Monday night was spaghetti night at our house. Not because this is ritually spaghetti night; I was just not in the mood to do any real cooking and spaghetti is fast and easy. Yum.
I really love a good tomato sauce on my spaghetti (no meat, please). A rich tomato sauce just gives that bland spaghetti such a wonderful flavor and it’s fun to sop up with the bread (cheesy artisan bread).
Unfortunately, as we age, something acidic such as a tomato might give us a touch of heartburn. For me, this usually happens around 2:30 in the morning while I’m in a deep sleep. And, early Tuesday morning was no exception.
I awoke (partially from an interesting dream involving Mel Gibson) to the choking feeling of heartburn. Dang it all. Well, I’m used to this. And, duh-duh-duh (that’s the sound effects from Superman in case you don’t recognize them), I have on my nightstand two, count them, two, Tums ready and willing to save the day (or night as the case may be).
I also keep other things on the nightstand — don’t we all (careful there)? There is the requisite alarm clock, a handy box of Kleenex, whatever book I happened to be reading before I went to sleep, and a pair of little rubber/foam-like earplugs (I’m a light sleeper).
Last night I forgot to put in the ear plugs. Do you see where we’re going with this? When Mr. Heartburn hit, I leaned over to the nightstand and grabbed what I thought was one of the Tums, popped it in my mouth, chewed maybe twice, and swallowed. It didn’t feel right – in fact it didn’t feel crunchy as I chewed and it was hard to swallow, but I dutifully reached over and grabbed the other Tums and popped it, too, into my mouth, chewed and swallowed. It took me about three minutes to fully come awake and realize that, yes, ladies and gentlemen, I had not eaten a Tums, I had eaten an ear plug. Yes, you read that correctly; I had eaten an ear plug. Gah.
Now we have a new rule in place — no more single quantities of Tums conveniently on the nightstand – the BOTTLE will live there now so I will be forced to open it and actually get a true Tums into my system. Plus, the earplugs will now be returned to the nightstand drawer if I decide not to use them. I just love learning new routines. *sarcasm*
Learn from me kids…don’t take Valium before you go to bed. I’ve kicked the percocet (yeah for no more agonizing shoulder pain) – and the back spasms have let up enough to give up the Valium coz I don’t ever want to eat an ear plug again. Ever.
I have recreated for you this lovely morning what the nightstand normally looked like before the Tums/ear plug debacle – it was too painful for me to actually take a picture of what it looked like after I got through realizing what I had done (plus it was 2:30 in the morning for goodness sake).