I have a Google email account which I use for all my online shopping and for some of my blog emails. Twitter lately has been filling it up with all these fascinating *sarcasm* folks who are just dying to follow me. My fault – I gave them the opportunity — at least it’s also easy to block these marketeers (and I use the term marketeers nicely).
I don’t visit my gmail account on a daily basis — there really is no need for that. However, today I went to check what was going on. I found not 10, not 20, not even 100 spam messages; I found 1,151. That’s right — 1,151 scumbag spammers had filled my gmail account with all their ridiculous offers. Where some of them found me I’ll never know because actually some of these emails were just this side of frightening.
In fact, I found the entire event (deleting over a thousand emails) so fascinating that while I was deleting I also printed a few of the pages into my Powerpoint software so I could just list a few of the more enlightening offers I received. I know you guys are just dying to hear how popular I am on gmail and all the wonderful offers I’m receiving. And, no I don’t open these emails; I delete them, but you can see enough in the opening line to get the general idea of what the email is about.
For example, Erica wants to know if I’d like to see some pics of her. Angela asked the same question. Gosh, I enjoy looking at pictures as much as the next person, but I think I’ll pass on these thank you.
Oprah wants to know if I’m interested in her latest e-book. Dear Oprah I’m not even interested in you dahlink. That would be a no.
Martin has an amazing offer for me where we both will make alot of money if I contact him quickly. Dear Martin: Can you spell…cold day in Hades?
According to “My Old Friend” my ex has been searching for me – again, cold day in Hades since any “old” friend of mine knows my ex qualifies for scumbag of the millenium award and wouldn’t dare search for me. In fact, I think he actually went to school for this:
Back to more fun Gmail: Shawn says: “I’ll give it to you today.” I don’t want to even imagine what this email entails I just want Shawn to go away….far away.
Here’s one that wants me to research my financial goals with Robert Allen – I wouldn’t even research my financial goals with Steve Allen, Ted Allen, Woody Allen or Tim Allen – go away. You are so delusional.
Hmmm…Michael Vincent says I earned $197 today -if only it was that easy. No thanks.
Wow – here’s one from UNICEF offering me a job — I’d probably have to make those stupid little Halloween banks. Nah.
I think you get the general idea here of what these spammers do – but here’s the one that actually scared me. It was from “Purchase Offer” and the first line read “We are interested in buying your house on XXX street (my actual address). That one scared the crap out of me to be honest because it just went too far.
Spammers are universally detested. I would like to find a Spammers directory and call all their mothers and say, “Do you know what your son/daughter does for a living?” I’d also like to do evil things to the spammers but since I did go to church Sunday I’m going to refrain from explaining this particular urge any further. I know Jesus doesn’t like ugly. But, I’m sorely tempted. I’d like Him to suddenly make all the left legs of spammers fall off. Ok, God, just kidding. You will agree with me I bet that they are scumbags.