It was only a matter of time until some pseudo-scientific brainiac with nothing better to do studied the ecological impact of man’s best friend. According to an article in my daily newspaper, a study in New Zealand claims that a medium sized dog has a larger carbon footprint, I mean pawprint, than an SUV. Refresh my memory… New Zealand is known for what? Oh, let’s see…nothing…except being the home to Xena Warrior Princess.
I read the article to EmmaLou, infamous medium-sized Golden Destroyer, and explained that her carbon pawprint was the equivalent of building and fueling a Toyota Land Cruiser but a cat’s carbon pawprint only equals that of a Volkswagon Golf.
EmmaLou rolled around on the carpet, sniffed her bottom, and then grinned as only a Golden Destroyer can. She was very proud that she equaled a Land Cruiser and the cat only a VW Golf.
I tried to explain to her that this was not something she should be proud of. EmmaLou quickly countered with how much trash Devoted Spouse and I deposit at the curbside every week while the only thing SHE deposits is biodegradable. It isn’t her fault Devoted Spouse actually collects this biodegradable waste and puts it in with our curbside trash. Hmmm, maybe I needed to rethink this.
I reminded her of all the water she wastes as she drinks from her large doggie water dish dripping tons of excess water from her doggie jowls everywhere, thus wasting another precious resource since I had to mop up the excess water with a paper towel which would then be deposited in the trash going to the curb. EmmaLou reminded me she never asked me to put that bowl of water on the floor; she would be just as happy lapping from that lovely porcelain bowl that is attached permanently to the floor in the bathroom. Hmmm, I needed to think about this some more.
I gently reminded EmmaLou of the manufacturing process involved in providing the lovely hypoallergenic doggie kibble she so greedily gobbles up and the amount of effort and resources that go into making her lovely meals. She yawned and told me she’d be just as happy munching on the occasional varmint in the back yard and I could put the hypoallergenic kibble where the sun don’t shine. Hmmm, I was not winning this argument. I wanted her to decrease her carbon pawprint. She wanted me to stop reading stupid articles outloud and get her toy out from under the couch.
I realized I wasn’t getting anywhere in this discussion. After all, EmmaLou provides constant unconditional adoration, lots of hours of doggie entertainment, and is always happy to warm my feet. Maybe I shouldn’t be too concerned about ecological pawprints. I went to the kitchen in search of coffee.
Returning to my comfy chair I found the paper on the floor shredded to pieces. Laying in the midst was EmmaLou, grinning, her carbon pawprint firmly planted right on a newspaper mess equivalent to a Toyota Land Cruiser.