Top 7 Things I Did NOT Want to Know

blank-post-it-noteThe other day my friend Thoughts From Under My Rock posted the top 7 things she did not want to know and invited all us bloggers to come up with a list of our own.  She called herself a sh*t magnet and it made me laugh myself into a sneezing, coughing fit.  It sounded like so much fun I have decided to post my own.  If you want to play, come up with 7 of the things you did not want to know, link back to me, and let’s see how many of us can get in on this fun.  Here is my list in no particular order:

1.      Should I see a doctor about this? This came from a woman I didn’t even like and hardly knew who walked up to my desk and almost right in my face lifted her shirt and showed me an ugly rash around her belly button.  I seriously considered stabbing her with my letter opener but refrained for fear I might release some alien pod from her belly.

2.      Never follow a woman over the age of 60 up a flight of stairs because she will fart at least once every other step. This came from a lady sitting next to me at the hair salon and I didn’t know whether to laugh or hurl. I do, however, now pay particular attention to who is ahead of me on the stairs.

3.      The word “pustule”. Nor did I need to know the definition.  I don’t like dermatologists very much.  She could have said “just a  little bump” or it’s a tiny pimple” but the word “pustule” immediately made me think of bubonic plague and weeping sores and I will never go back to that dermatologist again.

4.      If I don’t have sex with something soon, I’ll die.  Now this came from a woman I worked with and I swear to you she actually used the word ‘something’, not ‘someone’.  I was never able to look at her again without wondering what on earth she meant by that comment.  I never asked and I never will, nor did I ever again go to her home for a meal containing anything resembling a banana or a cucumber.

5.      Lanolin is actually sheep sweat.  This piece of information (right, wrong, or indifferent) was given me by a quasi -reputable member of the cosmetics industry.  I don’t know if I actually believe it; I refuse to Google it because lanolin makes my skin soft and if it comes from sheep sweat, well crap on a crutch, so be it.  Perhaps I should switch to Shea butter but God only knows what a “Shea” is…

6.      I only have one testicle; the other one never dropped. I learned this tidbit on a first date…need I even say there was no second date? Ewwww.

7.      Oprah’s bunions. Unfortunately I saw a picture of her feet in sandals and I didn’t know whether to weep or just shiver from fright.  Ughhh.  Note to self:  too much internet is harmful.

That’s my list – make your own and have some fun!


16 thoughts on “Top 7 Things I Did NOT Want to Know

  1. Very good list.

    Your number 2 is absolutely true (and a very appropriate “number two” item if I may say so).

    Well done.
    Thanks – and thanks for visiting my humble site.

  2. 8. This third testicle is bigger than the other two…
    Are you sure you aren’t my little brother…or cousin once removed…or long lost nephew… We simply have to be related somewhere down the line.

  3. LOL These made me laugh so hard. I’ll think about doing this but right now, nothing comes to mind to write about. Maybe after I rest up from the “vacation” which was anything but……for me.
    Take your time sweetie – there is nothing worse than a vacation where you are sick – I’ve been there and understand. Glad you’re home safe and sound – rest up, recuperate, and take good care of you! Hugs.

  4. LMAO!! Isn’t funny how much people like to share, especially about “private” stuff like testicles and sex!! I don’t think I’d eat dinner at her house either — and look out for the potlucks at work!! Be sure you know who brings in that fruit salad.
    — I’m just sayin’.
    Thanks for playin! (And posting this so I could read it before going to work!)
    Ya know, sweetie, I hesitate to get too graphic if at all possible, but darnitall I just had so much fun and you’re right, people will tell you the most amazingly personal things about themselves. What’s fun now is my friends and former co-workers (since I’m retired) are trying to figure out who I was discussing in several of my examples (yes, I swear they are all true!) – I’m not telling – that would take the fun out of the entire exercise! Thanks for such a great idea. Hugs!

  5. OMG Cronie,
    What a NASTY list.
    I will have to think carefully of my own 7 Things… And the Lanolin one is breaking my heart. I love lanoline.

    And I see you have Yew Nork Babe flying over here.
    See you later. I’ve got Coco on my lap and she’s passing gas (that’s #8 for your list!) . LOL
    Hello my precious – I don’t do nasty on a regular basis – although I will laugh at the occasional scatological humor (I mean I do live with Devoted Spouse and he’s just a classic example of arrested development where humor is concerned) – but these were what came to mind and I decided to be truthful and just show that humans are basically funny creatures who will share anything with anyone. Don’t stop using lanolin (I certainly haven’t) – there are many, many worse products on the market. Remember, they still produce some estrogen products from horse urine – so there you go – I’m getting nasty again! Hugs!

  6. Oh my, #6 is way too much information no matter how many times you’ve gone out.
    As I recall, we were eating dinner when he made that announcement. I excused myself to the ladies room, walked past it into the kitchen, found the back door, went outside, got a cab and went home. Unbelievable. I pulled that same maneuver with a guy who took me to a strip club – jeez ya think someone’s nice and then, wham! what a jerk!

  7. Your list was too funny. As you know, I still haven’t tackled the last task you assigned me but I will have to keep this one in mind. This was fun. It might be hard to narrow it down to seven tho as I have a lot of things I wish I didn’t know.
    Oh dear Lord, I could have come up with a hundred, but figured 7 was more than enough for anyone to have to read!

  8. I will have to see if I can come up with anything close to your example of greatness. I bow to the master. **speaking softly while hanging head**

    Hey lady, I am in the doo-doo again with my internet so I will be very absent until we get a new modem up. Mine is dying a slow, painful death and I can get on once and awhile for a short period of time. I’m not ignoring anyone just being punished I guess for surfing too much.
    I think the master is going to be our bud Smart Mouth Broad – I just have a feeling she’s got some good ones for us. sorry about your net issues – wish I could help! We’ll miss you D!

  9. This was entirely too funny! I don’t know that I could have come up with anything nearly as awesome. You made my day.
    Thank you for not telling me I got a little carried away! LOL

  10. Yea, I didn’t realize those are things I didn’t want to know! I didn’t even know “pustule” was a word!
    Stick w/me baby and you will learn such interesting crap! LOL

  11. My Skinny Cow Sister was a sheep farmer, who did her own shearing. Lanolin is an oil from the sheep’s skin that keeps their wool soft, just like the oil in our own hair. SCS used to love the way her hands felt after shearing – soft as a baby’s bum. So I’d keep on using it, unless you’re allergic, as some people are. I think shea butter comes from nuts, and it sounds like you’ve met your share of them, Crone!
    I always knew he was lying to me – I remember a special on PBS on sheep shearing in Australia and how the shearers always had such soft skin from the lanolin. Regardless of his comments, I never stopped using it. Shea butter is actually an oil that is extracted from a seed of the Shea tree (also known as the Karite tree) which is found only on the continent of Africa to my knowledge. I think my idea of Shea as a creature is much funnier, though!

  12. Hey, nice tips. Perhaps I’ll buy a glass of beer to the man from that chat who told me to go to your blog 🙂
    Thanks – I’m sure he’d enjoy that! I’d like one, too, come to think of it…

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