“Hi!” “My name is EmmaLou and I’m an inside house pooper.” “Hi, EmmaLou!”
This morning as I was sitting in the family room sipping my coffee and getting ready to make the last tidy run around the house prior to Gretchen the Immaculate Housekeeper’s arrival, I smelled a familiar odor. I told myself I put too much coffee in the French Press, and the smell from the new air conditioner unit (whatever that sealant and gooey glue stuff they use) must be making me think that what I really was noticing was the aroma of dog poo. So I sat and drank my coffee. The aroma did not dissipate. I had another cup of coffee. The aroma lingered.
I casually strolled through the dining room and discovered much to my horror a pile of dog poop that looked as if a Tyrannosaurus Rex had been in there and had been eating Fiber One Bars the night before (sound familiar?) There was a pile of poop on the floor the size of the state of Vermont, I kid you not. How that much poop could come out of one 80 pound dog is beyond me but there it was in all its glory.
So I did what any normal wife would do…I got Devoted Spouse and told him EmmaLou had left us a present in the dining room. Now that sounds like a pretty stupid thing to do — to expect your spouse to clean up the dog poop. The reason I told him and knew he would take care of the problem is that even though it’s been several weeks since my back surgery I have an extremely difficult time trying to get to floor level let alone get back up. I knew he would have a much easier time of cleaning up the mess. Bless his heart. But what to do about EmmaLou? This is inside house poop at least Number 4 or we may be up to 5 now, I can’t recall.
I have enrolled her in Inside House Poopers Anonymous (IHPA) a lovely group of dogs who meet once a week up at the local doggie-day-care-center-groomer-spa-extraordinaire where all the dogs share their stories, encourage one another, talk about their 6-step program (12 steps are too many for the Yorkies to remember), then adjourn for cold water and doggie biscuits after the meeting. I’m hoping this will help EmmaLou face her addiction and kick it once and for all. Her 6 steps include:
1. admitting that one cannot control one’s addiction or compulsion; but realizing one should poop outside if at all possible
2. recognizing a greater power that can give strength; especially one’s Master who can do something permanent about the situation; something involving the puppy farm
3. examining past errors with the help of a sponsor (experienced member); any breed of dog will suffice as long as they have successfully completed this 6-step program
4. making amends for these errors; especially toward one’s fur parents who have to continually clean up the mess
5. learning to live a new life with a new code of behavior; which includes getting outside immediately upon waking up in the morning
6. helping others that suffer from the same addictions or compulsions; EmmaLou will be very helpful toward other dogs with this condition; she is very compassionate toward those who are challenged in any way.
EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer, soon-to-be-broken Inside the House Pooper…ya gotta love her. sigh…