Better Order One of Those Sham Wows Soon

It was a sad day at Chez Crone and Bear It today.  Today I fired Gretchen the Immaculate – housecleaner to the stars.  Yes, I finally gave her her dusting walking papers and it was not an easy thing to do.  I have a newfound respect for Devoted Spouse when he was a manager and had to fire people.  It sucks big time to let someone go.

Gretchen the Immaculate had cleaned our house off and on for a long time.  She wasn’t the best housecleaner on the planet.  Some times I would come home and she would have forgotten to dust the dining room table, or left one of her cleaning rags in my sink or something else – but it was usually minor stuff.   Heaven knows she broke enough stuff – little porcelain knick-knacks and stuff I shouldn’t have had in her way to begin with.  My fault entirely.  One day she sucked up my dining room curtains into the vacuum cleaner from Hades.  In her defense, she offered to buy new ones, but I declined.  They were cheap sheers and no big deal to replace.

I didn’t feel good this morning – danged cold – and usually she is here by 9:30 — Devoted Spouse went to church to volunteer about 8:30 and he locked up EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer in her ritzy 7 foot by 7 foot basement “condo” before he left.  She was not a happy puppy.  I waited and waited and waited because I felt it only right to fire Gretchen in person, face-to-face.

At twenty of 11 I was hungry, cranky and had other places to be.  So I wrote a very, repeat, VERY, nice note to her explaining that try as I might the budget just could not take her any more and I thanked her for her years of wonderful service.  I even left her an extra session’s worth of $$ as a nice parting gesture.  I left the house feeling like a mean jerk.

When I returned, the house was clean, the extra keys were on the table and she had turned my note over and the only thing she said was thanks for the extra money.  No, gee it’s been nice working with you, or kiss my butt or thanks for all the references you have given me and the jobs you have obtained for me over the years.  I was so ticked I couldn’t see straight – ungrateful wench.

Then I realized this lady had just lost a job and I was the one who fired her.  I should not expect her to be gracious and kind and again, I feel like the heel I am.

But in this economy, with me not working, and still trying to save $$ for tuition, a car that needs replacing, house maintenance, and a dog who is eating me out of house and home – something had to give.

So goodbye  Gretchen the Immaculate .  From now on it’s Linda the Swiffer Queen.  I’ll let ya’ll know when my episode of Clean House will be aired…

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10 thoughts on “Better Order One of Those Sham Wows Soon

  1. Just do like I do, say “F” it and don’t clean anything.

    Oldest granddaughter said that if I pay for her cell phone then she would clean my house. So I got her a new cell phone and she has to work her ass off cleaning my house. I was sleeping and she was exhausted when I got up. Her mom came and got her a few days ago, she should be back tomorrow. But since she moved in with us, I figure she is young and she can clean, the cell phone is so that I know where she is and that she is safe. She has a lot of cleaning to do this weekend and at $30.00 a month for her cell phone, I figure I really got me a deal. She even cooks dinner. Shhhh, just don’t let those dang progressives know that I have me some slave labor or they will be all over me like a bat out of a cave. And being an ex-progressive, I know these things.

    But back to granddaughter, she is just really earning her free room and board without knowing that it really isn’t free. Plus with her two teenage brothers coming over almost every weekend, somebody has to earn the food they eat. Costco isn’t cheap. Where the hell do they put all that food anyway. Their mom feeds them before they come here and then they eat and eat when they get here. Okay, that is how we bribe our teenage grandkids to come visit us. All the food you can eat. The sign on the door says, “Welcome to Grandma and Grandpa’s all you can eat Buffet.”

    So for all you future grandparents out there, that is the secret to having grandkids visit. Lots and lots of food, the kinds that their parents do not buy them. Actually I do get in trouble for all the junk food I send home with them too. They always leave room in their suitcase cause they know they will get goodies to take home. I also try to include some healthy food too. I just tell them it is all junk food. They love me too much to refuse the healthy food too.

    And I pay them for their help too, like washing my car, weeding the garden, doing the dishes and playing with my hair. But they have been massaging my back for free for the last few weekends. What can I say, I love my grandbabies, all eleven of them. That is just too many, if you ask me.

    God bless.

    Oh and Costco sells those Sham Wow’s in bulk. I got them all over the house too. Maggie is making me use those things like never before. Dumb chihuahua is too stupid to pee outside.

    Freaking cats know how to do that, why can’t a dog do it. I love my cats, they even pee and poop in the neighbors yards so I don’t have to clean anything up. Now that is love for one’s Master. I tell the neighbors that they are wild cats and I don’t know who owns them. HEHE.
    Pls send your granddaughter to my house – I can afford $30 a month. Dang – wish my cell bill was that cheap!! And, hmmm, did I ever tell you about the time I shot at the cat w/my target pistol bcause it was using my garden as its personal bathroom? It ran like a son of a gun and nevah came back! bwahahaha – dear Humane Society & PETA ppl – I didn’t hurt it – just scared it. LOL Hugs from the Swiffer Queen

  2. PS…I forgot to tell you that the Clean House people came over, walked inside, looked around, and they then ran out screaming, never to be heard or seen in this neighborhood again.

    I lubs that show.
    I like Hoarders better coz they REALLY make me feel superior. heheheheheheee – I may have a crap room and a junk drawer but those ppl’s houses should just be bulldozed. so sad.

  3. I HATE being mean to people… well, most people… I’d love to be mean to my BIL. He’s an idiot… but that’s a story for another day.

    At least you’re done being mean… and you tried to be nice about it! LOL
    Oh honey I was never mean – you have no idea what I did for this lady above and beyond – she was treated very well by my husband and I, we gave her stuff, she always got a xmas bonus, etc. So I only feel bad that I had to do this. I feel so bad but being home all day and NOT cleaning your own house is just wasteful and lazy (well at least for me). I’m in my frugal mode. 🙂 Okay I take it all back – there’s this whackjob who lives behind me and I want to be mean to him. There, that felt better. ROFL MUAH!

  4. Sorry to hear you had to let her go, I know you have been agonizing over this for awhile now but ya’ gotta do what ya’ gotta do. Don’t get too hung up on cleaning or it will drive you nuts.
    Oops too late we started a new “clean house” regimen this morning – bed is made – furniture swiffered, dog toys put away, surfaces have been Lysol sprayed & wiped w/Clorox wipes (for my cold germs) bkfst dishes in dishwasher & coffee pot cleaned – we’re showered and dressed, I have done 2 loads of laundry, retrieved the trash can & recycling bin (it’s trash day), started a new bag for Goodwill, holey moley it’s barely 10 am and I’m driving myself nutz! ROFL – new motto – keep things tidy as i go along. I looked outside and saw the lady across the street has a new cleaning lady – dang her! (but she and her hubs both work so I’ll let it go) where’s my book?….it’s break time!

  5. I’m sorry you had to let Gretchen go and that you had to do it in letter form. That said, if you hurt your back cleaning what is that going to cost you? (Don’t make me come up there!) I’m going to cut my cleaning lady to once a month for now and see how that goes.
    Devoted Spouse will be doing heavy things like vacuuming – I bought one of those steam machines to do the kitchen, hall, and bathroom floors – woot! I can dust, clean glass, clean bathrooms – and Swiffer like nobody’s business. We both do the laundry so I think I have a handle on this cleaning thing. Once a month for your cleaning lady might be a nice idea – that way at least on one day it will be spotless and you didn’t have to do it!! I’m saving my $$ for a trip. Woot!

  6. My soul purpose to have kids is to clean my house once they are old enough to reach the kitchen sink standing on a chair j/k. My baby Danielle who is 5 loves to help me clean we have hard wood floors so I put “dusting ” socks on her feet and we “ice skate” floor dusted .. And she helps me make the beds and since she makes the bathroom mirror so pretty with toothpaste she gets to clean it, My son cleans his room and the play room and does not mind emptying out the dishwasher or cleaning our claw foot tub. Then there is my 11 year old who thinks that her siblings are her ” picker uppers” she will bribe them with candy or gum to get them to do things for her, wrong nope won’t let it happen, now that she has a cell phone to earn her keep since she can’t seem to find a job . She helps fold the laundry ,rinse off dishes and reload the dishwasher and clean the upstairs toilet and sink. but I do, do housework I swear muhaha.. I just wiggle my nose like Samantha on Bewitched and it’s done , I wish. no seriously my 2 younger kids love to help me with no problems which probably won’t last too much longer as they get older, maybe I will just tie a feather duster to the cat and make him earn his keep around here too.
    I can relate having to let people go that came into your home to “work” for you. Have a great weekend HUGS 🙂
    Durnitall I knew I shoulda had some rug rats…oh well. I’ll put socks on EmmaLou’s feet and let her “dust” the floors LOL MUAH!

  7. When I first started reading I thought it was going to be a post about how the Shamwow is only available for a limited time and I nearly picked up the phone. I thought about letting our cleaning lady go a thousand times for numerous reasons but I’ve never been able to summon the nerve. I think it was pretty thoughtful of you to give her severence!
    thank you – I thought it was nice of me, too. I couldn’t afford it either. Oh well. That’s life. Had she honored her commitment to be here when she was supposed to, things might have gone a little differently – but she didn’t – nor did she call, so tough noogies she got a Dear Gretchen letter. I truly was as nice as possible. I offered to give her references at any time. I just feel like a horrid person coz I did that. Gah…

  8. Gee, I wish I had a cleaning person I could fire, since the lack of cleaning in this house would then be their fault. No such luck, if the cleaning is poorly done, I have only me to blame. Shoot!
    I now am in that situation – I used to say, sorry the cleaning lady comes tomorrow – but no more. Ick. Now I’m going to get heavier curtains at the door and hide when anyone comes to the door! LOL

  9. I interviewed a cleaning lady once and when I offered her the job she turned me down saying “your house is too dirty.” Huh? In my/our defense, it wasn’t so much that it was dirty dirty but that we’d had some drywall installed and you know how much dust that sh*t makes?

    Anyway, Ana has been cleaning for me for several years and even though I could use the extra money in the budget I haven’t let her go because I can’t face cleaning my own toilets. I’ve said, I’ll get a parttime job (in addition to my other job) rather than clean my own house.

    Good luck!
    I have us on a chore list and we are trying to get into the swing of this cleaning thing but i can tell ya I’m not real happy about it. It is saving me money I can put towards a new computer – coz my cleaning lady was not cheap – I hate cleaning bathrooms, too. And laundry folding…and putting away the dishes from the dishwasher…and cleaning up after cooking…and oh well you get the idea. LOL There will be no more cleaning lady unless I manage to find gainful employment somewhere and since I’m beginning to enjoy sitting here blogging in my jammies I think we’re stuck with the cleaning. 🙂

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