An article in a local paper the other day had an interesting take on just what we should all be drinking with certain foods for the very best gastronomic experience. (Thinking a gastronome might just be one of those flatulent little garden statues, I had to make a quick detour to the dictionary…) Anyway learning that it was, in fact food related, I decided to give the article a quick going over. I’m glad I did because there were some major problems that I feel compelled to correct.
The items discussed were: burgers, fried chicken, pizza, Mexican food, Pad Thai, Indian food, Sushi, Fried rice, and Beef teriyaki. As to the beverage pairings here goes.
Burgers (particularly cheesburgers) should be paired with draft root beer or ginger beer. I haven’t heard the term ginger beer since I was a child and it didn’t sound good then either. Nope – the correct pairing here would be either Coke (or Diet coke if you prefer) or Rolling Rock beer. That one was easy.
Fried chicken was paired with the most unbelievable beverage I’ve ever encountered. The authors suggest a “refreshing peach and mint shake”. I’m not kidding. No, no, a thousand times no. Fried chicken goes with…hmmm, let’s see…Coke (again Diet if you like), Rolling Rock beer, or even chocolate milk – but absolutely nothing containing peaches and mint. *shivers uncontrollably at the idea*
What do you drink with Pizza? This is just too easy. But – the authors suggest an Italian wine or something called a Spanish garnacha (which may or may not respond to antibiotics). Are you crazy? With pizza you drink Coke (or Diet), Rolling Rock beer, or I’m gonna go out on a limb here and suggest any other type of beer you prefer (I’m feeling generous today). No wine with pizza please. Unless you’re one of the Housewives of OC.
Next up is Mexican food — guess what? The writers of this stupid article want you to drink a nonalcoholic soda made with wine grapes, lemon and cane sugar called Sangria Senorial (which can be found at Mexican food markets). Now Devoted Spouse and I have visited our share of Mexican food establishments and this particular libation is not to be found on any of the menus. Know what is? Either Corona or Rolling Rock or Coke products. See how easy this is? Why do we make these things so difficult?
Next – Pad Thai. Ready? A Latin Bellini with mango. Oh, gag, gag, gag. Pairing mango with Pad Thai should just be illegal. Pad Thai should be enjoyed with a nice cup of hot oriental tea. Not even beer or Coke this time; tea. Done.
Now for Indian food. The author suggests a white kiwi sangria or a viognier (what?) wine be consumed with Indian food. Okay I had to look up viognier which is just a white wine type of grape (pronounced vee-ohn-ay). Nah – What you drink with Indian food is Pepto Bismol. Even Coke isn’t going to settle your tummy after this stuff.
For Sushi it is suggested we drink a ginger lime crush because it is perfect with raw fish and also compliments the saltiness of soy sauce. Nope – with sushi you first drink the most potent alcoholic beverage you can find so you don’t realize you are actually consuming raw fish. Then later when you purge all this you settle the tummy with Coke (not Diet this time).
Fried rice was paired with a pineapple mojito. Actually that sounds rather good. But I’m not so sure that pineapple juice, white rum and club soda will mix well with the fried rice – actually I’d go with the requisite oriental hot tea on this one.
The last category is Beef teriyaki and it is suggested to drink a mandarin orange Champagne cocktail because this will compliment the beef. What are these people smoking? Beef teriyaki needs Rolling Rock, a Coke, or this time I’ll even go so far as maybe a nice glass of red wine (my favorite Pinot Noir would be nice).
There you have it. What the experts think and what a normal gal would do.