi Linda:

    Found your blog through our friend, Sunshine…I love it! I share your talent for “mishaps.” Will enjoy finding out what else we have in common (Sunshine is my “almost twin”).

    Subscribing as we speak.

    Hi Wendy! Welcome to my little corner of the asylum – I’m so glad you’re here!! We’ll have lots of fun and I’m sure find things to discuss! 😉

  7. If you had run after EmmaLou – that phone would have been toast for sure! I’ve done that, too. You squelch the panic and stare at the animal in question. They wait for you to react…they look as innocent as a newborn baby…they wait…you don’t react…that look of confusion on their face…then they drop the thing `cause they’ve lost interest. I can’t tell you how many times my cats have something in their mouths and are *staring* at me for my reaction! They know exactly what they’re doing!

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