Receive a Free Pap Smear!


Fig. 1161 of the uterus from the 1918 edition of Gray's Anatomy

We are bombarded these days by commercials for various pharmaceutical companies hawking their latest drug trials.  Some “medical” folks tout their own trials and invite folks with particular medical conditions to join in on their trial and all their medical expenses will be paid for the duration of that drug trial.

As I sat watching the news on tv, a commercial came on and I didn’t get to the remote fast enough to “mute” it.  This is what I distinctly heard:  “Receive a FREE Pap Smear!  Call now to sign up to receive YOUR FREE Pap Smear.”  Dial 1-888- xxx-xxxx to see if you are eligible to receive your FREE Pap Smear.”

A mini-play took place in my head….

Stage left…a knock on my front door.

I open the door to a FedEx man and say, “Yes?”

FedEx man:  “Good morning ma’am….here’s your free Pap Smear!  This particular smear is from Sally Mae Johnston of Smearton Ohio, but it’s yours now – and it’s FREE!”  Enjoy!

I take my “free” Pap Smear and slowly fade away….

What is wrong with me?  sigh….


7 thoughts on “Receive a Free Pap Smear!

  1. Im in full agreement. I’m so confused by all the ads, I don’t know which to have checked first…my ED or my COPD
    Im ready to sign up for advair, boniva, and lipitor and I dont even know what they do.
    Ohhh, those guys are good!
    Giggling – I went in doc’s ofc one day w/list of all the drugs that commercials told me to ask him about. He just laughed…especially when I got to Cialis. ROFL

  2. We have the NHS (National Health Service) who deal 100% with any health issues so we don’t get adverts such as that on the television. I think I would dive for the mute button as well though.

    There is a saying in the UK that whatever happens in the US today happens here tomorrow so I supposed it is only a matter of time.

    There is a really awful advert for a bathroom air freshner though, I will leave it to your imagination how they get across how much it is needed. Eww.

    Oh thank you for sending the picture of EmmaLou, everyone here thinks she is so adhorable.
    Nothing on tv here is sacred any more – it’s really annoying to hear about people’s bathroom issues during the dinner hour. Ack. We have tons of medical trials that are always offered on tv – I would never let anyone experiment with a new drug on me – no, no, no – the Pap Smear advert just put me in hysterics though – it was simply too much for me to pass up making fun of. Glad u enjoyed the pic of EmmaLou – she did look so adorable all decked out. It lasted about 10 minutes. She just hates anything on her except her collar. Hugs!

  3. This is too funny! Of course, if men needed regular pap smears, they probably would be free!
    hi sweetie – I was rather surprised by the ad believe me.

  4. “Have a happy period” I want to strangle the person who came up with that tag line. Who do they think they are they kidding?
    Yes some marketeers simply need to be put out of “our” misery…

  5. And that is why I DVR everything I think I want to watch so that way I just skip through all the commercials unless I see something of interest. NOT Oh okay once in a while I see something cute but it is rare.

    But I do love to watch infomercials for some reason when I am up late at night. When I first started taking Amb*en, I was watching a lot of them and every few days a package would arrive. I would have only a vague memory of watching about it and really not remember that I ordered it. Good thing that most were things I liked, but then I did order some DVD about shaking your booty and dancing your booty to weight loss. I was laughing and shaking my head at the same time because if I was to shake my booty as much as they said then I would cause a major earthquake here in Cali, but I have had the good sense to give them to granddaughter.

    After a few months of this I then had the sense to hide my card and so I got into the habit of, if I liked something then I would write all the info down. I have actually ordered a few things after checking it out when not on drugs and would still like to order some more things on my list in the future. But then I see them at Target, Walgreens, CVS Pharmacy, and Walmart and just buy them there. I am addicted to “As Seen On TV” things. It is like a beacon that is calling my name when I am in a store. I think I like that Titatinum Potato Peeler the most. Then the Topsy Turvy, the Maxiglide hair straightner, the Bare Minerals, Sheer Cover too, George Foreman Grill, I think the list could go on and on. I think it all started years ago with me buying some Oxiclean and from there I was hooked. I miss Billy Mays, his commercials I actually enjoyed watching for some reason. Oh and I use my Magic Bullet almost every day, but am ready to move on to the Ninja, which now comes with a mixer. And my Shark Steamers, oh yeah.

    Yup, I have a serious problem. But I am hoping that if our economy gets any worse and people have to start bartering for food then I hope I have enough to barter with. Or that all those Topsy Turvey thingys grow enough food for me to trade and eat.

    Now I think I will check into that free Pap Smear, oh dang it I get free ones from my HMO, but with this new health care system we might be needing these free ones really soon and we might need to volunteer to be guinea pigs too.

    God bless.
    I remember the nightmare that was Ambien – I used to go shopping online and have no memory of it at all. Spent tons of money (got some nice stuff) and I’d also come downstairs in the wee hours and cook a meal and eat it. Devoted Spouse would find dishes in the sink in the morning – I knew I wasn’t doing that but why was I gaining weight? It was bizarre and I finally told the doctor he was gonna think I was nuts…but…and of course he took me off the Ambien. Drugs are wicked things. Fortunately I’m not an addictive personality so a bottle of Percocet of Valium can sit in the closet for months without my taking any – I use it when I need it and Dearl Lawd do I need it now. It wears off too fast on me, though and I need more but have to wait. Did I tell u when the ambulance took me away w/the shoulder/back injury they pumped me full of morphine and I was their first patient whose pain actually worsened while on morphine? It never fazed me. I have such strange reactions to medicine that my doc wants to write me up as a case study in a medical journal. LOL

    I’m a sucker for infomercials too – but then I don’t like most of the products. Bare Minerals gets stuck in the cracks of your face and makes you look old (I’m prob the only one with a cracked face) – the magic Bullet just looked like too much fun which means I would eat too much – always was fascinated by Ginzu knives. And I absolutely love Chef Tony. We bought one of those Jack LaLane juicers. By the time we followed one of the recipies and actually drank all the beet, carrot, spinach, kale, and gawd knows what else juice — we had powerful stomachaches for several days and the juicer is in the closet now awaiting a trip to Goodwill. sigh.

  6. Cronie,
    Everytime I hear those stupid ads on the radio, I say to myself: There’s a Sucker born every minute….
    sigh…you didn’t really get it, did you? Tht’s okay – I know you’re busy…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s