Honey, Spandex Can Only Do So Much


I went to see my newest blogging buddy The Atomic Mom yesterday and she had this posting with a picture of a huge young woman on a motorcycle and this girl had the biggest backside God has ever made and she was in a pair of the shortest shorts imagineable.  Well I just laughed and laughed and was thankful I don’t look quite that bad in shorts.  Now I know it’s not nice to laugh at those who are less fortunate than ourselves.  But I did.  I’m human.  I may study Theology and God-things but I’m still human and that picture is funny.

So, yesterday I made a Target run.  Now in the past few days here in Ohio it’s been getting up in the 80’s and kind of warm.  That brings out everybody in tee-shirts, shorts, and flip-flops (as it should).  What I saw going into, walking around, and coming out of Target just floored me.

“Fat chicks in shorts” (as Atomic Mom would say).  Now, I’m not trying to be critical – I’m a middle-aged lady who could stand to lose a good 20 pounds (okay maybe even 30), but I don’t go around the neighborhood wearing skintight biker shorts that make your fat bubble up over the top.  Nor am I a proponent of cropped tops – my belly needs to stay right where it is…hidden behind clothing.

You would not have believed what some of these women were wearing – and these were not young women.  I saw more spandex than I ever want to see again.  Honey – here’s a note:  just coz it’s spandex doesn’t mean it makes you look slim.  If you weigh 250 pounds (and there seems to be alot of those here in OH) I guarantee you that spandex is gonna do nothing but create terrible problems – that fat that has been squeezed needs to go somewhere and inevitably it will show out the bottom of the shorts or over the top.  Not pretty. Honey if you can’t zip it don’t try to wear it; if  you can’t get that spandex up over your bottom without jumping up and down and breaking into a sweat, stop trying.  It isn’t going to work.


I saw ladies in those gawdawful cheap polyester (I apologize if you like polyester) pants two sizes too small with little teeny tight tee-shirts that make the already floppy fat on the upper arms just pop out like it was Popeye’s.  Does no one in this town own a mirror?

Ladies here’s a tip – if you are over forty and your thighs look like they have cottage cheese please invest in a nice pair of twill capri pants and a  nice well-fitted short sleeved shirt or a tee-shirt in the proper size.   Then go outside and do your shopping.  Because I’m telling you if I have to look at one more backside that looks like you could hold a lunch tray on it  simply because it’s been forced into spandex 6 sizes too small, I shall lose what little I have of my mind.


We can’t all be a size 2 but we can all stop trying to squeeze into those size 2’s!  I understand there are issues of medicine – things like Prednisone will make you gain weight and I understand there are thyroid issues and a host of other medical reasons that some of us are larger than we would like. Oh and dear gawd let’s not forget menopause – it’s a weight killer.   But let’s start dressing for our size and get over this nonsense that women have to squeeze into tiny sizes to be valid.


14 thoughts on “Honey, Spandex Can Only Do So Much

  1. Noooo … I thought for SURE you wouldn’t reproduce the picture. Arggh!
    That’s NOT the pic from Atomic Mom and it sure as heck ain’t me thankfully – but I thought it was a good (if sad) illustration of what some women are going through. Of course much of this can be alleviated by what we all put in our mouths…LOL

  2. Hey Baby,
    Last night I stood in line at Home Depot behind a woman. Her spandex pants stretched to cover her, uh, very GENEROUS derrier. When she moved, it looked like a litter of puppies were fighting to get out.
    Now that’s big.
    My BF (who is also a butt hound) liked it.
    I truly have no issue with big butts or big people in general – I’m just sayin if that big butt is in something that’s stretched so tight you can see the bumps and lumps then at least wear a long shirt over those pants. That’s all. I ain’t skinny by any stretch of the imagination, but I buy clothes based on whether or not they fit, not what size they are — sizes are not standardized and one person can wear 3 different sizes depending on who makes the clothes. I think we all just need to get over this stigma of the size of clothing we wear. No, I’m not saying some girl wearing a size 22 dress is healthy and looks good – what I’m saying is Barbara Bush was a size 14 and always looked nice – and Marilyn Monroe wore a size 16 and was a curvy knock-out. That’s all I’m sayin’… it’s about the health, not the numbers.

  3. PS
    I have no butt, BTW.
    I’m sorry honey — I’m getting out the electric knife, will cut off a hunk of mine and UPS it to you soonest. Love ya, mean it.

  4. These pics truly scare me! 🙂
    You should have seen the face my husband made when he looked at both pics. It was horrifying. I told him if I ever looked like that he was to immediately take me to the nearest cliff and drop-kick my a$$ over it!

  5. I agree with you. Just because they make a bikini in a size 20 doesn’t mean you have to wear it. (We saw this at the lake last year). My Grandmother was a LARGE woman but she always dressed tastefully, was clean and looked great.
    They also make nice plain bathing suits and they tastefully cover your butt. I don’t care who’s big at the beach – heck I’m concerned when I get out there they might blow the horn to announce the beached whale, but I’m tastefully covered in one of those nice slimming (the tummy hugger) suits and the world can kiss my a$$!

  6. I am not a small woman but I have a mirror and I actually tend to wear bigger sizes to make sure everything is covered up. I won’t wear a shirt unless it covers my (big) butt and hips, unless it’s 100+ degrees outside and I’m fishing. Then I will have a bit less on but nothing that will scare people – or the fish :0)

    I only wear a swimsuit when swimming and it’s a fat girl suit with lots of coverage. Some women I see that are bigger scare even me and I want to walk up and smack ’em up the backside of the head and ask ’em “WTF are you thinking?”
    I saw pics of you when you got your tat and you looked just lovely to me. But at our age bikinis just don’t do it unless you’ve had all the plastic surgery of Susan Lucci. I just think it’s sad we’ve spent so much of our time worrying about what other people think when they look at us just because we may be a size 12 and not a size 6. Life is too short.

  7. Your post is very funny but also contains some good advice, I love the photograph of the little dog and the cartoon.

    P.S. I have finally got around to making my list of eight things. Thank you for tagging me.
    I can’t wait to read your list!!! Hugs!

  8. Oh dear, you sound like my Mother did. She detested the fact that so many women didn’t know how to dress and she would, if she could have, campaigned to have fat people like you speak of, be arrested for indecent exposure. As she got older and was so hospitalized she didn’t mind telling her “very large Nurse” that she looked pretty bad and if she did x,yz she would accept that she had to let her take care of her!! I guess that is why that when I put on weight after 50 I began only wearing black. Now it is my trademark but Momma never needed to tell me to look in the mirrors!! Take it easy Linda, and go tell em!! Frank
    I simply think it’s sad we let a fashion-freak society dictate to us what is attractive and what is not. I also enjoy wearing black – it goes with everything – it’s easy to find in the closet – but sometimes I have trouble matches my hues or shades of black. And heavens to Betsy does it ever pick up the golden retriever hair!!!. Hugs, Linda

  9. waahhhhh……..

    So now when I go shopping I can’t wear my spandex daisy duke shorts with my new halter mid top that shows off my newest belly button ring that is nestled in amongst the muffin tops around my waist?

    You’re no fun. *wink*
    Dahlink you wear whatever your little heart desires – I know for a fact you look good in all of it! Please don’t discuss belly button rings – I don’t have rings, I simply have rolls. LOL

  10. That’s why I had to jump on Auntie’s diet bandwagon because there was no way I was buying fatter pants. Grrr. I think you’re right, no one seems to have a mirror.
    Okay what is Auntie’s diet bandwagon – are we “doing” a particular program here? I have put on a pound and a half in the last two weeks (after losing 10 pounds while being injured) – I think now that I can use my right hand it’s spending too much of its time putting a fork or spoon into my mouth. Because of the back I still can’t exercise – even the treadmill hurts and I don’t think that’s helpful. I’m trying to cut back – maybe increase the protein and decrease the carbs? Gawd to be twenty years younger and about 5 inches taller… LOL

  11. My top weight was 350 pounds. I never ever ever wore tight clothes, shorts or any thing that showed skin besides my feet and my lower arms.

    I’ve lost 90 pounds and now wear capris. I still won’t wear shorts unless I’m home. No one wants to see my rolls of fat and I don’t blame them. I can’t imagine what gets into these fat women who wear really tight clothing and belly shirts.

    You are right on with this post.
    Sweetie I’ve read your posts — you have done soooo well with Weight Watchers. To me, diet is a neverending part of my life – everyday it is about choices and some days I make good ones; some days not so good. But I wear clothes that fit me correctly regardless of whatever number is on the inside tag. Maybe it’s a case of denial – larger ladies saying, “I simply CAN’T be THAT size.” I don’t know – I just know it’s time to get over it. Life is too short. Hugs!

  12. Yesterday it hit 90 here and my friend and I stopped for an Italian ice. I’m sorry, but there’s clothing that is completely inappropriate even for teensy, skinny gals . Take for example the young gal standing behind us with the almost-nothing-there bikini top and the cut off hip hugger jean shorts that covered less on the bottom than the top did on the top. Honey, it isn’t sexy to forth into public with both the pubes and boobs showing.

    As for stretching spandex to the limit–there should be an age and weight limit on the stuff.
    I do not understand mothers allowing their daughters to wear those clothes – I’m absolutely clueless on why any parent would allow their child to show that much skin – it’s entirely too provocative and these kids just don’t understand how and why they get themselves in trouble — look at this sexting nonsense going on. They don’t have the capacity or maturity to think ahead of the ramifications of their actions – and I blame this entirely on parents and our society. Whew – enuf w/the soapbox.

  13. OMG, you’re bringing back all these bad memories I have of Ohio in the summertime…. please make them stop! I only want to remember the GOOD things! 🙂

    And that picture, well, by god, that is just downright whoops-there-goes-my-breakfast gross!!!!

    Stopping by to say “hi” from SMBs blog. 🙂
    Hi sweetie thanks for stopping by and I’m sorry I so grossed you out but I was trying to make a point and that picture just says it all. I’ll come see ya @ SMB’s blogroll soon.

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