Fractured Fairy Tales…Or How I Survived Surgery

A Note From Snoopy

Hey kids – look who’s checking up on you.   Made it through the dreaded back surgery.  Finished  the grueling school studying session to get ahead and got that homework submitted – shoot I’ve already finished reading my texts for the next week.

I have had three days now of recovery from this surgery – the doc said 48 hours…close enough.  I didn’t exactly follow all her instructions…I got bored and moved around a bit, but she had told me that the surgery was so successful she felt it was alright for me to do whatever felt comfortable (with the exception of planting the garden) — so hanging out in the comfy chair reading a book, lying on the new couch watching very bad tv, or just taking naps qualified as recuperation in her estimation.  Of course going to a function at our church Friday night was probably overdoing it a bit – but I really wanted to be there because it was a special occasion.  That sort of hurt the back a tad – and I’ve been a real slug today.  I will probably be a real slug Sunday.  Now for the fun stuff…

So 8:00 in the morning, Wednesday, and me with no coffee, I walk into the office and the nurse says, “We are going to have to reschedule because your insurance still hasn’t approved the procedure.”   Devoted Spouse was having none of that – I was going to have that surgery come heck or high water and he would find a way to pay for it (this stuff costs roughly $6,000).  Bless his heart.  So in I go to get ready.  As I’m getting undressed the doc comes in, takes my hand and says if my insurance gives her any crap, she will severely discount my bill and not to worry.  That helped considerably. (I know they do this all the time, but it made me feel better that I wasn’t going to be presented with a huge bill).  I need a new oven, not a $6,000 doctor bill.

The nurse comes in with a shot of antibiotics (sort of like surgery condoms these days; it’s best to be prepared).  She asked me if I was nervous.  I responded by starting to cry.   She said, “I’ll go get the shots of Valium and be right back.”   She brought in two more needles and I knew life was about to get much calmer.  Yay.

We go in to “the room”…I stretch out on my tummy and get as comfortable as possible.  The x-ray technician and I become best buds – she spent an inordinate amount of time holding my hand, comforting me, and re-propping up my shoulder which was really killing me that morning.  Bless her heart.

And then it happened – my worst nightmare came to life.  I developed a case of gas.  This could only happen to me. The night prior to the surgery I ate a Fiber One Bar – what a stupid thing to do — note to anyone having surgery – do not eat a Fiber One Bar within 24 hours of your procedure.  Have you ever been in a situation where you have to (sorry) get rid of that gas and ya just want to hold it in forever but can’t?  I was so embarrassed but I told the x-ray lady – Hmmm, I’m so sorry but I seem to have a touch of gas.

FiberOnebar

I prayed for it to just be a teensy weensy episode and not anything like the killer poots from EmmaLou which can clear a room instantly.  She laughed like a hyena.  “Honey, you think no one has ever come in here and had the same thing happen?”  You don’t worry about a thing – you just fart to  your little heart’s content – we can handle it.  I know God will richly bless that woman for that remark because I was mortified.  So the minor (thankfully) gas attack came and went fortunately prior to the actual surgery.

The doctor comes in, rubs my shoulders, tells me it’s going to be a great procedure and I’m going to be just fine, not to worry and she’s going to talk me through the entire procedure.  If I wanted to, I could turn my head and watch the x-rays too.  Creepy but it’s like being at the movies — you don’t want to look but you open your eyes and peek out behind your splayed fingers anyway.  It was the coolest technology I’ve ever seen. All these x-ray pictures, and there were sonogram pics just flying out of another machine.  So cool.   As for pain, the last time I went to the Dentist and had a crown put in I had more pain and I wanted to take out a contract on him and have What’s-Her-Face from the ice skating world come break his kneecaps.  This back procedure was nothing by comparison.  I only felt like someone had pushed me hard on my back – that was it.

I laid on a gurney for an hour while the cement dried and hardened.  Bored to tears (although Devoted Spouse was doing his best to amuse me by having wheelchair races behind the curtain), all I could think of was what if what they shot into me isn’t really bone cement but it’s some concoction of ground up dead people’s bones and Elmer’s Glue?  It was not a pretty thought.  About that time, they allowed me to leave.  I walked out of the facility standing straighter than I had in four months (hallelujah!) and knowing that life was going to get better.

That’s my story.  Sorry it’s so long.  I’m doing really well but I’m still going to take a little longer break before I come back to blogging on a daily basis.  I promise to keep checking in.  I’ll try to find something funny to tell you.  Ok – here’s another chuckle for you.  Last night while standing in line at church to sign in, one of my friends came up behind me and slapped me on the back in greeting – she didn’t hurt me at all – but I freaked her out when I said – I just had back surgery and slapping me on the back is not a good idea.  I had a little too much fun at her expense.  It was worth it.

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15 thoughts on “Fractured Fairy Tales…Or How I Survived Surgery

  1. Good to see all went well. Fiber One bars give me terrible gas. I stopped eating these as a snack at work because of the gas issue. Take it easy. See you around.
    They really should put one of those medical black box lines around the box to warn people of the gas issues – unbelievable.

  2. YAY! I’m so glad you’re feeling better!! Can’t wait till you get back in the full swing of things!

    …And that pic at the bottom of the post is SOOOO me, except I don’t hide it behind my back. I have it full view and remain in total denial! LOL
    Thanks sweetie – I am better – sort of one day at a time, some are better than others, but I know eventually it will be okay. It just takes time for this serious of an injury to heal and I have to learn a little more patience and quit trying to do too much. I know – I loved that pic, too.

  3. Oh Cronie!
    You are a Survivor!
    I can totally relate to your Gassy Episode. I just wish my Partner were as patient as your nurse (heh heh).
    How amazing you were able to stand taller on your way out.
    *dancing with joy*
    Yes I am a Survivor – I am a very strong woman (but I’m just a bit tired, and that’s okay). The gassy episode was so dang funny – I just was horrified and the xray lady simply laughed and was so nice. Dang Fiber One – that stuff will kill you. I am getting better each day. I still hurt. I imagine I will hurt for quite some time – this was a broken bone after all and it takes time for your body to get back to where it needs to be. But there are no back spasms – and that is a wonderful feeling to be free of those – oh how painful that was. I can walk – I’m slow, but I can walk. I see the doc who did the procedure on Tuesday and I’m hoping I get the okay from her to start some simple stretching exercises to open up my back a bit (and get rid of the stiffness) and maybe some light walking – I would love to stroll the neighborhood with Devoted Spouse (but not EmmaLou – she’s too rambunctious for my first “outing”). Wish me luck @ the doc’s. Talk to ya soon sweetie. And thanks so much for being my bud and caring – you have no idea how much better I felt knowing there were people out there I hadn’t even met who were saying prayers and having good healing thoughts about me. It truly does help you heal. Love ya, mean it!

  4. Hooray! I hope things just keep on getting better!
    Hooray is right!! Thanks for your good thoughts and well wishes – every day it gets a little better – I’m just an impatient little booger, but I know I will be okay before too long. Thanks! Hugs!

  5. With my wife’s fiber requirements, those bars stay in the house…but not for long. The kids think they are “yummy”…it makes for some interesting evenings in our house. On the plus side…everyone is “regular!”

    Good you keep getting better.
    They are yummy but one needs to be careful and regular is a very good choice of words. I’m making progress; it’s slow, but it’s still progress, so I’m thankful for every day that there is a little less pain associated with walking around. I’m hopeful the doc will give me the “ok” for light exercise soon and some yoga to get those muscles stretched and feeling better and get my poor abs working to strengthen my back again. I can’t believe I just pretty much said I’m looking forward to exercise. Boy have I come a long way from the standard couch potato since I retired! Thanks for stopping by!

  6. So glad it went well. Outside of the nervousness it sounds like a really cool procedure.

    Been there, done that with the fiber one bars. They’re good but man are they brutal on your digestive system. EEK!

    Take care of YOU and keep in touch.
    I’m glad it went well, too. Just wish it still didn’t hurt. Oh well, sometimes life sucks. I’ll see what the doctor says about the pain tomorrow when I see her. I have a sneaking suspicion it has something to do with my being the overachiever and trying to still do more than I should. Yesterday I accidentally hit a lethal combination – edamame for dinner and a Fiber One bar for a later snack. Absolutely lethal. Learn from me – don’t ever eat both of those products in the same day. Even the dog left…and she rolls around in dead things. Today’s shopping list for Devoted Spouse contains the item…Beano.

  7. I am SO glad for you that you got through it ok but OMG you are a BRAVE BRAVE lady…
    ((hugs))
    LOVED that Devoted spouse kept you entertained with the wheelchair races…LOL!
    Take your time recovering…..
    😀
    Brave had nothing to do with it – I had no choice – thank goodness for the Valium shots. I’m glad it’s over. I do feel better, little by little. Yeah, the wheelchair races really got me. What a goofball.

  8. I love Fiber One bars but they don’t love me. I try to only indulge when I’m certain I will be alone for the next 24 hours. Oh…and i think everyone suddenly gets the urge to….pass gas…when they are in a situation where they can’t. It’s Murphey’s stupid law!@!!@

    Glad you are cemented and in good shape. You’ll miss those Valium but your life will be so much richer. HUGS
    Interesting how everyone I talk to has the same reaction to these fiber one bars. Hmmmm. See above comment and do not, I mean NEVER take a fiber one bar on the same day you eat any soy product like edamame. It is a lethal combination like a high school chemistry class gone bad, trust me. I thought the poor dog would pass out and she likes the smell of Devoted Spouse’s tennis shoes….

  9. Happy to hear that all went well! I’m just back from my writers’ conference and am going to head off to bed for some much needed sleep after four days of getting up at six a.m. and going to bed well after 2 a.m. Over the next several days I’ll be telling everyone all about the conference, so come visit my site.
    Thanks for checking in on me even though you’re pooped out yourself! Get some rest – I’ll come visit soon to hear about that conference! Hugs!

  10. Hello! Stumbled upon your blog (forget from where) and enjoyed looking around and looking at your pictures. So glad you are doing well post-surgery. I will be back to visit, I’m sure!
    Hi Sandy – thanks for finding me! I’ll go visit your blog, too. Appreciate the kind words!

  11. I’m so glad that you are doing better since this has all been such an ordeal for you and DS. Glad you are finially seeing the end of it all.

    Absolutely love the picture at the end, so right and so funny!
    We are making our way thru it!

  12. Happy your up and around and doing so great! One day at a time and before long you will be running around like your old self again.
    Gas from the Fiber One bars are terrible I eat them early in the morning when I am home alone all day!
    Just had a visit to the emergency room 4 days ago, terrible pain in my right side and left jaw, would you believe it was a huge gas bubble?? Yep,talk about being embarrassed.But it was extremely large and causing terrible pain. I am laying off all fiber for awhile!!
    Thank you for your kind comments. Yeah that fiber stuff is a killer. One of the comments prior to this talked about Beano so I got some because I absolutely love edamame and soy products do the same thing – give you gas. I took the Beano right before I ate the edamame and so far so good. I don’t ever want to go through that fiber one nightmare again. Can’t believe it sent you to the hospital – wow – that’s some serious gas trouble! Glad you’re okay! Thanks for visiting.

  13. Hi Cronie,
    I’m back just to say hi again.
    I’ve got Slug Flu (re: MLS recent post).
    Too busy to post, but not too busy to comment and snoopervise.
    Take care, and keep up with the books.
    PS
    It sure has been quiet on Twitter.
    Good Lawd – not you, too! I’m recovering from surgery, studying my a$$ off, and I’m still posting updates to my blog! Get you butt in gear. Okay I admit I’m not Twittering. Miss ya.

  14. FiberOne, LOL, I loved it. I laughed so hard I thought I would pass gas. Oh can I say that on your blog?

    Glad you are doing well.
    Yeah, me and my bright ideas. Glad it made you laugh. I go back to surgeon tomorrow (Wed). So keep praying coz I helped Larry w/the garden today (oh how stupid was that!) and I’m in a little pain here. I’m hoping I haven’t hurt anything and she’ll say I’m fine just out of shape! It is slowly getting better and easier to walk. Praise God maybe I’m at the end of this trial.

  15. I’ve been working and away from my bloggy buddies for so long that I missed getting to tell you how glad I am that the surgery went well and that you are feeling better. Take Care and don’t over-do it.

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