My Kingdom for a Pen

courtesy of

I left one of my 10 faithful readers  Mrsupole a reply to her comment the other day about organizing.  She spoke of having journals around the house to help her with the CRS affliction so many of us share.  I mentioned that I kept a supply of Post-It Notes pads in every room so at a moment’s notice when a stray thought or a To-Do hits, I can quickly make note of it before the dreaded CRS attacks my neural network leaving me pacing  in circles while mumbling under my breath, “Why’d I come in here?”

What I neglected to mention was having these Post-It pads strategically placed around my home doesn’t do me much good if there is no pen in the vicinity.  And guess what?

I can’t find any flipping pens in this house.  It is as if the pens are in a different reality, a dimension all their own; they’ve dropped into (cue music) The Pen Zone.  Firmly convinced that pens are not inanimate objects but do, in fact, communicate with one another, I have tried to tune in my own super acute hearing to their frequency.  Nope — can’t hear the chatter of the Bics nor those roller ball Uni-things;  not even the Sharpies are making a sound.  Enlisting the aid of EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer returned a doggie response of, “Sharpies?  Sharpies?  Sharpies have moved into the neighborhood?  Can they come out and play?”  Poor dear thought I was talking about Shar Peis and she got so excited, well, let’s just say I had to run for the paper towel supply and the bottle of Resolve.  Turns out, EmmaLou cannot hear the frequency pens use to communicate either, but she can hear the rattling of cellophane on a fortune cookie from two floors away.

It isn’t that I don’t own any pens.  On the contrary, on any given day I can be found wandering the pen/pencil/eraser/highlighter aisle of my local Office Depot and it is rare, indeed, I leave the store without at least one package or box (a dozen is so much more comforting) of pens in hand.  So the pens are here in this house somewhere.

When I come across a stray pen (they sneak out at night and scribble then at dawn disappear back to their own dimension) I usually drop it into the pretty Longabarger pen holder in the kitchen next to the house phone.  Or I might stash it in an old chipped coffee mug on the desk in my  crap room home office neatly organized haphazard study area upstairs.  And, lately I have taken to grabbing the errant pen and jamming it into my purse or stashing it in a coat pocket so I can write a check at the grocery store.

But where do all the pens go that are normally placed next to the Post-It pads — like the cute Post-It pad that says Live Simply, Live Well, Life is Your Dance, which I keep on the table next to my comfy chair?  I thought this Post-It Note pad was significant because of the theme Live Simply but how can I Live Simply if I can’t even find a ^&$% pen?  Oh crap on toast.

You know what I CAN find around here?  hair scrunchies.  There are tons of them popping up in the oddest places (kitchen drawer)  and I know I’m not bringing them into this house  – I haven’t bought a hair scrunchie (scrunchy?) in ages because it’s just recently that my hair has gotten long enough to pull it into a ponytail and hair scrunchies are not all the rage any more.  I also have more than my fair share of those little wired green paper covered twistie tie thingies you put around the plastic bag of fruit from the grocery.  Those I have in abundance.  Ever try to jot down a note with a green twistie tie?  It doesn’t work.

Some day, far in the future, when I am long gone and this house is covered by several hundred feet of dirt, archaeologists will dig on this very spot and will discover 100,817 strange skinny plastic cylinders with the remnants of a dark substance in the cylinder, a few hundred pieces of paper that stick to each other but have no writing on them,  and pottery shards with strange markings which will be deciphered as the words “Bite Me”  from what once was an ancient coffee mug.

Finding those pens in this century is not looking promising.


8 thoughts on “My Kingdom for a Pen

  1. CRS? I need to write things down, as well. My wittiest sayings are just ashes in the cosmos, because they stay inside my head.
    uh-huh…welcome to my world and I’m supposed to be funny – it’s hard when u wake up at 3 am with a gut-buster idea for a posting, can’t find the #%% pen, then forget the idea in the morning. Ack ack.

  2. Oh those are some pretty pens. I like the colors.

    I have found that clipping the pen to the journals has helped me immensely, but then I keep forgetting to clip the pen to the journal. I use all the old coffee mugs as pen holders and for some reason everything but pens get put into them. Why do we have so many little “what nots”. I do not even know what they are, let alone where they come from. As a matter of fact I do not even know where half the crap in my house came from or what half of it is used for.

    This trying to get organized while you are sick sucks. I am going back to bed. I have been so tired lately and I do not even have the energy to get up and go to the doctors. I am in labored breathing mode right now and just waiting for the mucous to pop out. It is refusing and does not want to be born. But at least coughing is down to a minimum right now. And I do not have a fever as of yet, so I am not exactly sure what I have. I am just so sleeeeppppppppppyyyy.

    God bless.
    Please rest, drink lots of fluids, and consider going to doctor – I sooooo don’t want you to get pneumonia – we need you to be well!!! Hugs and blessings!

  3. I am forever looking for a pen and when I do unearth one it’s gone dry. Another thing never in abundance? Spoons. Especially when I’m trying to find something to stir my coffee at 5:30 a.m.
    funny you should mention spoons…I bought a bunch of cheap spoons to add to my regular spoons for just that reason – it seems to be the utensil we use the most.

  4. I warn people that I have a habit of ‘collecting’ pens. Heck, I’m a writer I need pens, lots of pens, pretty pens, functional pens, pens of all colors, gimme your pens…uh, sorry about that.

    Didn’t anyone ever tell you that scrunchies breed? Geez, never put 2 together or before long you have 100. 😉
    well crap…To-Do List item: separate scrunchies.

  5. ELPH has a cup of pens on his desk near the kitchen. They are all points UP! Makes me crazy cuz the ink flows away from the tip and won’t write in the .93 seconds that my brain will hold a thought! Tie those pens to the journals with the scrunchies:)
    and it hurts when you grab one points up – ick. tie the pen to the notepad w/scrunchie – hmmm not a bad idea but that’s gonna make an interesting ponytail accessory. Then again if I kept a pen in my ponytail the person behind me in the grocery line wouldn’t have to fumble for a pen. hmmm.

  6. Funny you should mention this as I was having this problem yesterday. We went to town and I hit Micheal’s and they had a sale so I picked up a couple of cute cheapie journals and then scoured for a pen once we got home because I decided to carry one of the journals around in my purse. Took awhile but I managed to track one of those suckers down and it now resides clipped to said journal and safely tucked in my purse.

    My hair hasn’t been long enough for a pony tail in probably ten years. Now I can’t even imagine dealing with anything close to long hair. Heck, last haircut the chick went a bit bonkers and my hair was about as short as Hubby’s and while not exactly what I wanted it didn’t bother me at all. No muss, no fuss. You know, that shaving my head then tattooing it is looking better and better especially since my hair keeps thinning out.
    I tried keeping a journal in my purse but kept taking it out and losing it so now I just keep a teeny notebook there. Hair – I’ve been growing this mop for about 2 years now and its just past shoulder length – I remember my short hair and I loved that wash and go style but my husband made a passing remark one day about short hair making women look heavy and while I’d like to think he wasn’t talking TO ME, I started growing it out. Then again he loves long hair so, maybe he said that just to get me to grow it. I dunno – when it gets in my way – ponytail or clip. The problem is the constant care and how long it takes to get it washed, dryed, and styled. Oh well, it’s not like I have anything else to do…

  7. I was thinking of a comment but the my CRS kicked in and I forgot it. I’ll get back to you, maybe.
    By the time I scrolled down to this comment, I couldn’t remember what the post was about. Crap on toast.

  8. I am so glad it is not just me then, and have you noticed pencils are always broken, mobile phone batteries are always flat and how do coat-hangers get so entangled.

    Hope you find this funny but I had to google sharpies and bics. We call them Biros. 🙂
    I remember the term Biros from when I lived in Belgium – I giggled at that. Oh well, petrol vs. gas, etc. Hey – pencils are ok but I can never find the sharpener and my cell does run low too and I forget to charge it and as for coat hangers Devoted Spouse keeps making me recycle them back to the dry cleaners and then when I really want an extra hanger I can’t find one. LOL

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