I Just Wanted to Get Out of the House for a Little While

Let’s talk a bit about why I should stay inside and not venture out into the world without adult supervision.

All I wanted to do was get some coffee and maybe treat myself to breakfast.  It was one of Devoted Spouse’s volunteer days and I felt like going out and maybe even getting some shopping done.

I should have known better.  It was extremely cold, there had been a light dusting of snow the night before resulting in a slippery driveway (shades of the Ice Incident of 2009) but I really needed some coffee.

Now the coffee at that highly rated restaurant Le Bob Evans isn’t the best, but the place is close to home and I figured I would just order twice as much coffee.  So I pull into the parking lot, park my car, and immediately upon exiting my car what do I do?  I slip on the ice — okay fortunately I was still holding onto the car door so I remained upright.  I did, however, have severe heart palpitations and visions of emergency rooms.

I’m inside the chic breakfast place and have been seated at one of their booths — the kind that has a booth on the other side but is separated by this weird type of glass partition.  So actually the tables themselves are connected but the people sitting in the booths are not because connected people would simply be bizarre.  (I’m not sure I even understood that sentence.)

Anyway, I’m sitting there reading the paper and trying to eat eggs and drink my coffee and the guy in the quasi-attached booth next to me keeps making his point to his breakfast buddy by slamming his hands on the table, thereby making MY side of the table shake.   After about 10 minutes of this, I calmly get up from my breakfast and walk ALL the way around to HIS side of the booth, politely interrupt his conversation and gently ask him to stop banging on the table because it is making my side of the table move and is actually quite irritating.  He looks up at me and blinks.  And blinks.  And blinks.  Like I’m a nutcase.  Then he looks at his breakfast buddy and goes back to discussing whatever they were discussing.  I say, “Thank you so much and enjoy your breakfast.”  There was no snark in my voice – honestly.  I even smiled.

I go back to my now getting cold breakfast and open up my paper when the man next to me AGAIN slams the table for emphasis.  Oh for the love of… I got up on my knees in my booth seat so I could look over the partition at him and I said to him, “Didn’t I ask you nicely not to bang on the table?”  Guess what?  It worked.  They even left.  I got to finish my breakfast in peace. Of course my eggs were cold but the table stopped shaking.  A few people were looking in my direction but I figured it was because I was wearing such a stunning outfit, not possibly due to my etiquette busting booth behavior.

As I finished up my breakfast, I remembered a tweet I had sent to the Twitterverse earlier and it dawned on me that I had mixed up the names of some politician’s wife I was tweeting about.  I felt so stoooopid I whipped out my SmartPhone and decided to rectify the situation.  To my surprise my SmartPhone wouldn’t let me tweet.  Really.  It flat out refused to let me send anything to Twitter.  Oh it was all ready to allow me to update my FaceBook page, but I couldn’t send out a tweet.  SmartPhone my butt… then I realized I was making all these comments outloud.  I looked up and realized the older couple at the booth in front of me were staring at me, and the women at the table on my other side were also watching me.  It was time to leave.  Leaving a generous tip on the formica table, I sheepishly made my way out of the premises and into the relative safety of my car, SmartPhone in hand.

After a little retail therapy at that famous establishment Target, (and a little more ice skating), it was time to get back to the peace and quiet of my own home.  I arrived safely and thought — I’ll back the car into the garage (which is still a little too full of “stuff” to actually park my car there) so I can unload all my goodies from the trunk without having to walk across a slippery driveway.  Good idea.  Until the sun got in my eyes as I was backing into the garage and I accidentally backed into Devoted Spouse’s tool cabinet.  Yikes.  I also grazed the snow blower.  Yikes squared.  The good news?  I totally missed the motorcycle…but not by much.

All I wanted to do was get out of the house for a little while…not wreak total havoc on the world.   Next time I get this bright idea maybe  I should just stay home and clean up the craft crap room.


18 thoughts on “I Just Wanted to Get Out of the House for a Little While

  1. Yeah have a good clean up in garage – makes sense 🙂
    Well crashing into all of it is one way to get rid of some of it. Unfortunately we need the snowblower – the motorcycle can go as far as I’m concerned… LOL

  2. Do you have a place that delivers breakfast? We don’t either but I’m thinking it would be a good business.
    See, we think alike because when I got home today I thought to myself, if only someone would have brought me some breakfast and some really strong coffee none of this would have happened. Breakfast delivery is a superb idea and I dont know why no one has come up with it – probably because breakfast doesn’t cost much so there’s not much profit in it. I would sign up for it though.

  3. Let’s see, I have coffee in the coffee pot. There’s bacon and eggs in the fridge, we have bread. Nope I won’t be going out the rest of this week–it’s too danged cold out.
    EmmaLou has a grooming appt Fri and I’m staying in and letting Devoted Spouse take her. It will be very very cold here and I have enough groceries until Sat or Sun at least (if someone doesn’t scarf up all the chocolate by then) heh heh

  4. I can’t even imagine what I would be like if I lived where there’s ice. I’m a walking disaster as it is. I think you were completely in the right to stop the table slammer. How rude of him! I’m thinking you and I in the same place might be … a lot of blog material! : )
    I soooo want to move further south but Devoted Spouse likes it here. I just need to hunker down for another month or so and watch that ice stuff (bad memories of Ice Incident of 2009 refuse to leave my brain). Yes, the two of us together could result in blog overload!

  5. I “Heart” you. That is all.
    I “Heart” you back and that’s saying a lot for me coz this danged quotation key is still broken and what is underneath is pointy and leaves nasty indentations in my pinkie finger. grumble Okay Im better now – I just wont use the stoopid key. snorts coffee out nose…

  6. I think you and I were twins separated at birth. We were at the chalet a while back and my husband said to me “don’t forget to unplug the jeep before you use it” (it’s so cold up here we use block heaters in our cars). I said “no problem”. He left to go skiing, I left to go to the store to pick our Saturday paper. Got into the jeep, drove away, watched as the extension cord ripped the plug out of the block heater and fly off.
    Now he wraps the extension cord through the door handle so I can’t get in the jeep without unplugging the cord. *sigh* Kind of like having an idiot string on your mitts.
    wait…I can’t find my other glove…yes we are on the same family tree; I just hang off the branch a little further than u at times. lol

  7. LOL. Love the way you handled the table slamming guy! You rock!
    giggles…he is lucky I didn’t smack the crap outta him. I was feeling generous. ROFL

  8. First, I would like to officially invite you and Devoted Spouse to come and visit us. Really. Take a week vacation and come stay with us.
    Second, you handled ‘Table Slammer’ WAAAY better than I would have. You are a very classy lady.
    Email me.
    I love you. We’ll discuss. MUAH!

  9. I would have started slamming my fist on my side of the table just to show him how it felt because unless it comes to someone messing with my offspring or hubs, I’m not a confrontational person. I wished I’d witnessed this episode and I would have cheered when they got up to leave. Ha!

    DS would love it if he’d move further south. Make him take a road trip here and I’ll make sure he never wants to leave. Deal?
    I thought about slamming my own fist but you all know what would happen 1) I’d probably break a bone in my hand, 2)my coffee would definitely have spilled and 3)dipsh*t would not have stopped his own slamming. ROFL I’m getting to that “fearless” age and I like that about me. I am working on itinerary for several road trips as I write this reply – dont know yet if I will make it as far as you (although I cant wait to meet you one of these days) – we’ll discuss offline. Hugs and smoochies!

  10. I would have liked to have seen that.. Good for you.( I try to avoid Bob Evans)
    No, you probably wouldn’t – LOL – I wore my jammies w/the doggie bones & a baggie sweatshirt into breakfast – the world now knows I’m somewhat wardrobe-challenged. But it was Bob Evans – they don’t exactly attract the upper crust. giggling

  11. Well I have to confess that I love Bob Evans and it’s too bad you had that experience there. And the ice, oh the ice…I take these teeny tiny steps across our parking lot which is right next to the office where I work, and when I get inside, I am shaking all over. Much better to hit something with the car than to ruin your body, I always say.
    Ice is not my friend and I walk flat footed and take tiny steps and could care less how stupid it looks. I don’t EVER want to go through what I went through last year. Bob Evans is not my favorite but it is close and it’s cheap.

  12. I quite admire you for sticking up for yourself in the restaurant, I would have just sat there and fumed.

    I know exactly how you felt when you reversed your car into that tool cabinet, my car has those little bleepers that tell you how close you are to an object when you reverse but I still managed to reverse into my dads garage doors the other day and split the wood by the hinges. I have got a licence, honest 🙂

    I didn’t know your husband had a motorcycle, do you ride it as well? your very brave, I went on the back of one once – never again.

    Take care Linda,
    Many hugs
    I get slightly irritated when I am out somewhere paying for a meal and that meal is being disturbed by a totally oblivious person and my brain doesn’t always catch up to my big mouth! As for the motorcycle, I rode when I was quite young (no I was not the one driving) but not anymore. Devoted Spouse isn’t riding it either — it is simply taking up space in the garage.

  13. I simply laugh out loud every time I read your posts! You are simply amazing!!
    Uh oh did u hear that?? My head just exploded. Ick. Ego fell out on floor – man it’s a big bugger! LOL
    thx sweetie Hugs!

  14. Linda, I so wish I could have been with you at Le Bob Evans. What fun that would have been! *evil grin* What a moron… that guy, not you.

    As usual, you have me laughing. I’m in stitches… you are just the best humorous writer I know. Remember me when you’re famous ok? At least still order treats for Emma Lou.

    Pink Emma Lous??? I’m rolling, laughing again….
    Speaking of pink EmmaLous…I must get my big old butt over to your site and order some more treats for her – she’s out and very unhappy about that – I’l do that soon!!! Hugs!

  15. Love your blog, and good on you with table slammer, he’s lucky he didn’t wear the brekky hey!
    thank you – how kind of you! I thought about grabbing his plate and dumping it on his head but that just seemed too extreme. Plus I didnt want to be kicked out; I hadn’t finished my own brekky yet! 🙂

  16. You know that smart phone has you in it’s crosshairs right?
    I too have suffered the strange attached/not attached syndrome inflicted upon diners at the Bob Evans. It will never match the bizzare late night happenings at the Atlanta Georgia Waffle House but it comes pretty close.
    I know – Le Bob Evans claims it has wi-fi now – Bob Evans wouldn’t know wi-fi if it hit him in his sausage… LOL liars; they may have wi-fi but I got NO SIGNAL.

  17. Oh my goodness I would love to go out to a restaurant with you , you do what I’m thinking LOL!!!When it comes to peoples manners
    Hey I pay money for my breakfast, I should be given the opportunity to eat it in some peace.

  18. We know what happened when I tried to get out of the house and $4,000 repair bill later has you beat.
    Yeah there was that, but I got you beat with trying to get out of the house last year which resulted in the 10 month recovery from the Ice Incident of 2009. ROFL I sure hope you’re feeling better swee’pea!!!

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