It was only a matter of time. I’m surprised it took a whole day. But it happened nevertheless. I lost my brain.
Devoted Spouse left early Sunday morning to visit his 16-month old grandson out in Iowa. I drove him to the airport and all was well; no flat tires, no engine trouble; I didn’t even miss my exit on the highway coming home.
You see, when Devoted Spouse is separated from me physically something strange happens. I become stupid. Okay now some people might want to argue this point a tad and suggest I use a different word because “stupid” is rather harsh. No. When he’s gone, I get stupid. It is a fact of life — we have documented this time and time again. When he is not here, part of my brain shuts down; not the part that remembers things like how to brush my teeth, or how to read.
The part of my brain that disappears has to do with things like forgetting appointments (note to self: you have one today; don’t forget to look at sticky note on mirror that tells you you have an appointment today), or closing and locking doors or the big one…
I’m nuts when Devoted Spouse is gone. It isn’t just forgetting to do the little stuff when he isn’t here; when he’s gone I tend to do stupid things and make stupid decisions. Sunday I was alright; after church I went out to breakfast with friends and I didn’t knock my coffee over and I got myself home safely. I spent most of Sunday relaxing as I was still sore from Saturday’s shooting adventure.
Monday was bad — Monday I became bored. I had read enough. I didn’t feel good enough to tackle another closet. I wanted to go shopping but I didn’t know where I wanted to shop. There was nothing on tv; I’d already watched everything I DVR’d; whine, whine, whine. Monday afternoon I did go out and run a couple of errands. I got my “stuff” inside and about 2 hours later I was sitting on the couch contemplating how nice Chinese food would be for supper when it suddenly dawned on me I had never gone back out to the car and shut the door (my hands had been full at the time). Unbelievable – I peeked out the kitchen door and yes, the garage door was still up and the back door of the car was still open. See? Stupid kickin’ in big time.
I ordered Chinese food; went back out to pick it up and bring it home. I unloaded my amazing Shrimp Lo Mein onto a nice dish, poured myself a Diet A&W Root Beer, sat down on the couch in the family room and watched the news. All the while, the amazing EmmaLou was sitting by my side with tons of doggie drool coming out of her mouth. I kept saying, “Not a chance, Emma, you know what Shrimp Lo Mein does to you.” I kept on eating. I followed the Shrimp Lo Mein with a very small bowl of ice cream which whipped cream on top — you know the type you spray out of the can? EmmaLou LOVES to have you spray whipped cream at her so she can try and grab it in the air as it makes its way towards her doggie mouth. So we did that. And then it happened…
I FORGOT TO FEED MY DOG HER DINNER! I didn’t pour 1 and 1/2 cups of gag-in-the-throat dog kibble into her bowl – oh she had plenty of fresh water in her other bowl, and we went out and walked around as she did a doggie constitutional, but I left out the most important step. I didn’t actually feed her. Gah…what a horrible doggie mom I am!
What’s really bad about this is later we did the rest of our nighttime routine – go outside , take a little walk around the back yard sniffing for rabbits, come in, lock all the doors, turn out the lights, grab a few pieces of kibble as a bedtime treat, go upstairs, turn on tv in bedroom, go to bed. She laid on the bed with me and shut her little brown eyes, sighed, and went to doggie dreamland.
She woke me up at 4:30 this morning – the poor little girl was hungry. As I stood in the kitchen making coffee and watching her scarf down her kibble it dawned on me that I hadn’t fed her the night before. I was horrified. And I’m just stupid. She got an extra 1/2 cup of rations this morning and seemed happy. After I poured my cup of coffee she looked up at me and I knew what she wanted. So, yes, this morning we once again played the whipped cream game.
Now I can usually arc a good high stream of Reddi-Whip into the air for her, but do you know how hard it is to spray the whipped cream with your left hand while your right hand is trying to take the picture? We sort of made a bit of a mess, but EmmaLou loved it and I think she has now forgotten that I didn’t feed her supper Monday night.
Sigh…that’s another sticky note on the mirror…