…and Speaking of Zoos – I Think I Need a Keeper

asian-elephant-baby

You might want to pay close attention to today’s story kids.  I can help you learn what not to do.  This story may also show you why Devoted Spouse has stuck by me for so many years now — yes; it’s what I like to call the Amusement Factor.

After Sunday’s jaunt around the Cincinnati Zoo, I was afraid the old back was not going to feel very good.  To my surprise, when I awoke Monday morning, the back felt just fine and dandy.  You know what that means…retail therapy is not far behind.

After a nice leisurely breakfast, I took off for my local Kohl’s Department Store to search for some long sleeved tees for Devoted Spouse and some new bathroom towels, too.  While there I noticed Kohl’s was having a wonderful shoe sale, so I found a pair of shoes and plopped myself down in one of the chairs to try them on.  Didn’t like them; not one bit.  So I put them back, turned around and got my little black shopping cart and headed off to another department…and another department…and another department…to the tune of about 20 minutes.  Then I stopped off at a jewelry display and perused and pondered…do I truly need those sapphire earrings?  (no).

Finally I arrived with my little black cart at the checkout counter.  Wait a minute…where’s my purse?  It’s not over my shoulder; it’s not over my arm; it’s not sitting in the bottom of the little black cart.  Holy crap on a crutch – I’ve set the danged thing down somewhere in the millions of aisles I have traveled in this Department Store.

I raced through the menswear section – no purse.  I hit the jewelry aisle – no purse.  I slammed through the towels and sheets – no purse.  Sweating profusely and dreaming of the horrors of stolen credit cards and identity theft I vaguely recalled setting my purse down on the chair as I tried on shoes.  Off to the shoe department I raced only to come upon a nice lady who was looking at shoes and standing close to my purse which was, sure enough, right on the chair where I had left it.  Me:  “Oh my word there it is!  I can’t believe I left my purse behind!”  Nice Lady:  “I was keeping an eye on it hoping you would return.”

Unbelievable – only here in the Midwest would some stranger watch the purse I so stupidly left behind.  Had I been back in DC that purse would have disappeared in twenty seconds and I would have had tons of charges on my credit cards before I even left the store.  Whew!  What a bullet I dodged!

So I thought it was an isolated incident of my scatterbrained nonsense.  Then later in the day I stopped off at my vet’s office — no, wait it is actually my DOG’s vet’s office…let’s get that straight right now.  Anyway, EmmaLou was getting low on her special diet food so I popped in to pick up another bag.  While there I remembered she also needs to get her little precious doggie teeth cleaned so why not make the appointment.  Oh – I don’t have my calendar with me.  That’s okay I’ll just go home with the food, find my calendar, and call the vet’s office back to make the appointment.

I arrive home with the dog food, go into the kitchen where I find my Day-Timer sitting on the kitchen counter by the phone and proceed to call MY dentist for my dog’s appointment.  Oh for cryin’ in a bucket.  Where are my brains?  Of course my dentist has caller ID and knew it was me so I felt compelled to not just apologize for bothering them but to also explain that I needed my dog’s teeth cleaned and simply called the wrong dentist.  The receptionist laughed and we hung up — with me fully aware that as soon as she hung up the phone she grabbed every person in that office and told them about my stupid call.   I then managed to call the vet’s office and schedule the proper teeth cleaning appointment for the dog.  (And of course, guess who has an appointment tomorrow morning to get HER teeth cleaned?  Oh yeah, I’ll be there in the early a.m. having to listen to everyone laugh at how I called them to clean my dog’s teeth.  Gah…)

It’s been an odd day here at Chez Crone and Bear It.  Not unusual, mind you, simply odd.  Obviously, I’m feeling better since I have returned to my moronic ways.  Learn from me kids — always pay attention to what you are doing or you will find yourself repeatedly apologizing for your own supreme dorkdom.

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9 thoughts on “…and Speaking of Zoos – I Think I Need a Keeper

  1. ROLFLMAO

    You just know that they love you there at the dentist office for your entertainment value. And I think you subconsciously do these things because you like to brighten up everyone’s day. I for one am so thankful for all you do.

    And OMG, I would have been freaking out if I had lost my purse. Heck out here your purse can disappear while you are carrying it. But then I have found things and I turn them in to the management of the store that I am in. And I think once I did see a lady walking off from her purse and I reminded her that it was there. So I think that it just depends on who is around. But usually it would be gone in a second. The midwest as a majority is a safer place then on either coast. But good people live everywhere. It is just those few bad apples that spoil it for all the others. And the fact that the news stations rarely report the good that people do.

    I wish my day contained such entertainment value. I am boringly doing the dishes. But at least I am able to do the dishes. I guess that is good news, and I folded hubby’s jeans after fluffling them in the dryer last night. I guess that is progress. But then at the same time I do not want to do too much. I mean hubby has this new found love for ironing. I hate ironing and will do everything I can to not iron clothes. He has been spending about 3 hours every Sunday for the last few months ironing his work shirts. I hide while he is doing that. I am hoping that this is good training. I mean in a few weeks we will have been married 35 years and this is the first time I have ever seen him use the iron. And this is not counting the time we lived together. So the way I look at it, this man has 35 years of ironing to make up for. But he seems to be leaving my clothes alone. He washes and dries them, but just leaves them in the clothes basket. So I just leave them there until I need them. But yesterday our 12 year old grandson folded them for him and put them all away. Hubby was so proud of grandson doing my clothes. I think hubby is afraid to fold a bra. I think when I get well that I am just going to fold my clothes and leave his in a basket. Maybe grandson will comes fold his.

    Glad you had such a nice day shopping and that you are doing so much better. I hope you have many more.

    God bless.
    I’m so glad my stupidity entertains you and the rest of my world. I simply cannot wait to get into the dentist’s chair tomorrow and have the hygienist tell me about how she heard I called for an appointment for my dog – I’m mortified and wish I could cancel my appointment. And yes I was very lucky with the purse incident – scared the pee-willy outta me and I will have to pay so much closer attention to what I’m doing but those shoes were so cute and I just got so distracted. I’m so ADD anyway. Where was I? Oh yeah I accepted your Trooper award and I will put it up on my blog either Wed or Thursday – thank you and Christine (who I dont even know but she was willing to share it with me – I love all these bloggy friends) and I’m glad you decided to send it along to Auntie also – coz she’s had a tough time lately, too. Gawd we’re such a team of messed up shoulders, backs, and miscellaneous pieces parts this year! Pls send your hubby to my house coz Devoted Spouse has learned to iron also but it takes him forever! OH – speaking of laundry I better go re-wash the stuff in the washing machine – I put it in several days ago and FORGOT it – ewww mildew city here I come. If I only had a brain…

  2. I can relate to being increasingly more absent minded. I don’t know where my brain goes. I went to the grocery store, brought the cart to my car, unloaded my groceries, and brought the cart back to the store, with my purse in it. It wasn’t til I got home and searched for my purse that I realized it. I flew back there, and seeing no cart outside with a purse in it, thought the worst. I went inside to the info desk, and there it was. Fully intact. Another nice midwestern tale.l
    Well, we’re certainly sisters aren’t we? I’m thinking of strapping my purse to me with duct tape.

  3. Thanks guys you’ve made a very dreary night very entertaining. Will be interesting to find out who ends up with the whitest teeth, haha. Thanks for the blog post.
    I hope it’s mine! I just wish I had dental insurance for the dog – at least mine is fully covered; hers costs alot of $$ sigh…

  4. I had 2 things to discuss with my boss this morning. TWO. I repeated them over & over in my head all the way to work so I wouldn’t forget. Walked into his office and…forgot! Yea, go me.
    Welcome to my world sweetie! We had such a chuckle at the dentist office this morning as we giggled over me calling them to schedule my dog’s teeth cleaning. Turns out my dentist actually used to work on security dogs over at the Air Force base but he said those patients were a little scary as they came out of anesthesia as opposed to his human patients! LOL

  5. Yeah, those are what I call meno-moments. I find myself doing things I would NEVER have done 5-10 years ago…..I should have been easier on my mom over the years.
    Yup – I get them all the time these days – very annoying. Now I remember what a nut-job my mom was too. I always thought the strange ladies fanning themselves had some type of mental disorder — now I AM one of them! LOL

  6. My wife leaves her purse everywhere and regularly gets cash lifted from it…at least they leave the credit cards and the IDs. We have a respectful criminal element in Virginia.
    I once put my purse down on the roof of my car because I had so much crap I was trying to carry and get into the car and then I got into the car and drove off with all these people honking and pointing at me. Took me about a half mile to figure it out and fortunately the purse stayed on top of the car until I managed to pull over and retrieve it. Duh. But setting it down in a store and walking away is a first and hopefully a “last” – freaked me out totally. Thank goodness for that angelic lady who stayed there and watched over it until I showed up.

  7. Way to funny! Emma & all love your post. Lots of treats and howls for the Ween.
    Emma sez “I have such a Ruff life…” LOL

  8. ROFL! Sadly I’ve done things like this all too often. My family is starting to give me that look that you give crazy people so that they don’t go completely psycho on them.
    I get it too…”back away from the nutcase…” LOL

  9. I have only left my purse once and that was in a restaurant and we usually sit in a booth and I tend to place the purse on the floor under the table out of the way which is what I did the time I left it. Didn’t get too far away when we realized it and went back. Black smallish purse didn’t get noticed and it was still there but the folks now sitting in the booth looked at me like I was crazy when I said, “HI, I need to get under the table, sorry!”

    Everything was still there.
    I’ve heard of getting under the table before but not for a purse! LOL Once hubby and I were in this lovely nightspot for a drink- it was at the top of a hotel in DC and had huge windows that looked out over the city. The entire bar revolved so you could see everything in the course of your stay. Well we sat down on a lovely couch and I set my purse on the floor next to my couch and proceeded to have a drink, listen to some jazz and look out over the city lights. What I didn’t realize was the room revolved, but the area in front of the windows was stationary and THAT’s where I had placed my purse – so we revolved around the room and my purse stayed in one place. It was terrifying to me when I realized what had happened and I had to get up and walk around the room looking beside each couch and explaining I had set my purse down by the window – fortunately I found it next to a nice couple and they laughed with me. Whew! Dodged another bullet! Duh moments of my life…

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