You Want to Do WHAT to Me?


My new physical therapist, who resembles one of those troll dolls and one of those Kitchen Witch dolls that used to be so popular, asked me to lie belly down while she gave me electrical stimulation.  I wasn’t sure I heard her correctly, and I looked up and said, “Excuse me?  You want to do WHAT to me?”  I thought perhaps seeing as it was very early in the morning and I had only gulped down a half cup of coffee there was a slight chance I was in the wrong place and something kinky was about to take place.

I hear and obey

I hear and obey

She smiled and explained calmly that she was going to hook up electrode thingies to parts of my back where my muscles were so tight and that this would electrically stimulate the muscles to relax them and also add heat to the area to help calm the inflammation.  Aha, I thought.  She’s going to use something similar to a TENS unit which sends electrical impulses.  Got it.  Understand.  No problemo.  Bring it on.

So Brunhilda proceeded to hook me up (literally) and then placed warm and heavy heating pads on my back and I promptly went to sleep.  That is until what I thought was a homeless man stumbled into the softly lit room and  climbed up on the table next to me and turned toward me and grinned.


stop staring at me!

Ick-poo.  Dirty, hadn’t shaved, mouth hanging open, Neanderthal.  Cruel, but truly, I simply wanted someone to hook him up to the electrical thingie somewhere in his face so he would stop staring and drooling at me.   Gah.  I turned my head the other way and tried very hard to listen to the soothing music playing in the background (one of those classical CDs with the sounds of the ocean in the background — makes you want to both be at the beach and pee at the same time). But he kept making sounds like a dog with a bone stuck in its throat.  My twenty minutes couldn’t go by fast enough.  By the time I was done, Neanderthal Man had left the room and I was hoping not to see him ever again.  If he shows up regularly during my scheduled sessions, well, I’m going to have to do something about the calendar.

After the treatment there was some light stretching of my legs and feet and then Brunhilda wanted to do an ultrasound of my hip as there is quite a bit of pain in that area too.  Of course at the mention of the word “ultrasound” I’m thinking if she finds a baby dolphin  or heaven forbid worms swimming around in there I’m toast.  She patiently explained that this was a different type of ultrasound, that it was like a warm massage – and then she spread this warm lotion on my hip and started moving the ultrasound thingie all around my hip, and I promptly went to sleep again.  I’m seeing a pattern here.

The good news is when the session was done, I felt better.  I walked better and with less pain.  It is now late in the day and I still am feeling less pain than I did this morning.  In the words of the immortal Martha, “it’s a good thing.”  Still, I’m happy and looking forward to getting some good results from this round of physical therapy.  In all honesty I like Brunhilda, she’s a very nice lady and I know she will try her hardest to help me heal, but let’s face it…she’s no Agador Spartacus by any stretch of the imagination.  *sigh*

me soon I hope

me soon I hope

The only way I can sum it up is to say….I’m so excited, I just can’t hide it, I’m about to lose control and I think I like it.  Can anyone out there identify that line?


11 thoughts on “You Want to Do WHAT to Me?

  1. Sounds like they hit the right therapy for you for once thank goodness! The line is from a Pointer Sister’s song (I think) I’m not sure what the name of the song is but another part is “I’m outta control and I think I like it..” I’m really bad with titles of songs. I can usually sing along with the song but if put on the spot most times I can’t name the song or band. :0)

    So glad you are feeling better.
    Some days are good; some not so good; that’s what happens with healing – you just keep pressing on and hope for the best. The song is actually called “I’m So Excited” and it’s one of my favorites.

  2. Yep, I do know that song! It’s the Pointer Sisters … don’t know the name of the song … but I always loved the Pointer Sisters!

    Let the healing continue …!
    Good job, Carla – a buddy of mine and I used to sing that song at work whenever we got stressed and it always did the trick – broke the tension and everyone in the cubicle would join in. Gotta get excited or what’s the point? Hugs!

  3. It is so GREAT to hear that you are getting relief!

    BUT WHY do they put another patient(or client) in the same room, without a CURTAIN between your beds?????


    Maybe talk to “Brunhilde” so that it won’t be like that next time…

    Take care..

    Yes, a little more privacy is in order – it’s just that the tables are too close together! Hugs!

  4. Ewwww, that pic of Neanderthal Man scares me.
    Did he smell too?
    I’m very relieved to hear that you are feeling a bit better, though. There’s nothings like a dose of electricity.
    Say hi to Brunhilda for me.
    I’m just tired of waiting for it to all go away and for me to be “me” again, ya know?

  5. Sounds like it’s time to bring the earphones and some good (Pointer Sisters) tunes and a nice eye mask and pretend you are alone in an exotic spa during treatment days.

    I love your descriptions! They make me laugh.
    I believe the mp3 player will be with me next visit just in case Quasimodo shows up again.

  6. Sounds like you’re well on your way to recovery. I have to ask what kind of place treats more than one patient in the same room? Ewwww! Brunhilde needs to get at the very least a curtain. I would speak to her about it. Unless of course, next time they put you in with some hunk and you’re the one that’s drooling. LOL
    I sure hope so because I’m running out of options – I know it’s going to take time to heal, but I want it done and I want it done NOW dammit – I have a life to live ya know? I wish God would listen and speed up this healing process – some days I feel like I’m being punished and I just get so pissed off that I had to go through this nightmare. Then I laugh and say WTF, sh*t happens. LOL I must be bipolar – it’s time for my dental visit…oh no, wait a minute that’s bimolar…I love valium… heheheheheeee

  7. Here’s hoping that the healing process hits warp speed and you’ll soon be dancing a jig .

    I almost fell off my chair laughing at the picture of Quasimoto. Only you could find something like that to illustrate your point.
    The comment below yours is from one of the pastoral staff at my church – sometimes I’m sorry they know my blog because they don’t always understand my humor. I did feel sorry for the man – he was obviously in pain and couldn’t help the way he looked, but he scared me and he honestly looked like a Neanderthal Quasimodo and he wouldn’t stop staring at me – I was in there alone with him not one foot away from me. It was not pleasant because I was hooked up to machines and had heavy heating pads on my back and I felt trapped. This won’t happen again.

  8. Maybe God put him there to help you learn to love the unlovable? While you are on your way to physical healing…maybe there is some spiritual work that could be done too? Just thinking. 🙂
    Could He maybe make the unlovable not quite as scary next time? 🙂

  9. I wouldn’t have liked someone else being in the room either especially a stinky man. I’m glad to hear that the session helped you. I have my own TENS unit which I use on my back when I’m sitting in my chair. I think it helps somewhat. Insist on being alone next time, though.
    I go back Thursday and I’m going to insist that I not be left alone in the room. Period.

  10. It was only meant humorously. I know this meant to be humorous. If I honestly felt something…as your friend I would handle it as a friend to friend in a non-public way. I thought it was funny.
    I know baby – I thought about how harshly I reacted all last night and how you could have never known it would push a specific button so notice I changed my comment to you. Hugs!

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