In Physical Therapy It Pays to Keep Your Mouth Shut

 

Today I had one of my thrice-weekly physical therapy sessions with the gang over at the House of Torquemada.  It went rather well all things considered.

I have very nice professional people working with and on me.  But I have a tendency to tell them exactly how I feel.  While describing what hurts and where to a physical therapist is exactly what you should do…what you should NOT do is….

Tell the PT (Tyler the cutie) that the resistance on the exercise bike is way too low for you.  So for five excruciating minutes I pedaled up Mt. Everest and got nowhere but I did get burning thighs and not burning thighs in a good way.

Never tell the PT “Oh I’ve done this machine before – it’s a breeze”…because he will increase the weight from a measly 30 pounds up to 70 pounds in a heartbeat and you will do those extra set of 10 leg presses with sweat hiding under your bangs and a smile on your face all the while keeping up a light banter so as not to show this 20-something that you are dying slowly right in front of him.

Above all never, NEVER ask the PT…”have they added any exercises to my routine?”  Oh for the love of all that is holy….if you ask them that question and they HAVEN’T added a new exercise, well now you have backed them into a corner and they must add something new.  In my case it was this bizarre machine where I pulled levers back toward my body much like rowing a boat.  I didn’t want to row a flippin’ boat even if it WAS only 25 pounds.  I kept up my breezy banter and the sumbitch added another set of 10.

When will I learn?  Apparently never.  So when I return to PT on Friday I will have my brain fully engaged before I open my mouth and beg them to increase the weight because I can take it; I’m strong and I’m there to get better.  And, yes, they DO, indeed, call me their best patient.  They probably, behind my back, also call me a sadomasochist.  I know I have names for them…..bwahahahaha.

And they wonder why I fall asleep during my anodyne treatment?  Because I’m an old broad who should be in a home with a cabana boy wiping the drool off her mouth….not in spandex shorts doing extra reps for a hottie named Tyler or another cutie named Kris (that’s a guy and yes it’s Kris with a K) who actually gave me an exercise the other day that is simply designed to show the world my batwing arms flapping in the breeze.  Had he laughed he would have felt the excruciating wrath of the redheaded stepchild — she who puts up with nothing.  Nothing I tell you.

Okay I put up with physical therapy….but only because they’re cute.   Sigh…

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4 thoughts on “In Physical Therapy It Pays to Keep Your Mouth Shut

  1. Next session you should tell them they worked you too hard the last time.
    I will because you shouldn’t overdo it – the idea is to get better, not hurt more. Remember, this is slightly tongue-in-cheek, too. 🙂 (They did up the weight a little too high for me though)

  2. My goodness I feel quite exhausted just reading your post. A lot of the machines you describe sound as though they belong in a medieval dungeon.

    I’m not too good with weights, I am not very heavily built (muscles like a mouse) but I used to love the jogging machine. I could do that for hours on end.

    Good luck with your therapy, it sounds as though it is going well for you.

    Much Love
    Angel.
    Therapy is helping – it’s just that lifting those weights and working out that hard does leave sore muscles and on top of the damage to the back and hip – it is uncomfortable, shall we say? I’ll make it okay.

  3. Sorry your know me – when I said I was not very heavily built I did not in a million years mean to imply that anyone else was.

    Much Love
    Angel.
    It’s okay – the world knows I’m heavier-built than I should be. The world also knows I’m working on making that go away – 20 pounds off and 20 more to go – my issue is not the weight so much as the fact I haven’t used the muscles since the accident because it has been so painful – that’s why I have problems – if you don’t use muscles, they don’t work well. So after physical therapy is over I will be joining a gym and becoming the ultimate gym rat in order to build these muscles up, keep them strong, keep the weight off, and live a long happy productive life. Oh…and hopefully have the ability to walk further than 1/4 mile without intense pain in legs and hip. lol Love you!

  4. Yup, you gotta keep quiet and not up the ante with them PT people. Mostly because if you overdo it then you can reinjure yourself. So I think you need to slow down just a little and even though they add more weights make sure to tell them if it is too much. They would feel really bad if you got hurt again. If you need any more excuses then just ask me, I have a million of them.

    God bless.
    We actually had that discussion today at PT – the workout might have been too strenuous – plus my therapist thinks the chairs I’m sitting in when I’m on my computer are adding to the problem and I agree with her. So at the very moment DS is assembling a brand new ergonomic desk chair with wonderful lumbar support! He’s just the best! Now I will have to do my studying at my library table (which I used to use for crafts…oh, okay & crap piling up) instead of my lovely desk armoire where my printer is because you can’t scoot a chair underneath the armoire like you can at a table. And in order to sit up straight in this new chair I will have to be able to scoot it underneath the table. Whew that was a long explanation. I just hope it helps. I’m on heavy doses of Advil (coz I don’t want to take the Percocet yet) and icepacks and it’s helping Hugs!

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