Approaching Spam Stroke Level

spamalot

I have a Google email account which I use for all my online shopping and for some of my blog emails.  Twitter lately has been filling it up with all these fascinating *sarcasm* folks who are just dying to follow me.  My fault – I gave them the opportunity — at least it’s also easy to block these marketeers (and I use the term marketeers nicely).

I don’t visit my gmail account on a daily basis — there really is no need for that.  However, today I went to check what was going on.  I found not 10, not 20, not even 100 spam messages; I found 1,151.  That’s right — 1,151 scumbag spammers had filled my gmail account with all their ridiculous offers.  Where some of them found me I’ll never know because actually some of these emails were just this side of frightening.

In fact, I found the entire event (deleting over a thousand emails) so fascinating that while I was deleting I also printed a few of the pages into my Powerpoint software so I could just list a few of the more enlightening offers I received.  I know you guys are just dying to hear how popular I am on gmail and all the wonderful offers I’m receiving.  And, no I don’t open these emails; I delete them, but you can see enough in the opening line to get the general idea of what the email is about.

For example,  Erica wants to know if I’d like to see some pics of her.  Angela asked the same question.  Gosh, I enjoy looking at pictures as much as the next person, but I think I’ll pass on these thank  you.

Oprah wants to know if I’m interested in her latest e-book.  Dear Oprah I’m not even interested in you dahlink.  That would be a no.

Martin has an amazing offer for me where we both will make alot of money if I contact him quickly.  Dear Martin:  Can you spell…cold day in Hades?

According to “My Old Friend” my ex has been searching for me – again, cold day in Hades since any “old” friend of mine knows my ex qualifies for scumbag of the millenium award and wouldn’t dare search for me.  In fact, I think he actually went to school for this:

scumbag3

Back to more fun Gmail:  Shawn says:  “I’ll give it to you today.”  I don’t want to even imagine what this email entails I just want Shawn to go away….far away.

Here’s one that wants me to research my financial goals with Robert Allen – I wouldn’t even research my financial goals with Steve Allen, Ted Allen, Woody Allen or Tim Allen – go away. You are so delusional.

Hmmm…Michael Vincent says I earned $197 today -if only it was that easy.  No thanks.

Wow – here’s one from UNICEF offering me a job — I’d probably have to make those stupid little Halloween banks.  Nah.

I think you get the general idea here of what these spammers do – but here’s the one that actually scared me. It was from “Purchase Offer” and the first line read “We are interested in buying your house on XXX street (my actual address).  That one scared the crap out of me to be honest because it just went too far.

Spammers are universally detested.  I would like to find a Spammers directory and call all their mothers and say, “Do  you know what your son/daughter does for a living?”  I’d also like to do evil things to the spammers but since I did go to church Sunday I’m going to refrain from explaining this particular urge any further.  I know Jesus doesn’t like ugly.  But, I’m sorely tempted. I’d like Him to suddenly make all the left legs of spammers fall off.   Ok, God, just kidding.  You will agree with me I bet that they are scumbags.

scumbag2

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “Approaching Spam Stroke Level

  1. Yes, spam email is getting out of hand. I have one account I use when I have to give an email address to sign up or purchase anything and it stays full of crap. Now, even my email for business where I don’t advertise this address is getting more and more spam so I have no idea where they get it, except that yahoo and google must sell our addresses to these scumbags. grrrrr…..

    p.s. Micheal Vincent keeps telling me he has a job for me. If I’d known it would net me $197. I’d stop throwing him in the trash. *wink*
    Dang girl if you and I got our $197 checks we could go shopping! I detest spammers with every fiber of my being and that’s as Christian as I can remain today on the subject! LOL

  2. Holy cow! That’s a lot of people wanting to follow you and all the spam crap. I hate the ones where you get from people wanting you to let them transfer $1,000,000,000,000 into your bank account or you’re some kin of some non-existent dead person. Ugh.
    I’ve been waiting for you to transfer that money into my account – would you hurry it up please — I need that $1,000,000,000,000 for some new shoes I saw the other day and other cool stuff too. LOL

  3. Spammers are almost as low as the scum bags who prey on the elderly and wipe out their bank accounts in short order.
    I agree with you 100% and all I can say is that their day of reckoning shall come.

  4. I love the cartoon! I have felt that way about this stupid laptop I have and not because of spam. At least Gmail catches the spam where my other email doesn’t really get the job done. Which is why I now have 3 emails, lol!

    I wish they would come up with a “do not spam” 800 number we could call to get on the list like they have with the “do not call” list which has cut down on a lot of the telemarketing calls.
    I hate having to change my email accounts – and I LOVE the idea of a Do Not Call for spammers!

  5. Ahhhh – someone sold your name and email address.

    Isn’t it lovely?

    Not.
    I strongly suspect there is a new level of Hell just for spammers and email thieves and swindlers.

  6. ROFL@your spam blocker cartoon! I have to admit I don’t get too much of the stuff (knock wood) but what I get drives me insane!
    I don’t know what to do except keep deleting because I like my gmail account and don’t want to go through the hassle of changing it again and having to remember who all in the world (that I like) has the address. Gah…

  7. This wads so funny but way too close to home for me. I have been getting a lot of emails in my spam box from people in Africa wanting me to work for them. Yeah, I know all about those crooks. It is scary sometimes.
    Oh, one of those was from me…I live in Africa, Ohio and I really do want you to work for me, but first send money order for $100,000 and I will send you details of job….ROFLMAO Nigerian bank my big patootie…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s