It’s the Little Round Thing…


Monday night was spaghetti night at our house.  Not because this is ritually spaghetti night; I was just not in the mood to do any real cooking and spaghetti is fast and easy.  Yum.

I really love a good tomato sauce on my spaghetti (no meat, please).  A rich tomato sauce just gives that bland spaghetti such a wonderful flavor and it’s fun to sop up with the bread (cheesy artisan bread).

Unfortunately, as we age, something acidic such as a tomato might give us a touch of heartburn.  For me, this usually happens around 2:30 in the morning while I’m in a deep sleep.  And, early Tuesday morning was no exception.

I awoke (partially from an interesting dream involving Mel Gibson) to the choking feeling of heartburn.  Dang it all.  Well, I’m used to this.  And, duh-duh-duh (that’s the sound effects from Superman in case you don’t recognize them), I have on my nightstand two, count them, two, Tums ready and willing to save the day (or night as the case may be).

I also keep other things on the nightstand — don’t we all (careful there)?  There is the requisite alarm clock, a handy box of Kleenex, whatever book I happened to be reading before I went to sleep, and a pair of little rubber/foam-like earplugs (I’m a light sleeper).

Last night I forgot to put in the ear plugs.  Do you see where we’re going with this?  When Mr. Heartburn hit, I leaned over to the nightstand and grabbed what I thought was one of the Tums, popped it in my mouth, chewed maybe twice, and swallowed.  It didn’t feel right – in fact it didn’t feel crunchy as I chewed and it was hard to swallow, but I dutifully reached over and grabbed the other Tums and popped it, too, into my mouth, chewed and swallowed.  It took me about three minutes to fully come awake and realize that, yes, ladies and gentlemen, I had not eaten a Tums, I had eaten an ear plug.  Yes, you read that correctly; I had eaten an ear plug.  Gah.

Now we have a new rule in place — no more single quantities of Tums conveniently on the nightstand – the BOTTLE will live there now so I will be forced to open it and actually get a true Tums into my system.  Plus, the earplugs will now be returned to the nightstand drawer if I decide not to use them.  I just love learning new routines. *sarcasm*

Learn from me kids…don’t take Valium before you go to bed.  I’ve kicked the percocet (yeah for no more agonizing shoulder pain) – and the back spasms have let up enough to give up the Valium coz I don’t ever want to eat an ear plug again.  Ever.

I have recreated for you this lovely morning what the nightstand normally looked like before the Tums/ear plug debacle – it was too painful for me to actually take a  picture of what it looked like after I got through realizing what I had done (plus it was 2:30 in the morning for goodness sake).




12 thoughts on “It’s the Little Round Thing…

  1. Yikes! I can’t say that has never happened to be (besides the heartburn thing)… but it was 2:30 in the morning and 99% of us are asleep and out of our minds so I’d say it’s perfectly natural. If not, you can make it out to be “sleep eating”.
    You are being extremely kind when most of those 3 other bloggers who read this will have a field day with it. At least I don’t think there are any calories in ear plugs. Blechhh.

  2. LOL…LOL…LOL…I can see me doing this. But, I still sleep on the couch most nights…I definately will use bottles…LOL. Linda, thanks so much for getting my day off with a giggle!!!!!
    I’m telling you there are days (nights) I’m convinced God is just laughing like a fool at me – I know he sets me up as an example to others. And that’s okay. As long as no harm is done and everyone gets a good kick out of it, I don’t mind sharing these ridiculous moments with the world at all. LOL

  3. I’m sorry, but…


    That SO sounds like something I’d do.

    Oh, and your nightstand is TONS neater than mine.
    Yeah, well I dunno what to tell you – sometimes I’m just a moron and last night was one of those times. Thank God I didn’t actually choke to death on it. Remember I “recreated” the scene – that means I also got rid of some of the extraneous junk that was also on the nightstand! LOL

  4. I’m speechless… mostly because I can’t stop laughing and the tears are blurring my vision.
    I’m sorry it has to be because of something like this, you’re killing me — and you’ve made my day! *wipes eyes and continues to snicker*
    I knew I loved you for a good reason!

    On the bright side? Think of all the other things that COULD have been on your nightstand…
    Oh I hate to even imagine what could have been there…

  5. You should probably stay away from the Tums if they taste like ear wax…I am just sayin’.
    Fortunately I have very clean ears so that wasn’t an issue – however, it might have saved me alot of grief had I noticed a flavor issue…ewwwww

  6. [Picking myself up from the floor, wiping tears from my eyes] *snicker*

    When I know I’m going to have a bout of heartburn after a certain type of meal, I will take one of those otc antacid pills before I go to bed. They work for me.
    Yeah, I probably should have thought of that…much better idea.

  7. That cannot have been nice but it is very funny, to be honest it’s the sort of thing I would do. The worrying thing is I keep my mobile phone by my bed at night.

    I hope your tummy has recovered.
    Thank you for being the first person to acknowledge that it is funny but not to be falling over in hysterics over my stupidity. I like the cell phone by the bed at night idea and I’m going to start that. Thank you for the suggestion! Hugs!

  8. Ok, I’m trying really, really hard to not fall off the couch but I do relate since heartburn is fairly common thing for me as well. I keep a pack of the Rolaids chews next to the bed (don’t like the chalkiness of Tums) but even half asleep I know I have to take them out of the package then take the wrapper off so I have never managed to accidentally eat something else. I am glad you have a plan for that not to happen again.

    How’s the book? Love Kellerman and haven’t read that one.

    Oh, by the way….”Here’s your sign”….couldn’t resist. heeheee!
    Here’s your sign my a$$…I know I deserve it! LOL Kellerman okay – not his best – but I’m only on page 87 but so far there isn’t enough good interaction between Milo and Alex and it’s just a tad gruesome. I’ll keep going and see if it gets better. I like the Alex Delaware series alot usually.

  9. EEEWWWWWW….chewy ear wax…..
    Can’t help it but I have to be thinking about the journey of that little ear plug. Please tell me you aren’t going to try to recover it and use it again! **wink**
    EmmaLou once ate a diamond earring and I followed it’s journey, found it, cleaned it and kept it. Worth far too much to let it go. As for the ear plug, well nature will take its course and i could care less and won’t be checking you can bet on it. Thanks for the concern, though! LOL Fortunately, I have many sets of these…I shoot guns, remember? They’re not just for sleeping. I’m just lucky it wasn’t the kind that is attached with a piece of string/rubber/plastic thingie sort of like the mittens we wore as kids — otherwise I’d be in the hospital right now and they’d be having so much fun at my expense.

  10. I can’t stop laughing. MHS suffers from heartburn almost nightly and has for years. It’s taken me until just about a month ago to think of putting the tums bottle on his nightstand. We can’t believe neither of us thought of it before. Duh. I’ll have to be sure he doesn’t start putting ear plugs there. LOL
    Yeah, tell him ear plugs work wonders on heartburn – I feel really good today. ROFLMAO

  11. Now, that is funny! Yep, no more valium for you!
    I promise – I’m done w/the valium! From now on to help me sleep it’s a nice small cup of warm milk prior to bed. That’s it! I’m done with the drugs!

  12. My brain is addled again. I read this when you put it up and thought I had posted a comment and it is lost in cyberspace again I guess.

    I laughed so much when I read this and just pictured how good they tasted. And wondered which food group earplugs belong to. I hope you passed them on through. I had thought about putting Tums in another bottle, but now I know better.

    Thanks for this story. I just loved it.

    God bless.

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