Zen and the Art of Physical Therapy


Ya’ll know my history — my back from Hades — the new journey to physical therapy (especially if you read my recent posting on Cruella De Vil)  — visits with my adorable Agador again for the entire month of May, 3 times a week, in the hopes of getting me walking again more than a block without limping like I’m 189 years old.  The cane simply is not an option.  There, I said it.

As part of my physical therapy evaluation appointment last week, I was given the Wedgie thing (you already saw that picture I won’t bore you by posting it again….it’s nasty-looking anyway) and a list of specific exercises I must do several times a day with specific time frames to “hold” the exercise and the amount of reps to do.  Sounds easy enough.  Some of these exercises I already do, having picked them up from the last go-round of physical therapy.  Oops…found out I wasn’t doing them correctly.  When you do them my way they’re easy.  When you do them properly it hurts.  Ow.

So Wed evening I skip the exercises…I had somewhere to be and by the time I got home I was just so tired I had to go to bed.  Thurs would be time enough to start this exercise regimen and lay on this stupid pink Wedgie thing.  Ick. 

Thurs morning Devoted Spouse had gone to do his volunteer work.  It was just me and EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer, in the house.  I took my exercise handout, my cell phone (to time myself), my yoga mat, and the infamous pink Wedgie thing into the living room and I proceeded to get down onto the floor to do the exercises.  That was my first mistake.  Getting onto the floor means I am on the same level as EmmaLou and when I am at her level she interprets this as play time and what did she see as the closest toy available?  Oh yeah…my pink Wedgie thing. 

EmmaLou is running around the house with the pink thingie in her mouth and I am following her yelling “Treat!”   “Treat!”  like a lousy piece of dog kibble is going to get her to spit out the pink Wedgie.  No, this has become her favorite new toy and I am toast.  So I do what any smart fur-child mom does….I head for the sterilized bone and the jar of peanut butter.  EmmaLou drops the pink Wedgie in trade for the bone stuffed with peanut butter.  Whew – a tragedy is averted — I have my little exercise helper and off I trot back to the living room to start those exercises.

I hate to get personal here, but I was following the instructions and they bluntly say to place this thing at the top of the crack in your butt with the narrow end facing toward your feet.  Now that doesn’t sound difficult — but I’m here to tell you this is easier said than done.  You have to be on your side to begin with, with your legs bent — get the stupid thing placed properly, then roll onto your back AND onto this teeny little piece of foam that fits under the wedgie.  Four times I tried…four times I missed the foam completely.  In total frustration I held the wedgie thing AND the foam piece together, placed them the best I could and rolled onto my back. 

Oh dear Gawd I thought I would die from the pain.  Straightening out your sacrum is not a fun thing to do.  By that time EmmaLou had returned, reeking of peanut butter — she thought since I was still lying on the floor, it was play time and proceeded to nudge me.  “Stop it, I’m working with my wedgie.”  Thankfully no one heard me utter those words.  I made it through the 10 minutes, rolled over and got the infernal thing off my posterior and laid it on the coffee table.  Guess who reached over and gently picked it up and took off like lightning?  Oh yeah, EmmaLou.  I struggled to get up off the floor and we went through the abovementioned scenario again ending up with her receiving another healthy dose of peanut butter.

I still had exercises to do so back to the yoga mat I went.  I looked at the exercises and started doing them.  The pain was tremendous – there was no way I was doing 10 reps of this stuff – I barely made it through 1 full session.  But I am happy to report I got every exercise done.  Then I read the instructions again and discovered I have to do these things not once but several times a day.  This is going to be challenging.

Crap on a crutch – I think I’ll just duct tape the pink wedgie to my butt and leave it there – that way when it’s exercise time I’m ready and EmmaLou can’t run away with it.  Might get some odd looks as I walk through the store though.  sigh…

P.S.  Crone and Bear It is gonna take a little technology break for a few days — I have too many irons in the fire, so to speak.   I promise to return real soon.  Hang on – you can live without me for a few days.  Just think of me and my pink wedgie and that should keep you smiling until I am back online.  xo


9 thoughts on “Zen and the Art of Physical Therapy

  1. I am surprised you are even able to sit there at a laptop and type anything after all that exercising. I think I would be lying flat on my bed crying. And then to get up, and go chasing the Golden Destroyer is beyond me.

    I have a funny feeling that you had better go stock up on peanut butter because someone has now discovered a sure way to get her favorite treat. She is just too smart.

    And take all the time you need, it is spring out there for goodness sake and we should all be outside planting gardens and enjoying the new life that is springing up all over, instead of sitting at a computer. Well I would be doing that if I did not sleep all day. Anyway have lots of fun.

    God bless.
    Let me tell you after doing the exercises it is extremely painful to try and chase that silly dog – but that’s life. I also have to ice down my back after doing the exercises and using the wedgie thing. Life is hard w/this back and I’m tired, frankly, and a little down, but I am determined to keep trying – and I will get better. We’ll be doing inside projects…it just keeps raining and is too wet to get out and play in garden yet. Darn it all. I did get some herbs done, but want to plant some flowers, etc. Will have to wait. That’s Mother Nature for ya. Hugs! I’ll be back online soon.

  2. Love the Covered Bridge header.
    Glad you are doing your exercises correctly.
    You really MUST teach EmmaLou the “Leave it!” command. 🙂
    We have been to obedience school twice now and she even had a personal trainer work with us. We tried, “Drop”, we tried, “Leave it”, we tried, “Release” we finally tried, “Drop it or you die, die, die” — LOL She is a retriever…she is not a giver-back. Silly dog. L8r sis. Love ya!

  3. Well, you could smear the thing with Icy Hot or Texas Pete…
    Enjoy your break. We’ll somehow muddle through. 🙂
    Sending a very gentle hug.
    Oh great – I just had a visual of the back of my yoga pants constantly reeking of Texas Pete or Icy Hot – try explaining THAT to my phys therapist. ROFL. It’s funny – EmmaLou has no problem with hot tasting things – we tried using Tabasco on the legs of furniture and it didn’t stop her from chewing – the only thing I found that works is BenGay and I think it is too dangerous to use – I only tried a tiny dab of it once and it kept her away but I am too afraid she might actually digest some and that’s not good. So I just have to be extra vigilant. Sigh… Hugs back atcha precious one!

  4. Right before you begin your exercises give EmmaLou her peanut butter filled bone. Maybe she’ll happily leave you alone until you’re done. Of course when you are done don’t put the wedgie within her reach. 😉
    Now why didn’t I think of that??? Duh… Glad I have you around… 🙂

  5. She sounds such a character and on that photograph looks as though (peanut) butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth. Sorry really bad joke 🙂

    She reminds me of my old Womble. He was a Lassie/Border collie type dog and I used to love to lie on the floor and use him as a pillow, his fur was so soft and I would go to sleep listening to his tummy making all these strange noises.

    He would always wake first and when he stood up my head would bump on the floor – I am sure he giggled when this happened.

    I wish you well with your exercises my friend and my prayers are with you for a speedy recovery.

    Take care and enjoy your little break.

    Love and Hugs
    Hi sweetie – I do believe that picture of EmmaLou is the cutest one I have – what a face. You are so funny …. peanut butter wouldn’t melt…. you always make me smile. Now I said I was taking a break and that means I have to stop answering comments. I’m so addicted to this thing.! Be back soon. Hugs and blessings!

  6. I am SOOO SORRY but I laughed at you and the Destroyer! What a sight that must have been.
    I’m sorry you are hurting and really can relate to the PT hurting so much. Take whatever time you need and get back to your healthy self. ((((hugs))))
    don’t apologize – it WAS funny – that’s why I told you guys. I’m okay, just needed a couple of quiet days.

  7. Hi,
    Can almost feel u’r pain.Wish i could help.Your pet is crazy but lovable i’m sure.believe me these fellows are so expressive and have great ways to have their way.I have 4 Lhasa’s myself,n they too listen to the magic words ‘chew sticks’,at once they know they must obey.Pray for your health.Best wishes……
    First, thank you for visiting my humble blog. And thank you so much for your kind comment. I wish u could help, too! LOL I’m hoping these folks can do the trick and get me walking again. As for the dog – she is a constant pain in my butt and I absolutely adore her! That’s a Golden for ya – always into something. And then she will sit there and smile at me. Cracks me up. Thx for prayers – always appreciated. Hugs.

  8. OMG Girl, I’ll try my best to not imagine you with a pink wedgie strapped to your butt.
    I just want your back to feel better SOON. Back problems are no laughing matter. x
    Yes, it’s hysterical and when you first get it… ahem…adjusted correctly…it is rather uncomfortable but after laying on it for 10 minutes you can actually feel it working and the back aligns better. Amazing. Funny looking, but amazing. Sistah- I’m so tired of this back problem I could scream – I want my life to return to quasi-normal again!!!

  9. So sorry to see that you are in more pain and having problems. Man, that seems to be a continuing thread amongst a lot of us out here in the blogosphere. I’m glad you are back in the good hands of the PT people but it’s so funny about EmmaLou helping you so much with your wedgie-thingy.

    Hope you get to walking better soon. {{{{HUGS!}}}}
    me too bb coz w/the pain and not walkin, the depression return and I simply can’t go down that road again – so I’m praying hard they can help!! Hugs back atcha swee’pea! How was Jamaica? And how are YOU feeling?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s