On the Road Back to Normalcy


It was good to wake up in my own bed this morning.  It’s good to not hurt quite as much as I was afraid I might given all the traveling I’ve done in the past four days.  It’s good to be in my comfy chair with trusty canine by my side (smelling very nice from her recent bath in honor of my homecoming).  It’s good to have REAL coffee delivered to me by a smiling, happy Devoted Spouse and it’s good to be working on my blog from the comfort of my own home.  In other words, I feel somewhat like Dorothy clicking her ruby heels to get back to Kansas.  The past few days I have longed for a set of ruby heels that would simply get me home.  At every turn I kept waiting to hear, “I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog, too.”  This was a trip filled with bizarre people, images and experiences. And, it was sad, but this is not a blog about sadness so we shall not speak of that now.

I spoke briefly of my stay at the No-Tell motel the last evening.  My only saving grace that last night was the hour or so I spent on Twitter telling my blogging buddies (all 7 of you now) of the nonsense I was experiencing and being my usual goofy self about what was happening all around me.  Twitter kept me company; kept me from feeling alone and somewhat frightened, and helped me retain what small amount of my sanity still lives.  Twitter made me laugh.  I think it was the bandaids that did it.

I’m referring to my final motel which I won’t identify because I don’t want a lawsuit on my hands for libel or defamation or whatever they call it these days when you’re simply telling the truth about a rotten person or place but due to political correctness, YOU’RE always the one accused. (wow, what a long sentence; note to self:  stop that.)  Anyway, in my final motel I had been given a handicapped accessible room because I didn’t want to try and drag a suitcase up stairs.  I didn’t realize that this room on the ground floor was truly handicapped accessible, meaning set up for someone in a wheelchair – I just thought I had been given a room on the ground floor.  So, the door had not one peephole, but two; one at standing level, and the other which could be used by someone sitting in a wheelchair.  A nice feature, but it was also directly in line with the little desk on which I had placed my laptop and where there was a bright light shining directly on me and my laptop.  When I heard all my “neighbors” arrive I had visions of some drooling halfwit peeking into not just one but two peepholes at me and all I could think to do was get out the bandaids from my handy dandy little mini-travel first aid kit and paste two of them over the peepholes.  No peeking in at me was going to occur on my watch.  So that’s what I did.  BTW I forgot to take them off and I’m sure the housecleaning staff got a big kick out of that.  Or they couldn’t figure it out at all and could only come up with, “Donde esta el peephole?”

I felt safe now with my bandaids in place until I got the distinct feeling I was being watched.  I had already heard the “couple” on one side of me doing unspeakable things and hollering all the usual “Oh Baby, Oh Baby” and the Richter Scale was only registering about a 2 as my wall shook from their headboard slamming into it.  I pretty much ignored them figuring Bubba probably needed the practice anyway… but it was that eerie feeling I couldn’t shake that someone or something was watching me or waiting for me.  It was like a scene out of a Dean Koontz or Stephen King movie.  I got up from my little desk, went to the front of the room (all of about 5 steps), peeked out the curtains and there sitting on the sidewalk in front of my room is this black cat with yellow eyes just sitting there staring at my window.  I quickly dropped the curtain back into place and went back to Twitter this strange event.

A few minutes later I heard the yappy dog on the other side of me and got that “being watched” feeling again.  Once more I went to the curtain, pulled it back just a hair and out in front of my room now is a mangy orange colored  little dog eating dog kibble directly off the sidewalk (poor dog, not even from a bowl), and now there are two cats sitting in front of my window staring at me.  Ick.  Back to Twitter.

Not five minutes later I couldn’t stand it anymore as I heard people outside the door so back to the curtain I went.  Discreetly peeking from the farthest corner I saw some creepy dirty looking people outside, all with cell phones in one hand and cigarettes in the other; one was leaning on the side of my car, one of the CATS was sitting on the hood of my car and now there were THREE more cats sitting on the sidewalk all staring at my window.  Holey moley Batman, crap on a crutch; I was either in Deliverance or Oz, I wasn’t sure which.  I had a terrible feeling that at any moment I would see those damned flying monkeys so I dropped the curtain and returned to the relative safety of  Twitter.

It was time to sign off Twitter; I was freaking out my blogging buddies with tales of what was going on, especially one friend who was truly concerned for my safety when she found out I was in this sleezebag motel by myself and wanted me to go into total lockdown.  God love her heart; she said she would worry until she heard from me the following day that I was safe.  That’s what’s so great about the blogosphere – the love and support of strangers who become your best friends is simply an amazing experience.  (And, yes, I Twittered my arrival home first thing Tues morning).

The night quieted somewhat until about 3 a.m. when Bubba hollered out “One more time!” and the wall started to move.  I got up and turned on the tv, packed what little I had taken out, took a shower and sat on the bed eating pilfered packages of Saltines and drinking stale Coke for breakfast.  By 6 a.m. it was light enough that I felt safe hauling my stuff to the car and getting the hell out of Dodge.

Yes, I definitely feel a special rapport with Dorothy – I have clicked my heels three times and said the magic words, “There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home.”  And here I am – home.  *sigh*


13 thoughts on “On the Road Back to Normalcy

  1. I am sorry you had an unnerving time but your post has certainly made me smile. Especially the bit about the band-aids on the peep holes. I have a little camera at the top of my laptop and I have put a bit of sticky tape on it just in case someone can see me.

    You wouldn’t have wanted me with you, I spook very easily and would have spent my time running around in a panic when those strange people appeared.

    I am glad you are back home and safe.

    Take care
    I was so proud of the bandaids – I thought that was simply brilliant on my part. Of course I don’t know what I would have done had I cut myself…LOL I’m glad to be back home too. Hugs!

  2. I am delighted that you are home safe and sound in your own bed. The older I get the more I think my bed is the only place I want to sleep.
    But, on the other hand, you have reminded me of some of the very special places I’ve stayed over the years – like the B&B where the owners refused to stay overnight because it was haunted. Or the very inexpensive chain motel where the enthusiasm of the couple in the next room propelled their bed through the wall and up against my bed. That became a very complicated night.
    Welcome home,
    I have had some interesting travels, too, in my life, but your comment on the bed that was propelled into your room beats anything I have ever encountered. That made me laugh out loud! I imagine complicated is just one of a very long list of words to describe that particular night! Thanks for visiting and thank you for your kind comments.

  3. The bandaids were inspired!

    We’ve stayed at a hotel with paper thin walls. One time it was right next to some newlyweds. Every 2 hours the wall banging and shouts would start up. JR and I started to keep count of how many times this couple had sex. We spent most of the night laughing. Then we changed hotels.
    I was just too darn tired to change hotels – and frankly I was amused and amassing blogging material by the minute the longer I stayed there. What a hoot!

  4. I love the bandaids.

    One hotel I stayed at on the way home from a trip to Texas (I’ll never do that drive again) very kindly allowed me to stay there with my dog. The only problem was that I had to climb several flights of stairs with him in tow since their elevator was out of order. Then I had to leave him in the bathroom until I could haul his crate up from the car. I wasn’t going to take a chance of him getting into mischief.

    At the time, if I had to travel alone I took him with me. He was a real trooper when it came to road trips. Neither of the two dogs we have now likes to travel.
    I would love to be able to take EmmaLou with me but she doesn’t like change and a hotel room would drive her nuts. She loves the kennels we take her to when we travel; otherwise, she stays at home if one or the other one of us is out of town and she’s happier that way. I couldn’t lug her crate if I tried – it’s large enough to fit a human. LOL

  5. This is very bizarre. Especially with all the animals watching you. I am glad you’re home.
    At times it was surreal and I’m thankful to be home also. Hugs!

  6. I’m confused. Did they have the peep holes installed backwards?
    No sweetie – but you can actually see IN many peepholes and I was taking no chances. I thought the entire world was aware of this – didn’t you hear about the recent incident where the TV anchor was videotaped nude through the peephole in her hotel and the video was posted on the Internet? Always beware of peepholes.

  7. But didn’t it make your homecoming just that much better! Glad your safe and sound and didn’t have to use that tire iron.
    tire iron…shhhh…LOL…yes it did make me appreciate home that much more!

  8. I wish you’d taken your electronic key thingymajig and pushed the button to honk the horn while the “dirty people” were leaning on your car. THAT would have given you a great laugh…….but well, then I supposed you’d have to keep an eye on your call all night or at least long enough so that each time they came near it, it would honk…….so they thought it was some sort of automatic alarm. Haha…….that would have been great!

    Glad you’re home, sweetie. Make DS be extra sweet to you or tell him he’ll have to deal with me. Don’t forget……I’m a redhead too! Ha!
    Wait a Minute here – weren’t u on Twitter w/me that night when I was giving constant updates? I could have sworn u were there – should have mentioned my key thingymajig – dangitall why didn’t I think of that??? It would have gotten them good and would have been so much fun! crap. Oh well, I’m home and it’s done. DS is always extra sweet – he took me to one of my favorite restaurants last night – I won’t be getting on the scale for a few days! MUAH!

  9. holy crap! I had no idea! I’m going to put bandaides on all my peepholes. Do you think that might constipate me? 🙂
    No darling – soak them in prunejuice first…that should do it. Now don’t go getting all scared on me – I don’t know that every type of peephole does this – but I checked at both the last two hotels and you could see in – it was distorted but you could see and that was enough to creep me out and grab the bandaids. Some might think I’m a little over the top on this but I don’t really care. I will always carry extra bandaids from now on. Hugs!

  10. Those were my CATS, Bubba, Effie, Prinie, Cookie and Kitty.

    Those were your bandaid balls? Thank goodness!
    You are such a toad. LOL Your cats would never have creeped me out that way – I LOVE cats but I’m telling you thesse little buggers were evil and they were telepathically communicating, I’m sure of it. Ick. No darlin’ those definitely were NOT your cats. I am glad however that you found the bandaid balls when you cleaned the room – did you find my generous $1 tip I left on the nightstand – you did such a nice job of fumigating the fleas and I wanted to show my appreciation! ROFLMAO

  11. I can see the images in my head, I would of been freaking out. The cats were probably calling out for help “save me” from these buckteeth or tooth bubbas.. So glad that you have your comfy bed and not in He Haw Horror 🙂
    I love it – Hee Haw Horror – yeah that pretty much sums it up! LOL

  12. I read this just before I had to leave for my PT appt and I was almost unable to make it there cause I was laughing so much. I must say that I knew that you can peek through peepholes because we can see the light shining in ours and so we used to keep a cover over it. But now I do not care, let them peek, me naked would scare the crap out of them anyway, crap it scares me.

    And you have the strangest things that happen to you. The animals watching, was so funny. Ohhh, I need to wash my car now. So sad that there are people who live like that.

    I am glad that you are safely home and not in too much pain. And DS takes such great care of you. I am sure that DS and Emma are so happy that you are home. Heck I am so glad you are home. Anyway I hope you rest and relax for the remainder of this week. Well if you want to study you can, but that is it. Oh okay, you can keep going to your PT class. No cooking, no cleaning, just seriously relaxing. Those are the orders from the Mrs.

    Oh, I was going through my journals that I write things I want to remember. That is the only stinking way I can remember anything these days. Uh, what was I writing about, oh yeah, in my journal I had written something about putting cayenne pepper around your garden to keep dogs, cats, and other little furry creatures from coming into it. But when it rains, I think you have to sprinkle some more. But rabbits were not on the list. When I read this I thought about you and figured that you could try it and as near as I can tell there is none of the pissy smell that you said that you had to put up with. We put out a trap for the possums (now we found out there are two of them) and the little MF’s are not showing up. Almost like they know we have the traps out. Pesky little buggers.

    Okay so speaking of relaxing, I wish I could relax, but……

    God bless.
    You make me laugh so hard I can hardly not pee “But now I do not care, let them peek, me naked would scare the crap out of them anyway, crap it scares me.” That’s hysterical! I feel the same way, but I still like my privacy – I’d rather the outside world not have access to my various lumps and bumps. I tried the journal thing but I kept losing it…the journal, that is. I’ve lost it many times in the past few days and I’m sure you understand what I’m talking about…Big hugs (gently)

  13. Glad you are home and resting. Sorry you have become the Ice Princess again but you really have got to stop overdoing it. Maybe DS will have to tie you down so you don’t do too much. I hope that you finally heal up prior to winter setting in again cause I shudder at the thought of something like this happening again.

    Please get to feeling better soon sweetie – thoughts are with you. :0)
    Had no choice – w/stepmother dying had to get to VA and it’s 8 hours – wanted to at least say goodbye and let her die in peace (we’ve been estranged for the last 2 years and have had an adversarial relationship for the last 40 years!) So re-injuring my back was my own fault but it was also my choice. I’ll recover. I shudder about winter’s arrival too and am still considering running away down south with or without DS and EmmaLou – I’m still that scared of hurting myself again. Dammit it’s coming up on 8 months now of recovery and I STILL hurt. Simply cannot afford to do this again because I might not recover next time. Ugh. Sometimes life sucks but I still look for something to laugh about. Today it’s the fact the dog stinks – that’s the best I can come up with and it will have to do! Hugs!

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