Okay, so the guy who wrote the sign can’t spell – I think he/she gets the message across. Watch out — there’s a bad canine in the area. Now I couldn’t possibly have any experience with bad dogs, could I? I imagine my 5 hardcore readers know exactly to whom I refer – the illusive, adorable, always looking innocent Golden Destroyer, EmmaLou.
She’s been up to her old antics lately. I have an antique decorative tin box from Germany in my living room. I got it when we lived overseas and I have 3 of them in my home, all in different colors. The one in the living room is done in maroon and highly decorated – it’s about 16″ by 14″ x 7″, a pretty good size cookie tin. What’s important about it is that it holds every card and letter Devoted Spouse ever gave me. That’s not a cookie tin; that’s a treasure box. I would show a pic but my&^%^^%%%$# camera battery just this minute died. Gah. Okay – it looks something like this:
You can see how lovely it is. These tins are not that easy to find – although this picture came from an eBay item I saw and it was going for only $18.99 – what a bargain. Anyway, you get the idea. This is something nice, it’s important, and it has value to me.
Guess who I caught gnawing on it like it was a cheap bone? Oh yeah, EmmaLou. It was Thursday morning, and I was wrapped up in a rousing game of online SmartAss with my Twitter buddies. I’m trying very hard to come up with some obscure piece of information (which I did think of, by the way) when I look over and see EmmaLou in the corner of the couch where this tin is located on the floor. I thought she had a bone with her until I got up from my comfy chair, tossed my laptop onto the table and went to inspect. Gah…I caught her just in time, she had just started to drool on it and was rubbing her teeth on the side of the tin. Dilemma – save the tin, play SmartAss, save the tin, play SmartAss. I picked up the tin and tossed it on the couch and ran back to my laptop in time to actually win a round. What a save.
Is there such a thing as caninicide? I was about to commit this pseudo-crime later in the day when I found her dragging a pillow from the couch around the room very proudly displaying her pillow pilfering prowess. I had to chase her and I wasn’t in any shape to chase her. Yes, I was going to kill her and I was going to do it slowly and I was going to enjoy it.
And then the oddest thing happened. I received a call from Sketches, the local frame shop, telling me my painting of EmmaLou was all framed and ready to be picked up. If not for that call, Devoted Spouse would no doubt still be covering a rather large mound of dirt in the backyard, and I would be ordering a plaque to commemorate the site of EmmaLou’s last stand.
But instead I went and picked this up:
This is the painting done by my friend from Texas, Emily, and in case you can’t read it, it says “Emma Lou The Golden Destroyer loves Linda and Larry with her whole heart” and on the very bottom it says, “I Got You”. I had it framed with blue to match the blue Emily chose and a wood frame that matches EmmaLou’s fur. Doesn’t it look fabulous? Devoted Spouse hung it up on the wall in our entry hallway so anyone entering our home will be sure to see this marvelous rendering of EmmaLou.
Do you believe in fate? Because it was fate that gave EmmaLou another chance. One fateful phone call saved her raggedy-ass from a whoopin’ the likes of which she’s never seen, and I am loath to lay a hand on my pup – but I was this close to smacking the crapola out of her by late Thurs afternoon. Did I mention the area rug she has now ripped to shreds not on just one side but on the other side as well? Uh-huh. Bad to the bone is my little girl.
And then she wears out, collapses on the family room floor and looks so innocent and adorable and I melt all over again.
Yes, you ducked a bullet today my little missie – let this be a lesson to you — better be a good girl for the next few days and if you so much as look at my Nuremberg tin again…you better run like your doggie life depends on it, coz it might!