Hair Removal…or Why Can’t My Legs Be Bald?

hairy

I’ve blogged before about products we girls (and some guys) have used in the past for the removal of hair.  It’s never fun.  I know Devoted Spouse absolutely abhors having to get up in the morning and shave — that’s one of the reasons he keeps his mustache…one less part that needs the razor.  I’ve talked about that gawdawful invention the EpiLady which literally pulled out my hair from the roots and was promptly thrown in the trash the first time I used it.  I may have discussed other things such as depilatories or waxing (oh Dear Gussie, I’ve watched waxing at the beauty salon and I can tell you in my life that’s never gonna happen – I’d  gladly snort a Mountain Dew up my  nose before I ever agree to hot wax treatments.)

What’s making me re-visit this subject is an article (a very small article mind you) in the local paper which talks about how it seems that the more you shave, the darker and thicker your hair grows back.  I always thought that was just an urban myth and never experienced it myself actually.  Now if this is TMI, just tune out, coz it’s gonna get worse and probably more personal.  Or stick around – it may be fun to discuss this subject.

The article claims this “myth” is just an optical illusion – it only seems like you are growing more hair because “the chemical-exposed and sun-lightened hair has been cut off.”  Huh?  They got this from a book by two doctors for heaven’s sake.  These doctors claim hair that is cut with a razor has sharp ends so the surface seems rougher — that’s all; it isn’t really darker or thicker.  Whew!  I’m so glad to hear this.  Until I read further and discover….

If you use something like waxing (which I will do when Hades freezes over, see above) or a product such as Nair (which I have been known to use before) your hair WILL grow back thicker.  Well holy crapoli, Batman, I used some of that Nair stuff made for faces coz I was getting that annoying peach fuzz that appears on the chins of menopausal women (like not having to live with less Estrogen isn’t bad enough, God in his infinite wisdom, now endows us with hair on our chins. )  Anyway for the longest time I used this facial Nair and I suddenly started looking like Billy Mays (RIP) — remember that black beard he always had?  Time for different tactics.  Now I lighten it and live with it and have been known to tweeze the occasional darker straggler.    Gah…

Shaving has also taken on a new and more important priority in my life.  Since it’s summer, I’m wearing shorts (not that I look that good, but they’re comfy) especially the terry and jersy-type wear specifically for exercising.  Those are what I wear when I go for my physical therapy sessions with Agador and James Belushi.  So basically, I’m having to shave constantly in order for these guys (who do alot of very personal touching (but not inappropriate, mind you) around my legs, both lower and upper.   The exercise clothes (shorts) tend to ride up a bit at times when my legs are being manipulated and I get the deep muscle massages and I’m not going to be embarrassed by stray hairs (and yes, the therapists constantly are rearranging my shorts to keep me from flashing anybody).  Do you know how difficult and painful it is to continuously have to shave your legs as you are recovering from back surgery?  It’s not easy.  No wonder I get to some of the PT appointments a tad bit cranky.  If they only knew…

I hope my PT guys appreciate my nice smooth legs — I’m thinking they probably don’t care – I can’t imagine some of the things they must tolerate as they are working on patients (we’ve talked about this before too – as in uncontrolled bodily functions).  But I’m determined to maintain smooth legs as long as I possibly can.

It was so easy – put on the Nair – hop in the shower – done.  Now since it’s been proven that makes the hairy issue worse, I’m back to using the razor again.  I thought menopause meant this stuff would stop growing — another urban myth – once hairy…always hairy.  I’m telling you, in my next life, I’m coming back as something hairless, with my  luck it will be something like this:

waxy monkey frog

waxy monkey frog

Guess I should just be thankful I have enough brain neurons working to understand how to work the razor and be grateful for hair in my life.   And at least my right hand is working again because if I had to shave left-handed, well there just aren’t enough supplies in the local blood bank to save me…

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14 thoughts on “Hair Removal…or Why Can’t My Legs Be Bald?

  1. And what is worse for many women the hair on their head thins!!!

    So far so good with me…but I do have a chest hair or two…ooooouuuuu!
    I’m fortunate to still have thick hair on my head which grows like weeds — I’ve not noticed chest hair and now I’m afraid to look!!! LOL

  2. I thought this post was going to be about my latest and greatest hair removal trick. Ouch….my face is still sore. Damn hormones!!!
    I started to talk about that but the post was getting too long. That rubbing crap hurts like the dickens – I tried it on my legs and the hair came off, but so did my flippin’ skin. Never again am I falling for this nonsense they tell us on TV – I’m sticking to razors. I’m also sticking to little pieces of toilet paper…ouch…

  3. I have had a few accidents over the years that have scarred my legs up pretty bad. But the good news is that on my lower legs (mid calf down) I now am almost completely hairless. Don’t try to picture this … just take my word and move on.

    I guess all of those ripped away flesh areas just decided that everything south of them was not going to sport any hair if they couldn’t.

    However, what I lost on my lower legs has mysteriously found its way to my back. Its really quite the spectacle to behold. Once again, no visualizing, just take my word for it and move on.
    Wow thanks for sharing that – the visual is inevitable and now my eyes hurt. I have no back hair thankfully but I sure wish the weeds growing on my legs would slow down a bit.

  4. What an interesting post with comments to match, lol.

    I really don’t want to hear any men out there complain about shaving that lil bit on their face. For us women, keeping our legs shaved is quite the chore. I mean think about it. Our whole entire legs. Two of ’em. That’s a lot of skin surface to cover.

    And now I have to do it in a small cramped shower here in Kansas. I’ve never been big on showers, much prefer a bath. But I don’t even have that choice here. Which totally sucks.

    Soooooo my legs don’t get shaved as often. Hey, that’s just life. :-\ I tried sitting on the back porch and doing it, I mean, it’s not like anyone’s going to see me since we don’t have any neighbors for at least a mile. But that wasn’t much easier either. *sigh*
    Well now I’m certainly learning alot about my blogging buddies from this post…LOL

  5. I’m so impatient that I shave one side every day – today it’s my right side – right underarm and right leg. Tomorrow it’s left. This is how I get everything done in life – a little at a time. Oh, and at least five face tweezings a day.
    One side one day and one side the next – what a novel idea. I knew this would be an interesting subject, I just knew it.

  6. I’ve gone the waxing route in the past. I tried several salons B$ finding one I liked. I’ve found that my hair grows back finer (and sometimes not at all!) But since I’ve moved to So. Carolina I haven’t found a new salon to cut the hair on my head let alone rip it out of my legs!
    I think it’s time for a new Feminist revolution – I was still a bit young, but I remember when the ladies held the rally and burned their bras back in the 60’s — I think it’s time we banded together and burned the razors!

  7. I have never waxed and don’t think I ever will. I used the dreaded Epi-Lady and did the same thing, screamed with the first pass and promptly threw it out. I don’t have much hair on my legs, never have. Joys of Native American heritage – so Nair is overkill. Now I had the lack of hormones give me less hair. Have no growth at all now in arm pits and less hair on legs so I can shave once a week. Bad part of it all is I am one of the unlucky ladies that also got thinner hair on my head. If it gets much thinner I’m shaving my head and either buying a wig or tattooing something feminine on my entire head and calling it good. I’ll be a rebel in my old age :0)
    Even lacking hormones I’m one of the lucky ones – have lots of hair on the old noggin. I think you would be able to turn the head shaving/tattooing into art. Only you could pull it off — I would never be able to do that – they would lock me up as certifiably insane.

  8. Age will do the deed. My mother is 89 and has a fine beautiful head of grey hair and almost hairless. I’m looking to aging in dignity, but who knows where this adventure will lead.

    I found your site on alphainventions.com
    I’m trying to age in dignity, but so far all I’m doing is falling apart in middle age with no dignity whatsoever! Thanks for visiting!

  9. I did a post a while back about getting a brazilian wax when I thought I was getting a bikini and well let’s just say that was an experience.

    I use a potion called MAJIC. It is sold in the men’t department. It is WONDERFUL. It lasts about as long as Nair or ripping OUT the hair but it leaves things nice and smooth for at least a couple of days with no bumps. The only problem is in order to have a nice clean bikini line you must be able to either have someone else apply it to all the areas around your girly parts or…you must be a performer of Cirque de Sol. Since I am not a performer and had no one to apply it I applied it myself. I got to the beach and was slathering on my sunscreen when I found a huge patch of untouched hair high on my inner thigh. It looked as if a tranatula was crawling in my cooter.
    I will look for this MAJIC – never heard of it — as for your final comment, well anyone looking that close deserves to be smacked – unless of course it was a wandering Brazilian…

  10. oh dear, I’m laughing so hard I didn’t think I could type…..here’s my story (and I’m sticking to it) I’m 6′ tall and have an inseam of 36″. So you do the math, that’s 6 feet of shaving whenever I do it and believe me, it’s not everyday most of the time! So yeah, guys, don’t let me hear you whine about a little face shaving.
    Oh my – I didn’t think of it that way – that’s alotta leg to clear off! No wonder you’re calling your blog a jungle… LOL

  11. I’m so glad I wasn’t drinking coffee when I read this–it would’ve been on my monitor for sure.

    I use a razor. After seeing two of my sisters try out the danged Epilady and screaming bloody murder while it ripped the hair from their legs, I was smart enough to say, “no thank you.”
    I have never had something hurt so much as that Epilady – it was truly painful. Not too long ago I tried those pads they have on tv that “gently rub the hair off” your face or legs. DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME! It hurts like hell and left a red raw patch on my leg – I promptly threw it out, too. Back to razors. That’s the only thing about winter I like – being able to wear long pants daily so no one can see the braided mess on my legs. LOL

  12. I have waxed all my hair below the neck myself- with hot wax! Many times!!! This includes all the most senstive and stretchy parts if you catch my drift (not that any of you would want to catch that drift, except for perhaps a stray pervert among you)
    This torture was for work purposes, I was working as a live bikini model (can’t just photoshop out the razor rash or cuts when you are walking down a runway) and couldn’t afford the salon prices (had to use all available money to pay rent on my over-priced NYC apartment)But in my “real life” i can’t be bothered to shave unless i’m going to the beach. I even go out in public with hairy legs wearing shorts and short skirts (didn’t always do this- just got the courage up lately in my mid-30’s)You think being 60 years old and overweight with hairy legs would be bad, you should witness the public dismay at a woman gorgeous enough to be a runway bikini model, yeah from a distance here she comes, get a look at that bod……. Whoa! What is that?!? Hair on her legs!!!??? Shaving for doctors, physical therapists, etc. is something I wouldn’t dream of- these people work with folks that have been in a coma for months, have been paralyzed for years and I’m convinced that they probably see more hairy legs than shaved ones! That said, what i really wanted to draw your attention to was the funniest article written by a woman in response to an offensive ad- it is an article about shaving and it and the comments that followed it are every bit as funny as the ones i’ve read here. Here is the link and happy reading to you! http://kateharding.net/2009/04/06/your-hairy-legs-could-be-mass-murderers-even-now/

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