Coupons Redux or Rumble on Lane Three


So there I stood in line at the local grocery store with my measly two items.  There were three checkout lanes open; each one having several people in line and all with no less than 20 items each.  I looked around and chose a lane all the while praying the Express Lane would open.  The cashier at my checkout lane was new to me; he strongly resembled the guy in Two and a Half Men — the tall comedian who plays Judith’s husband?  Anyway, he’s just a tad nervous and twitchy as he’s checking the millions of groceries of the lady ahead of me.  Almost all of her items have run the conveyor gauntlet towards the bagger and it’s at that moment she decides to start pawing through her purse for her coupons.  If I’m lyin’ I’m dyin’, this lady stood there for a good three or four minutes trying to find each and every coupon — now you know most of us savvy shoppers have our handy dandy coupons ready in our chubby little hands along with our credit card or checkbook, but not this woman.

She finally dug them all out and gave them to Mr. Twitchy.  He started scanning, got about halfway through them and one of the coupons wouldn’t ring up.  He stopped everything, walked around his checkout station and over to the bags that were already full and proceeded to go through them looking for the item in question.  Of course I piped up with, “Can’t you scroll through the receipt and look for the item?”  “Nope,” he said, “This new system doesn’t work that way.”  To which I added, “Well, that’s just dumber than dirt.”  He finally found the item.  But now he couldn’t get the little green screen asking him the price of the item to disappear from his cash register read-out.  He kept banging on the keys, but that screen wouldn’t leave.  He called another cashier over and she banged the same key and came to the same conclusion; that screen wasn’t going to disappear.

In the meantime, it’s been about 90 minutes now that I’ve been waiting as the next person in line and, shoot, I only have two items; a pint of Hagen Daz Rum Raisin ice cream, and a jar of salsa.  The lady behind me points at my items and says, “You got a strange combination there.”  I turned to her and replied, “I know and if the ice cream melts, the combination of salsa and ice cream don’t work as well.”  She looked at me and said, “You can’t be serious — you don’t really mix those two, do you??”  I put my best honest look on my face and said, “You only need a dollop of the salsa on top of the ice cream, and I’m telling you it’s the most amazing taste combination I have ever experienced!”  She looked at me a moment longer, then said, “Hmmmph, guess I’ll have to try it.”

By that time I was internally hemorrhaging, ready to wet my pants, and trying to keep a straight face as Mr. Twitchy started humming while he remained steadfast in his efforts to erase that pesky green screen.  He finally pulled out a key from his pocket, unlocked the cash register and pressed some type of reset.  He kept humming and remarked, “Well there we go now; that wasn’t so bad, was it?”  I almost choked, I had tears forming and was on the verge of hysteria.

Where do these people come from and please Lord don’t let them reproduce.  Salsa on ice cream.  It was just too easy.


8 thoughts on “Coupons Redux or Rumble on Lane Three

  1. Are you saying that you don’t eat salsa on your ice cream? Haven’t you ever tried it before? It is great, being of Mexican descent, we do eat it that way. And then it is even better if you wrap a flour tortilla around a square block of ice cream and then deep fry it for 30 seconds in really hot oil, sprinkle some cinnamon on it and scoop a large spoon of salsa on top of it. It is so yummy, sweet and salsa. And it makes for a great quick dessert. Trust me sometime, just try it. We eat salsa on just about everything. Even nuts, get a bowl of nuts and then spoon some really hot, the hotter the better, salsa over the nuts and then enjoy. Sucking the salsa off the nuts is fun too. You all really don’t know what you are missing. These are some good eats.

    Oh and sorry you had to put up with the coupon lady. This just shows why they need to ban the practice. And I need to step away from the candy.

    God bless.
    Maybe on vanilla ice cream but NEVER on rum raisin – blechhhh. Period. End of discussion. I need to step away from the candy, too. That’s why I’m noshin’ on a piece of apple pie from last night…gah…

  2. Couldn’t help but remember the time I inadvertently, and I do mean I did not realize it, unloaded my groceries onto the “Ten Items Or Less” check out conveyor belt. Fortunately, the next few people who lined up behind me did not have frozen anything in their baskets. Perhaps being a little, not little, little, but grey-haired old woman helped soothe whatever irate, unspoken harsh feelings that might have festering. One sure way of feeling foolish in one easy lesson.
    Honey I feel foolish every day of my life – today I stopped at Target to pick up a refill of med only to find that I had that particular med refilled a week ago – duh – I think sometimes I’m just somewhere else and not paying attention. Okay I KNOW I’m not paying attention. Frustrating.

  3. Salsa & Ice Cream, Bwahahahaha! Too funny! You have abit of evil streak…I like it!
    Sometimes I can’t help myself because people feed me lines and it’s just too easy to have fun with them.

  4. As Bill Engvall says, “here’s your sign.”

    Too many people give me the straight lines for which I also can’t help but respond with my own form of humor…
    It’s so much fun and I try and never be hurtful or hateful, just play up others’ gullibility. lol

  5. Makes me think of the local post office which I frequent quite often. It doesn’t matter if the line is out the freakin’ door, these people behind the counter have ONE speed……tortoise.
    Our PO today had ONE person working. I turned around and left.

  6. Okay, admit it you are an evil, evil woman! Yanking that poor ladies chain like that, for shame woman, for shame! (damn, wish I had seen that 🙂 )
    Not evil, not. Just can’t resist an opening. Plus I was bored standing in that line and needed some entertainment…

  7. Ha ha. Salsa on ice cream too funny! They do sell jalapeno martinis here in Austin and they are a huge hit. I haven’t tried them nor am planning to. Ever.
    I am not a martini lover – never have been, don’t like the thought of olives or onions in my libation – blechhh – and jalapenos belong on nachos, not in vodka. I’m with you.

  8. Sometimes people just ask for it when they say stuff like that…Besides you had to do something to amuse yourself while waiting in line, right? And who knows, she may buy the stuff-try it and like it. I used to love salsa on lots of stuff myself-tummy and high blood pressure changed some of that.
    I was so bored in that line – I know we stood there for a good 15 minutes and I just watched everything around me – there was no sense in getting angry; couldn’t do anything about it so I just started to have some fun. Who knows? Maybe she DID try it and like it. I’ll go on eating my ice cream and salsa separately, thank you – no matter what my buddy Mrsupole says! LOL Hugs!

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