Now I Need a Personal Chef

I had discovered a lovely recipe in the local newspaper for something called Pork and Butternut Squash Stew.  Sounded yummy to me so I went to le grocerie and acquired the appropriate ingredients, brought them home, and lined the little buggers up on the kitchen counter.

I got out my trusty, very sharp Henckels 8″ Chef’s knife and cut a rather large butternut squash in half.  Do you realize just how difficult it is to cut into, let alone cut apart, a large butternut squash?  It’s hard.  You must have le strength.  AND a very sharp knife.

The squash was halved, and halved again.  I got the little seeds out, got the skin peeled off successfully and commenced to start chopping this thing into 1-inch cubes.  After about 10 slices guess what happened?  Uh-huh, my ultra-sharp 8″ Henckels Chef’s knife sliced not only through the butternut squash but also through about a third of the top of my thumb.


Being quick-witted, I immediately moved my thumb out of the way of the squash – crap – that stuff had to be cooked, I didn’t wish to bleed all over it!  I ran my thumb under cold water which, contrary to popular belief, just seems to make cut digits bleed even more copiously.  Ow.

Devoted Spouse comes to kitchen, instructs me to wrap my thumb with a paper towel and apply pressure to it.  In the meantime, there is more squash and also about a pound of pork loin to be chopped.  Devoted Spouse?  Meet very sharp (and cleaned off) 8″ Henckels Chef’s knife.  DS took over the food prep under my expert if a bit loud at times tutelage.

He did fine.  He followed all my directions.  All the ingredients made it into the pot in the right order.  The appropriate steps were taken and as I type this, the stew is burbling nicely on the stove and smells heavenly.  Thankfully the hacked digit is my left thumb so I can type.  And, no it doesn’t need stitches (well, I think it’s okay – I have a bandage on it VERY TIGHTLY to keep it from bleeding out).  Blechh.  Nasty.

The good news is Friday I won’t have to clean because I am wounded.  I can’t be scrubbing with a third of my thumb missing.  Nor will I be able to prepare a fancy meal for the next few days.  Fortunately there is plenty of pb & j and also something called Swanson’s that comes in various plastic packages and lives in my freezer.  Plus we have vodka.

Vodka?  Yes – I’ll just make a Cleaverini and sit back and enjoy my pork/squash stew.  I may also have to make myself a Slaptini for my kitchen stupidity.

Raising a glass to my friend  Sueanne!   Yes, dahlink- that was thumb dumb thing I did.  Uh-huh.

Bon Apetit!


12 thoughts on “Now I Need a Personal Chef

  1. Le vokda thins le blood and will prolong le recovery time from le accident.
    Next time, stick le squash in le microwave to cook part way. It will make le easier to cut.
    Voila here iz zee smartass — where waz he when I needed zees info earlier? eh? He was bz putting those little funny packets inside zee shoeboxes I tell you zee truth. Zee Chef Knife? Eet ees a beetch, Meetch.

  2. It is like all of my bloggy friends are hacking off fingers…hope you are going to be alright!
    Yeah the worst part was worrying that it might fall into the stew and be mistaken for a piece of pork or something. Good stew honey, but a little chewey doncha think? I will reconsider my next attack on butternut squash and may opt for a machete instead. lol

  3. do you need stitches?!
    Nah – it didn’t get down as far as the bone its just a long slice and bled like a sumbitch. I’m a baby when it comes to this stuff and this is not the first time I have hacked off a piece of a thumb or finger while doing my best Julia imitation. I have it tightly bandaged to hold it together. This is so gross sounding isn’t it? ewww factor 6. I won’t be crafting for a few days…

  4. *shudder*
    Do sit back and enjoy your cocktails.
    The sight of blood freaks me out.
    Devoted Spouse poured me a glass of wine while he minded the stew (it was very good – he did an excellent job) and that calmed me down. Now I’m having my Sleepy Time tea and thinking calm thoughts. I hate the sight of my own blood, too and it scared the crap outta me to see what I had done. I know better. I really do – I should have partially cooked the squash first – I knew that. Gah…

  5. I feel your pain. I’ve cut my finger while cooking, just the tip, but man-oh-man did it hurt! My worst kitchen mishap wasn’t that cut though. I was cooking a can of condensed milk in a pan of boiling water, the can, unopened. I forGOT that I needed to add water to the pan, and BLAM!!!! It sounded like a gunshot. I ran out to the kitchen to find that pudding, or what was left of it, all over the kitchen…floors, cabinets, ceiling, walls and several very happy cats and a dog helping me clean it up:D
    YIKES! What a mess! I never did that – but I did put some eggs on to boil once and forget about them – ick that wasn’t fun either. This knife thing has to stop – this is about the third time I’ve done this, although this time it wasn’t that deep thankfully – just stupid. Thanks for stopping by!

  6. Thumb thing tells me that you should do what I do when it comes to hacking tough things into pieces. I automatically hand the knife and said item directly to DH…could it be because I’ve been cut bad enough to stitch up twice now?

    Sweetie, two things to remember:
    If there is blood–apply direct pressure
    If you’ve burned it–apply cold water or ice
    Yes, I know – I only put it under cold water to get the blood off and I should have simply grabbed something to wrap it in instead. Duh. That’s me. What was funny was DS told me wrap it tightly with a paper towel and put pressure on it using my other hand – so I did and then when I took the paper towel off, it opened up the wound all over again – I was so mad. He said, stop peeking. Giggles. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I really do know better. But then again, if I didn’t continue to do these ridiculous things what would you all have to read? lol

  7. In this case duct tape is NOT appropriate but super glue is. Yes, super glue. Really. Oh and it stings like a bitch .
    Secondly, Mitch is right. Soften that squash a bit in the microwave. BUT stab some holes in it or cut it in half so it doesn’t explode. Don’t ask.
    I may have to glue it coz it keeps opening up when I change bandage and clean it. Yuk. I always cook squash in the micro and know to poke some holes in it so it doesn’t blow up. It just didn’t occur to me to put it in there for a minute or so to soften it a bit. Dumber than a box of rocks lately. And you shouldn’t let Mitch know he’s right – he will never let me forget it on Twitter now. ROFL ((((HUGS))))

  8. I hope things are going well with you poor thumb. Man, I thought I was a Klutz in the kitchen but I usually just burn myself and don’t attempt to donate body parts. Knock it off woman!
    I DID knock it off – I think it went into the stew! Ewww. Just kidding. It’s okay just usual for me – I don’t pay close enough attention and forget that Devoted Spouse keeps my good knives razor sharp. ow – just thinking about that phrase (razor sharp) hurts. LOL Hey life with me is always exciting at least.

  9. Ooh, I cringed when I read the part about The Slice. Still have the heeby-jeebies. Anything that mentions slicing through human skin gives me the vapors.

    Heal up quickly!
    You cringed??!! Jeez Louise ya shoulda seen me! I hate blood. Ick Factor 10. I’ll be fine in a few days (I may drag it out longer so Devoted Spouse keeps washing my hair for me lol )

  10. Eggs on to boil, LOL. Reminds me of something my son did when he was 8 years old. He wanted a hard-boiled egg so he put the egg in the microwave with a cup of water because I’d told him to add moisture when he cooked something in there. I got home and saw eggshells in several unusual places, smelled cooked egg and asked him what happened. His answer? “I don’t know”. When I went to use my microwave 2 days later, THERE was the evidence: hard-boiled egg caked to the inside of that appliance!! ROFL Tell you what though, he learned a very valuable lesson, hee hee.
    Yikes! Nothing more of a mess than egg splattered in microwave or ending up on the ceiling as mine did that time I left them to boil away. I can still smell it to this day – Yuk! The dumb things we do sometimes. Valuable lesson? Yes, but I can guarantee you I’ll forget it and end up slicing another digit in the future. Stupid human tricks are just my nature. Thanks for dropping in!

  11. Ouchy! Next time, buy the squash already peeled and seeded. It costs a little more but you should be able to avoid a repeat performance.

    I think the vodka is a great idea.
    I have never seen already peeled, and seeded squash available in any of our groceries. Crap. That would be so much easier. Vodka is never a bad idea (unless you have car keys in your hand!!!). 🙂

  12. Owie’s suck.

    You seriously are an accident waiting to happen. Cutting uncooked butternut squash is like trying to cut a rock in half, it is almost impossible. One should always cook it in the microwave first or in the regular oven until softened. And yup, I too learned it the hard way. I can’t remember which scar goes to that time, but then there are so many. Costco does sell it already chopped up in neat little squares, ready to use. So much easier to use. If your grocery store does not sell it then ask the produce manager to special order some. They should not charge you extra for ordering it, and if they do then just threaten to take your business elsewhere, to a place that will. Butternut squash soup is really good too. I was just wondering if you could please send me a copy of that recipe, it sounds so good. Maybe I can get hubby to make it.

    Plus try to use some steri-strips on the cut and then just wrap it in gauze instead of a bandaid. that way each time you change the wrap you are not opening up the wound. Steri-strips can get wet and if you keep the gauze dry then the strip will stay dry. You don’t need a lot of gauze, just enough to keep the dirt out of the wound. Bandaging wounds or cuts is something that I am becoming an expert at. Well you know due to all the surgeries, along with accidents, I have had in the past few years.

    As to boiling eggs, I too once forgot that I had put some eggs on. I got sidetracked with the computer, then the smell came, burnt eggs stink and I almost threw the pot out with the eggs. It took a long time to clean it out. And never reheat boiled eggs in the microwave unless you cut them in half first. My lips were burnt so bad after doing that one time. It took them over a month to heal. It frickin hurt like hell. I have only eaten boiled eggs a few time since then, and that was almost 20 years ago. I have a phobia of boiled eggs. I wonder what that is called.

    God bless.

    PS…Does egg salad sandwiches count as eating a boiled egg? Okay, change that to I never eat a whole boiled egg.
    The closest I can come for your fear is “boiledovaphobia” poor baby. Yes, I always learn the hard way. I wish I had a Costco here – I’ll check at Sams. I love butternut squash and I have an extra one in kitchen which I am going to cook and eat plain at dinner. Yummy. I will find recipe and send it to you – it is ez pz pork & squash stew and it’s one of the best I’ve had in long time. Devoted Spouse ate two whole bowls of it – that’s a lot of squash and pork – and he doesn’t normally like squash! Must have been good. You know last night I was slicing up some peppers for my excellent chicken wings, sausage, and peppers dish and I danged near sliced a finger again. I need a Sous Chef – maybe from now on Devoted Spouse needs to do the kitchen prep and I’ll do the actual cooking. Yeah, that’s a good idea! Hugs!

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