You Have the Right to Remain Silent…


No, that’s not me, but it might as well be.

You see Monday I went to my church fully intending to volunteer at our newest Food Pantry.  When I arrived I was told that all they needed was someone to lift the heavy bags of groceries and stack them on the shelves.  Well, gee, I can’t lift anything over about 5 pounds (at least I’m not supposed to) – so they didn’t need me at the Food Pantry,  I thought I could hang around and help sign people in, or pray for someone, but nope they weren’t interested.

Instead I was sent to the sanctuary to stuff the chairbacks with the little comment cards and pens.  Okay.  I don’t mind what I do as long as I’m serving.  At the time it seemed a simple task and a calming one as I was the only person (most of the time) in the sanctuary so I had time to think, pray, hum, sing a little and just enjoy serving.  What I didn’t realize was I was killing my back and leg muscles by bending, twisting, and the constant up and down motions between the seats.  I managed to get an entire section done – I don’t know how many chairs – I’m going to guess around 200 maybe?  Took me a couple of hours, but when I was done, every chair back had envelopes, two different types of cards, and working pens and they were all nicely arranged.  I was happy with my job, said my goodbyes and went home.

By last night I was hunched over and could hardly walk.  I was on a combination of icepacks and heat and I ended up taking several Valium and 2 Percocet before bed.  Yikes.  What had I done?

Tuesday morning I hobbled into the Torture Chamber of Horrors and saw the look of extreme displeasure on the face of my Physical Therapist.  I had to explain to her that I just sort of overdid the volunteer thing.  After doing my exercises, she worked me over good, pulling, pushing, twisting, contorting and pressing on sore spots till I was exhausted.  I fell asleep on the table while having an anodyne treatment.  But I walked out of there better than I walked in.

Unfortunately Queen Physical Therapist pretty much put me on house arrest for the next month.  There isn’t going to be any volunteering – I’m lucky she’s allowing me to attend upcoming classes at church in September.  So I guess I’ll have more time to study, craft, and relax with the occasional outing to Target thrown in for good measure.  But no more bending or twisting or lifting.  I now know what to call her – Officer Sam.  I had Agador Spartacus first, then Chunky Monkey, now I have the able ministrations of Officer Sam to get me back in shape.  And we only have 7 more visits under insurance in which to accomplish this task.

At least she didn’t cuff me…


11 thoughts on “You Have the Right to Remain Silent…

  1. Girl, you need to take it easy or the Nazi torturer will sit on you.
    I just never seem to learn – you should have heard her…”so…the 1,000 mile road trip wasn’t enough for you, you just had to go out and do volunteer work at church and ruin your hip even more, didn’t you? Well, at least you keep me in a job.” Ouch back off Officer Sam! Gimme a break – I was on a mission from God. LOL I’m resting – getting ready for my Masters Program to resume and for a class on the Minor Prophets I’m going to take at church because it’s interesting. Other than that, I rest and let Devoted Spouse continue to take care of me. Oh yeah, and I went to Target today….take THAT Officer Sam! 🙂

  2. I so understand how you get yourself into these situations…’re just not used to not being able to do whatever the hell you want. Take it easy. You’ll get there.
    Aha you have figured out that I am the world’s most impatient woman. I need patience and I need it right now. Oops – see? I’m totally ADD; I jump into everything without looking first, I get myself in the darndest situations, and yet I never learn. Oh I know how to say “no.” I just don’t know how NOT to start a new project before finishing the one I already started while I was working on that other thing…

  3. I think you should get some good movies and books and just take it easy. (Sounds mighty good to me!)
    Devoted Spouse agrees with you – I think I’ll work on school, watch some movies, hang out with EmmaLou and take it easy this time and be a “good girl.” I only have 4 weeks of PT left and I simply HAVE to get moving better soon!

  4. Sorry to hear that. Take it easy! Just try to rest up. Sorry to hear that you are in pain…
    Thanks, sweetie. It’s been a long rough year for me but I’m getting better – it’s just not as fast as I’d like!

  5. Now if we can just get you to LISTEN to her and actually HEAR her instructions! Take it easy for one month. Be selfish and lazy for one month. Let people do for you for once.
    I’m telling you if I have to come up there it ain’t gonna be pretty! I’ll duct tape you to your freaking chair! Don’t think I wont.
    I knew as I wrote this post that I would hear from you and that you would threaten me – I just knew it – Devoted Spouse laughed so hard at your comment – he will gladly provide the duct tape for you! OK OK I get it. I’m going to be very good for the next month, I promise! No bending, no twisting, no hanging from the chandeliers (don’t ask), no housecleaning, no laundry (oops already broke that rule) just study, study, study. And throw in a little fun, too.

  6. Girl….what are we going to do about your back????
    I would truly like to publicly volunteer to be the recipient of the first total spine transplant. Seriously, if they can do it with livers and other organs – let’s get our a$$es in gear and get working on transplanting spines coz I need a new and improved one. I’d like to be a Terminator actually – that would be nice. Or maybe bionic? This nonsense has to stop. I am going to rest for one month – one month of very little activity except my PT exercises and we’ll see if I can get back on track. Just keep praying.

  7. I totally understand. It is next to impossible for me to sit and do nothing. I have to be up and about doing and undoing. I’m thinking your husband will be fishing the bungee cords out and tying you in the bed….and it won’t be for pleasure 🙂
    Being quiet and inactive is just not in my nature – I like to putter about and do things and when I quit my toxic job when my husband retired I envisioned a life of us traveling around together and having fun – well we did a few things and found that we liked to go out to the range and shoot and we liked to fish and then winter came and BAM there I was on the ice dang near dead and everything changed in an instant. Maybe he should get the bungee cords out – between that and the duct tape, I should settle down I imagine. LOL

  8. I hate not being able to do what I used to. I hope you’re back feels better soon. I hope you can find some volunteer work that involves sitting and being nice to your back.
    It is frustrating not to be able to walk far and to have to go slower than I’m used to. I used to just flit around like crazy here and there getting all my stuff done and having a good time of it. Now just going to Target is something I dread coz I’ll have to walk to the back of the store to get to the Pharmacy and then walk all the way back out to my car. I refuse to sit in one of the little wheelchair thingies – I will not give in to it.

  9. I am totally with the others here in saying for you to please take it easy. I will pray some more for you to get well and this time I will add for you to take it easy.

    Uh, oh okay, I know I should take my own advice, but I am not doing as much as you are. Typing is not as hard as you doing your volunteer work. And wow I can use the remote now with no pain. That is real progress. At least I think it is.

    I hope you get another prescription written for more PT. If not you still need to take it easy. Please…..

    God bless.
    Thank you for your prayers, sweetie. We are just two peas in a pod, huh? I’ll see how I’m doing in another 3 weeks or so and then talk to my doctor – I’ve been in physical therapy since the end of May – my insurance may balk at any more. I’m praying, too, believe me. I’m going to go rest now – okay maybe for a little while at least before I can’t stand it anymore and have to go do something but I promise it won’t be something like carrying books up and down stairs! Or laundry (oops, did that). Oh well… Hugs!

  10. Added you to my blogroll! Your blog is so much fun! Your readers are crazy funny too! So glad we found each other!
    Oye. Too many exclamation marks in my comment but oh well…
    Thanks – I’m glad, too, sweetie, oh my, look at all the commas, oh well… LOL Come back Thursday – I’m actually doing a Theme Thursday on Humor. Hugs!

  11. My lord woman what are we going to do to get you to take it easy??? I know it gets boring and you always have things you want to do but you have really, really, got to STOP IT!!

    If you even think about doing something, think about it again. Think about all the movements you will be required to do then about what it will do to your back, shoulder, hips etc. and then DON’T DO IT!

    I agree with Linda, if we have to come up there and whoop up on you to get you to behave then you will have a posse of us doing it. Ohio isn’t that far from Kansas ya’ know?

    Please, please, please…take it easy sweetie I want to see you better before Christmas.

    {{{Hugs & Kisses}}}
    Ok, alright already – message received loud and clear. It’s so nice you guys send me so much love that you want to come and whoop on me. LOL Devoted Spouse just woke up from his nap and is now on his way to what I call Home Despot – I’m staying at home resting, and reading, and trying to stay out of the refrigerator. ackkk…

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