The Golden Retriever Giveaway is Close At Hand

golden puppy

This is why I brought home EmmaLou, the Golden Destroyer.  No, this is not her picture but it is the spitting image of her as a  puppy.  You can see why she just melted my heart and came home with me.

Life has never been the same and it’s been 5 and 1/2 years now of one good day, one bad day, one day of those gorgeous brown eyes looking at you adoringly, one day of pooping in front of the door, one day of silly doggie smiles, one day of dead baby rabbit hanging out of her mouth.  That’s what being the mom of a fur-child is all about.  There are ups and downs just like raising a real child.

If EmmaLou were a cat, she would be on about her 1,257th life right now.  I have threatened her with the puppy home more times than I can count.  She’s so not scared of me.

Yesterday, (probably not the best thing for me to do) I lightly helped Devoted Spouse do some gardening.  I had posted pictures on my other blog Crap on a Crutch Monday of what a mess both the regular garden and the herb garden had become over the winter.  Then we went to work fixing them up some.

My biggest problem with gardening is this:


Oh, yes,they are just flippin’ adorable aren’t they?  They’re fluffy and have cute little noses and white tails and one of our current residents has the most precious little white blaze on the front of his face I could just cuddle the daylights out of him.  BUT – they eat everything in the garden regardless of what I plant…they nibble it to the ground.  Very expensive and very frustrating.

Last year Devoted Spouse erected the fence from Hades (as you can see by the remnants in the picture over on other blog.  While it was effective, it was the ugliest thing you have ever seen — my garden is sort of kidney shaped and outlined in beautful heavy stone and it’s just so pretty to put fencing around that ruined the artistic effect of the garden.  But it was the fencing or losing every vegetable we owned.  The fencing won.

This year I asked the nice man at the gardening center what to do to keep the rabbits from my beloved vegetables and flowers.  He gave me a suggestion for a product which he claims comes very highly recommended so this is what I bought:


It’s supposed to be natural, not harmful to animals, and especially important, not harmful to the plants themselves.  So after Devoted Spouse spent all this time cleaning out and re-planting the herb garden, I got out the Liquid Fence and started reading the instructions.  BTW, here’s how the herb garden looks this morning — you’ll notice a big difference I think from the other picture on COAC site.


It’s all nice and neat and has several new herbs planted.  Now for the Liquid Fence application – and no rabbits will destroy my nice new plants.

While Devoted Spouse was still on the ground, I leaned down and started liberally spraying Liquid Fence.  I thought we would both die right there on the spot.  I have never smelled anything this noxious in my life.  All I can say is now I understand why I did not choose Autopsy Technician as my career field.  It smelled like a combination of all the urine in the world mixed with blood and feces of animal species that have yet to be discovered thrown together with a liberal amount of filthy sneaker stink.   I’m sorry but that’s about as accurate a description as I can give you – it was that bad!  Devoted Spouse just about keeled over.  I gagged so much I thought I’d never stop.  But I kept spraying.  Those rabbits were not going to win this year.

We left the premises to get some fresh air and also to go inside for a drink of water and to cool down.

When we came back outside, EmmaLou came with us.  She made a beeline straight for the herb garden, did a Golden Retriever happy dance in the air, then completely covered my new basil plant with her mouth, pulled it straight up out of the ground and ran around the yard with it.  Oh yes, completely covered in the odorous Liquid Fence.  Dear God in Heaven help me — my dog actually is attracted to the scent of Liquid Fence.

Now I’m not concerned with the rabbits – now I have to figure out how to keep EmmaLou out of the gardens.  Some days you’re the windshield, and some days you’re the bug — today I feel my butt going right through my face as it slams through the windshield of gardening life.

Anyone want her?  Because I’m this close to turning her into a doorstop.  Yes, Devoted Spouse managed to retrieve and replant the basil.  Yes, we got EmmaLou away from the garden – but I don’t know for how long — and I am so disgusted with the fact she found this absolutely dead-smelling stuff to be attractive.  I give up, I just give up.  I don’t think I’m destined to be a gardener as long as there are rabbits and a Golden Retriever from Hades lurking.


11 thoughts on “The Golden Retriever Giveaway is Close At Hand

  1. ROFLMAO!!! The minute you said EmmaLou made a bee-line for the garden I knew you were in trouble, but I thought you were going to say she jumped in and rolled around in it – that’s what Scooter would do.

    Wouldn’t spraying Liquid Feces on your herbs rather defeat the purpose of having them though?

    Beloved had to erect fences around my vegetable garden, as well as our lilies and hostas, to keep the Evil Fluffy Bunnies at bay. They don’t look so nice, no, but it’s better than having some arid wasteland in the back yard.
    I may just give up gardening – I can’t stand the smell of that stuff nor can I keep EmmaLou away from it and it has to be sprayed on once a month. Ick. Liquid Fence by a$$…it was more like Liquid Gold to her.

  2. Yikes! That stuff isn’t supposed to be good smelling for any animal but then again, EmmaLou isn’t your average doggy.
    Yes, this dog is strange. When she was chewing my furniture the vet told me to buy some spray called Bitter Apple and spray it on the wooden legs of the furniture. EmmaLou absolutely loved it. I even sprayed some right in her mouth and she waited for more. Sometimes I just hate this dog…she can make my life so difficult and yet I absolutely adore her. Gah

  3. there’s nothing like the face of a puppy to melt your heart
    I guarantee you after these 5 years of hell I’ll never get taken in again. She may be cute but she’s the most destructive critter I’ve ever known. And I absolutely adore her. Never again.

  4. Oh no, that Emma Lou!!!
    TOO funny(but HOW annoying too…)
    I have looked at that product in the garden shop and didn’t get it(at the time we had troubles with all the neighbourhood kitties coming to leave their “mark” in our newly planted veg garden)
    I have heard that HUMAN hair is a good deterrent…
    Just take it out of your hair brush and scatter it about..(Emma Lou would probably love that though too…lol)
    oh and YES about the puppy (sweet adorable thing….)
    I’ve also heard human hair detracts bunnies – I’m going to ask my hairdresser for some the next time I go see her. Gross. Someone else suggested bloodmeal I think it was called. It was blood-something.

  5. I have to say I saw this coming as I was reading. As soon as you said what it smelled like, I was thinking, “UH OH!” LOL

    But she has such a sweet, sweet face!
    She may have a sweet face but yesterday I about ripped that face right off her little golden body. And she knew mama was mad. I wouldn’t get near her all day – totally ignored her and she hates that. I simply give up – I’m never going to have a garden that isn’t destroyed by rabbits without an ugly fence around it and even then they manage to get in somehow. I hate them. But I hate the smell of that liquid fence more. Ackkkk

  6. I am eagerly awaiting Monday when Hubby and I go on our peaceful vacation at the lake. 12 lovely days away from furry fiends from Hades. Son gets to babysit the brats and we will be ornery-little-stinkers free! Yippee-Skippee :0)

    Love ’em but I will enjoy the break.
    Oh how I envy you – 12 days at the lake – have a wonderful time – you deserve it sweetie but I’ll miss you!

  7. I gave up planting our vegetables at ground level and now have them in big, tall pots. The rabbits can’t reach them and the dogs leave them alone. The only drawback is the pots need to be watered all the time.

    I had a GSD who loved the taste of bitter apple too. That’s when I discovered he didn’t like cayenne pepper. I made a paste of it, spread it on my woodwork that he oh, so loved to chew on, and after his first hit of cayenne he left the woodwork alone.
    Hot pepper, cayenne, red pepper sauce all work well, but it’s a constant battle to keep it going because of rain and even morning dew can ruin the effects. Next year I’m going to make devoted Spouse make me some raised bed gardens and we’ll try it that way. Hopefully by then my back will be up to the task! This year I think I’ll just hit the Farmer’s market often!

  8. Goldens, God bless em, they make your heart melt, but they can be a hand full. I had a customer getting the dash fixed on her suv. Why you ask? Her’s ate it while she was in the garage and the doors wasn’t shut!
    You will grow herbs but maybe try in containers!
    I have 3 pit bulls and they eat my veggies so I now grow in containers. I keep metal fence ( doggie pen) in front of them. They won’t even push on it maybe that might work for you.

    Good luck!
    She’s driving me nuts – we just finished planting some perennials and hit them with the Liquid Fence and she got out and of course ran right over and just was in puppy heaven at that horrid smell. We dragged her off – I took her in and gave her a liberal dose of doggie toothpaste (which she hates). I guess I’m going to have to go to container gardening next year and maybe a few raised beds. I give up on just planting in the dirt. This is too frustrating.

  9. And if your Golden Destroyer is anything like my Golden Destroyer and my Jack Russell Terror…..she rolled in the obnoxious smelling goop as soon as she had a chance. My dogs find the most god-awful smelling piles of whatever and dive head first right into it and then come in with stripes and streaks of nasty smelling stuff. But I love them! 🙂
    But of course – if it tastes good, it must also be good to roll in. I hate it when she does that! She just stinks. I got most of it off of her and I gave her a mouthful of dog toothpaste (she looked like she was rabid she had so much foam coming out) and I still love her. I just can’t wait till next week when she goes to the groomer.

  10. First off…..YEAH you are back!
    This was so delightful to read – probably not to live but thanks to you ( and Emma) for making me laugh. And c’mon think how boring boring boring life would be without her!
    Thank you for welcoming me back – that’s so sweet. Don’t expect a daily posting please – I’m just up to my neck in alligators and I’m starting physical therapy again next week for my back – so between this health nonsense and school, I sort of run out of hours in the day for blog postings. anyway…You are right life would be boring without her. It would be alot of other things too…quiet, less expensive, cleaner, fresher smelling, but none of those compare to the unconditional love that comes from those gorgeous brown eyes as she looks up at me and licks my face before I’ve even brushed my teeth.

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