The other Sunday our paster was sermonizing and happened to mention that he liked to camp while his wife didn’t. Sounded much like my own situation. Devoted Spouse is happy as a clam in a tent in the middle of nowhere just breathing in the fresh air and pooping in the woods. Sorry, that’s a bit graphic, but to me so is camping.
Were it up to me camping would involve a Winnebago at the very least. If I can’t do my hair, what’s the point in getting up in the morning? While to Devoted Spouse camping is a manly survival quest to see if he can put up the tent and get me to gag down one of those gawd-awful MRE-type camping meals. Manly, outdoor, roughing it. No thank you.
Now I wouldn’t mind going camping if I could use a real camper – not one of those moldy, mildew, still smells like the Bubba who last rented it pop-up version, but a nice camper with a kitchen and a bedroom and all the amenities. I could handle that as long as we went somewhere where the campsites weren’t only 2 feet wide and all your neighbors weren’t right on top of you and you have to endure their screaming, cussing, and whatever the heck that is they’re fixing for dinner on an open fire where the smoke is coming right into your camper. I’m just not the adventurous type.
So…yesterday a package arrived from Amazon.com. Now, I’m usually the member of the family who orders goodies from Amazon.com so when Devoted Spouse retrieved the box from the front step he had this big smile on his face.
Me: “What’s that? I didn’t order anything from Amazon.”
Devoted Spouse: “I bought myself a little present.” *big grin on face*
He opened it up and showed me two of the most frightening tools I’ve ever seen:
This is a Leatherman that has at least 2,139 different functions – this isn’t even the correct picture because it was just too big to copy here – it is one mean looking tool and I can only imagine what he truly needs this for. He has other Leathermans (Leathermen?) upstairs in a drawer. Camping was the first idea in my mind because this tool has various saws and things you could use in survival mode.
Second in the box was this little gem:
This is something called a Gerber artifact and just the sight of it scared the crap out of me. Then he demonstrated it for me by opening up a can of Diet A&W Root Beer for me. Oh joy – guess my old opener is now obsolete. If I use this I know I will end up losing at least one finger.
I’m afraid he’s getting me prepared for a camping trip. I have lately found him drooling over his laptop at pictures of camping gear, propane stoves, tents, backpacks, flashlights, sleeping bags, and the like. It’s just a matter of time.
Now, how will I say no to someone who has taken such loving care of me for the past several months? Here’s how: “No, I’m not going camping because sleeping in a tent will hurt my shoulder.” Good one, huh?
Either that or he’s turning into Devoted Rambo…