Have You Met the Twins?

Men grow old with dignity and their wrinkles and thinning hair only lead to descriptions of craggy, rugged, character.  In fact many men look better as they age. We often hear a remark of an older Hollywood male celebrity, “Wow, he’s aging well.”  And then an older Hollywood woman shows up on the screen and we say something like, “Gawd she looks like crap on toast.”   He looks weathered; she looks like a prune.  It is so unfair.

I just want to slap craggy men, by the way.

It seems like just yesterday I looked in the mirror and gazing back at me was this hot young chick who strutted her stuff in heels and mini skirts and had boobs that actually pointed in the correct direction.  She also had a peaches and cream complexion and drop dead red hair down to, well, that’s enough of this stroll down mammary memory lane.

Those days I didn’t think twice about not wearing a bra; these days the word “support” springs bounces comes to mind more frequently as I get dressed.

Then:  Heels – always heels because everyone knows heels make your legs look skinny.  Now:  Crocs with socks.  OMG I have turned into  a What Not to Wear poster child.  Yes, I spend days on end in jammies and a tee shirt.  Ack Ack.

It’s all a part of aging and we ladies have issues with aging.  Men?  Not so much.  Devoted Spouse had the same hair style for the last 26 years until I recently convinced him to jazz it up a bit.  Now he’s learning about hair products.  He used to think hair products meant a bottle of Head and Shoulders, God love his heart.

I find I spend a good deal of time in the bathroom these days inspecting various things.  I had Devoted Spouse put up one of those makeup mirrors – you know…the kind that you can flip over and your image is suddenly magnified a thousand times?  Note to self:  Don’t buy another one of those.

I was at my usual station (on my side of the double vanity in our bathroom gazing into the magnified mirror) the other night while on the other side of the vanity Devoted Spouse was quietly brushing his teeth.  I started discussing what I was seeing in the magnifying  mirror assuming he wasn’t listening to me babble away.  I may have said something on the order of:  “I have so many of these hairs coming out of my chin I’m thinking of adopting them and giving them names.  Have you met the twins here?”  Apparently this was the one time Devoted Spouse was actually listening to me as he spit mouthwash everywhere and proceeded to choke.

I’m going to leave it at The Twins for now.  I’m afraid if I actually give them real names when more of my CRS hits I’ll forget which hair has what name and that would just be so upsetting.  And do I pick female names or male names?  Or generic names like celebrities with their babies.  Then again, celebrities probably don’t name the hair on their chins either.



17 thoughts on “Have You Met the Twins?

  1. That 1000x magnified makeup mirror IS NOT OUR FRIEND. It is mean and cruel. I was perfectly happy in my ignorant bliss until I looked in one and discovered hairs growing in places I didn’t know hair could grow in.

    It’s a cruel, heartless world.
    How much ya wanna bet a MAN came up with the idea of putting the mega magnifier on the other side of the already cruel mirror? Hmmm.

  2. I requested (!) and rec’d one of those mirrors for Christmas. Geez. I had no idea the horror involved in looking at that thing.
    I can’t believe I paid for it and am considering ripping it out of the wall, but I still have this morbid fascination to watch the enormity of pores…

  3. I figure if I have to put on my reading glasses to see the ‘twins’, they don’t count. 🙂
    On the up side I said something about coloring my hair and ELPH said ‘Why?’ Love that man!
    Devoted Spouse feels the same way – I let mine start coming out grey; it was very short at the time, and my hairdresser to the stars highlighted it with some blond so it would look better. It didnt – I absolutely hated it; the hair plus the extra 30 or so pounds I had on me at the time made me look like I was an 80 yr old great grandmother – started dropping the weight and the hair grew out and went back to red. Now I’m happy – and I secretly think DS is too (but he would never diss me). LOL

  4. By the hair of your …..

    LOL! Once again you have made me laugh so hard and, due to my age the bladder get’s way to excited and….well…..

    You get the picture. Glad your back!
    Sweetie we have just GOT to pick up some Depends! 🙂

  5. I’m lucky. I get to have a whole civilisation on my chin and call it a beard.
    Devoted Spouse grew a beard and I hated it – made him look old and I made him shave it off. I have that power – I am woman. He got to keep the mustache, though. 🙂

  6. So far I have been very lucky in the hairs-on-my-chin department but as I age my other “Twins” have gotten larger which I didn’t think was possible as I have always been endowed. Now I have to wrestle them into submission and what I have to wear to contain them could never in anyone’s imagination be described as “sexy”. This piece of undergarment would scare away small children.
    Yikes! And I thought I indulged in TMI…lol I simply have no comment except to giggle.

  7. When I am watching TV I will sit there and just feel my large family growing. All the members have settled into their own place and no matter how many times I send them on vacation, they just keep coming back to visit. I’ve tried to make it uncomfortable for them but they refuse to leave permanente, it must be all of that extra cushion I have provided for them in the last ten years.

    And I was looking in my mag mirror and I discovered that the meteors have landed all over my face along with a lot of gullies. Then I saw that I was developing some earthquake fault lines and I had thought I was getting off easy by not having any volcanoes but then I noticed my of my family members trying to crawl out of one of the volcanoes and I then decided it was time to trash the mirror, but was afraid that if I did then I would never be able to put any make-up on if I ever chose to wear some again. So I just covered it up and will only use it when sending my family on vacation.

    Oh and it is a good thing I emptied my bladder before visiting your twins.

    God bless.
    Your “large family growing?” ROFLMAO I refuse to talk about my large family. As for my mag mirror, I figure that’s why God made very sharp tweezers and face spackle.

  8. Oh, the joys of aging…I don’t remember my mother agonizing over the things that I do. But, then, my mother was not the kind of person to speak of her personal trials. I suppose I have no guide post to help me navigate the era of managing “twins” on my chin or those disturbing misdirections that the rest of my body is taking…

    Just glad that Devoted Spouse spit out the mouth wash and not choked on it. See…he does listen to you…LOL
    I wondered why I was getting the little hairs on my chin and then it dawned on me – my eyebrows are simply migrating south.

  9. Well I’m glad other people are talking about chin hairs. I’m sitting in a meeting full of men and have to stop myself from feeling my chin for the errant hairs, because if I find one I’m sure everyone in the room can see it.

    I was at my mother’s the other day and she has one of those mirrors, so I just had a peek. OMG! How could you buy one of those…I’m sure I started hyperventilating!

    I think I have a handle on the chin hairs, but now I’ve discovered they are migrating south…yes to the twins. Arrgghh!

    Thanks for making me roflmao this cold, grey Monday morning.
    Oh sweet merciful heavens – let’s not confuse MY twins (the 2 chin hairs) with THE TWINS (which I prefer to call The Girls) as I don’t EVEN wanna think about that type of hair migration. Ewww and double that Ewwwww. LOL

  10. Once again, I find myself laughing aloud at what you have written Linda. You really do provide such a great service here. When I get frustrated or upset, I know I can come here and all will be well in the world. I always wondered why my mother used to sit for hours in front of magnifying mirrors with tweezers and now I know because I do the same thing. Egad – it is not fair!
    Hi D! I’m glad I could provide a brief respite from your political world! I’m thinking maybe those burqa things have another use — use then on the days you haven’t tweezed! ROFL – politically incorrect humor, I love it.

  11. My mother’s eyesight got so bad that she’d pay my neices to tweeze her facial hair. One was so mercenary she’d charge by the hair.

    I’m so glad I don’t own a magnifying mirror it’s bad enough looking into a regular one.

    Thanks for the giggles!
    She PAID them? Oh for the love of…my “hairdresser to the stars” keeps trying to convince me to do the hot wax thing but I’m resisting — I’ve heard the screams coming from the back room and seen the ladies come out with tears streaming down their faces and all the redness where once was an errant hair or three. No thank you. Me and Basil (that’s what I call my latest set of tweezers) do just fine.

  12. Ack when I was younger I wished that I had more cleavage, I would do a little song while squishing my nubs together we must we must increase my bust, but that never worked even after kids I had barely nothing, then I hit the age of 30 and vavoom my boobs bloomed. I detest the mag mirror I see things on my face that was not there before and then Master Electrician wonders why it takes me 20 or more minutes to get ready to go somewhere, heck he comes in combs his hair and he’s done . uggh!!
    Yeah, I wanna be a low-maintenance guy in my next life – a quick shower, shave, a little hair gel and they’re done. So unfair! 😉

  13. I like to think of my “twins” as a very special gift that my grandmother handed down to me. LOL. I’m sure it’s a sight for the people driving next to me during my commute as I try to pull them out with my finger nails. ughhhh! 😉
    Now I know why men stroke their beards or mustaches…it’s disturbingly comforting to reach up and find that little hair sticking out. ROFL and I thought I was the only one trying to pull it out using my fingernails!

  14. Laser…….it’s the only way to go. I am having those little hairs on my nose – that used to be on the top of my head – lasered off and it’s not painful and it works!
    Wait – they don’t come back?? No more tweezing…no more Nair for Face (ow, ow, ow, chemical burns), no more grasping with fingernails? hmmmm….interesting…

  15. C’mon now, celebrities don’t even HAVE chin hairs, well, not in public they won’t…. they will be “taken care of”, you can bet on it.

    I remember the heels, the slim and trim figure that I never even had to work at, the long hair… now I see the slippers and sweats all day long, the turkey swag my neck is beginning to look like and the hair pulled up in a barrette. It sucks, it really does. Just to go to town requires 1.5 hours of preparation — showering and washing/drying hair, careful makeup, nice clothing…. and in the long run, I don’t think all that effort is even worth the waste of time!

    Sad, ain’t it?
    hey who ya tryin’ to kid here? I met u, remember? Ur drop dead gorgeous and you wouldn’t know turkey swag if it smacked u silly. giggling like crazy. LOL I vote for the sweats and slippers – oh yeah!

  16. Did you hear me laughing from your house? Right.Out.Loud.
    I wondered what that hysterical cackling was…. giggles 🙂

  17. OH puh-leeeez. It’s been at least 6 months since we met. LOTS can change in 6 months when you’re 49. 😀 Plus I’ve been eating way more cut-out cookies and apple turnovers and Pringles… yep, lots of JUNK. Oh yeah, don’t forget Taco Bell.

    SHUT UP – You’re a drop dead gorgeous blonde size 0 and I still love you but I hate standing next to you when a camera is snapping a pic coz I have thunder thighs and you don’t. Now quit arguing with me and go make us somethin good to eat! ROFL!!! wait…Taco Bell? I gotta go…cya

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