Things You Should NEVER Say on a First Date

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There’s an article out from eHarmony Advice (not that I’m interested in dating, but it was on my internet news …oh nevermind) about what not to say on a first date.  They listed 6 things…and while they are all things I agree one shouldn’t bring up…I think eHarmony missed a few that are equally important.  That first date leaves a lasting impression you know.

According to eHarmony the six No-No’s (in no particular order) are:

1.  Let me tell you about my ex.

2.  How do you feel about big church weddings?

3.  Have you had any work done?

4.  I’ve never had much luck with dating.

5.  So how much do you earn?

6.  Sorry I’m late but I forgot my meds. 

While all of the above are excellent topics to steer clear of during that first night out on the town, I think it’s important to discuss the issues we all deal with and get them right there out in the open and up front.  That way all the baggage is on the table, so to speak,  and you can go on to enjoy a lovely evening together.  So I would include the following questions/topics shortly after you introduce yourself to your date…

  • I live with my mother.
  • Excuse me for a minute please; I have a little leakage I need to take care of, but I’ll be right back.
  • OMG I forgot to put in my bridge…well I just won’t order corn on the cob.
  • Well of course that’s my service animal…cats can be helpful too you know (while stuffing cat back in handbag)
  • Sorry, I’m a bit flatulent this evening…(placing bottle of Beano on table)
  • Is that your real hair?
  • Don’t you just ADORE Justin Bieber?
  • Look!  I can make my eyes bulge out whenever I like.  Cool, huh?
  • Is that Mel Gibson over at that table?  I’d love to have a man like that in my life
  • I only had to spend the one night in jail  but it was no big deal and I really wasn’t stalking her I assure you
  • I’m sure you can find a good dermatologist to fix that
  • Can you believe these shoes are orthopedic?? I found them online and such a deal!

Oh these are just a few things I think should be gotten out of the way early — I imagine you could come up with more.  I’m happy I’m not on the market — see when you’re married you no longer have to worry about this stuff – except maybe for that leakage issue…sigh…


8 thoughts on “Things You Should NEVER Say on a First Date

  1. Oh thats really put a smile on my face 🙂 especially the one about the cat. I think first dates are right up there with job interviews and visits to the dentist as regards to nerves. I know you are supposed to enjoy them but they are so stressful.

    The one about the leakage really made me laugh, I don’t have this problem (yet) but when I get nervous I keep wanting to err “twinkle” a lot and on the first propper date with Hannah I must have been back and forth to the bathroom all evening. Goodness knows what she must have thought.

    Oh thank you for your lovely comment about my little temper tantrum. I have come back down to earth again 🙂
    Thanks sweetie – xoxo

  2. Here’s one I got from a guy I met through an online dating service: “You’re really pretty, compared to your photos.”

    I think he meant well, but it sure came out wrong!
    GASP! SLAP! What is wrong with people? I love that you gave him the benefit of the doubt. 😉

  3. I love it. Like you, I am SO glad I am no longer on the “market” (sounds like we are cows, or pigs, or, well, you know, LIVESTOCK). If anything ever happens to this marriage, I swear single-hood for the rest of my living days. Miss you girlie! *hugs*
    Hi babycakes! Me too – never again on the meat market for this gal!!! I miss you too sweet lil ranch mama! Smoochies!

  4. I really enjoy reading your blogs! But then I have always thought you were funny! One more thing you should never say on a first date “Don’t pay attention to the man sitting with us. He is my parole officer and bringing him along was the only way I could get out of my house arrest!” True story! Happened to a friend of mine! Love you!
    hi sweetie – yeah that ranks right up there with…”It’s an interesting ankle accessory, don’t you think?” giggles love you back!

  5. Angel says you’re supposed to enjoy a first date? I must have missed that in the lessons of life!

    Another thing to add to a first date where necessary, “Oh, by the way, I’m married.” That’s a piece of baggage I think is essential to know. Not kidding – I know someone this happened to!
    Funny the only first date I ever enjoyed was the one I went on with Devoted Spouse coz we had been friends for such a long time before we started dating. Yeah, knowing one’s availability is probably a good thing! lol

  6. I’ll add a few:

    “It’ll take some looking around, but I think we can find a burqua to fit you.”
    “…and my mother will be glad to teach you how to cook all my favorites, for as long as it takes.”
    “My favorite Andy Griffith character is Howard Sprague.”
    “I’m glad I got that DVR…I’d be missing Bridezillas right now.”
    “I wish they had those vaccinations around when I was a kid.”
    You are TOO funny! I especially love the burqa statement. Talk about running away from the table! Here’s another one I debated adding but didn’t because it’s a bit nasty — oh what the heck – let’s just add it now:
    “I want to be upfront with you and tell you I have the occasional herpes outbreak, but it’s under control right now.” Can u imagine hearing THAT on your first date??? Ack.
    ROFLMAO oh – we’re so funny….

  7. Funny, funny, funny! Glad I’m not in the dating scene these days.
    I will NEVER date again…well at least not while Devoted Spouse is around. ROFL snort

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