As I write this post it is 1:40 in the morning and I can’t sleep. Again. I seem to be making a habit of this. Nocturnal nonsense. The household is asleep – okay so it’s not a big household but Devoted Spouse is sawing logs and last I checked, EmmaLou the Golden Destroyer had moved into the warm spot I vacated as I gave up on any reasonable hope of sleep — she started snoring as I tiptoed out of the room plus she had her nasty dog head on my pillow.
Sigh…it’s so quiet in the house. I can’t watch tv – I might wake up Devoted Spouse. Oh wait, no I won’t; he routinely sleeps through the worst thunder and lightening while the dog and I pace the floor praying it will stop soon. He’s oblivious once his adorable head hits the pillow. I hate him.
Devoted Spouse is one of those people who can simply lean their head back on the comfy chair and is instantly snoozing. He can sleep during the day and then he can fall asleep and remain asleep at night, too. He can sleep in any hotel bed, on the couch at a friend’s house, in the passenger seat while I’m driving, in an airplane, at a movie. I think the only places I’ve never seen him grab a quick nap are at church and in the shower, and I’m not that sure about church…
He’s a natural sleeper. I hate him. He can drink coffee, diet sodas, eat chocolate all day long and still by 11:00 p.m. he’s out and in dreamland. This is so unfair. He never has to take any type of drug to sleep; he wouldn’t drink warm milk if you held a gun to his head and the thought of reading something boring; well, he doesn’t need to – he can sleep. Did I mention I hate him?
I have tried everything – warm milk (which I actually like), pain medicine, tranquilizers, Tylenol PM (what a joke), and then there were the few months I actually took Ambien. Ambien does help you go to sleep. In my case it was also responsible for some very bizarre sleep-walking behavior. I would get up during the night, fix a meal, leave the dishes in the sink and return to bed. The next day Devoted Spouse would ask me about my midnight snack and I had no memory of it – and I couldn’t figure out for the life of me why I was gaining weight. Then it got ugly — I started getting up during the night, turning on my laptop, getting out my credit card and going on shopping sprees. The next day, again, I would have no memory of this behavior. But stuff kept being delivered to my door and it got to the point I was becoming best buds with the FedEx and the UPS guys – we were all on a first name basis. Then one of the Kennedy clan was in a car accident while on Ambien – he had been driving in his sleep as I recall and that was when I realized this nutty behavior was a result of my taking this drug. So I stopped taking it and cursed my doctor for even giving it to me and suggested he pay off my credit card. (He didn’t.)
I haven’t really slept well since. Fits and spurts — I’ll sleep every night for a week and then spend the next 3 weeks falling asleep and waking up and falling asleep and waking up every night. It’s getting on my last nerve. I need to go back to bed and get some sleep. But I’m wide awake and bored to tears.
I will eventually fall asleep sometime before 5:00 a.m. Probably I will just be starting to relax as Devoted Spouse awakes to feed EmmaLou and go on their early morning jaunt around the neighborhood. The two of them always arise early and are bright-eyed and bushy-tailed eager to greet the morning. I know this because I hear them as I’m dozing off and then I have to look at the alarm clock again to see its evil red numbers taunting me.
Yawn…why am I so sleepy but as soon as I lay down I wake up? I really need some zzzzzzz’s. Pleeeeeze.