Devoted Rambo?

rambo

The other Sunday our paster was sermonizing and happened to mention that he liked to camp while his wife didn’t.  Sounded much like my own situation.  Devoted Spouse is happy as a clam in a tent in the middle of nowhere just breathing in the fresh air and pooping in the woods.  Sorry, that’s a bit graphic, but to me so is camping.

Were it up to me camping would involve a Winnebago at the very least.  If I can’t do my hair, what’s the point in getting up in the morning?  While to Devoted Spouse camping is a manly survival quest to see if he can put up the tent and get me to gag down one of those gawd-awful MRE-type camping meals.  Manly, outdoor, roughing it.  No thank you.

Now I wouldn’t mind going camping if I could use a real camper – not one of those moldy, mildew, still smells like the Bubba who last rented it pop-up version, but a nice camper with a kitchen and a bedroom and all the amenities.  I could handle that as long as we went somewhere where the campsites weren’t only 2 feet wide and all your neighbors weren’t right on top of you and you have to endure their screaming, cussing, and whatever the heck that is they’re fixing for dinner on an open fire where the smoke is coming right into your camper.  I’m just not the adventurous type.

So…yesterday a package arrived from Amazon.com.  Now, I’m usually the member of the family who orders goodies from Amazon.com so when Devoted Spouse retrieved the box from the front step he had this big smile on his face.

Me:  “What’s that?  I didn’t order anything from Amazon.”

Devoted Spouse:  “I bought myself a little present.”   *big grin on face*

He opened it up and showed me two of the most frightening tools I’ve ever seen:

leathermanThis is a Leatherman that has at least 2,139 different functions – this isn’t even the correct picture because it was just too big to copy here –  it is one mean looking tool and I can only imagine what he truly needs this for.  He has other Leathermans (Leathermen?) upstairs in a drawer.  Camping was the first idea in my mind because this tool  has various saws and things you could use in survival mode.

Second in the box was this little gem:

gerber-artifact-22-01170-350x350This is something called a Gerber artifact and just the sight of it scared the crap out of me.  Then he demonstrated it for me by opening up a can of Diet A&W Root Beer for me.  Oh joy – guess my old opener is now obsolete.  If I use this I know I will end up losing at least one finger.

I’m afraid he’s getting me prepared for a camping trip.  I have lately found him drooling over his laptop at pictures of camping gear, propane stoves, tents, backpacks, flashlights, sleeping bags, and the like.  It’s just a matter of time.

Now, how will I say no to someone who has taken such loving care of me for the past several months?  Here’s how:  “No, I’m not going camping because sleeping in a tent will hurt my shoulder.”  Good one, huh?

Either that or he’s turning into Devoted Rambo…

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6 thoughts on “Devoted Rambo?

  1. Ha-Ha, he is thinking “camping” alright! I’m pretty sure Coach has those exact tools loaded up in our camper. Now we do have a nice camper with a bathroom and a kitchen but we started with a tent so I feel your pain.
    I like the outdoors, in fact I’m working on a plan to eventually move us to the Carolinas – but I’ll be danged if I’m going to go out in the backcountry in a tent with a leaky airmattress and a bum shoulder and listen to what is probably the world’s biggest cougar right in our campsite and be happy communing with nature!! LOL We actually rent a lovely cabin twice a year in Southeastern Ohio and it’s luxurious and romantic with hot tub and about 170 acres of wooded areas you can hike and roam, a lake for fishing, and it’s just quiet, restful, and beautiful. It is the type of area in which I’d like to live except it’s still in Ohio. Getting tired of Ohio.

  2. My idea of “camping” was what we did on our vacation last year, rented small cabin at lake for a week. No sleeping on the ground, all the necessities including AC but all right there by the water. Now that I can handle.
    I’m with ya baby – we do that twice a year and I love the peace and quiet – we bring lots of wine and goodies and sit on the porch and watch the deer and it’s wonderful for the spirit! Expensive but well worth it.

  3. If it has to be camping, do what we did. Camp at Disneyworld. It’s the happiest place on earth.
    good plan – let’s see him get these tools past the airport security – LOL

  4. Every “real” man has to own a leatherman and another sharp dangerous object, just to solidify their manhood. HBL loves to be in the outdoors so just have your husband call my husband and we’ll send them pooping in the woods and we’ll book a nice spa day and a comfy climate controlled room with two luxurious pillow top beds and do our bidzness in a 5 star hotel. Deal?
    Oh my dear that is SO a deal! LOL

  5. I knew I REALLY liked your husband! I am going camping next weekend…at least I hope to. And I will NOT be doing the Winnebego kind either. Last year at this time I was backpacking across PA…70 miles.
    You guys are such manly men. My problem with his newest Leatherman is I might break a nail trying to open one of the tools. *sigh* I’m just a Winnebago woman.

  6. Sorry to tell your this, Cronie,
    The writing is all over the wall. Your Hubbs is planning to rough-it out there in the wilderness on your next vacation.

    BTW, are you really thinking about moving east to one of the Carolinas? It’s beautiful there. Got lost in N.C. once, near Ashville, or Ashland, or something like that.

    We have land in north central Florida. Sometime we talk about selling it and maybe retiring in GA or SC…Florida is getting too built up.
    See you later in Tweetsville.
    xx00
    He can rough it all he wants – I’ll go rent the cabin and sit in the hot tub and wait for him to get it out of his system! LOL
    Yes, I want to leave the midwest – hate the winters. I like both N and S Carolina although right at the moment I’m leaning towards S Carolina – then again I love the mountain regions of N Carolina so we’ll see. We plan on taking various trips before we decide and with this horrid housing situation we couldn’t sell our house here now if we tried – so it’s a few years from now but it’s never too early to start planning. We also have land in Florida and want to sell it, too for the same reason you mentioned – getting too built up.
    Ciao baby.

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