The other day my friend Thoughts From Under My Rock posted the top 7 things she did not want to know and invited all us bloggers to come up with a list of our own. She called herself a sh*t magnet and it made me laugh myself into a sneezing, coughing fit. It sounded like so much fun I have decided to post my own. If you want to play, come up with 7 of the things you did not want to know, link back to me, and let’s see how many of us can get in on this fun. Here is my list in no particular order:
1. Should I see a doctor about this? This came from a woman I didn’t even like and hardly knew who walked up to my desk and almost right in my face lifted her shirt and showed me an ugly rash around her belly button. I seriously considered stabbing her with my letter opener but refrained for fear I might release some alien pod from her belly.
2. Never follow a woman over the age of 60 up a flight of stairs because she will fart at least once every other step. This came from a lady sitting next to me at the hair salon and I didn’t know whether to laugh or hurl. I do, however, now pay particular attention to who is ahead of me on the stairs.
3. The word “pustule”. Nor did I need to know the definition. I don’t like dermatologists very much. She could have said “just a little bump” or it’s a tiny pimple” but the word “pustule” immediately made me think of bubonic plague and weeping sores and I will never go back to that dermatologist again.
4. If I don’t have sex with something soon, I’ll die. Now this came from a woman I worked with and I swear to you she actually used the word ‘something’, not ‘someone’. I was never able to look at her again without wondering what on earth she meant by that comment. I never asked and I never will, nor did I ever again go to her home for a meal containing anything resembling a banana or a cucumber.
5. Lanolin is actually sheep sweat. This piece of information (right, wrong, or indifferent) was given me by a quasi -reputable member of the cosmetics industry. I don’t know if I actually believe it; I refuse to Google it because lanolin makes my skin soft and if it comes from sheep sweat, well crap on a crutch, so be it. Perhaps I should switch to Shea butter but God only knows what a “Shea” is…
6. I only have one testicle; the other one never dropped. I learned this tidbit on a first date…need I even say there was no second date? Ewwww.
7. Oprah’s bunions. Unfortunately I saw a picture of her feet in sandals and I didn’t know whether to weep or just shiver from fright. Ughhh. Note to self: too much internet is harmful.
That’s my list – make your own and have some fun!