I Hate to Beat a Dead Horse….but…

absolutely adorable no doubt

absolutely adorable no doubt

Ya’ll remember the other day I posted about how cute this little puppy was when I brought her home and how I just fell in love with her and yet she has given me over 5 years of pure heck with her antics?

Apparently, I am to get no peace in this house from this dog from Hades.  No peace whatsoever.

Wednesday Devoted Spouse (even though his back was bothering him) put a lawn chair by the dressed up garden and sat my precious butt in it to supervise his planting of the Swiss Chard.  My job was to water and put on that nasty Liquid Fence stuff (plus I put a tomato cage around it just in case).  He spent a lot of his time fixing the stonework – and those stones are very heavy.  Bless his heart.  Then he took his precious self over to another section of the yard where my lavender plants (every last one of them) had died a horrible death and he planted two perennials.  Again, I watered and put the smelly stuff on.  We repeated this one more time in another part of the yard with more perennials.   The point is this is hard work and Devoted Spouse was tired.  I was tired, too, but just because my back was bothering me.  Here is a shot of the cleaned up and planted (okay only 2 tomato plants and a Swiss Chard so far) garden and a shot of my irises (and Devoted Spouse’s cute little civil war soldier) which is right next to the perennials – but there were too many weeds I don’t want you to see at the perennials so you’ll just have to take my word for it; they are there.

cleangarden

irises

So, what is the point to this story?  The Golden Destroyer had her precious special vet-buy-only dinner at 5pm.  At 5:01 she went outside for her constitutional and what do you think she did?  She made a beeline for the perennials and started to chomp and roll.

Devoted Spouse saved everything and got her out of there and I used my best mommy voice to get her golden butt back inside.  Then it was the toothpaste and dishrag/soap routine again.

I can’t take it anymore.  I am the only person in the world who has the most challenged dog who would actually like this stuff, but she won’t eat a piece of an onion and she won’t get close to the mist that comes off an orange when you peel it.  Maybe I need to put onions around the plants – but then the rabbits would eat the onions.

As if that isn’t bad enough, not an hour later I’m in the living room working on school and Devoted Spouse and stinky dog are in the family room watching tv and I hear this yell, “Honey come help, Emma just threw up.”   On top of everything else she did that day, she went and yakked up the total contents of her stomach and it just missed my new couch by a hair, or I would be printing her obituary instead of this posting.  Sweet merciful heavens give me patience and I want it right now!

I think my brain may be leaking out of my ears at the moment so I am going to calm down and go take a much needed nap and a little doggie distance.  Gah….  I need to move to the country and buy about a 5 acre piece of land where we can build a little house for us and the dog has room to run and cavort and stink up herself so bad she doesn’t have time to mess with my lil ole pitiful garden and then have the audacity to yak all over my white berber carpet.  Sigh…

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11 thoughts on “I Hate to Beat a Dead Horse….but…

  1. A lot of dogs – especially those bred for hunting – would love the smell of the Liquid Feces. She’s rolling in it and chomping on the plants because it masks her own scent, thereby making it easier for her to approach her prey; it’s an instinctive action. Scooter does it all the time, even when he finds rabbit droppings in the yard – once he found some deer scat and I thought we were NEVER going to get the stink off of him.

    Oh, and he won’t eat anything like onion when it’s accidentally dropped on the floor, but when I clean out the refrigerator? He stands under my feet, just waiting for me to drop something green and fuzzy on the floor so he can gobble it up. Go figure.
    Liquid Fence is her new best friend. I’m no longer on kissing terms with this dog…

  2. YIKES…I would be hauling her off to the spca a long time ago, (just kidding) but HOW frustrating!!!!
    I wonder if you did put down hair if that would deter her?
    We used to put down blood meal, but it is kins of scary because at the time there was the huge fuss about mad cow disease, and who knows WHAT blood meal comes from..
    It does work though(but then EL would probably love IT even more…lol)
    😉
    On tuesday Devoted Spouse visits our hairdresser and he’s going to ask her to collect a bag of hair for me – this is so disgusting I can’t stand it but I have to stop the rabbits and Liquid Fence is going to be the death of me. I haven’t tried blood meal – if the hair doesn’t work, blood meal is next. And if that doesn’t work, I just will stop trying to have pretty flowers in my yard and I’ll just plant daylilies and more irises which the rabbits don’t seem to care for. I am going to do some container gardening, though – the problem is you have to water almost daily and that’s hard coz it keeps you tied to your house all the time. Oh well. Such is life – I’m not going anywhere with this school schedule anyhow… LOL

  3. Hi Cronie.
    I feel your pain.
    Coco dug up my precious sunflower seedlings.
    BTW, she escaped our backyard yesterday. She was gone for about 30 minutes. We caught her in our neighbor’s yard with their horny male shitzhu.
    I hope we caught her before she lost her virginity…
    We don’t need anymore babies in this house.
    Ack.
    Now go back to your studies.
    Oh no – you may be having little fur babies soon – bless your heart. Coco needs a chastity belt – is she too young to be spayed yet? I’ll keep my fingers crossed that the pee stick turns the right color!!!!! LOL Studies going well – I received an A for my first week’s work – yay me. Now I am studying for a quiz for Week 2 and I normally don’t do well on quizzes – tests make me nervous – but I’ll get through it. I start phys therapy for back next week – yay! Although it’s with a new group – no more cute Agador dammit. Plus, the really good news is our insurance reversed their decision and have decided to pay for my back surgery!!! I don’t have a $6,000 bill hanging over my head anymore and now I can buy my oven and get some other house maintenance done! Life is good. Okay enough blabbing – love ya, miss ya on Twitter -l8r baby! Hugs!

  4. We used to have a dog that would eat her own poop and then throw it up once back in the house. I have wood floors now for that very reason. I guess I got something out of it but ugh. So disgusting. Jan is right, it’s a hunter thing. I feel your pain. We can’t grow anything here either. Between the bugs, the bunnies and our dogs, nothing is safe.
    It’s just so frustrating because I used to get so much satisfaction (prior to the back pain issue) out of gardening and I know one of these days my back will be in good enough shape again to get out there and play in the dirt. But why go through all the trouble to make it look pretty when it’s just eaten and destroyed overnight? A couple of years ago I planted probably close to 50 marigold plants – around borders and around my garden (supposed to help keep out bugs) and literally overnight all the flower heads and alot of the plants were just chewed off. All that hard work for nothing. Nope – no more. It’s basic stuff and too bad. I’ll just sit on my deck and look at the green grass and watch the hummingbirds and be grateful I’m saving all that money I would be using on buying more flowers! Miss ya on Twitter! Hugs!

  5. I agree that it is a part of the breed so you unfortunately signed up for that when you got EmmaLou. My SIL is a total Golden Retriever nut and wants to have 4 of them. He is crazy but he grew up with a Golden. You should love the movie “Marley and Me” cause what I’ve seen of the trailers that dog reminds me of your trials and tribulations with EmmaLou.

    In answer to your question, you betcha! I couldn’t go 12 days without my laptop or internet plus I still have giveaways coming up while we are on vacation. Just part of me, have laptop will travel.
    I’m glad we’ll still be able to hear from you while you are enjoying your time away! 12 days without Delaney is just not a fun thought! Hugs!

  6. Oh my! Emma Lou amazes me. It’s like she’s a terminal toddler. Trouble just finds her everywhere she turns. I’ve got a couple of active dogs, too, but I’m afraid they don’t hold a candle to Emma Lou! Dang lucky for her she’s so cute! Hang in there … Emma Lou will eventually be an adult … someday … maybe.

    Glad to hear your recovery is going well. Take it easy while you can!
    I actually researched this puppy vs adulthood idea — of course it was after I had already brought her home — and discovered that Goldens don’t reach maturity until they are around 4 years old. Mine is getting close to 6 and it appears she is the epitome of Arrested Development. Last night she caught a baby rabbit and thankfully it got out of her mouth and ran like the dickens before she “retrieved” it again. This dog is going to put me in an early grave. And then she hopped up onto my bed last night as I was feeling very uncomfortable from my back surgery and she licked the side of my face as if to say, “I know you hurt, and I hurt right along with you.” What can I say? I’m totally in love with my completely whacked-out fur-child and will put up with her destructive and ridiculous antics forever. She makes the dog Marley from the book Marley and Me (and the movie) look so tame by comparison. You just wouldn’t believe it. Thank you for your well wishes – I start physical therapy Wednesday and I’m looking forward to improving my walking ability and having less pain every day. Hugs!

  7. The only thing I can say is that we take more crap from those we love than we ever would from another. I wonder if they have a spray that keeps dogs away from something. I am allergic to dogs and so cannot have one. I would love to have a dog, but I know how crazy the golden retrievers can be since my brother and one of my sisters have had one. But I could also not have one because that is one type of dog that I am totally allergic to. If I am in a house with one, then I will have a total asthma attack. Oh how much I wish I could have another dog.

    Anyway, I am so glad your surgery went so well. I also laughed so much at the surgery story. I had epiderals done on my back and they knock you out, but at the same time you are awake to talk to the doctor, but you have no memory of it. I cannot remember what it is called. Just before they would put the needle into the IV bottle I would tell the nurses that I am apologizing ahead of time for any gas that is passed or any bad words I might say. They would all laugh in the room and say they were used to that stuff. Then I would go to lala land and wake up hours later with no idea of what I did or said.

    I am starting to feel a little better and am thinking that I am getting the upper hand on this flu bug I have had. I have to say that I am still having so many aches and pains all over my body that I am not really sure though. I am hurting so much, even while I am typing this, that it sucks. But I just wanted to stop on by and let you know I have hardly even had the energy to turn on the computer and tonight was the first time in a while.

    So I just wanted to stop by and say Hi. I think I am going to go back to bed now, I seem to be sleeping so much cause it is all I have the energy to do. This flu is not a nice one to have. And I cannot remember if I told you they are going to do the surgery on July 13, I wrote about it on my TT.

    Give Em a big hug and pat from me. God bless.

    Hi sweetie – how nice to hear from you! I’m sorry you’ve been so sick with the flu – I know how hard it is to kick that awful stuff and the weariness from it just seems to hang around forever. It will be gone soon, I just know it! I’m so glad I had my back surgery – I’m still in some discomfort – my back is always stiff and sometimes it can be quite painful, but it’s getting better, no more muscle spasms! Yay! It is loosening up a bit and I’m having an easier time of walking. I start physical therapy Wednesday and I’m very happy about that because I want to exercise and get my back in shape and start living a normal life again. It’s been too many unhappy, painful months and I need this trial and tribulation to be over. Plus, my husband needs a break from taking care of me – bless his heart, I’m so lucky to have him. Without him during this time I simply do not know how I would have managed at all. I can drive now – I can walk, just not too far – maybe up one side of a block or so (but that’s alot of progress for me) and he’s offering to take me to physical therapy – what a super guy! I’m happy you are having surgery (although I know you dread it) because it is the best thing for you to do given the situation. I have already marked the day on my calendar and shall start praying now and will fervently pray as you have surgery that you are blessed with wonderful doctors and staff who will take care of you and that God will heal what needs to be healed.
    Blessings,
    Linda
    P.S. Are you sure you couldn’t take some allergy shots or pills and maybe take EmmaLou off my hands for a week or so? LOL

  8. Ewww…..and ewww….and especially ewwww at what SMB said.

    Hope you are on the mend and feeling much better these days.

    Besides the slug flu, I now have a hurt back and sciatic nerve problem. Vacation will be so fun with me hobbling around trying to keep up with HBL. Oh and I’ve got 47 bruises on my arms and legs so I keep threatening HBL that I’ll start yelling “spousal abuse” if he messes with me in any way shape or form. I think he’s scared. 🙂

    MUAH!
    My poor sweet baby what am I to do with you? One of us starts to get better and the other one takes a dive. Honestly – I feel your pain – I’ve dealt with sciatic nerve issues before and it’s no bed of roses I know and what a time to be doing vacation. Only 47 bruises? MUAH and gentle hugs coming your way – please feel better soon! Love ya, mean it!

  9. Hades, meet my dog, Zeus. He’s just like you… except for the fact that we don’t have plants around here because we know he’d have them eaten by the next morning. Oh sweet pets of ours…
    Missie – EmmaLou better not have read this comment coz she doesn’t eat houseplants – okay, she dug one out of a pot once but that was the only incident – her problem is plants outside that smell like the bunnies have been there. Now if the bunnies had been around my houseplants, well I hate to think what EmmaLou would have done to them by now. Yes, she is my sweetiepie and she will one day be the death of me I’m sure – but I will love the stuffin’ outta her forever.

  10. LOL. Dogs. Can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em. Well, I suppose you CAN live without them….

    Out here on our 26 acres, I’m starting to plant schtuff. We have so many bunnies it’s ridiculous. Between the raptors, our cats and our outside dog (yes, the dog catches them and EATS them, ehw), you’d think they’d be decimated by now. Alas, there are more bunnies than ever! It’s been a couple weeks since I’ve planted some impatiens, morning glories from seed, tidy tips and moss rose from seed, and SO FAR, everything remains in place and untouched. I’ve also got about 6 pots with flowers and veggies. I didn’t go to any great lengths to fence or sprinkle any anti-animal crap on anything, figured hey, what happens, happens.

    So far, I’m pretty shocked that everything is intact. Although a toad keeps burrowing a home dangerously near one of my impatiens and the morning glories…
    26 acres is alot of ground to cover – sounds glorious to me – I would love to have more room without the noisy neighbors and lots more privacy – one of these days. I can’t plant impatiens at all anymore because the bunnies eat them to the ground. So I just look at pictures in garden magazines and drool! The Liquid Fence I used, although it smelled horrid, has worked – no bunnies have chewed my new perennials and the Swiss Chard is intact so I guess the product works – unfortunately it does attract EmmaLou and that’s just not a good experience at all for us! Hugs!

  11. Years ago, after I’d broken it off with my BF, I said to myself, “What is it you REALLY want in a man?”

    “Well,” I replied, ” I want a good listener, someone who will hike and go camping with me, someone who will give me unconditional love.”

    “Wait a minute!” I cried. “That’s not a man–that’s a dog!”

    And three days later I found Bentley, 109 pounds of very tall golden retriever. He was so beautiful and funny, the local animal shelter had extended his “stay” by a month, hoping his owner would find him. But no; Bentley was schedule to be euthanized that weekend.

    He was only two-years-old, but Bentley came housebroken and beautifully trained. He could heel, shake hands, roll over, sit, lay down and herd cats–all five of mine. They adored Bentley, and he loved them–and me– for the next 13 years.

    When his organs starting shutting down, I had him put to sleep. That was eight years ago, on May 8.

    I write this with tears in my eyes and hope in my heart that each of you Golden people will arrange
    for obedience training so that you can love your
    well-behaved dogs as unconditionally as they love you.
    Hi Paula, thanks for writing – I know you miss Bentley terribly; Ive been there, too. I agree obedience training is important, and EmmaLou has been through 2 series of obedience training – she’s just very smart and she doesnt have quite enough to do – she gets into trouble when we leave her alone (separation anxiety) or if we don’t give her enough exercise — I suffer from the results of a broken back and surgery and I can’t take a 75 pound dog for a walk so it is up to my husband and he doesnt take her out enough or far enough. I encourage her to run in the back yard to burn up excess doggie energy, but her rambunctiousness is mostly our fault. As you can see from my header picture of her she is a beautiful girl and we absolutely adore her and are so blessed by her every day. She gives us so much love and fun that the occasional “bad dog” episode is always forgiven and we just press on — unfortunately we got a chewer and sometimes that happens even with Goldens and even with obedience training. We have finally gotten her to understand what is acceptable to chew but she has a little naughty streak in her that will send her after one of my books, or a couch pillow if I don’t pay enough attention to her – so that’s my fault. She knows her commands; she just has a very strong willful personality and unfortunately we dont always reinforce as much as we should. Thanks again for the wonderful advice to all dog owners and thanks for visiting.

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