TP or Not TP…That is the Question

The always interesting magazine Mental Floss did an article some time ago about one of my favorite items:  toilet paper.  When you think about it, it’s an item that we all have in common; everybody uses tp.  Well, at least I HOPE everybody uses tp.  If you’re using corncobs (ouch, yes they used to use them) or the Sears catalog pages, you need to get your butt into the 21st century my friend.

Did you know that the U.S. spends more than $6 BILLION a year on toilet paper?  If everyone used just two sheets less every time they…you-know…just think of the money this country could put towards the deficit!   According to Mental Floss Americans use an average of 57 sheets a day, or 50 lbs of toilet paper – yikes, that’s a whole lotta wipin goin on.

I was reading the latest issue of Mental Floss and a reader wrote in and discussed tp research he did some years back and he came up with 4 categories of toilet paper consumers:  Folders (43%), Crumplers (41%), Around the Hands (6%) and he also included Other.  Other?  How else can you use tp?  I also have an issue with Crumplers – just what the heck does this mean — you wad up the tp before you use it?  How efficient can that possibly be?  And..I’m sorry, but Around the Hands?  Wouldn’t that mean you actually would have to use the other hand to unwind the used tp?  Blechhh.

This reader also maintained that by consumption alone women accounted for 73% and men for 27%.  So this means we ladies are more fastidious or just have more pieces parts to wipe?  This is getting dangerously close to the TMI category for me.

I know!  Let’s take a TP Poll.  I really want to know — because I obviously lead a very boring life and have nothing better to do.

10 thoughts on “TP or Not TP…That is the Question

  1. I can’t believe I’m the only one who voted.
    It’s early – come back tomorrow and we’ll tally up the votes! I’m glad one of my 8 faithful readers showed up!!! LOL

  2. You know sometimes your the toilet paper and sometimes your the ass….

    🙂 I’m usually the ass.
    ROFLMA…no wait LM TP O ! bwahahahahaha

  3. You are just too funny.

    I have always tried to teach my ***** and the ****** how to properly use TP. But the *******(names left blank due to me getting killed if I fill in the dots) just want to be wadders (maybe the same as a crumpler), they grab a lot of TP, then wad it into a ball and take one swipe and toss, then do it again and again. It drives me nuts. I have patiently tried to teach them to just pull off “x” amount of squares then fold them, wipe, fold again, wipe, if you can wipe again, then toss and start again. I tell them that TP is expensive and we are not so rich that we can afford them to waste our money. They just look at me like I am a nut case and keep on wadding the TP up. And I just keep going crazy…..

    They just released me from the Toilet Paper Savers Asylum last week and I have now learned that I have to accept the waddling descendants and accept the fact that the hand wrappers have a crippling fear of getting any crap on their hands.

    It was really nice inside there. They have ‘no toilet paper allowed rules’, and everyone has to learn how to use a bidet with a built in bottom dryer. I thought I was in toilet heaven. My bottom soon became as soft as a “baby’s butt”, oh it was so soft that the family is now deciding if they have to send me to the Butt Rubbing Asylum because they keep catching me rubbing my butt. I have tried to tell them that I cannot stop myself because it is now so soft and if they would just feel it once then they would be so shocked at how soft their butts would feel if they bought one of those new “Washlet” toilets for sell in Japan.

    Okay I gotta go now, I am quickly packing my bags and then going on the run, or maybe back to the TPS Asylum cause that was a great place.

    Oh, it is so soft, and I am thinking of mooning someone soon……

    God bless.
    …and you think I’M funny? *wipes tears* The wadders and crumplers — I don’t get at all!

  4. $6 billion??? Holy Crap!!!
    This was way TMI but I love the photo…LOL!

    An invention that will require NO TP is in the works…I’m sure of it! (think japanese technology).

    Thanks for the laugh 😉 😉 😉
    Yes I’ve heard of this invention — I’ll stick to TP (pun intended) LOL

  5. I am sort of in the in-between group of first folding then sort of crumpling.

    Well of course women are going to be the people that use the most TP! What a dumb stat to post in the article – not your post. I doubt that the “shake” trick wouldn’t work too well for the fairer sex, but then again, I’ve never tried it. 🙂

    Hey, some of those terribly expensive toilets that you can buy in Japan will do just about anything and everything for you. I like the idea of a seat warmer for the toilet. Now if you have seen pictures of some of the toilets in Europe and Arab countries we are doing great! I have seen pics and read horror stories of toilets that are just a hole in the floor you stand or squat over – no tp, and you have to use a hose or bucket of water to “flush”….ewwww!!!
    I got a kick out of the stats, too. Yeah, let’s start that “shaking” and see how long that lasts! LOL
    We had a bidet when we lived in Belgium and I hated the thing coz there was no way to get dry except to grab more tp and start all over again. All the Americans put silk plants in the bidets and the Europeans were simply horrified. We thought it was funny! Oh the TMI in this posting… 🙂

  6. I have voted, I cannot believe I am about to tell this to the blogosphere but I am a folder.

    The picture of the man reminded me of something really embarrassing. I hadn’t been in my job very long and when I got to work that day I was really desperate to (ahem) twinkle.

    Anyway the ladies was occupied so I dived into the one next door. All I will say is why don’t men lock toilet doors.
    Now that’s funny, but when ya gotta go, sweetie ya gotta go!!! Don’t feel bad – I think most women are folders except for Delaney LOL. What’s hysterical is we are all talking about it at all!!

  7. @ Last Post

    Hey! I have to be different, you should know that by now 🙂
    That’s our Delaney!!

  8. In Africa they use their hands and then rinse them in a bucket of water outside the “toilet”. OMG…..that is just too gross. I didn’t do much hand shaking over there.
    Very funny post.
    I know…that’s why in certain countries they don’t eat their food with both hands. Nasty. I’ll be staying right here where I can appreciate the benefits of a nice soft two-ply tp. 🙂

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