Because it’s been a long weekend and I’m tired and not feeling very well, I have spun the dial on the random blog generator and the little needle hit the following subject: List 20 Rules You Have Broken. So, that’s what you will be forced to read today – my list of 20 rules I’ve broken. Exciting, huh? Cut me a break – I’m soon heading for the Percocet, although perhaps the blog would be more interesting if I take the Percocet first…
20 Rules I Have Broken – I know, whoopdie-doo.
1. I have ripped the tags off pillows under penalty of law. I’m fearless.
2. I have been known to drink white wine with red meat and red wine with fish and chicken. Sacrilegious.
3. I don’t wear white shoes after Labor Day — I don’t like white shoes…so I couldn’t break this archaic rule if I tried. Sorry.
4. I have worn the same socks two days in a row.
5. I don’t send Christmas cards – even if you send me one, I will not reciprocate as I think it is a waste of time and money to send a Christmas card to people you see anyway and can wish a Merry Christmas. Christmas has become waaaaay too big a deal. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy Christmas, I decorate, I buy gifts for friends and Devoted Spouse and also for EmmaLou – I’m not a true Scrooge. Just no cards.
6. I have taken illegal drugs in the past — ooooohhhhh, okay, so I smoked pot when I was in my teens – in the 1960s I think the only person who didn’t smoke pot was my someday-to-be Devoted Spouse and that was only because he was ROTC at Virginia Tech and would have been thrown out. Now my drugs are legal.
7. I mix plaids, stripes, and flowered patterns in clothing and in decorating my home. Makes my living space creative and interesting. I also mix contemporary with antique and primitive. I follow no decorating “rules”. I do what I find pleasing to me.
8. I normally drive around 10- 15 miles over any posted speed limit on any given day. I have a lead foot. And, yes, I have been caught and it was expensive. Speeding is still a rule I break on a regular basis.
9. I don’t always preheat my oven. I just add a few minutes longer cooking time at the end. Big hairy deal. I rarely follow recipes anyway – I like to add, delete, make things up and experiment. Sometimes it works. Sometimes we call for pizza. We never go hungry.
10. Late at night or very early in the morning, if I’m driving alone and have to stop at a red light – provided there is no one coming in any other direction, I will ignore the red light and drive through. I think a woman alone late at night sitting at a dark intersection is more dangerous than going through a red light and risking a traffic ticket. Since I don’t have a concealed carry license yet, I don’t keep a loaded pistol in the car – only Devoted Spouse can do that. I’ve been thinking lately about adding a lead pipe on the floor next to my door, however, just in case I need to knock the everlovin’ crap outta someone who dares to invade my space.
11. I put metal in the microwave. You can do this if you only use a very small amount of aluminum foil to keep something from overcooking. I like this living on the edge.
12. Just because someone rings my doorbell doesn’t mean I will get my butt up off my comfy chair and answer the door. Rude? Maybe. But the probability is very high that it is simply another window salesman. If it’s someone important they can stand on my front stoop and call me on their cellphone and I’ll open the door.
13. If I get too much change in return at a store I probably won’t return it. I know that’s tacky and unethical but I think people need to learn from their mistakes. If you work in retail and you can’t make change properly, it’s time to find another career. I have been known to take the extra money and drop it into the collection box at church so I don’t burn in Hell too long for this.
14. Once EmmaLou ate a library book – I mean she literally ripped apart about a third of the book and left the rest in tatters. I did the right thing — I took the book to the library, explained what happened and offered to pay for its replacement. The librarian (or maybe it was just a helper) was such a b*tch about it, she lectured me and charged me around $35 dollars for this old book. I paid it and stalked out. Sometime later I borrowed some more books, but I returned all but one – I kept that one and when they told me it was overdue I told them vehemently that I had returned it with the others. Justifiable robbery – she robbed me blind; I kept a flippin’ paperback. Goin’ to Hell, I know…
15. I got in the pool right after eating.
16. As a teen I would go joyriding with others; I never actually stole any of the cars, but I was an accomplice to a bad, bad thing. I did learn how to pop the ignition and hotwire a car, but I never used that talent. I would have been caught, I just know it. Hell territory…
17. I cheat at Battleship. Devoted Spouse refuses to play it with me because I secretly move my ships.
18. I split infinitives on a regular basis in my writing.
19. I litter – I spit my gum out in parking lots regularly.
20. I have been known to try a grape or something else at the grocery store before buying it. I’m an illegal grazer. Then again I actually had a grocer once open up a container of cherry tomatoes and made me eat some to prove to me how good they were. I didn’t buy them. I don’t like cherry tomatoes, but I’ll eat free food.
That’s my list. Pretty tame stuff I think. I’m an average, boring, minor rule breaker. This is mainly because I don’t look good in orange and that’s the color of the jail uniforms in this area.