Friday Free For All

53046_MishMash

This is my Friday free for all posting  or what I like to call my posting mish mash – I’m going to ramble for awhile and make no real sense at all.  So just enjoy the fact that you can read this and feel superior to me in your capacity to think and act as a rational normal functioning adult human being (probably).

For those of you who are employed, Yippee Skippee it’s Friday and it’s a holiday weekend.  For my friend, Chris, Yippee Skippee, he’s on leave Friday and then goes on vacation for 2 weeks.  For the rest of us slobs – retired, unemployed, or whatever the alternate choice may be, it’s just another day in Paradise.

For me, it’s going to be a day of mostly studying with the exception of a quick run to Omaha Steaks because they had a special one-day-only 50% off sale on Wed and the nice manager told me since my refrigerator died, he would honor my coupon on Fri.  Note to world:  Omaha Steaks rocks – I will NEVER buy a steak from a grocery store again.  Truly.   Back to school — while I received an A my first week of class, and in the middle of my second week, I received an email from my Professor telling me he was impressed with my homework submission and that I was doing excellent work, I’m falling behind in my reading and I haven’t even started working on my source material for my research paper (which is due in Week 7 and that’s just right around the corner).

I’m behind because of the nightmare of the broken refrigerator.  Now, I’ve twittered about it, I’ve written about it on my other Blog (shameless plug) and of course, I posted a note on this blog.  But, it’s amazing to me how totally upside down your world can become when a major appliance decides to commit hari-kari in the middle of the night, especially when this appliance is hooked up to a water line and decides to “pee” everywhere.  Thank goodness I already take blood pressure medicine, or I probably would have reached stroke level by now.  The new refrigerator is in; it’s very nice and I’m happy with it, even if it is taking some getting used to since it’s so different from the type of refrigerator I had before.

Speaking of things breaking…well more like breaking down, as in holey moley Batman, when did I get so flippin’ old?  Devoted Spouse and I were watching Discovery Science the other night and they were talking about gravity.  Plus they were discussing colonizing Mars.  I said, “If we lived on Mars at least my tits would point up.”  Devoted Spouse thought that was really funny but I was serious.  Somewhere between just the other day and today gravity has just wreaked havoc on my body. Each picture of me lately shows either this tremendous turkey neck or 37 chins.  I toyed with the idea of duct taping my neck so it would tighten the skin, but then I’d have to do an amazing job of getting my hair to cover it and there’s that pesky problem of getting the duct tape back off my skin (ouch), so I put that idea in the “don’t try” category.  That’s why I pose with something in front of my neck usually — like a book, a flower, or the dog even.    Almost overnight I have become a perfect candidate for that commercial on tv for the Lifestyle Lift – the one where women my age who look like they’re 127 have some type of procedure done on their jowls (I hate that word; it sounds like the pieces parts you cut off chickens before you cook them) and neck and suddenly look twenty years younger.  As much as I hate the thought of any type of plastic surgery, I want that procedure.  I want it now.  With my luck, the doctor will sneeze, and I’ll end up looking like the Joker.  You know my life – one Murphy’s Law day after another.

My best girlfriend is twenty years older than me (and I thought I was old – LOL).  I used to look at the skin on her arms and think, “Am I ever glad MY arms don’t look like that!”  Well, guess what?  Crapola, now they do – it’s as if suddenly God reached down and pushed my arms together to make the skin wrinkly and it’s really starting to get on my last nerve.  And then there’s the issue with my back  and leg not healing like I thought they would and being in pain and limping and running out of physical therapy appointments next week!  It just sucks.  I broke down the other day and used a cane because it just hurt too much to walk without its support.  That was the day I realized I was my grandmother and I was five minutes away from living in one of those weirdly-flowered house dresses.  Gah…

But it beats the alternative and I’m truly grateful every day I wake up on the right side of the grass.  So what if my boobies are sort of falling down – they’re just in a race to match my butt which is also lowering for some reason.  Life means looking like you are in your mid-50’s on the outside while feeling like you’re in your mid-twenties on the inside.  (Yes I know celebrities like Susan Lucci are in their 60’s and look like 20, but they’ve been carved more times than a  Thanksgiving Turkey.)   Cruel, but true.   Basically, I just need to grow about 3 inches in length and everything would even out again.  I’ll keep blowing out birthday candles (and yes, we always keep the fire extinguisher handy) and wishing for my youth to return, but it will never happen.  I’m told, wisdom takes its place.  I haven’t found that either – – maybe I’ll find it when I get to Mars and get my tits pointing in the right direction.  You’ll be the first to know, trust me.

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9 thoughts on “Friday Free For All

  1. I work in medical insurance and I see all the complications that develop from routine surgeries, but if I had guts and money, I’d change these boobs of mine for little perky things that don’t require a bra. Then I would be in heaven. Imagine life with no bra. But that wouldn’t fix my big fat neck. But it would be a good start.
    We’re just never satisfied, are we? We always can find a fault or three. At least I can. LOL

  2. You have described how I feel about my body to a “t”. Everything I hated about my mother’s body is now showing up on mine. The only good thing is that I’m enjoying easy fitting clothes a lot more. No more squeezing into too tight jeans or too high heels. I go for comfort all the way now.
    I’m going through reconstruction surgery now after having a carcinoma taken off my nose. No way I’m going to go through volunteer plastic surgery…….
    Oh sweetie – the plastic surgery you are going through is such a blessing – I’m so thankful they have the techniques and knowledge now to “fix” you – you’ve been through so much and I continue to pray for your healing and for you NEVER to have to go through anything this traumatic again. I talk about having “work” done, but I’m far too chicken to ever do it – millions of other women have aged and gotten through it with grace and dignity and that’s what I’m striving for – at least the dignity part! LOL Be well and God bless.

  3. If you start wearing a flowery mu-mu I’m going to come up there and smack you! And did you see MY arms?? Bat wings that sprang up over night! I had no idea til I saw a picture a few weeks ago. And the 37 chins thing? Sit on the floor and look up for photos. The chins disappear. Trust me on this. 😉
    Don’t talk to me about bat wings woman, or I’ll have to slap you with my flapping skin which resembles more of the wings of whatever bird has the largest wingspan in the world — oh I dunno, maybe a Pterydactl??? I have dinosaur bird wing arms! LOL Lawdy if I look up any higher for a picture the back of my head will hit my butt…gah…

  4. I am feeling my age these days also. It doesn’t suck. I hope you are felling better soon. You can never go wrong with new appliances.
    I’m glad it doesn’t suck for you. For me it sucks and I think it’s not the age part so much as the not feeling well because of the back. I truly don’t mind aging – it’s a natural part of life to be embraced joyeously. Oh crap, who am I kidding – I’m fighting it all the way. LOL

  5. You won’t need Mars gravity or wrinkle creams you’ll be able to pad it–check out the Lipstick Chronicles (the link is on my site) and what horrors we have to look forward to in the world of fashion. You’ll see what I mean.
    I keep meaning to get to Lipstick Chronicles – but then I keep meaning to keep up more frequently with all the thousand bloggers I have on the neverending blogroll and just don’t get there! I no longer concern myself with fashion – I wear whatever fits, feels good, and doesn’t make the world stare at me or draw attention to me in any weird way. Plus, being retired, I don’t need that many clothes – one or two “nice” outfits for going out somewhere, a “funeral” outfit and the rest is casual. I pretty much live in jeans and tee shirts or shorts and tees and sweatshirts and jeans when it gets cold. Easy. No more panic in the morning on what to wear. Who cares what I wear to the store? Love it.

  6. Yeah, we’ve gone from ‘looking good’ to ‘looking good for our age.’
    Ouch – I forgot about that saying and it’s all too true. A friend at church not long ago told me he thought I was “most attractive” and I was so surprised, but I thanked him and we went on to other discussions. I don’t see myself that way – and I think every woman looks in the mirror and sees all the flaws magnified a thousand times, where the outside world sees more of the “inner” you that you present. At least that’s my opinion. Heaven knows we certainly pay too much attention to vanity and our looks. We have so little time here and we waste so much worrying about what others might think (the old “does my butt look fat in this syndrome”). LOL

  7. Another day in paradise, eh? I’m jealous…I want to be unemployed…I think….I just need a financial backer 😉
    And I want to quit school and be employed again – we’re never satisfied. LOL

  8. My boobs have gotten both bigger and saggier so I have you beat on that one. I have new meds (when does this ever stop?) and while not putting on actual weight, everything has expanded and all just before our trip with the dreaded swimsuits, and all the 20-somethings running around in bikinis **sigh**

    My bust went from a D to DDD (!!??!!) and that is NOT a good thing when they already point south. I just plan on enjoying the beach/surf and the bunnies need to get out of my way or this tatted up old floppy lady will squish ’em dead in their tracks. Anxiety? Not much…lol!
    I’ll send u my electric knife – slice a bit off and send to me and I can crazy glue to my own which could use a little more padding!!! LOL Have a wonderful vacation – enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!!!

  9. This post ties in with the picture I posted on the Mrsupole’s Crap site, you have to go see it and then you will understand. And I know you are gonna bust out laughing so make sure you are not drinking anything.

    I just checked and mine still point forward, but just barely and they are still above my elbows. Wow, I wonder how much longer I will be able to say that. When my shoulder gets healed I am gonna start with the boob exercise and then pray that they stay where they are. But sadly they still make my back hurt cause they are so frickin heavy. But if I lose weight they are the first part to go, which freaks hubby out. I tell him big boobs means big hips and big butt and he needs to make up his mind cause I am never going to willingly get cosmetic boob surgery.

    Oh and next time you get a picture taken just jut out your chin and that should help with the pictures.

    Glad you like the new refrigerator They are nice refrigerators.

    God bless.
    Actually “they” don’t truly point south just yet, I was slightly exagerating but I know they’re headed in that direction. Shoot I want to go south, too, just not gravity-wise! I LOVE the new fridge – we’ve named it Kong because it’s big and black and the doors seal so well when they close it’s almost like they grab the refrigerator and it looks like a big gorilla and hence the name Kong. Whew – what a sentence. I will try the chin jutting but I’m probably going to dislodge my jaw or something in the meantime. sigh

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