You might want to pay close attention to today’s story kids. I can help you learn what not to do. This story may also show you why Devoted Spouse has stuck by me for so many years now — yes; it’s what I like to call the Amusement Factor.
After Sunday’s jaunt around the Cincinnati Zoo, I was afraid the old back was not going to feel very good. To my surprise, when I awoke Monday morning, the back felt just fine and dandy. You know what that means…retail therapy is not far behind.
After a nice leisurely breakfast, I took off for my local Kohl’s Department Store to search for some long sleeved tees for Devoted Spouse and some new bathroom towels, too. While there I noticed Kohl’s was having a wonderful shoe sale, so I found a pair of shoes and plopped myself down in one of the chairs to try them on. Didn’t like them; not one bit. So I put them back, turned around and got my little black shopping cart and headed off to another department…and another department…and another department…to the tune of about 20 minutes. Then I stopped off at a jewelry display and perused and pondered…do I truly need those sapphire earrings? (no).
Finally I arrived with my little black cart at the checkout counter. Wait a minute…where’s my purse? It’s not over my shoulder; it’s not over my arm; it’s not sitting in the bottom of the little black cart. Holy crap on a crutch – I’ve set the danged thing down somewhere in the millions of aisles I have traveled in this Department Store.
I raced through the menswear section – no purse. I hit the jewelry aisle – no purse. I slammed through the towels and sheets – no purse. Sweating profusely and dreaming of the horrors of stolen credit cards and identity theft I vaguely recalled setting my purse down on the chair as I tried on shoes. Off to the shoe department I raced only to come upon a nice lady who was looking at shoes and standing close to my purse which was, sure enough, right on the chair where I had left it. Me: “Oh my word there it is! I can’t believe I left my purse behind!” Nice Lady: “I was keeping an eye on it hoping you would return.”
Unbelievable – only here in the Midwest would some stranger watch the purse I so stupidly left behind. Had I been back in DC that purse would have disappeared in twenty seconds and I would have had tons of charges on my credit cards before I even left the store. Whew! What a bullet I dodged!
So I thought it was an isolated incident of my scatterbrained nonsense. Then later in the day I stopped off at my vet’s office — no, wait it is actually my DOG’s vet’s office…let’s get that straight right now. Anyway, EmmaLou was getting low on her special diet food so I popped in to pick up another bag. While there I remembered she also needs to get her little precious doggie teeth cleaned so why not make the appointment. Oh – I don’t have my calendar with me. That’s okay I’ll just go home with the food, find my calendar, and call the vet’s office back to make the appointment.
I arrive home with the dog food, go into the kitchen where I find my Day-Timer sitting on the kitchen counter by the phone and proceed to call MY dentist for my dog’s appointment. Oh for cryin’ in a bucket. Where are my brains? Of course my dentist has caller ID and knew it was me so I felt compelled to not just apologize for bothering them but to also explain that I needed my dog’s teeth cleaned and simply called the wrong dentist. The receptionist laughed and we hung up — with me fully aware that as soon as she hung up the phone she grabbed every person in that office and told them about my stupid call. I then managed to call the vet’s office and schedule the proper teeth cleaning appointment for the dog. (And of course, guess who has an appointment tomorrow morning to get HER teeth cleaned? Oh yeah, I’ll be there in the early a.m. having to listen to everyone laugh at how I called them to clean my dog’s teeth. Gah…)
It’s been an odd day here at Chez Crone and Bear It. Not unusual, mind you, simply odd. Obviously, I’m feeling better since I have returned to my moronic ways. Learn from me kids — always pay attention to what you are doing or you will find yourself repeatedly apologizing for your own supreme dorkdom.